by J. C. Reed
Now that the words have been spoken, I know they can’t ever be taken back.
I lean into her, breathing in the scent of her skin, wondering how the hell it happened that I started to like a woman who’s in love with another guy?
It has to be the chase. To want something that’s unattainable, because that’s exactly what’s she’s been so far.
My first real challenge in years.
My personal prize for getting this rehab thing done.
My little emergency kit.
Cash’s bet hasn’t been much on my mind lately. I’d almost forgotten about it.
Until now.
All I can think about is all the ways I want to kiss every inch of her body to make sure she’s branded for life. I want to bite into her skin to see if she tastes as sweet and delicious as she looks. I want her to ride up and down my dick, my hands buried in her hair, tugging as she screams with pleasure. But can I do that in good conscience when I know my motivations are corrupt?
I’m supposed to fuck her to win a bet.
And yet all I want is to take care of her.
“Vicky,” I whisper. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll come to regret later.”
The warning is there, hanging heavy in the air. I silently implore her to grasp it, to go and never look back. She deserves to be happy. Bruce can’t give her that, but I’m not sure that I can either.
“It’s too late for that.” She shifts closer to me, pushing her hips against my thigh. “You have to finish what we started.”
My heart speeds up. She’s echoing my thoughts, but without my hesitation.
A soft smile’s playing on her lips as she rises to her knees and positions herself in front of me until her lips are inches from mine. Her eyes shimmer with determination. I know what she’s about to do a moment before she shrugs out of her jacket and removes her shirt. My gaze sticks to her chest and I lick my lips in anticipation.
Her tits are perfect. Round and full, but not too big. The rosy mounds beg to be licked and sucked.
She notices my staring and lifts her hands to cover up.
“You’re beautiful, Vicky.” I meet her gaze. “I want to see all of you.”
She doesn’t need much persuasion. I watch her as she strips. My whole body fills with want, sending tingles of excitement to my balls.
She is beautiful—that wasn’t a lie.
I could just sit here, watching her until time stands still. Her body moves with the grace of a dancer, her hips swaying slowly as her panties gather at her feet.
Her fingers brush up her neck, and she gathers her hair in her fist, exposing her delicate neck. I know she’s trying to seduce me.
And fuck, it’s working.
As if sensing my thoughts, she touches my hand, guiding it between her legs. I shudder with want at how wet she is.
Her whole body is hot.
Hot to touch, hot to feel. Another shudder courses through my body.
I fight the urge to grab her and bury her beneath me.
I want her bad, but something’s keeping me back.
Is this really a good idea?
I wet my lips, angry at that unreasonable part of me that keeps hesitating, dragging this out.
“You really want us to break the rules?” I ask.
“They’re only rules.”
She leans over me. Before I realize what she’s doing, her fingers are busy unbuttoning my jeans.
“Are you saying you don’t want to?” she whispers, her fingers coming dangerously close to the bulge I haven’t been able to get rid of since the first moment I saw her.
Groaning, I close my eyes, feeling the familiar spin in my head.
She’s about to do things to me that are far too familiar. Memories of my past experiences with women begin to flicker before my eyes. I can feel the usual rush of excitement.
There’s no going back now.
I’m a lost cause. She knows it. We both do.
“I want you to fuck me, Kade. I’m not asking you. I’m demanding that you do.” Her tone is impatient, shaking with nerves.
“You know it’s not going to mean anything?”
“Kade.” She shakes her head and lets out a sharp breath. “I know what I’m getting into. Trust me. I’m not like your other conquests. I won’t try to keep in touch after we’re out of here. Unless you’re my sponsor, which I hope you won’t be.”
She’s not like my other conquests at all.
Maybe that’s why her words sting.
That’s the thing. I want her to keep in touch. I want to see more of her, whatever the fuck that might mean. Maybe I’ll keep her in my life as a friend. I’ve never met a woman with whom I can converse so easily. Yet, at the same time the thought of seeing her after this is over scares me. I don’t want a relationship with her, but I also don’t want to never see her again. I want more of her, while at the same time I don’t want to hurt her, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
My conflicting emotions confuse me.
My own body confuses me.
I’m attracted to her while being repulsed by the idea of knowing I could hurt her. Like I hurt all those other women I fucked.
It’s not at all like me to stop and ponder. The old me would have jumped right into bed with her. Heck, I would not even have needed a bed. A table, blanket, shower, closet—whatever—would have sufficed.
But the new me is considering, wondering, fearing.
Vicky leans forward, her mouth descending onto my dick.
I can’t say no to that.
A groan escapes my lips.
Of course, I can’t say no.
Not with those gorgeous lips ready to suck and lick. Not when I want her to do just that—desperately.
I lick my lips, feeling another shudder. She won’t stop. I know it. Sooner or later, probably sooner than anticipated, she’ll make me lose control.
I can feel the heat and the tug in my balls.
“Jesus, Vicky.” I groan again.
This woman is everything I shouldn’t want.
Her fingers circle around the base while her tongue begins to lick eagerly. She sucks me in, her mouth hot, tight, her throat making tiny noises that signal she’s enjoying this as much as I am.
I fist my hand in her hair to hold her head, but I don’t push. I want our rhythm to be hers to control. Up and down she goes until I’m getting dangerously close to spill before the real fun’s even begun.
Fuck. It’s been two weeks since my dick’s seen any action and Vicky’s perfect little mouth isn’t exactly helping my self control.
“That’s enough.” I push her away, gently but with enough force to let her know I mean it.
“What we’re doing is just a little fun. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now are you going to kiss me or not?” she asks. “Or is it customary for sex addicts to wait so long.”
My lips jerk at the tiny jab. “Let’s not keep a lady in need waiting.”
“Sounds like a great philosophy to live by.” A sexy grin tugs at her lips. “I want you to touch me.”
My eyes lock onto her tits hungrily. They look fucking amazing, soft and tight and way too delicious not to pay them the attention they deserve.
Maybe I’ll play with them later. Now that sweet pussy of hers is all I can think about.
“I’ll take it from here, sweetheart.”
I grab her hips and place myself behind her, one hand settled at the back of her nape, the other forcing her legs apart. Her ass is sticking straight up in the air; her pussy’s on full display.
I take my time running my fingers over her swollen lips, spreading the wetness that’s already there—for me.
“Kade.” Her voice is a heavy whisper, imploring, demanding.
“Shhh. You are perfect in every way. I want to savor this.”
My finger finds her entry, and I press it inside, curling it as I thrust it into her. She arcs her back, then sticks out her ass, wanting more. I add another f
inger, opening her, preparing her for me. Her walls clench and unclench, swelling around me as I thrust in and out, coating her in her own lube.
“I’m going to fuck you tonight,” I say, even though it’s pretty obvious where we’re headed.
The little sound she’s making is driving me insane. This is so good, I can barely think straight. My cock’s pulsating with life and eagerness. My balls are hurting, tugging at the last remnants of my self restraint. All my nerves are firing. I can’t wait any longer. I have to have her now, or else I’ll come like a teen fingering his girlfriend for the first time.
I pull my fingers out of her and quickly coat my cock with her juices. Vicky glares over her shoulder. When she notices what I’m doing she smiles, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight around us.
“Yes. Finally.”
Suddenly I know what I want. Feeling naked skin on skin isn’t going to be enough. I need everything she can give. I need to give her everything I have.
I trail my fingertips down her spine, around her hips, to her glorious ass. It is glorious—all round and ripe. I spread her lips and brush the tip of my cock down her entrance to her clit.
Vicky gasps and pushes her hips out, silently begging me for more.
“Kade. I swear if you continue to keep me waiting, I’ll—”
Her voice breaks off as I slide my entire length into her. Her body stretches to take every inch of it, but damn, she’s tight. Her breathing comes out as a moan. She’s struggling to fit me inside her just as much as I’m struggling not to come on the spot.
“Feel how hard you make me?” I manage between ragged breaths. “This is all for you, Vicky. Say you want it.”
“I want it.” She moans and rotates her hips, drawing me deeper into her.
I tangle my fist in her hair and push her head down as I begin to thrust in and out of her. I watch my cock plunge inside her, her milky skin glistening around it. I haven’t been bare with a woman in years, but with Vicky it feels right.
“I want you to come around me.” Changing my rhythm, I lean over her and trail my teeth over her naked shoulder. My hard shaft’s rubbing against her front wall. Her breathing is barely more than tiny gasps intermingled with soft cries. I begin to thrust harder, faster, hitting the spot that rewards me with a high moan.
“Yes, Kade. Fuck.”
She’s on the brink. She’s going to fall soon. I want to fall with her.
Closing my eyes, I angle my hips and surrender to the sensation of her pussy clenching around me. I can almost feel the electrical current surging through her as she comes. The tiny sound of abandon is all it takes to take me with her. I come buried deep inside her, lost in the pleasure of marking the one woman I truly want.
Once I’m done, I gently pull out of her and settle on the blanket, pulling her to my chest. I want to tell her just how amazing she is, but I can’t. The words that usually find their way past my lips so easily seem meaningless now. So I remain quiet.
Through the waves of the ocean crashing against the shore, I can hear her heavy breathing, feel her longing. It mirrors my own.
We are compatible.
In a way.
Different, but still so much alike. She’s like the female version of me. Maybe that’s why the program hosts sex addicts with love addicts, because deep down love addicts just need a little fucking and the sex addicts just need a bit of love, each of us learning something along the way.
That sounds pretty convincing.
I feel like I’m getting cured already.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kaiden
I woke up and found no sign of Vicky. No note. Except for the heavenly scent lingering everywhere in the apartment, there’s no indication she’s even been here.
Things between us have become a little weird. I haven’t talked to her since that night on the beach. It’s been days.
It doesn’t take an idiot to figure out that she’s avoiding me.
She’s been ignoring my knocking, slipping out of the apartment as early as she can. Come night, she’s keeping her bedroom door closed. I haven’t heard the shower running even though I’m pretty sure she must have used it at some point. The only time I’m seeing her is during the group meetings, and even then she barely acknowledges me. It’s as if she’s ashamed. Or maybe she came to the conclusion she cheated on Bruce during our little trip to the beach.
But let’s be honest, what kind of man would keep someone like her out of his bed?
The loser doesn’t deserve her.
I see her with her friend, though.
The two hang out in the dining room or in the cantina, most of the time. I suspect Vicky’s hiding in her friend’s apartment.
She thinks I’m not noticing, but every time she’s talking to her friend she’s glancing my way, as if there’s a part of her she’s left behind with me. Sometimes our eyes meet, and for a split second something clicks into place—knowledge of that night. And then she looks away and acts like nothing happened.
My therapist’s polite cough draws me back. She’s sitting in front of me, her legs crossed over each other as she’s cradling a large notebook in her hand on which she’s scribbling. I realize I don’t remember her name. Something like Jill or Jane, or was it Julie? Definitely first-name basis.
The soft, classical music playing in the background sips through the perception of my brain. It’s probably supposed to calm patients, but it doesn’t quite have the same effect on me.
Nothing has these past few days.
“How long have you been an addict, Kade?” she asks when she realizes that my attention’s back on her.
“My obsession with sex started in my early twenties.”
She nods, as if she saw my answer coming. More furious scribbling before she glances up. Something in her somber expression causes alarm bells to ring in the back of my mind. “Tell me… how is your relationship with Victoria Sullivan, at the moment?”
The question throws me off. Just hearing my roommate’s name coming out of my therapist’s mouth makes me think back to the beach and how glorious it felt to be inside Vicky.
“Who?” I ask, brows raised.
“Your roommate,” the therapist clarifies with the same serious expression. “Victoria Sullivan.”
“Right. Is that her name?”
Another nod.
I tap my fingers on my thigh, signaling my impatience and boredom with her. What the hell could I possibly say without sounding guilty in one way or another?
“I’m sure she’s great, but…” I pause, looking for the right words. “I think she could do with being a little less hostile.”
“Hostile?” She raises her brow.
“Metaphorically speaking, yes. Maybe even more social.” I hold her questioning gaze. “See, we don’t hang out much. She’s withdrawn. Her nose is always stuck in a book. The few times we’ve exchanged a couple words, she’s always made her priority to mention the library not having enough books. I’m worried that the lack of reading material might, well, make her…you know…” I spin my finger near my temple to imply she might be on the verge of going cuckoo.
“I see. Well, I’ll see what I can do. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” My therapist pushes her glasses back, eyeing me with renewed interest. “You’re making good progress here, Kade. We’re all very pleased.”
I smile at her. She has no idea.
“It’s all thanks to you, of course. I couldn’t have done it without your help,” I say sweetly.
Her face brightens. Seriously, I could play this act forever, spoon-feed it to her and she’d be buying it like all the others.
“Oh. It’s nothing. We’re all trying to help.” Her cheeks blush.
“I’m sure of that. But I’d still like to point out that I couldn’t have found a better therapist than you.”
The red stains on her cheeks darken. If she isn’t careful, she’ll soon resemble a tomato.
“So, you have absolutely no desire
to fraternize?” she asks.
“Not one bit.” I lean forward, resting my arms on my knees. “It’s like a miracle. I’ve had a great deal to reflect upon since my arrival. I’ve come to the conclusion that sex isn’t the answer to solving the pain inside me.” More like the itch, but I keep that part to myself. “I’ve recognized, too, that my past has shaped me. It’s taken me a long time to accept that moving from foster home to foster home didn’t exactly help me in becoming the person I want to be.”
I shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as I am, but to be honest, it can be quite boring in here. Now that Vicky’s ignoring me, this is the only fun I can have.
I’ve been playing the broken patient who’s just had a big revelation, or my favorite—the perfect, humble and grateful patient—card for the past two weeks and it’s been paying off.
It works this way:
She asks a question and I come up with the answer she wants to hear, then give her all the credit for helping me to come to the right conclusion. It’s been working like a charm. She’s sucking everything up.
My therapist nods. “A journey is like a sunrise. It’s night at first, but it reminds you that every darkness becomes light, giving rise to new beginnings. A sunrise is never defined by yesterday’s dawn. Every day is a new beginning.” She leans forward, her eyes sparkling. “Life has shaped you but it hasn’t broken you. Don’t let your past define you, Kade.” She puts her notepad down, hesitating before she continues. “It’s probably a bit early to ask the question, but I’ll give it a try anyway because I believe in you. What are your plans when you get out of here?”
I muse over her question for a moment.
Will I stop fucking? No.
Will I host a party? Hell, yes.
I’m going to host the biggest party in the city to celebrate my comeback, and everyone’s going to be talking about it.
I let out a fake breath, dropping my tone until I’ve infused enough sadness into my voice to fool her. “The first thing I’ll do is find a support group and check in. Then I’m going to try to live in the present, take it one step at a time, one day after another, because I know it’s going to be hard. And I’m planning to exercise a lot.”