"Oh, Liam." She sniffled and let me go to wipe tears. "Geez." She chuckled, her smile was refreshing even though it was nothing like her old smiles. She just looked worn and wary.
"I gotta clean up the house a bit, it's gonna go on the market." I glanced toward her house feeling guilty that selling Gram's house may bring in bad neighbors.
"I'm gonna talk to Dale, he's been wondering what's been goin' on with the place, because your grandmother hasn't been back."
"Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck. "She was with her sister."
"I know, and Dale wanted to talk to her, to see if she wanted to rent us the house."
"Yeah? You guys got someone who's looking for a place?"
"Well." She glanced over her shoulder then looked up at me again and her eyes squinted, showing the lines in her face.
I could see having a little boy running around had aged her quite a bit in a few years.
"I just know someone in a cramped apartment."
"I'd love to help out, Mrs. Reynolds, but I'm not really lookin' to have an attachment to the house anymore. I kind of just want to sell it outright."
"That's fine. I'm sure Dale can get a second mortgage." She smiled warmly at me.
"Really?" I grinned, already liking things going a lot smoother than I thought they would.
No signs of Ryley and I wouldn't be dumping the house and brining in trash that the Reynolds would have to deal with. Maybe the entire trip would be that smooth. I hated the thought of giving away Gram's house, even if I'd make money on it, it just didn't feel right. There was no way in hell though that I was keeping it. Too many memories I didn't want to have to deal with. I'd have no objections to them taking it off my hands.
"Let me just talk to Dale, honey." She rubbed my arm. "Give me your new number. I'll grab a pen."
"I don't have a new number. Same one as always." I smiled at her and her face turned from genial to a frown.
"Oh. You sure?"
I chuckled. "Yeah."
"Oh, I thought she said.... Oh. Okay, then, I can reach you there then."
"Yeah." I chuckled again at her sudden confusion. "Hey, I'm gonna go in, see what's goin' on. You just give me a call whenever. I'll see you Friday at the funeral?"
"Liam Porter, we're right next door, you best be seeing us before you leave this house today."
"Yeah." I chuckled uncomfortably because there was still a chance Ryley was in that house. "I will."
"Who's that lovely girl?" Her eyes shot to Dana who had been quietly observing the wildflowers around the tree.
"She's my friend. Dana," I called and waved her over. "Mrs. Reynolds, this is Dana...." I furrowed my brows, surprised I didn't even know her last name.
"Brown," Dana said as she shook her hand.
"You're Liam's new girlfriend?" Mrs. Reynolds smiled that fake smile again.
"No. We've been friends a while."
"Very good. Okay. Liam, if you need help, Dale will be home this afternoon."
"Nope. I'll be all good. Thanks, Mrs. Reynolds." I smiled at her. "Watch that little one and sorry if I scared the little guy." I was headed into the house until I saw her just standing there, looking like she was hanging heavy. I turned back and grinned at her, hoping to ease the sadness she seemed to be feeling that I assumed came from Gram's death.
"Sorry about him, Liam."
I waved it off and pulled out my house key, needing away from her.
I didn't know how I forgot, it'd only been five years since I was there, but I forgot about the pictures Gram had up. Pictures of me, Gage, Megan, and Ryley. I hadn't seen my brother's face in years and immediately when I looked at him, his hair made me think of that little boy next door. Me and Gage were that little boy at one time. Feisty little shits.
I started in Gage's old room that had already been cleared out, and I was grateful for it. I pulled my pocket watch out, the same watch Gage broke then fixed and left for me in the tire swing. It was just after ten in the morning.
"What can I do?" Dana asked, her hand going to my back.
"Start in the kitchen. All dishes go in the boxes I have in the bed of the truck."
She was jovial that morning, but she always seemed happy. She bounced out of the house to get the boxes and I started downstairs. Fuck. It was still a mess and it smelled damp and strongly of mildew. I wasn't thinking the Reynolds would want to buy the place after I discovered the unpleasant smell.
I started by dragging everything that was garbage to the stairs. While doing so, I was stepping on beads that were under the dryer. Bending down, I scooped them up and it only took a second to recognize what they were. It was Ryley's broken bracelet I made her when we were kids. The BFF beads were still there, but our names were missing. Best friends forever. I snorted at the stupidity.
RYLEY
I left my parents' house and headed back to my apartment. I was supposed to be going to the bar to meet Carl, but suddenly I didn't feel like it anymore. I didn't want to be around anyone, I just wanted time to think about the heartbreaking news my mom had just delivered me.
Gram was actually gone.
Grabbing a beer and sitting on the couch, I stared out my window. Our tiny apartment was nice, but I hated that Able's backyard was about the size of the front porch at my parents' house. I also hated that we had to leave the doors dead-bolted because there were always so many people around. I hated that I couldn't give him the amazing childhood that I had growing up, living in the country without caring if the doors were locked or not. My thoughts drifted to Gram and how every birthday she would make me a cake because my mom always worked so much it was hard for her to get one made. I remembered her iced tea, and laughed because in all my years I hadn't been able to master how to make it like her. And boy did I try. My mind drifted to the time that Liam, Gage, and I decided we wanted to go swimming in the pond. Gram wasn't home and I thought it would be fun to try it out; she would never let us do it when she were home. 'Snakes are gonna get ya, you three stay out of it,' she would warn. Even living in the country, her whole life she was still afraid of snakes. We were little shits, though, so the first chance we had to try it out, we did. Gage jumped in first, being the oldest. Once Liam and I saw it was okay, we jumped in together, holding hands. It didn't take long for me to realize the real reason Gram didn't want us in that pond. The catfish in there were insanely huge and the minute one started sucking on my leg, I screamed and started flailing around. I still remembered the look on Liam's and Gage's faces when they first saw me freaking out. They started laughing, but as soon as they did, one of those monster fish got Gage and he flipped out harder than I did. We got out of that pond faster than we had ever moved and we never got back in again. Damn fish. I still heard Liam's laughter as we lay on the grass by the side of the pond, panting from our exaggerated near death experience.
I didn't know how long I sat there, bringing back painful memories that I never wanted to relive. I knew I needed to go to the funeral on Friday, but I really didn't want to. My phone dinged and I looked at the screen. I must have really been out of it, as I had three missed calls and a slew of texts from Carl.
"Shit," I muttered and set my half drank beer on the coffee table. Standing up to stretch, I found his name and pressed 'send'.
"The fuck are you, Ryley?" he slurred.
No one called me Ry, anymore. I might have flipped a shit if he ever started calling me that actually.
"At my apartment, sorry. I got some bad news tonight and needed some time to think things over," I said, rubbing the back of my neck as I stared out the window to the parking lot. God, I hated that that was my view every day.
"I'll be over," he said, then he hung up. Great.
When Carl and I met he was everything I thought I wanted. A manly figure for Able (even if I hated watching them together), he had a job, he was nice enough. But the longer we were together I started seeing him in a different light. He would get drunk more often, cuss a lot more. The little things that
Able did were starting to piss him off more. I knew it wasn't going to last between us, but I let it go on because I was afraid to be alone.
Not ten minutes later, he opened the door, using the key I so stupidly gave him, and walked in. Flopping down on the couch next to me, he picked up my beer and continued drinking.
"So," he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "What happened that was so bad you couldn't come out with us tonight?"
"I found out that an old neighbor passed away. She was a big part of my childhood... and I haven't seen her in a while." I said, conveniently leaving out the part about Liam.
"Neighbor, huh? Didn't those Porter boys live next to you?" he asked, taking another swig.
Carl didn't show up in town until the summer that I got pregnant with Liam's baby, so I didn't expect him to remember that, but apparently his mind was a steel trap.
"Oh, yea. Yea... that's her. It was their grandma," I mumbled, trying to leave it at that.
"You ain't goin' to her funeral." No request, no asking if I was going... just that. I wasn't going.
"Excuse me?" I asked, turning on the couch.
He wasn't even that good looking and I always felt his unkempt appearance made me look bad. He had black, often greasy hair that he only washed a couple times a week, he was taller than Liam had been, but was much scrawnier than I ever remembered Liam.
"I said, you ain't goin'." He finished off the beer and tossed the can towards the door. "Get me another one, would ya?" he said as he laid his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.
His behavior was getting worse and worse, but I was just thankful that Able wasn't there to see it.
"I AM going to the funeral, and you get your own damn beer," I said, throwing the pillow from the couch at him and getting up to leave.
Before I got past him, he pulled me on top of him and held my hands to my side, immobilizing me from getting away. His breath reeked of alcohol and his eyes were bloodshot from the amount that he had drank that night. That side of him only came out when he was drunk and it was useless for me to fight it without getting hurt. His face came to my neck, breathing in then nipping my ear painfully.
"No, Ryley. You ain't," he whispered. "Everyone in town knows that kid of yours is his, I ain't stupid, you gave him his fucking name. That's some sick shit," he said as he started licking his way down my neck. It was repulsive, what he was doing, but as hard as I tried to pull my hands away he would just tighten his grip.
"You're drunk, Carl. Let's just go to bed. We can talk about this tomorrow." I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder.
He laughed at me and tossed me to the couch. "Not drunk enough, Ryley. I'm not having the town talking about me and my whore of a girlfriend. You. Ain't. Goin'."
I stared at him for a moment, really wondering what I was doing with him. I didn't love him, he didn't satisfy me, but only one thing would have satisfied me and I couldn't have it.
"You should leave, Carl. I'm tired and I would rather Jenny not run into you." I tried getting him to leave by mentioning her name. She couldn't stand him, but had been putting up with him for my sake.
"I don't think so, Ryley. I think I'm going to stay right here. Don't want you runnin' off to that stupid funeral." He smiled and put his feet on the coffee table, closing his eyes again.
"I'm going to the funeral, Carl. She was like a grandma to me," I growled. He would not keep me from saying a proper goodbye, as much as it would hurt to have to face Liam again.
Carl sighed and turned his head to look me in the eyes. "Then I'm going, too." His eyes squinted into slits. "And we ain't bringin' the kid," he finished, then put his head back and went to sleep.
I hated that he had taken to calling Able 'the kid'. My boy had a name, a very special name. Every part of Able's name came from the Porter boys. Gage's middle name was Able, something he would have rather kept a secret, but Liam was awful at keeping secrets from me.
When I got up the next morning, Carl was gone and I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed to get rid of him, get him out of Able's life, but I couldn't just yet. I was so afraid to be alone that I was keeping him there just for the company.
I called my mom that morning, checking up on my baby. She said he was doing great, but she sounded tired and worried. I brushed it off, knowing that she wasn't looking forward to the funeral. They were going to keep Able all day until I could get there after work to get him.
Work was slow, as it always was on Thursdays. I had moved to bartending at Tipsy Tavern. The tips were a little better there and I was able to have time to study when it was slow. I had went back to school the year prior, still hoping one day to get a degree in psychology. Things were just a little off track, but I was getting it together little by little. By the end of the day, I was exhausted from pure boredom.
I stopped by my parents for dinner, enjoying the meatloaf and mashed potatoes that my mom made. My mom was quiet all night, not saying much the entire time I was there. I didn't ask about the house, or Gram, or any of it. I didn't want to know, because I didn't want to have to believe it. As I was leaving, my dad asked if they would see us tomorrow at the funeral. I looked back at him and smiled.
"Sure," I answered, then rushed Able to the car as the rain started pouring down on us.
Able was going to Jenny's parents' house for the day on Friday. We got up and packed a toy bag for him so he would have plenty of stuff to do. I wasn't too worried since they watched him all the time, but I was on edge about Carl going with me to the funeral. I would have rather he didn't, which was awful for a girlfriend to think, but he'd been adding more stress than comfort those past few months.
We met my parents at their house and I looked towards Gram's house pulling up. There were trash bags by the curb and the blinds and windows were open. My palms became sweaty as I stared at the proof that Liam was back.
"Hey, earth to Ryley. Let's go," Carl demanded as he got out of his truck. I was frozen in place until my dad opened the door.
"Hey, baby girl, you okay with this?" he asked in a quiet tone, looking towards the empty house.
"He's really here, daddy." I had reverted back to my eight year old self, wanting nothing more than to cuddle under the blankets and hide from the mean old world.
"Come on, we'll make it quick."
The thing about funerals in a small town is that they are never quick. Everyone knew everyone else, and everyone had a story to tell. We waited in line for almost an hour before we were able to get close enough to see the casket. I couldn't look up, I didn't want to talk. I kept wiping my sweaty, shaking hands on my black skirt. Standing there for so long had made me regretting the decision to wear a skirt, it was much too formal. Then I thought a little longer and I was okay with it because I wanted to make Liam know what he was missing out on. Five minutes after that, I hated it again because it wasn't appropriate for a funeral. I felt like I was going to vomit and I couldn't focus on anything around me. Carl wasn't even standing by us, what help he was. My dad's hand never left my elbow as we made our way up the line, slowly and painfully. The people in front of us were younger; I think I recognized the girl from school, but I couldn't remember anymore. It's amazing the things one's mind decides to forget and the things it holds on to.
I heard his voice before I saw him and I almost turned and ran. Had it not been for the sudden tightening of my dad's hand, I would have been out of there already.
I looked at my dad and he smiled at me. "I love you, Ryley Anne, you are strong enough to do this. Just don't forget to smile, you're beautiful when you smile," he whispered to me, then turned and walked in front of me. It was his turn to give his condolences to the grieving family.
My mom was behind me, holding my hand. I looked past my dad, not wanting to know who he was talking to, and I saw Gram in the casket. She looked so tiny, so frail. That woman was a fighter, but to see her there, my views of reality shattered. I hadn't talked to her in six years. Not once did I try to find her
or get ahold of her. I was a terrible person for letting that wonderful old woman slip away.
Just as the tears began to fall, I heard my dad's voice. "Ryley, this is Mrs. Porter's sister, Hope." My dad's voice calmed me, but not enough.
I raised my shaking hand to take hers into a handshake, but she pulled me into a huge hug.
"So you are Ryley? Oh goodness, sweetheart. Not a day went by that Faith didn't talk about you. One very, very, special girl." Her voice cracked as she said the last few words, making my tears flow even faster.
Gram talked about me? Why didn't she call me? I would have visited her if I knew she missed me.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," I found my voice telling her, but I couldn't remember thinking to say it.
My dad had already moved on to the next person in line and I followed suit, staring at the ground. My mom was talking to Hope and I heard my dad's voice stop. Shit, it was my turn. I couldn't do it, I couldn't look up. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I had no clue where Carl went and I kept telling myself to stop crying, but it was impossible.
"Ryley, dear. The line is waiting," my mom whispered in my ear as she gently pushed on my back, discreetly so no one noticed my incredibly massive breakdown I was about to have.
I needed to get out of there. I hated funeral homes. I hated the smell; all I could think about was Gage's funeral and the smell, and the flowers, and the fake laughs. God, I needed out.
My dad's hand took mine and when my eyes, still cast downward, landed on a pair of black, men's dress shoes, my heart stopped. He still wore the same cologne. Fuck, it was so hard. All I wanted to do was reach out and hug him; I needed my Liam hug. I also wanted to slap him for being such an ass to me. By this time, the room had gone quiet. I wasn't sure if it was because they were all watching me, or if I had just blocked out all the noise. I started trailing my eyes up, forcing myself to make eye contact. I was strong. A strong single mom. I faced worse things in a day, right?
He had on a suit. Of course he did, it was his grandma's funeral. The only time I had seen him in a suit was prom night. He didn't even wear one for Gage's funeral, saying Gage would have hated it. He definitely filled a suit out better now than he did back in high school. His shoulders were broad, built. I made it up to his lips, my eyes stopping on the lip ring and couldn't go any farther. There was no smile, no frown. No emotion at all. I flicked my eyes up to meet his and my heart damn near stopped. I saw Able's eyes, eyes that belonged to the most precious thing in my life, staring back at me.
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