"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight? Jenny works so she won't be there. It'll be just me and Able."
"Able." I chuckled, unable to stop the huge grin. "What's his full name? He told me Able Liam Porter." I looked at her hesitantly, part of me praying to God he wasn't a little liar like I was at the age of five.
"That's his name. They wouldn't let me leave the hospital without naming him. I chose the only name I thought fitted him. He looks exactly like you boys."
"Jesus, I know." I grinned at her, pulling her into a hug. How one woman could make the happiest and saddest man alive, I didn't know. "I want to come for dinner. I want to know my son. We have to work something out. I... I live in Wisconsin now." I let her go to look into her face.
"Oh," she said, not able to keep my gaze. "I— Wow. That's pretty far away."
"It is, but I'll fly him to me, or I'll fly down as often as I can. You can't take him away now, Ry. God, please." I was tearing up again and quickly got to my feet.
"Just— Come over tonight. I'm sure something can be figured out."
"I'll come. Can I see him right now though? Just to say hi? I have to find my friend and I was supposed to leave—" I pulled my pocket watch out of my pocket and when I heard her chuckle, I looked up. "What?"
"You still have that."
"Of course." I smirked at her, looking away from that smile that always did the best things to me. "I was supposed to head back up in an hour, but I want to stay. I'll head out after dinner." I watched her slightly frown. "I own my own business, well with a friend. I've been gone five days. And things are fine there and all... but I gotta get back, and we'll plan this out, how I'll see him and when."
"Right, your own business. Wow. Okay. Uh... sure, tell him bye when you leave. I need to get him home and get things ready. How's five work?"
"Perfect, Ry." I smirked at her, unable to stop myself from pulling her into another hug. Her arms hesitantly went around me. "Thank you," I told her, taking in a deep inhale of her hair, letting my eyes drift closed while I wished it all could have been us from the beginning, but we'd never have that. She had Carl, and I had.... I just knew I had a son. Able.
RYLEY
I walked back to the house, Liam by my side, feeling like it was all a dream. After the prior night and everything he had said to me, I was determined for him to never find out about our child. Being with him down at that pond, though, had made me realize I should have tried harder to get ahold of him. I should have tried harder to tell him, and maybe I wouldn't have been stuck in a dead end job, living in a tiny apartment, and putting up with Carl as a boyfriend simply because I didn't want to be alone.
When we get to the house, I headed in to get Able. My mom was at the kitchen sink, watching us out the window (though she was pretending to be cleaning the dishes that I knew were washed earlier that day).
"Hey," I said in passing, not waiting to hear her response. It probably wouldn't be good, but I was living in a dream in that moment so I didn't care what she had to say.
"Able! Come on up, we need to head home!" I yelled down the stairs where he and my dad were building model cars in my dad's workshop in the basement.
Being a grandpa really changed my dad. That or maybe it was the fact that he finally got a boy to do boy things with.
As I waited for him to get his things together my mom came up behind me.
"So, Liam...."
"Yea, mom. Liam. He is Able's father, it's only fair to give him a chance to know his son," I said, defending him, even though I didn't know why.
"Just be careful, Ryley. Able is a smart kid, if you introduce him as his father then Liam leaves for another six years he is going to be crushed. We Reynolds wear our hearts on our sleeves, and that little boy is no different."
I sighed because I knew she was right. Able just met Liam that day... I was faced with: do I tell him his daddy is coming over for dinner, or Liam's just a friend? I opted to tell him Liam was a friend of mine. That was all he needed to know immediately.
Able wouldn't sit still long enough for the introduction Liam was hoping for, but he said he understood, he'd have the evening with Able.
When we finally made it home after a quick trip to the store, Able and I did an insanely quick clean of the apartment. Jenny constantly left junk laying everywhere, which was a pain when Able was a toddler that put everything in his mouth. I took all of her trash and threw it in her room, shutting the door behind me. Luckily, I was blessed with a child that didn't mind cleaning, so within an hour the apartment looked better than it had in a long time.
Able went to his room to play while I started on dinner. I was making fried chicken. Liam was always a sucker for his grandma's fried chicken; once I took her recipe and copied it, thinking I'd have the chance to surprise him with it one day.
The knock on the door came at ten 'til five and I jumped when it happened. I hadn't changed yet and I was sure my hair was a mess, but I had to keep reminding myself he wasn't there to see me. He was there to see his son.
Answering the door in my apron wasn't something I would normally do, but I didn't want him to leave and I was afraid he would if he had to wait too long.
"Hi." I smiled when I opened the door for him.
"Hey. Here, I brought you these." He had flowers, daisies; of course Liam remembered my favorite flowers.
"Thank you, they're beautiful." Why did it feel weird? Forced, almost? I shook my head at the thought of it feeling like a first date. It wasn't a date; he was a man meeting his son for the first time.
"Listen, I didn't tell him who you were exactly," I warned him as I put the daisies in water then put them on the table.
"What'd you tell him, Ry? What can I say? I want him to know. I'm his fucking dad," he very quietly growled, getting defensive.
"I know... I just— He's a smart kid, Liam. I want him to know you first. I want him to trust you. I couldn't take watching his heart break when, IF, his dad never came back for him. I told him you were a friend of mine."
"If I never come back, Ry?" he scoffed. "Seriously? This shit has to change. I know what you think, but you never gave me the chance either. Don't put this all on me. That's my son, I love him and I've loved him the whole time I thought he didn't exist. I'm coming back. I won't leave you two to fend for yourselves anymore." He glanced around my apartment with clear disapproval on his face. The man with his own business and probably huge house was having dinner with his ex-love in her tiny ass, grungy apartment in the south. I could see the instant disgust on his face when I opened the door and let him in.
"Okay, I get it. Let's just see how tonight goes, okay?"
He got close to my face. "Just promise me you won't keep him from me."
God, he was so close. I hadn't felt like that in a very long time. About six years. And he smelled so good, manly, I felt like I could curl up in his clothes and sleep for days there, breathing in his scent. Weird, I know, but I guess love can do weird things to people.
"I won't," I whispered, trying to find the strong voice I had just moments ago. "Able, come on out, our guest is here!" I saw Liam cringe at the word guest, but I wasn't backing down. Not yet. I wanted Able to know him before I threw that brick at him.
He ran out of his room and down the hallway.
"Hey, mister! You're the one from today at Grandma's house!" he exclaimed as he stopped just short of plowing into Liam.
I watched Liam laugh, it looked like maybe tears filled his eyes and he got to his knees, inspecting Able.
"Yeah." He chucked, touching Able's hair. "My name's Liam Porter."
I watched Liam and Able interact in the middle of my kitchen. I could feel the tears forming, but I would not cry in front of my son. Those five years were hard, but I had managed without showing him my weak side, I wasn't about to start then.
"Able, mommy has known Liam since she was your age," I told him, trying to get his little mind off the fact that the stranger in front of him had the same name as
him.
"Wow, so you are old too?!" He looked at Liam and I laughed harder than I'd been able to laugh in a long time.
Liam laughed too, hard, and like he meant it. Like it'd been a long time since he laughed too.
"I am." He yanked Able into his arms and started wrestling around playfully.
I found myself wondering if that was how it could have been all along. If Liam knew, would he have come back for us? I would have been able to watch those two boys wrestle every night, but instead I spent my evenings in a dark bar while family and friends helped raise my kid. God, I'd been stupid.
"Okay, okay. I have to finish up dinner. Able, why don't you take Liam into the living room and show him your Legos?" I wanted to give the two of them time to get to know each other without me interfering.
"Liam, YOU like Legos too?" he asked, his bright green eyes glowing up at his father.
"Of course I like Legos. You probably like everything I liked when I was your age," Liam snuck in there; I knew he was trying to get Able to understand who he was without saying it.
"Cool! Mom, he likes the same things as me! We can be best friends, Liam!" he exclaimed as he grabbed Liam's hand and walked him into the living room.
Listening to the two of them play in the living room filled my heart more than I ever thought it was able to be filled. I wanted it, I wanted all of it. Everything I had ever wanted in my life was in that living room, playing Legos and making monster noises while they destroyed the towers they built. I needed to talk Liam into staying that was it. I needed to tell him he could stay so we could be a family. Able would have loved having his dad so close, and I honestly didn't know how it would work out with Liam living so far away. He needed to move close. My mind was made up, I needed him there. Good lord, my mind wouldn't stop wandering.
I plucked a piece of chicken and dropped it into the oil. The frying of the chicken was always the last step. All the other sides were ready and our measly table was set for dinner. I saw how Liam looked at my place, but I had to look past it. We were making it, even if it was in a tiny cramped apartment with a roommate who was messier than my five-year-old.
I grabbed another piece of chicken and dropped it in the oil, not paying attention to how close my hand was to the pan when the oil splashed up and got me.
"Shit," I hissed and finished with the chicken before going to the sink.
"Mama just cussed, Liam. She told me I wasn't allowed to repeat those words," I heard Able say to Liam from the living room.
Liam came in a moment later, checking on things.
"You all right, Ry?" He grabbed my hand, bringing back a flashback of when I got the scar across my palm and Gage grabbed my hand. God that should have been Liam that day.
"Fine... the oil just burned me. I wasn't paying attention," I advocated as he looked at my hand like it was a prize jewel. He wouldn't look me in the eyes for some reason.
"Be careful." He slid his thumb back and forth over it. And I knew I was tired, and I knew I was breaking down, but I swear he was about to kiss my hand before Able came barreling into the kitchen.
"Moooooooom!" he was yelling as he ran towards us. He didn't stop until he was attached to my leg, just like he used to do when he was three and we would walk around the house like that. "I'm hungry," he whined.
Liam laughed, probably because it was the first time hearing that whine, but I didn't laugh. He was almost six, when did kids stop whining like that?
"Alright, go on and wash your hands, Able."
"Come on, Liam, let's wash our hands for dinner!" He grabbed ahold of Liam and pulled him from the kitchen.
I heard them in the bathroom talking about the ducks on the shower curtain and how Able wanted superheroes but Jenny wasn't letting him. When they came out, Liam helped Able into his seat then came into the kitchen.
"Ryley," Liam got my attention and I snapped my head to look up at him. "Let me see your hand." He reached for it and brought it closer to his face, making me think again he was going to kiss it, but he blew for a second then was putting a Band-Aid over the red skin. "Captain America." He grinned at me.
I laughed. "The kid is stuck on the Avengers lately. Sorry, dude." I bumped his shoulder as I walked around him to bring Able his plate. I would have been okay with that evening never ending.
Dinner was the same as it was every night. Able didn't want to eat, I had to threaten; Liam got to see a side of his boy that he had yet to see. Able finally started eating his dinner after Liam and I were finished, leaving us sitting at the table with him with nothing to do but talk while Able ate his cold chicken.
"So, Liam. What have you been doing all this time?" I asked, hoping that I would be able to learn more about him in the short time we had together.
His face frowned and he looked away from me while he rubbed the back of his neck. He fidgeted with his lip ring a little, then stood and grabbed the back of his shirt.
"You got the heat on, Ry?" He chuckled, seeming nervous. "It's hot in here." He pulled his long sleeved shirt off and it pulled up the t-shirt underneath, giving me a view of his torso that was covered in tattoos, and then I saw his bare arms that were both filled.
I cleared my throat, suddenly in need of more to drink, and something a little harder than water if I was going to get through that night.
"You live in Wisconsin now, right? Doesn't it snow like... a shit ton there?" I tried making small talk, but my mind was still stuck on the muscles and tattoos that I just got a glimpse of. Holy Jesus, what did he turn into? Carl didn't have tattoos or piercings. Carl would hate it if he knew I had a tattoo. Luckily, Carl wasn't adventurous enough to find it.
"Yeah." He slightly shook his head, but kept a smile I knew wasn't real on his lips. "And that's what I've been up to. Living in Wisconsin. Enjoying cold weather. Running my business." He shrugged impassively. "Nothing worth bragging over." He looked me dead in the eyes.
"Well, it doesn't snow a lot here, does it, Able?" I asked, trying to save what was left of the night. I didn't want him to leave, but something told me after dinner he was going to run out of there and get back to his life that didn't involve toys all over the house and a screaming kid running the halls.
"I want to see snow, Mommy!!" he said with a mouth full of food. Great, Liam was going to think I didn't teach our kid any manners at all.
"Maybe one day, Able," I told him, looking over at Liam who was inspecting his fork intently. "Don't talk with your mouth full, buddy."
"Liam, can we visit you when it snows?!" Able asked, always the excited child.
Liam looked at him and then to me as he spoke. "Of course. You better get used to it; I want you to visit a lot. I have a snowmobile, and skis, and live by a lake we can ice fish on, and when it is warm, we can go on my boat. You been on a boat?" He looked at Able, but then at me, expecting me to answer truthfully.
I couldn't answer. He had all of those things? How? What type of business did he run that he could afford all of that? Having a kid was going to put a huge damper in his living style, I hoped he knew that.
"Uh... yea. Yes, my dad took him out to the pond once. They went fishing," I mumbled, unable to finish my thought because he was staring at me like nothing else in the room existed. He was looking at me like it was just us and Able wasn't running his mouth next to Liam about the time he found a snake in the yard at my parents' house.
He finally pulled his gaze away from me.
"I haven't seen snakes in my lake, buddy. But it's a huge lake and I have a fast boat. I have a small fishing boat too, but when you come stay with me, we're gonna swim and you're gonna tube off the speedboat with me. We got a few small ponds around, but the fish in the lake are much bigger. Your Uncle Gage and me used to fish in that pond behind your grandparents'. Did you know that?"
I'm pretty sure I growled, not aware if either of them heard me because looking at Liam and Able, their eyes were wide with excitement as they talked about their summer plans. How could he throw Gage in the
re like that?!
"Momma, Liam said I have an Uncle Gage?" Of course Able caught it. Nothing slipped past him.
"Oh, sweetheart...." I tried making an excuse, but I couldn't lie about Gage. "Hey, Liam, can I talk to you in the other room?" I asked, about ready to either jump him or bite him a new asshole. I had yet to decide which I'd rather be doing. "Able, finish up. Five more bites and you are good to go play."
Liam grinned as he stood from the table. Walking by him, I got close enough to look at the tattoos that he had on his arm. My God, they were everywhere, weaving into one another. What made him do that? And why did I find it so attractive?
We went to my bedroom, a room that I knew Able would not be able to hear us from, and I let him have it.
"What are you DOING?!" I hissed.
"Jesus, Ry, I understand I wasn't in the fuckin' picture, but he couldn't know about Gage? He was named after the man!" He threw his hand out in frustration.
"What was I going to say? Really, Liam, tell me how I was supposed to explain to him that he had an uncle that wasn't my brother, who shot himself at the lake he went fishing at, and all because he couldn't take the fact that I aborted his neph—"
"Stop, stop, don't fucking say it. I get it." He scrubbed his face harshly, clearly stressed. "I know you had it hard. Fuck," he huffed and turned away briefly. "I'm trying here. There's just so much I want to get out. I want to scream at you for all of this, but I know I'm not blameless. I know I should have given you the chance. I'm sorry I did that. I just want him to know me, my family, and he will fucking know Gage. And no! Hell no he won't know what happened to his uncle, but he'll know he was there once. I just want my son! I just want him to know he's mine and not.... Not that piece of shit's you're fucking."
That hurt.
"I'm sorry, okay. I just— It's been me and Able for so long that it's hard for me to let someone else in on his upbringing. Of course he's going to know you as his father. Of course he's going to know about Gage and Gram, of course Liam. And don't worry about Carl, he's not that serious. I just was lonely. Am lonely. He was good company up until recently...." I trailed off, fearing that I'd already said too much.
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