When the Impossible Happens

by Grof, Stanislav

  At the moment when Anne-Marie was born, her mother was thus envisioning an oak tree; it was the same image that emerged during the time when Anne-Marie relived her own birth. If we tried very hard, we might be able to come up with some materialistic explanation for the laughing and possibly the pacing around. However, the transmission of the mental image of the oak tree suggests that we have to seek a radically different mechanism for the birth memories, one that does not require a material substrate.

  PRENATAL VISIT TO THE ANNUAL VILLAGE MART: The Story of Richard

  The next story takes us further back in time, to the period of advanced pregnancy immediately preceding delivery. It involves Richard, a bright and attractive young man, who was admitted to the open ward of the Psychiatric Research Institute in Prague because of severe chronic depression. He had made repeated suicide attempts and tried to castrate himself with large dosages of estrogen to combat his strong homosexual impulses. After unsuccessful therapy with traditional methods of psychiatric treatment, he volunteered for the program of psychedelic therapy.

  In one of his sessions, Richard had what appeared to be an authentic intra uterine experience. His body image changed into that of a fetus, which was, of course, very different from his adult body image. He felt very small, and his head felt disproportionately large compared to his body and his extremities. He felt immersed in fetal liquid and connected with his mother by the placenta and the umbilical cord. He was aware of the blood circulating between them and bringing into his body life-giving nourishment. This was associated with wonderful feelings of bliss and symbiotic unity with his mother. He felt that the blood flowing between them was a mysterious and magical fluid that was creating a sacred bond.

  While he was experiencing this, he distinctly heard two sets of heartbeats with different frequencies that were merging into one undulating acoustic pattern. This was accompanied by peculiar noises that he identified after some deliberation as sounds produced by the blood gushing through the pelvic arteries of his mother. There were also occasional hollow and roaring sounds that sounded like the movements of gas and liquid through the intestines adjacent to the uterus. On the basis of various experiential clues and with the use of adult judgment, he was able to conclude that he was a mature fetus in an advanced stage of pregnancy, shortly before delivery.

  His peaceful and blissful condition was suddenly interrupted by strange noises coming from the outside world. They had a very unusual echoing quality, as if they were resounding in a large hall or coming through a layer of water. The resulting effect reminded him of special sound effects in certain modern recordings that technicians create through electronic means. He finally concluded that the abdominal and uterine walls and the fetal liquid were responsible for this effect and that this was the way in which external sounds reach the fetus.

  He tried very hard for quite a while to identify what these sounds were and what was their source. After some time, he could distinguish two separate kinds of sounds that were merging together. He recognized that some of them were unmistakably human voices that were yelling and laughing. They were punctuated in irregular intervals with what seemed to be sounds of trumpets. Suddenly, the idea came to him that these had to be the sounds of the annual fair, held each year in his native village two days prior to his birthday. After having put together the above pieces of information, he concluded that his mother must have attended this fair in an advanced stage of pregnancy.

  When I asked Richard’s mother about the circumstances of his birth, without telling her about his LSD experience, she volunteered among other things the following story. In the relatively dull life of her native village, the annual fair was an event providing rare excitement. Although she was in a late stage of pregnancy, she would not have missed this opportunity for anything in the world. In spite of strong objections and warnings from her own mother, she left home to participate in the festivities. According to her relatives, the noisy environment and turmoil of the mart precipitated Richard’s delivery. Richard denied ever having heard this story, and his mother did not remember ever having told it to him.

  WINNING THE SPERM RACE: Experiencing the Cellular Level of Consciousness

  As we continue back in time, the accounts of prenatal experiences in holotropic states of consciousness become increasingly fantastic and harder to believe. And yet, they sometimes bring new information that can be later verified. I remember attending a fascinating presentation of the Australian therapist Graham Farrant at the conference of the Association of Pre- and Perinatal Psychology in San Diego, California. During his lecture he showed a videotape of his session of primal therapy, in which he relived his conception.

  To his surprise, Graham experienced in his session that being the sperm, he did not attack and penetrate the passive ovum, as it was at the time taught in medical schools, but that the ovum cooperated by sending out an extension of its cytoplasm and engulfing him. As Graham was showing the videotape of his session, we could see on a split screen the very first film ever made of actual human conception, shot in the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm by Leonard Nielson with the use of an electron microscope four years after Graham’s experience. While Graham kept describing on the videotape what he was experiencing, we could see that the film confirmed his experiential insights.

  The following is an excerpt from a high-dose LSD session of a young psychiatrist, in which he describes his convincing identification with the sperm and the ovum on a cellular level of consciousness. Having experienced the sperm race and the fusion of the two germinal cells during conception, he relived the cellular divisions of the fertilized egg and the entire embryonal development to a mature fetus:

  “My consciousness became less and less differentiated and my body image underwent a radical change. It seemed that I became some primitive organism, like an amoeba. I started experiencing strange excitement that was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life. I realized that I was involved in a hectic super-race following some chemical messages, which had an enticing and irresistible quality. A part of me, located somewhere where my spine used to be, was generating rhythmic pulses, which seemed to be propelling me through space and time toward some unknown goal. I had only a vague awareness of the final destination, but the mission appeared to be of utmost importance. After some time, I began to suspect to my surprise that I had become a spermatozoid and that the mysterious regular pulses were coming from its pacemaker. They were stimulating a long flagella, which was undulating and propelling me forward.

  “Using my adult intellect, I concluded that the goal that I was so eagerly pursuing was to reach the egg and impregnate it. In spite of the fact that this scenario seemed absurd and ridiculous to my scientific mind, I could not resist the temptation to get fully immersed and absorbed in this race with great seriousness and investment of energy. Experiencing myself as a spermatozoid competing for the egg, I was aware of the complexity of all the factors involved. What was happening had the basic characteristic of the physiological process as it is taught in medical schools. However, there were many additional dimensions, which were far beyond what I knew intellectually and what my fantasy might have been able to conjure in my ordinary state of consciousness.

  “This sperm cell that I had become appeared to be an intricate microcosm, a universe in its own right. I sensed the biochemical processes in the nucleoplasm and envisioned the chromosomes and even the molecular structure of the DNA. The primordial archetypal makeup of the DNA molecules was interspersed with holographic images of various life forms. The physiochemical configurations seemed to be intimately linked with primordial phylogenetic imprints, ancestral memories, myths, and archetypal images, all coexisting in the same infinitely complex matrix. Biochemistry, genetics, natural history, and mythology seemed to be inextricably interwoven and were just different aspects of the same intricate cosmic fabric. The sperm race also seemed to be governed by some external forces determining its final outcome. I sensed that they had something to do with
history and with the stars and concluded that they represented mysterious karmic and astrological influences.

  “At some point of this race I also identified with the ovum. My consciousness was oscillating and alternating between that of a sperm heading toward its destination and that of the egg, with a vague but strong expectation of a highly desirable and important event. The excitement of this race was building up every second, and its hectic pace eventually increased to such a degree that it seemed to resemble the flight of a spaceship approaching the speed of light. Then came the culmination in the form of triumphant implosion and ecstatic fusion of the sperm with the egg. At this point, the two split units of consciousness came together, and I was both germinal cells at the same time.

  “Strangely enough, both the sperm and the ovum seemed to experience the same event as individual success, as well as joint triumph. Both of them achieved their missions—the sperm that of reaching and entering the ovum, and the ovum receiving and incorporating the sperm. A single act involving two participants thus resulted in victory and total satisfaction of both of them. I felt that this win-win situation represented an ideal model, not only for cooperation of the male and female in adult sexual activities, but also for interpersonal relations in general. The task seemed to be to arrange the circumstances in such a way that all involved parties would reach satisfaction and experience the positive outcome as their personal success.

  “After the fusion of the germinal cells my experience continued at the same rapid pace as the sperm race. In a condensed and greatly accelerated way, I relived the entire embryogenesis following conception, from the fertilized egg through the first cellular division, morula, blastula, and beyond it, to a fully developed fetus. I had full conscious awareness of the biochemical processes, cellular divisions, and tissue growth involved in this process. There were numerous tasks to be accomplished, challenges to be faced, and critical periods to be overcome. I was witnessing and experiencing the differentiation of tissues and formation of new organs. I became the branchial arches, the pulsating embryonic heart, columns of liver cells, the intestinal mucous membrane, and many other parts of the developing organism. This explosive embryonic growth was accompanied with tremendous release of energy and golden light. I felt that I was experiencing the biochemical energy involved in the precipitous growth of cells and tissues.

  “At one point, I had a very distinct feeling of having completed my fetal development. This was again experienced as a great accomplishment—individual success, as well as triumph of the creative force of nature. When I returned to my usual state of consciousness, I was convinced that this experience would have a profound lasting effect on my self-esteem. No matter what my further life trajectory would be, I had already accomplished two quite extraordinary feats just by completing my incarnation: I had won a race featuring hundreds of millions of competitors and completed successfully the challenging task of embryogenesis. Although the scientist in me was amused by this silly reasoning and responded to it with a condescending smile, the emotions behind it were strong and convincing.”

  PART 3: REVISITING HISTORY: Farther Reaches of Human Memory

  As soon as I came to terms with the fact that in holotropic states of consciousness it was possible to gain access to memories of biological birth and embryonal life, I encountered an even more fundamental conceptual challenge. On a number of occasions, my clients reported that they had experienced in psychedelic sessions episodes from the lives of their ancestors, who had lived long before they themselves were conceived. Others experienced episodes from other historical periods and other geographic areas, but without the feeling of a biological link to the protagonists of these sequences. The experiential identification often involved people belonging to other racial groups.

  These ancestral, racial, and collective memories often contained accurate historical and cultural information that by far transcended the actual intellectual knowledge of the people who experienced them. They accurately portrayed costumes, weapons, architecture, rituals, and other aspects of life in the historical periods and countries involved, with many specific details. All this seemed to indicate that these experiences were not fantasies, symbolic elaboration of some current problems, or products of brain pathology, as they are usually seen by mainstream psychiatrists, but unique and fascinating phenomena sui generis. These observations brought strong supportive evidence for the existence of a collective unconscious, as described by C.G. Jung.

  Validation of these experiences and proof of their authenticity required confirmation of the information conveyed and demonstration that my clients had not acquired it through the conventional channels. And this, naturally, was not an easy task. Many of the events portrayed in these experiences had taken place a long time ago and in foreign countries. Sometimes the information that they contained was not sufficiently concrete and specific. Other times it was very precise and detailed, but there existed no archives or other kind of sources necessary for its validation. However, once in a while it happened that an experience had all the necessary criteria for verification—clear and unambiguous information, adequate sources for independent research and assessment of its accuracy, and a reasonable guarantee that the individual had not acquired it through the conventional channels. In the following text, I will describe a few examples of remarkable instances of this kind that I have encountered over the years.

  EPISODE FROM THE RUSSO-FINNISH WAR: The Story of Inga

  The first of these stories involves Inga, a young woman from Finland who attended one of our workshops in Stockholm. Her Holotropic Breathwork session was very powerful and revolved around her biological birth. As she was reliving the struggle in the birth canal, the stage of delivery to which I refer as the third basic perinatal matrix (BPM III), her experience opened up into scenes portraying aggression and killing in various types of war. This connection between perinatal experiences and images of violence from the collective unconscious is characteristic and frequent. However, one of these scenes was unusual and different from the others.

  She experienced herself as a young soldier participating in a battle of the Russo—Finnish War that had taken place at the beginning of World War II, four teen years before she was conceived. To her great surprise, she suddenly realized that she actually became her father and experienced this battle from his point of view. She was fully identified with him and felt his body, his emotions, and his thoughts. She could also perceive very clearly what was happening in the environment around her. At one moment, as she/he was hiding in the forest behind a birch tree, a bullet came and scraped her/his cheek and ear.

  The experience was extremely vivid, authentic, and compelling. Inga did not know where it came from and what to make of it. Intellectually, she knew that her father had participated in the Russo-Finnish War, but was sure that he had never talked about the above episode. Finally, after the group discussion following her experience, she concluded that she must have connected with her father’s memory of an actual historical event and decided to check it out by telephone.

  Inga returned to the group very excited and in awe. When she called her father and told him about her experience, her father was absolutely astounded. What she had experienced was an episode that had actually happened to him in the war, and her description of the scene and of the environment, including the birch tree, was absolutely accurate. He also reassured her that he had never discussed this particular event with her or any other members of the family because the injury was not sufficiently serious to deserve special notice.

  THE LITTLE GIRL WITH WHITE PINAFORES: The Story of Nadja

  In this second example, the experience portrays an even earlier ancestral memory. Nadja, a fifty-year-old psychologist, experienced in her LSD training session a very realistic episode from the early childhood of her mother. To her utter astonishment, she suddenly became her mother when her mother was a little girl at the age of three or four, dressed up in a starched, fussy dress and hiding underneath the sta
ircase. She was covering her mouth with her hand and felt anxious and lonely, like a frightened animal. The reason for it was that she had said something very bad and had been severely reprimanded for it. She could not recapture the specifics, but was painfully aware that something very unpleasant and scary had just happened.

  From her hideout, she could see a scene with many relatives—aunts and uncles—sitting on the porch of a frame house in old-fashioned dresses characteristic of that time (beginning of the twentieth century). Everybody seemed to be talking, unmindful of her. She had a sense of failure and felt overwhelmed by the unrealistic demands of the adults—to be good, to behave herself, to talk properly, not to get dirty. It seemed impossible to please them, and she felt excluded, ostracized, and ashamed.

  Curious what this was all about, Nadja approached her mother to obtain the necessary data about her mother’s childhood, something they had never discussed before. Reluctant to admit that she had had an LSD session, of which her conservative mother would have disapproved, Nadja told her that she had had a dream about her childhood and wanted to know if it was true. No sooner had she started her story than her mother interrupted her and finished it in full accord with the reliving. She added many details about her childhood that logically complemented the episode experienced in the LSD session.