“I said that if I survived I was going to go after what I want. No more sitting back and waiting for things to come to me, happen to me. I realized tonight that I’ve just been phoning it in when it comes to life. Just going with it but always too afraid to go after what I want.”
Emmy nodded as if she understood. “Because if you actually try but then fail you have to acknowledge that. If you don’t try, then it’s not on you.”
“Exactly. But no more. As of tonight, I am a new person.” I held out my arms dramatically. “Behold the new Mia Kelly. The new and improved version.”
They didn’t look as impressed as I’d hoped.
* * *
Mia
My friends’ expressions could only be described as dubious.
“I think you were pretty good before,” Shelby said sourly. “Maybe you should pace yourself, sis. A lot of people make bargains at moments like that. You’re not bound by it. Nothing bad will happen if you don’t become an entirely new person. It’s okay. What you did was normal.”
They all thought that tonight was just a blip on the screen, an anomaly. But I knew better. I was changed and I couldn’t go back to the way I was. I didn’t want to.
“I don’t want to live my life afraid of going after what I want anymore. I was half-asleep but now I’m awake. Wide awake. Life is short and I don’t want to get to the end of it not having lived to the fullest.”
Emmy rubbed at her forehead. “You’re not going to climb Mount Everest or anything, are you? Because people die up there and they leave their bodies.”
I shook my head, shuddering at the thought of it. “I hate the cold and you know that. There wasn’t an adrenaline junkie hidden inside of me waiting to come out. I just need to start going for the things that I want. Taking a few chances here and there.”
“What kind of chances are we talking about here?” Ashlyn asked. “Joining CrossFit? Becoming an amateur sleuth like in ‘Murder, She Wrote’? I never understood how Jessica Fletcher dealt with all the death that followed her. You’d think she’d need therapy or something.”
It was the moment to reveal my plan. Or my idea, really. I didn’t quite have a plan but I was going to get one with Shelby’s help.
I spread my arms out dramatically again, hoping that the second time would be the charm.
“I’m going after Josh Henry.”
There was silence and then they all began talking at once, each one louder than the last to be heard. Having just come through a traumatic event, the noise was too much for my poor assaulted senses. I covered my ears and closed my eyes.
“Can you keep it down?” I yelled. “I can’t even hear myself think.”
They all fell silent and by some telepathic agreement they let Shelby speak first.
“You’re going after Josh? I can’t say that I’m shocked.”
Ashlyn nodded. “I think this is a positive development. Go after him and see what happens. Then you’ll know for sure either way.”
“Exactly,” Emmy said. “If it doesn’t work out then you’ll know and you can move on with your life.”
With friends like these who needed enemies?
“Your belief in me is so heartwarming,” I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “You’re already preparing me for failure. I don’t think it’s a surprise why I’ve lived scared all these years. No one believes in me. I want you to know it’s hurtful.”
These traitors were my best friends in the world. What did other people think of me?
“I believe in you,” my sister said softly. “But if Josh were interested…”
Her voice trailed away and I had to acknowledge the truth of her statement. If he was interested he would have done something about it by now. He wasn’t faint-hearted when it came to the ladies.
“I know what you’re saying but I think that’s just because he doesn’t see me as dating material. He sees me as the neighbor kid. I have to change that and you’re going to help me, Shelby. Do you still have your book? I’m going to need it.”
I’d said the magic words. The book. Her eyes lit up and she dug into that oversized monstrosity of a bag that had cost her a small fortune. But then she might have the right idea.
Note to self. Replace fake Prada bag. Better a genuine Target than a fake designer.
“I do have it. Are you really going to use it? This is so exciting.”
Even Ashlyn and Emmy had perked up. They might not believe in me but they believed in Shelby’s stupid book.
Or maybe they were just looking forward to me making a fool of myself with Josh. It was certainly one possible outcome.
Shelby held up the book triumphantly. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. My little sister is going to set a man trap.”
Josh Henry, get ready because here I come.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Josh
The month of me started the next morning. As I sat in the living room and drank my coffee, I sent another text to Mia. I really did want her to see the new storyboards. I valued her opinion but she was starting to piss me off when she didn’t answer. Maybe she really did have a guy that was keeping her busy. Looking back at our conversation, she hadn’t really answered my question directly.
I didn’t have Sunday dinner with my folks today so I could happily sit around the house in my boxers, eat pizza, and watch football, although it sounded incredibly lazy and indulgent. I normally didn’t like not being busy doing something. I could hit the gym or perhaps go for a run, maybe do some grocery shopping. I could even cook an actual meal. I’d been eating way too much takeout and living on way too little sleep. A nap wouldn’t be out of the question either.
It’s all about me today. What I want to do.
I checked my phone again and frowned when I saw that Mia hadn’t returned my text. Honestly, if she couldn’t be bothered then I should just let it go. I headed into the bedroom to change into workout clothes. A run was exactly what I needed to clear my head for the rest of the day. The weather was actually sunny and mild, around sixty-five degrees. Not bad. I should enjoy the good weather while it lasted.
My run turned into a trip to the park’s obstacle course and then on to Chance’s Pub for lunch – a meatball grinder dripping with mozzarella. I sat around and shot the shit with Chance for awhile as we watched football on one of the big screens. By the time I returned back to the house I was in a pretty decent mood. I’d hardly thought about Mia at all.
My phone started beeping as I was untying my shoelaces. I hopped over to it on one foot, hoping it was Mia. No such luck. It was Luke and he probably wanted me to meet him at the office. I would do it too, but after my shower.
“Hey, Luke. What’s going on?”
“I just talked to Mom. Have you heard the news?”
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I finished untying my laces. “News? No, Mom hasn’t called me. Is everything okay?”
I didn’t like the tone in Luke’s voice. He’d sounded slightly panicked. Not enough that I thought anything was wrong with our parents but enough that something wasn’t right.
“Mom talked to Mia and Shelby’s parents today. I guess Mia was caught in some sort of convenience store robbery last night. She was being held hostage or something. Had a gun pointed at her chest and everything. She’s okay but shook up. Her parents were cooking up a storm from what Mom said so they can take Sunday dinner to her place. You might want to give Mia a call and see if she’s alright.”
Holy shit, I’d been texting Mia about my petty work issues and she’d been on the wrong end of a gun? Fuck. I wanted to reel back all of my messages to her but I couldn’t do that. I could only apologize. She’d had a good reason not to return my calls last night and today. I was a stupid bastard.
“But she’s okay?” I pressed, still not sure that one of my best childhood friends was healthy and alive. “Did they take her to the hospital or anything?”
“I don’t think so. She wasn’t hurt or shot. Just scared, which is to
tally understandable.”
I’d seen Mia scared once or twice. She didn’t like heights. Or clowns. Or snakes. Or spiders. But a gun was a whole different thing. No one expects that. Nothing could prepare her.
“I’ll call her,” I said when I realized that Luke was waiting for me to say something. “I’m glad you let me know. Jesus, that’s awful.”
“It is. She could have died.”
That statement hit me right in the gut, taking my breath away.
I didn’t want to lose my friend.
* * *
Mia
Shelby spent the night at my place while Emmy and Ashlyn went home. They were back early in the morning however, cooking breakfast and chatting about random topics. Mom and Dad called and said they were bringing over lunch. They were a little upset with me because I didn’t call them last night, although they were more angry with Shelby. I just couldn’t take all of their fussing and hovering. I could barely handle having my friends around me. I was much better this morning however as I inhaled the delicious aroma of bacon. Emmy was asking me about my students this year and the other teachers. It was a ruse to keep me from thinking about last night.
They needn’t have bothered because I wasn’t pondering the robbery too much, anyway. What I was thinking about was my newfound zest for life in general, and going for Josh in particular. Ashlyn had made chocolate chip pancakes to go with the bacon and we sat around my living room, plates balanced on our knees. My kitchen table was covered with history essays and in no shape to entertain guests.
I’d sat at the far end of the couch next to the side table where I’d placed Shelby’s book. Paging through it, I had to admit I was impressed. My big sister had written a book. She’d done it. It was a big damn deal. People were always saying they were going to write a book but few ever did. It was a real accomplishment and she should be proud of herself. I was proud of her.
“Are you ready for love?” I read out loud the title of the first chapter. “I think the answer to that question is a resounding yes. On to Chapter Two.”
“Wait,” Shelby cautioned, holding her fork up. “Don’t jump around. This is a system. You need to find out if you’re really ready for true love. If you can’t love and accept yourself, no one else will either.”
I placed a hand over my heart. “I truly and totally accept myself. Happy?”
My older sister gave me a disgusted look. “You need to do the quiz at the end of the chapter. If you pass, you can move on.”
Even practical Emmy was frowning at that statement. “So what if the readers don’t? Do you give them a refund and recommend another book?”
Ashlyn nodded in agreement. “This does seem a little revenue limiting, Shel. Who are you to decide if someone is ready to fall in love?”
“I’m a licensed family therapist,” Shelby replied tartly. “I’m not promoting unhealthy relationships here. I want people to be their best selves.”
“Best selves,” I repeated, finding the page with the quiz. “When I look in the mirror I feel happy. True or False. Sure, I can go with that, especially if I’m wearing a super cute outfit.”
Emmy, however, wasn’t done. “I think it would be wonderful if we were all our best selves when we fall in love but frankly don’t you think that’s a little…unrealistic? People fall in love every day in the middle of chaos and they manage to make it work. There’s nothing wrong with working on yourself while you’re in a relationship. If we did it your way, I think the species might actually die out.”
“If people are coming to me for help, then I need to help them completely,” Shelby argued, her pancakes abandoned. “I want them to love themselves.”
“Maybe they can’t see that they’re lovable until someone else shows them,” I replied, paging into Chapter Two. I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. Shelby was the rule follower. The true-false quiz was boring as hell anyway. Just a lot of new age self-esteem stuff. If my sister had her way, she’d have me meditating daily.
Ashlyn pointed at me, a big grin on her face. “That. That right there. Sometimes people have to be helped to see how amazing they are. It’s great when people know it but that doesn’t mean they should be disqualified from finding love. That’s just mean.”
I blinked, trying to remember my exact words. Something about not seeing they were lovable? I was so used to verbally sparring with Shelby I barely paid any attention to what I said. She was going to win. She always did.
Except this time might be different. Both Ashlyn and Emmy were nodding their heads and smiling and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d said something very wise.
I had changed last night and it was awesome.
“Right I am, wrong you are,” I said in my very best Yoda voice. “It’s three against one.”
“Fine,” Shelby huffed. “Go ahead to Chapter Two. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Since I’d already delved farther into the book, I simply took another bite of pancake. Damn, they were good. Even food tasted better after a near death experience. At this rate, I was going to outgrow all of my clothes.
“Are you going to change the book?” Emmy challenged. “Let them know that while their best selves are ideal that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love.”
“I never say they don’t deserve it,” Shelby replied, exasperation in her tone. “I just say that they should work on themselves first.”
“But they might misunderstand and think that you mean they don’t deserve it,” Ashlyn pointed out. “That’s not a good way to endear readers to your book.”
Shelby reached out a hand toward me. “Hand me the book so I can make some notes.”
“You wanted our help,” I reminded her as I handed her the binder. “Now you have it.”
“I agree,” Emmy said. “If you want our help, we’re going to tell you the truth.”
“I want your help.” Shelby had snagged a red pen from the end table and was frantically making notes. I had those pens all over the house and at school. “I really do. It’s just this book is sort of special, that’s all. It’s like telling me my baby’s ugly.”
“You and Brad could never have an ugly baby,” Ashlyn said, shaking her head. “You both have good genes. Now what’s in Chapter Two?”
“Finding a man,” I stated. “I’ve got that one covered. Just how many chapters are in this book?”
“Thirty-two.”
Two down, thirty to go. That was a whole bunch of chapters.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Mia
My parents had come and gone, leaving behind a mountain of leftovers. They must have been cooking all morning, bless them. Emmy had an event that she was managing so she had to leave, although she didn’t want to. Ashlyn had a niece’s birthday party and she was ready to ditch it, but I managed to convince her to go. I wasn’t going to do anything desperate while they were gone, for heaven’s sake.
Shelby, on the other hand, couldn’t be moved out of my house with a crane. We’d always been close growing up despite the age difference. She was such a mother hen I was surprised she hadn’t married earlier and had a passel of red-haired kids but then I remembered how ambitious she was as well.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents are fantastic, wonderful people but I had a bond with my sister that I didn’t have with any other person on the planet. She might drive me crazy on a regular basis but there’s no one else I would rather have make me insane than Shelby.
My dad was a stoic man who didn’t show much emotion but he’d tried hard this afternoon. Mom, however, emoted all over the place, fussing and fluttering around me the entire time. She would have cut my pot roast if I’d let her. Heck, she might have even fed me, too. It was great to have so much familial love but I still wasn’t thrilled about having people too close to me. A little fact I was having trouble explaining to my sister as my parents drove away.
“I’m just jumpy when people invade my personal space,” I explained. “I’m sure it’s only temporary.”
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Normally I was a person who hugged but today I’d had to grit my teeth and endure it. After last night I didn’t want anyone too close. Not even Shelby. She was miffed about it.
“I hope so.” Shelby was still watching out of the front window. “Because your target just pulled into your driveway. Dammit, we haven’t had time to get a plan of action together yet. This is bad. Try to get rid of him.”
“Target?” I echoed, scrunching up my face. I didn’t comprehend what she was saying. “What target?”
She turned from the window and rolled her eyes. “Josh, of course.”
Josh. What?
“He’s here?” I jumped from my spot on the sofa that I had carefully guarded all day. I looked like death warmed over with no makeup and my hair pulled back in a ponytail. Shit, this was bad. “Why is he here?”
“I’m betting that Mom and Dad told his parents about what happened. They told him and…voila! He’s here to make sure for himself that you’re in one piece.” Shelby tapped her chin and smiled. “Actually, that’s a good sign. He didn’t bother to call. He just came over on impulse. We can work with this. Now go put on some mascara while I stall your prince. Hurry!”
I dashed out of the living room and into the master bath, keeping one ear cocked for voices. I did hear the doorbell and Josh’s deep timbre, although I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Shelby would offer him something to drink and maybe even some of the food that my parents had made. Josh loved my mother’s cooking, so it was a good bet he’d say yes.
I did a little more than mascara.
A tinted moisturizer, some blush, mascara, and a light lip gloss. I re-did my ponytail but this time with a fun clip that had some sparkle. I’d also changed out of my sweatshirt and into a cream-colored cotton sweater. The whole ensemble was designed to make me look good but not like I was trying too hard. It probably wasn’t a good idea to let the trapee know that he was being lured toward a trap by an amateur trapper. Who still had thirty chapters to go.
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