"What's that mean? Until recently? He doesn't treat you right?"
"He's— It's fine. Don't worry about it. He's never laid a finger on Able and that's what's important. Right?" I said. "Listen, it's late, Able has school in the morning. Can we talk about this later?" I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand, trying to relieve some of the stress that had recently taken residency there.
"You know I gotta leave tonight." His hands went to my shoulders and his fingers started to massage the tension out. "We can talk about this whenever you want. I'm going to be here and that piece of shit will never touch my son. And if he's ever laid a hand on you, Ry," he growled, then sighed and dropped his head. "Just, listen." He pulled me into a hug and I felt his head rest against mine. "I'm here for you guys now, baby, I promise you'll never do this parenting thing alone again."
Was he saying what I thought he was? Did he really want to do it together? Did he want a family with me as much as I had wanted one with him for so long?
"So... you will be here? You are staying? We can really do all of this together?"
I felt him go stiff in my arms, and his head immediately lifted from resting on mine.
"Ry," he stammered. "That's— That's what you want? You want to get back together? You think we should do that? You think we should just jump into this and give Able that hope? What if— What if I'm not what you want? It's happened before, Ryley. I don't really know if I'm enough for you, I just spent six years telling myself I wasn't. I mean, I'll be here, I'll make sure you two are financially taken care of, but you and me be together?"
Oh my God, I felt so stupid. Of course he wouldn't want to be with me. How much of a damper would we put on his rich and single lifestyle? Oh good Lord, what had I done? I pulled away from him completely, needing space from him and his intoxicating smell.
"No... no. That's not it. No. Uh, it's almost Able's bedtime. It was great having you here, but I know you need to get back to your life." That didn't include us. "So, uh, just... Able!" I hollered down the hall to the dining room, where he was still chewing his dinner. "Able honey, Liam needs to go now. Tell him goodbye." I might have been being cold, but I was insanely embarrassed for misreading him and thinking he would actually want us in his life. Financially, sure, he was probably set, but he personally didn't want anything to do with us.
"Bye, Liam. I'm glad I met you. I can tell my friends at school that I have a friend who has my name," he said sleepily as he hopped out of his chair and hugged Liam.
Liam picked him up and Able laid his head on Liam's shoulder, shattering my heart once again. That was what I wanted, right in front of me, but I'd never be able to have it. I was happy I didn't tell Able that Liam was his father, because just like always, Liam was leaving and probably not coming back.
Liam hugged him for a few minutes.
"I'm gonna see you again, real soon." He set him down.
"Able, go pick out a book." I watched our son run down the hall toward his room.
"Ryley," Liam breathed and swiped his hand over his head. "Do you understand what I'm afraid of here? What if it's not me, Ry?"
I couldn't respond, I was fighting back tears of anger and embarrassment.
"You've always been the girl for me." He backed me against the wall and my palms slapped the drywall. "But you hurt me that day. You lied. Why'd you fucking do it? I need you to think long and hard why you did that behind my back. I already know the damn answer; you didn't think we'd make it. You didn't have the faith in me you should have. I know it's your body." He looked down and I felt his hand grip my hip. "But it was my baby. And I won't lie, I'm glad the mistake happened. All of it. I can tell you I'm the man you've always needed, but you have to actually believe it. And I just don't think you do." His hand fell from my hip and he pulled open the door. "Don't make this ugly, Ry. I just want to be a part of my son's life. Maybe one day you'll realize I was always the one that would have made sure you were taken care of. Until then." He shook his head no as he dropped it to look at the ground. "I can't let you hurt me like that again."
Wow. I expected him to be angry, but he didn't trust me at all. I knew what I wanted. What I always wanted. I wanted Liam. Liam didn't want to fight for me anymore, though.
"Okay.... Alright, Liam. I get it. Thanks for, uh... um, thanks for coming over tonight. Able had a blast," I stammered, holding back the tears that the man in front of me was so easy at pulling from me.
"We will talk, Ry. Soon."
I nodded, unable to speak. He walked out the door and got in his truck, not breaking my gaze until he pulled away. Once again Liam walked away from me, but that time I had more to look forward to than I did six years prior.
I spent the next few minutes staring out the window at the spot that Liam had just pulled away from. I still couldn't quite believe that he was back and I couldn't quite understand why I didn't do more about finding him all those years ago. God, that night he was so close, considering he had been halfway across the country for those last six years. Why didn't I say something? Why didn't I defend myself, defend my feelings? Of course I loved him. I'd always loved him, it had always been him. Just watching him with Able made me realize it should have been him from the start. I needed to make him realize it.
It was then; at about 10p.m. the same night that Liam left me, when I knew what I had to do. I had to take Able up to him. I had to show him I meant it when I said he was all there was for me, even if it meant uprooting everything I'd ever known to be with him. I was stupid to let him leave without telling him that. I had turned into such a passive girlfriend to Carl that I didn't fight for what I really believed in with Liam.
Grabbing my phone, I called the only people in town that would care about us leaving.
"Hello? Ryley? Everything alright?" My dad's worried voice came over the phone.
"Yeah, dad. Able seriously misses you and I was hoping to have some time to myself. Dinner with Liam kind of wore me out. Would you guys mind taking him tonight?" I didn't want to tell them we were leaving the next day yet. I wanted them to enjoy the time they had with him without being pissed at me.
"Oh. Honey, it's late, but... sure. Bring him on over. We love that little boy." I thanked him, packed an overnight bag for Able, and took him to his grandparents' house for possibly his last sleepover there.
After I got home, I texted Carl, breaking up with him and telling him we were leaving. Talk about double slap, but I didn't care. He had gotten rough with me too many times for me to care about his feelings. Packing the few bags we would need, I was ready to go by midnight. Falling asleep was hard, knowing that Liam was possibly still in the same town as I was, but not there with me. It didn't matter, though. What mattered was that we were finally getting out of there. I was getting my Liam back and Able was finally getting his daddy.
CHAPTER 11
LIAM
My body was shaking when I left. Walking away from her and my son was intense. It wasn't planned, and I especially didn't expect her to want to get back together. When Ryley tried to abort, I really thought it was because I wasn't the one for her and she didn't want that tie to me. As much as I wanted to be, I couldn't force it, and I spent years accepting it, making myself hate her so I could get over it. Now in one weekend I had to bury my Gram, find out I had a son, and rediscover my love for Ryley. It'd been an intense week with an amazing end and I stupidly walked away. I knew she felt stupid when I turned her down, and I didn't want to make her feel like that, but I meant it when I said she needed to figure out if it was me she wanted. She'd been with this Carl douche for however long, it was pretty apparent she hated the guy, and I couldn't understand how she settled like that. That was not the Ryley I knew.
I rubbed my face as I wander into the hotel room where Dana was laying in bed watching TV.
"Thanks for ditching me today," she grumbled.
"Get your shit. Let's go," I muttered, feeling my brain turn to mush because of the mixed emotions inside.
I wa
sn't romantic Liam anymore; I wasn't even sad Liam anymore. I'd become asshole Liam, impassive Liam. But in that moment my heart was fucking with my head.
"It's late, shouldn't we just stay the night? You've already paid for the room." She got out of the bed not wearing any clothes.
Asshole, impassive Liam needed to kick in and fuck the girl. I needed to fuck the thoughts of Ryley out of my head. I didn't want to let her get to me.
"Where were you?" She pulled my shirt over my head, but I was frozen, trying to react, but my body refused to reach for her.
"I have a son," I finally said and she halted, taking a step back. I couldn't look at her. Her blue eyes weren't the eyes I wanted to be staring into. "Able." I smirked. "Able Liam Porter." I scrubbed my face, letting out a chuckle and sigh from all the confusion. "And a woman," I accidentally said.
"What?" she snapped.
"Ryley." I smiled and looked at Dana, though I didn't see her. "Ryley Reynolds." I shook my head, unable to wipe the smirk off my face. That was until Dana slapped me.
I stumbled back, pressing my hand to the burn. My eyes focused again and saw she was frantically dressing.
"God, Liam!" she shrieked. "You really are a huge fucking asshole."
She completely misunderstood, and I could see how, but I really didn't care enough to explain right then.
I guess she made up her mind and we were leaving that night. It was just after midnight when we were on the road; she hadn't said two words to me since she called me a huge fucking asshole.
"I didn't know, Dana," I finally said. She shifted in the seat, turning her back to me. "I didn't know I had a son. When I left here almost six years ago.... I, just, didn't know. I found out this morning and his mom...." I didn't need to go on.
"Whatever, Liam. So what's this mean?"
"It means.…" I pulled my hand down my face. "I don't know."
What did it mean? I knew what I wanted it to mean, but could it actually happen? Could being together really happen? I pulled over at a gas station and filled up the truck.
"Need something?" I asked her.
"No," she grunted at me.
With a shake of my head, I sighed. She knew we weren't serious. Why the hell did I feel guilty? I'll tell you why. Ryley damn Reynolds always turned my world upside down... then she somehow always made things right. She always made me the romancer that I'd cursed about myself. I didn't care if Dana thought I was an asshole, but I also didn't want her to hurt. Why? I didn't fucking know. I didn't care about that shit a week prior.
We drove in silence for almost two hours. The turmoil going on inside my head was causing a huge headache. It could've also been the hangover I never properly took care of. I woke feeling like death then was slammed with a child, then got slammed with undoubtedly the love of my life telling me she wanted me back. I had a fuckin' life hangover.
I'd pulled over three more times, feeling jittery and like I was making a huge mistake. If I left, there was a chance I'd blow everything with Ryley. Could I really afford that? Could I afford to pass up happiness I'd wanted for so long? I was pissed I missed out on five years of Able's life, but it was both our faults, and I couldn't hate her for that.
I just kept thinking if the pills would have worked, she wouldn't have had my child. Then what? And that was what I didn't know. Then what?
I pulled over for the fourth time.
Who the fuck cared and then what? It was unchangeable, but what I was about to do wasn't.
"I have to go back."
"Did you forget something?" She actually sounded like she'd forgiven me.
"My family." I looked at her.
The sad look on her face sent frustration through me. I never wanted to hurt her, but I told her from day one not to get attached to where she would get hurt.
"That girl from the bar? The one you were being an asshole to."
I winced at the memory. "You don't understand."
"I'm not fucking stupid, Liam. We all understood. She aborted your child."
"But she didn't," I said quietly, unable to look at her. "Just, she has my son." I pushed my thumb and finger into my eyes for a minute before looking at her. "And I love her."
When her hand went to the side of my face, I flinched and she chuckled, rolling her eyes.
"I'm sorry for slapping you." She was still laughing, sounding really sorry. "Is she your girlfriend?"
"No. Not yet," I mumbled, remembering the look on Ry's face when I turned her down.
Fuck, that was so stupid. I should have stayed. I should have put my son to bed, read him a book, and been there to make breakfast. I should have shared Ryley's bed with her, her body, explored everything new about her fuller body and let her study everything new about mine. Fuck. I needed to go.
"Good, then you can buy me a plane ticket." She buckled up. "I didn't want some girlfriend giving me trouble because her boyfriend's going to buy me a plane ticket home."
I wasn't confused, I understood what she was saying, but I was staring at her like she wasn't speaking English.
"You want me to fuckin' walk to Wisconsin, Liam?" she boasted.
"No!" I laughed, dropping my head to the steering wheel, unable to stop the hysterical laughter. I was going to start my life finally. "I'll buy your ticket." At three in the morning, I quickly buckled and pulled a U-turn to get out of that parking lot and show up in enough time to make my family breakfast. "Pull it up on your phone." I wrestled my wallet out of my back pocket and almost threw it at her, but I caught myself and calmly handed it over.
The speed limit was seventy and I kept pushing ninety, but I was trying to keep it around eighty five. I needed flowers, fuck flowers, I needed a ring. If she meant what she said, she needed to mean it for life.
"I need a ring," I blurted at Dana. I didn't even look at her. I could see out of the corner of my eye she was gaping at me.
"A ring? What kind of ring?" Fuck, she sounded hurt.
"Nothing," I mumbled, shaking my head.
Dana was a friend, but I didn't expect her to help me find Ryley an engagement ring.
"You need to slow down." She was back to focusing on her phone.
"Sorry." I glanced at the speedometer telling me I almost hit one hundred.
"It's gonna be seven hundred and sixty five dollars." She looked at me; I nodded. "Or you could just turn around and we can go home."
I scowled at her and she sheepishly smiled.
"I'm kidding. I've never seen this much determination in you. If you didn't do this, I'd think you were an idiot." She opened my wallet. "Which card?"
"Gold, Visa."
It was going to take two hours to get back and my heart was a constant jackhammer. I needed to get back, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack before I made it.
"Okay." Dana tossed my wallet into my lap. "Can you at least take me to the airport?"
"You can't walk?" I gave her a cocky grin and she rolled her eyes.
"It wouldn't surprise me," she muttered, sliding down and resting her head on the window, closing her eyes.
There wasn't much for me to say to her. We had never really talked, just basic shit, but she didn't really know me. What I told her in that truck an hour prior was the most I'd ever told her about my life.
We were standing in the airport and I wanted to leave, but she had over an hour and I'd feel like a real dick if I just left her standing there.
"There's a jewelry store," Dana muttered, pointing across the airport. My eyes locked with hers and I froze. "I was just saying." She shrugged.
Did I want to buy Ry's ring in an airport jewelry store? I turned toward the gold lights of the store. It was a big name store so I'd be getting the same thing as if I went to a jewelry store in town.
"I'll be right back." I jogged over, and like a vulture, the brunette behind the counter was on me.
"What're you looking for today?"
"Engagement ring." I glanced at her then back to the cases.
"
Oh, great, what kind?"
What'd that mean?
"I.... I don't really know." The only jewelry I'd ever seen Ry wear was the bracelet we made and the one I bought her. "Big," I blurted. "No, not big," I quickly corrected. I didn't think she'd want something flashy. "Um, nice. Small, but not cheap. White gold. Maybe something more classic. Nothing like this." I pointed to a ring that was twisting with diamonds.
"Liam!" Dana called out, jogging over. "I need to go through security now." She threw her arms around me.
"Thanks, Dana," I hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry."
"Oh stop. I'm not stupid. I never expected anything." She kissed my cheek then smiled at the girl behind the counter.
When I looked back, the woman was grinning at me. "Is that the lucky lady?"
"No." I chuckled and brought my attention to the four rings she pulled out. It all felt so rushed, and I just randomly picked, but I needed a ring right that minute, I felt it in my heart.
Walking through the airport, I stopped into a flower shop and bought every damn daisy in the little store, making the florist tear apart other bouquets to make mine full.
I was nervous as hell because what if Ryley realized I was right. I wasn't right. I couldn't have been more wrong and I needed to make her believe that.
It was almost eight by the time I pulled into the parking lot of her rundown apartments. Even if she told me no, I was still going to make sure she took Gram's house because Able needed a house with a yard to grow up in. I would have much rather it been my house and yard in Wisconsin, but there was a chance she'd shoot me down. She couldn't.
I inhaled a few rapid breaths as I approached her door. My hands were trembling but I could do it. The second she opened the door I was going to get on one knee.
I lifted my hand and tried to stop the shaking, but it's useless. When I knocked, the door that wasn't latched slightly opened.
"Ryley?" I called out quiet enough not to disturb neighbors.
Why the hell wasn't the door closed? She couldn't be careless like that in that neighborhood.
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