End Game: A Gamer Romance

by Swallow, Lisa

I barely left the house for a year, unless at work, and rejected suggestions to travel or take holidays. My life stayed safe, predictable and free of jerks. I avoided relationships too as they never ended well, sometimes mutually and once heartbreaking. Again, I switched focus to the game with the occasional drunk hook up driven by sexual frustration.

  I’ve no doubt my repressed need for sex contributed to the Aaron situation, but the emotional attachment was new and unexpected. I made the mistake of sleeping with somebody I’d begun to know on a deeper level and not realised.

  I lower my voice and look around for Erin. “I always take time off work for expansion releases.”

  “I told her that, but Erin says you’re not yourself.”

  “Cole, I’m fine. Seriously, worry more if I don’t log on for a few days.” I nudge him with my elbow and grin.

  Cole pushes hands into his jeans pockets. “Will Thor returning to the guild and raid team be an issue?”

  Aaron’s gaming has been erratic. I’m unsure if he plays late anymore as I no longer do for fear it’ll be me and him. If I can’t sleep, I now draw or paint instead. He disappears for days at time. I conclude he’s in another guild, with a different character. Possibly a different account. And likely another girl.

  I grit my teeth. Like it matters.

  “Huh? He abandoned the guild for weeks with no explanation. He can’t waltz back in and expect his old place on the team.”

  “Agreed. He’s benched but Lorlien will ask why, if our progression slows. You know he gets shitty about that.”

  My mouth dries. Cole won’t understand my behaviour around Aaron because, well, he’s a guy and falling in love after five minutes doesn’t compute. Unrequited is more his style considering him and Erin, although watching the pair recently I’m suspicious. Nothing I can pinpoint, but a shift in public behaviour; guarded as if trying to hide something when normally they’re touchy feely in a ‘we’re just friends, honest’ way.

  “A few of us are working on the new content though,” I remind him. “Don’t you think we should pause the raids until we’re prepared for the new ones? We need to gear up before we launch into more difficult areas.”

  Cole rubs a hand down his cheek. “Yeah, I guess. How’s your levelling going?”

  “Almost there.” I grin.

  “Some of us can’t take a week off work and game 24 hours,” he grumbles.

  “See, you’ll need to catch up with my awesomeness.”

  And no raids means I can delay spending virtual time around Aaron. His recent absence means I’m ahead of him and stronger. Duelling him half to death, repeatedly, once he returns could be satisfying. I doubt I will; I’ll steer clear.

  Aaron never uses the chat server anymore, something that’ll need to change if he re-starts raiding with us. He rarely types in guild chat either. Half of me wonders why he bothers staying in the guild, but he’s forged decent partnerships with a couple of guildies from out of state.

  Aaron doesn’t speak to me.

  Should I be surprised?

  No.

  Insulted?

  Yes.

  Tyler wanders over, bucket of popcorn the size of his head in hand. “Whatcha talking about?”

  “Raiding.”

  Tyler looks over his shoulder. No Erin. “We’re scheduling raids starting next week.”

  “Me and Cole were discussing whether we should wait.”

  “‘Nah. I want to keep going.” Tyler shoves popcorn in his mouth and eyes me as he chews. “Are you cool with healing?”

  Oh, here we go… “Thor has my place again, huh? What a surprise.”

  Tyler shakes his head. “No. He’s not raiding with us currently.”

  I raise both brows. “Why?”

  “He’s not equipped anymore, Evie. Spencer’s mate is filling in until someone in the guild is geared enough to join us.”

  Is Thor leaving? Why hang around if he’s not taking part? “Is this a permanent thing?” I ask.

  Tyler glances at Cole who shrugs. “I asked Thor and he said it wasn’t because of you. He’s too busy to commit to raids right now.”

  “I still think we should pause all the raids,” replies Cole. “While we level up.”

  “Kinda makes sense. You want to try the new Dark One class, too.” I remind Tyler. “I’d prefer not to bring in a random player to the team.”

  Like last time.

  “‘Kay, I’ll chat to Spencer.”

  “Great.” Relief floods through. I can work with my Perth guildies, and we can help each other work on quests. I don’t need to pay attention to Aaron at all.

  He can become Thorsday again, and I’ll be Sinestre.

  And on the days he’s active, I can be my level 25 Warrior.

  “Oh man, but Shadow Wizard though… There’s this ability. Totally OP, like totally owning mobs and—ow!” Tyler rubs the back of his head and turns to a pouting Erin. “What’s that for?”

  “I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re already talking about the bloody game!”

  I giggle and she flashes me a look. “Sorry, Erin, but you’re seriously turning into somebody’s mother.”

  She runs a tongue across her teeth. “This evening is supposed to stop you playing Cinderella and spend some time being Evie.”

  “Sinestre,” I correct.

  “Whatever!” She turns to Tyler and holds out her hand. “Ten bucks.”

  “It was five last time!”

  “The fine increases by five each time.”

  “What about them!” He points the popcorn bucket at me and Cole, and pieces fall to the floor. “Rob them too.”

  “I told you, the money isn’t for me. It’s for Gamers Anonymous.”

  “Ha ha.”

  “Well, some charity anyway. Hand it over.”

  Muttering ‘for fuck’s sake’ under his breath, Tyler shoves the popcorn bucket at me and reaches in his pocket. “Do you take Paypass because I’ve no cash.”

  “Maybe you could transfer some game gold to her,” says Cole with a smirk quickly wiped away by another dagger look from Erin. “Sorry, baby, I shouldn’t tease you.”

  The conversation freezes, melted only by the heat in Erin’s cheeks. Tyler pauses, wallet in hand as he stares between them and I almost choke on the mouthful of popcorn I’d helped myself to.

  Baby?

  “I guess we’ll head home now,” she says too quickly, not looking at Cole. “Ours or yours, Tyler?”

  “Um. Dunno. Cole?”

  His unwavering gaze on Erin doesn’t stop, neither does hers—anywhere but at him.

  “Sure,” he says.

  “Which?” asks Tyler.

  “Uh.”

  Oh for fuck’s sake. “Ours. Come on.” Tyler’s popcorn bucket in hand, I stride past the cardboard cutouts towards the glass wall of doors leading into the cool night.

  A kid running by knocks into me as he approaches the life-sized cut out on my left, advertising the latest blockbuster release. I’m mortified when the display almost topples and reach my spare hand out to steady the cardboard figure as popcorn spills.

  The boy enthuses to his mum and, catching a name, I look up at the figure I’m touching.

  The Avengers. Thor.

  Ha bloody ha, universe. You got me.

  28

  The car ride to mine and Erin’s place feels longer than usual. The awkward silence around Cole’s endearment, and the ban on game talk, leaves little else to talk about. In the end, I turn up the sound on the local radio station. Not my taste, but neither is silence.

  Erin avoids my eyes too, easy enough when she’s in Cole’s car’s passenger seat, but harder once we get back to the house.

  She manages well, ensuring her and me aren’t alone when the beers are handed out, and ushering us all into the lounge. Erin and Cole sit opposite ends of the room. Like that’s convincing us otherwise.

  The beers in the fridge disappear and empties stack on the table in the lounge as we kick ba
ck and relax. A quiet Erin no longer chastises us about game talk.

  A new wall adornment catches Tyler’s eye and he points at the framed artwork. “Your pictures are so cool, Evie. Did you do mine yet?”

  “You wanted the Elf battling the human, right?”

  “Yeah. Signed, please.” He grins. “Did you apply for your place at Curtin yet?”

  “I have the website bookmarked.”

  He shakes his head. “Am I nagging too?”

  “A little. But I’ve decided I will apply.”

  “That’s awesome, Evie.”

  Terrifying, he means. But my experiences with the art site, and the praise I received, bolstered my confidence and stops me downplaying the talent I’m told I have. Where will a course lead? Tyler’s following his dream into games design, prepared to move anywhere and do anything to begin a career once he’s qualified. Always an option for me too. I guess.

  Low voices travel from the kitchen and Tyler points towards an out of sight Cole and Erin. “So, ‘baby’?” he exclaims as quietly as he can. “Did they finally get together?”

  “No clue.” He pulls an ‘are you kidding me?’ face. “What? I don’t. I’ve been locked in my room. They could be having acrobatic sex in the lounge and I wouldn’t know.”

  Tyler shakes his head. “You’re funny.”

  “Well, she hasn’t mentioned anything to me. If they have crossed the friendship line, I hope it works out for them.”

  “Shit, yeah, I hope so. I can’t have half the guild sulking about their disastrous love lives.”

  Me? Ouch. “Speaks the relationship expert.”

  Tyler pushes a hand into his hair. “Yeah. So, this picture?”

  “Right. Let me find it.”

  I climb off the sofa and my head rushes a little as I walk to my room; I’ve not eaten enough popcorn to drown out all alcohol effects. I’m sorting through the prints, neatly filed in an art folder, when Tyler appears.

  “No tidier, then?” he asks and gestures around him.

  I straighten. “You’re bloody cheeky, I’ve seen your house.”

  “Yeah, but my room’s tidier than yours.”

  “I’ll take your word for that.” I pull out the print and turn to Tyler, who’s examining images on the wall. “Signed? For when it becomes a collector’s item?”

  “Sure thing. I like this one.” He points to one of my happier pictures—rainbows and unicorns in a luminescent forest. “You printed those?”

  “No. That’s an early one. I’m keeping that piece.” I scrawl my name in silver Sharpie and look for a sleeve. A warmth fills my chest at my professionalism. Look at me selling something I created. “Here.”

  Tyler takes the image and flicks the plastic corner as he stares down at the picture. “Evie.”

  “Tyler.”

  He reaches a hand behind him and pushes the door. Not shut, but closed enough to set alarm bells ringing. “Can I talk to you about something?”

  “Um. Okay.” I walk to the door, ready to leave the weirdness misting into the room.

  Tyler catches my arm. “I’m sorry about Aaron. Stupid bastard.”

  “Wow, okay.” His hand slides along my arm until his fingers touch my hand. “Tyler?”

  “He shouldn’t treat you like that. I tried to tell you.”

  “You love Aaron! He’s your gamer hero.”

  “Thorsday, yeah. Aaron? No. There was always something off about him.” He squeezes my hand. “You deserve better.”

  “Like you, you mean?” I say with a laugh.

  Something I don’t want to see flickers across Tyler’s brown eyes, and he chews on his lip. Oh shit. Oh no. I extricate my hand.

  “Don’t do this,” I whisper. “Tyler. Please.”

  He leans over and places the picture on my desk. “Cole’s brave enough to tell Erin how he feels. Or she was. I’m just laying this on the line. We’ve been friends for years and I—”

  “Friends,” I emphasise. “Nothing more. Those two—always tension and obvious they should be a couple. Us? No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because there’s no spark, Tyler. I can’t imagine doing…things with you.”

  “Sometimes I struggle, y’know.” He stares at the floor, fumbling words I wish he’d keep to himself.

  “What with? If you’re about to say I’ve friend-zoned you for eight years, I will slap you.”

  Tyler laughs. “No. Totally my fault. Every year when you cosplay, my fantasy sneaks back in. Then I have to remember you’re snarky Evie who’s a mate and not the hot Sorcerer.”

  “Then don’t be awkward, Tyler. I don’t want to become uncomfortable around you, and if this conversation continues, I will.”

  Tyler holds his hands out, palms towards me. “Okay. I was just checking. I guess seeing you this unhappy touches my heart.” He makes a vomiting face. “Ugh. Sorry. I mean I hate seeing you upset. I get mad, want to make things better, y’know. It’s confusing.”

  “You’re a good friend and a sweet guy, that’s why. Find a girl who deserves how you’ll treat her.” I push his arm as he makes another vomiting motion. “The perfect geek girl is waiting for you.”

  “Hmm.” He crosses his arms. “I sure as hell won’t be looking for her online. You taught me that.”

  I grab his picture and shove the sleeve into his hand. “Good plan. Now leave my bedroom before rumours start about us.”

  He shakes hair to one side and gives me an apologetic smile. “Yeah. Beer?”

  “Sure.”

  “Game strategy talk?”

  “Absolutely. Be right with you.”

  I sit on my desk chair as Tyler walks away, heart banging with relief he didn’t try to overstep the mark. Sure, the guy’s good looking, in a weird way. The kind who’d improve his chances if he wasn’t so scruffy and could look beyond our group for a prospective girlfriend. Although, unless she’s his perfect match, she’d face one hell of a battle to keep his attention.

  I push my art folder back onto the shelf and look back to the picture on the wall. Sinestre and Thorsday, the only other copy of the drawing Aaron commissioned. Removing the frame from the hook, I place the picture in the back of my wardrobe, facing the wall, behind piled-up shoes I never wear.

  I fire up my computer and open the bookmarked page. Stall holder application for WAAnimeCon. The half-completed application appears onscreen, and will take half an hour to finish. My fingers hover over the game icon I could click on and open instead.

  For several minutes, I stare at the screen.

  Applications close tomorrow.

  Spurred on by the alcohol dampening my doubts, I fill in the online form to apply for a stall and hit send.

  How well my work sells at this Con will be the deciding factor whether I complete the other application bookmarked—the one for the graphic design course.

  I can move forward.

  And the game can stop being my whole life.

  29

  My newest challenge appears as I walk into the Convention Centre a week later. Erin accompanies me to set up my stall, but when I see the blank trestle table, crammed amongst the others in the echoing hall, I freak. My feet itch to run in the other direction. Did Erin come with me in case I did? Around me, seasoned sellers arrange their items, and I take surreptitious glances at their set up.

  Tables fill with artwork, crafted items, memorabilia for all pop cultures, not only Japanese.

  “I’m not prepared,” I whisper to Erin. “Look at him.”

  I point at a young Asian guy nearby whose business cards stack neatly next to his black artwork folders. His back to me, he pins examples onto the partition behind, and attaches notices between the images, stating prices and ‘3 for 2’ offers. Unsure how much to charge, I brought Sharpies and cards to write on, but little else apart from my pictures.

  “Omigod, Erin. I really haven’t planned this properly.”

  “Don’t stress.”

  “I don’t even have anythi
ng to attach pictures to the wall! And no business cards. I’m such an amateur.” A girl at the table besides me, busy setting out wares, looks over at my rising hysteria.

  “Evie, calm down. We’ve got this.” Lips pursed, she sits on one of the two seats behind the black-clothed table and writes on card. “Everybody has special offers. You do the same.”

  “Right.” Shaking, I watch as Erin takes over, selecting samples of my work and asking a neighbouring stall holder for pins before arranging them neatly behind.

  I’m between two stalls—one girl selling handcrafted jewellery featuring pop culture items popular with the anime crowd too. The Con attracts fans across fandoms and many exhibitors include items from Doctor Who, Supernatural and other shows with big followings. I eye up a cute pair of TARDIS earrings to buy for Erin as a thank you.

  My rushing pulse and clammy hands calm as the hour passes before visitors are allowed into the Con. Erin spends a few minutes furiously texting somebody while I straighten the folders over and over.

  “You remembered a sign, that’s good.” Erin sets down her phone and indicates the A3 card featuring a graphic design with my name, which I made when I first began selling. Under Erin’s managerial eye, I began to list on Etsy too. I joke she’s wanting a cut of my profits but she smiled and said ‘anything to help.’

  “Who were you texting?” I ask.

  “Cole.” She pushes a strand of hair from her face where it’s fallen across her cheek.

  “How’re things with him?”

  Erin looks ahead, watching the early arrivals as they begin their trawl through the stalls. “Good. Thanks.”

  We’ve spoken about her and Cole, and she’s admitted they’ve taken the next step into their relationship. They must’ve been concreted in place to not take the step in the last five years. They’re no longer secret, thanks to Cole’s accidental endearment last week, but the news remains between the four of us. As has Tyler’s indiscretion remained between him and me.

  Yep. Double-awkwardness online after that night. Thorsday and Deleet both logged on and played silently alone. I snuck a look at Thorsday’s progress and he’s catching up. I hit max level in the new content, and circled back to help Tyler. Things return to normal—between me and Tyler, anyway.

  “I’m happy for you,” I tell Erin, and she responds with the small smile and shiny-eyed look that doubles my happiness for her.