Gretchen knew there wasn't much she could do to stop her if she was determined, but she had to bite her tongue to keep from arguing just on general principles. "What do you consider overboard?"
"We're not counting date money, are we?"
"I guess not," Gretchen conceded. "But I think the one who invites should pay."
"Deal. I suppose I could limit any other spending to not more than $100 a week."
Gretchen gasped. "A hundred dollars? Whoa! Let's try twenty."
"You can't even get a dozen long-stemmed roses for that," Carrie objected. "Fifty."
"I don't like roses," Gretchen said stubbornly. "Twenty-five."
"Thirty-five. That's only five dollars a day."
Gretchen punched her pillow in exasperation. "That's $150 a month, Carrie. It's too much."
"Thirty. And I get to roll over what I don't spend each week."
"Twenty-five and you can roll it around all you want."
"Fine," Carrie grunted. "But we get to renegotiate in December."
Gretchen knew what Carrie was thinking and she just had to give her a hard time. "January. Christmas will be a separate negotiation-if we're still speaking."
"I can live with that. If you ever want a job as a buyer, just let me know. You're tough."
"Only when I have to be," Gretchen smiled. "Do you need any more rules?"
"Can I kiss you?"
Gretchen wanted to scream yes. "You haven't even asked me out yet."
"Are your toenails dry?"
Gretchen laughed. "Nice try, Carrie."
"Okay. Next Sunday the Chamber of Commerce is having a fundraiser. They only sold a total of 100 tickets. It's semi-formal and they're holding it in the showroom of the Ford dealership out by the highway. My predecessor bought two tickets and I've inherited them. There'll be food and wine and after dinner they're raffling off donations from local businesses. As near as I can tell there's a better than even chance that one of us could win something. But before you consider it, I need you to understand that as pleasurable as it would be to spend some time with you, it's also an important business opportunity for the store. I need to start making contacts and arranging mutual favors with other business leaders. Part of why I'll be there is to mingle and introduce myself. If you don't want to go, I'll ask my assistant, but I'd rather share it with you."
Gretchen wasn't sure what to say. She had grown up trying to live up to the expectations of her father's social and political maneuvering. Her childhood was still a sore spot for her and she hadn't considered that being with Carrie would entail living on the periphery of that life. On the other hand; that Carrie was willing to turn her first such event in Edgewater into her own personal coming out intimated that she would be nothing like Gretchen's father. "Are you sure coming out so soon is in your best interest?"
"It's not about coming out," Carrie said. "Besides, we won't be the only lesbians there. The county librarian is going to be there with her girlfriend."
"I know Maureen and Shine. How do you know them?"
"I don't. I heard about them through the grapevine."
"If it's not about coming out, then why?"
Carrie sighed. "See now, it's just not fair that I always have to explain my fantasies to you. At some point you just have to let me arrange things so I can live them out without having to negotiate them first."
Gretchen was completely confused. "What fantasy? What are you talking about?"
"I want to see you in a dress," Carrie admitted with just a touch of chagrin. "I want to be so distracted at having you on my arm that I can't remember my name. I want to see the envy on their faces and know that if I'm lucky and treat you right that you might kiss me afterwards."
Gretchen remembered how Carrie had similarly disarmed her on the river over the bathing products and her skin seemed to dissolve from the inside out. "Well, since you put it that way…"
"How do you always know when I've got something in mind?"
"I don't. You just cave too easy. I think you like letting me know that you're fantasizing about me. Do I get to tell you what to wear?"
"When you ask me out, I'll wear anything you want."
"Promise?"
"My word of honor."
~***~
Chapter Nineteen
Gretchen's hands were steady, but her stomach was in chaos. Carrie would be arriving soon and her nerves were in complete disarray. She tried to ignore her unease and concentrated on the cosmetic highlights she was applying to her face. Satisfied with the results, she checked her dress in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door.
Gretchen had chosen a midnight blue cocktail dress that left most of her back bare; counting on her hair to keep her suitably modest. She enjoyed dressing up like this, but she usually only had to worry about pleasing her date. Tonight, Carrie would be judged by how she looked and acted. This was what had her in turmoil.
Until she had moved away from her family, all of Gretchen's life had been a reflection on the people around her. She had felt that it was her job as a child to make her parents look good and she couldn't shake the feeling that Carrie expected it of her, too. Resentment found a home in her temperament and she hung onto it as a way to protect her heart.
Tossing a coat over a chair next to the front door, Gretchen went to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She and Carrie had enjoyed several long midnight talks during the week. But, best of all had been seeing her at the store's free pumpkin painting booth at the fairgrounds on Halloween. Carrie had been dressed as a scarecrow and Gretchen had worn her high school cheerleading outfit. Aside from being taller now than she had been as a teenager, it had fit very well and Carrie had offered to find a football uniform if she ever wanted to make out behind the bleachers. The pumpkin she had painted that day, as well as the cheerful bouquet of flowers she had received at work the day before Halloween sat together on her dining table and she studied them fondly while she waited.
The doorbell brought a flutter of nerves and she put her cup in the sink before going to the front door. She looked through the peephole and saw Carrie dressed in dark slacks, a creamy satin blouse and a classy brown leather jacket. Gretchen couldn't remember if she had ever seen a woman look so aggressively butch and suggestively femme at the same time. Taking a deep breath, she shook her hair back and opened the door.
Carrie's eyes opened wide as they looked her over. "Holy cow," she said reverently.
Gretchen blushed with guilty pleasure. "Was this what you had in mind?"
"No," Carrie blurted. "I hoped, but this…? You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
Gretchen's doubt and resentment about the night ahead flared up. "Good. I didn't want to make you look bad in front of the people at the fundraiser." The tone of her voice didn't come out as casual as she had hoped and Carrie's head pulled back. She felt petty now and spoke quickly to try to take some of the sting out of her words. "You look incredible. Very sexy."
"I'm glad you think so," Carrie said ambiguously. "I'm not too butch?"
"No," Gretchen said softly. "You look just right." She handed her coat to Carrie and eased her arms into it. With a final pat on Rupert's head she locked the door and let Carrie hand her into the car. She stared quietly out the window as Carrie drove, completely comfortable with her driving skills.
"Are you okay?" Carrie asked into the silence.
"Sure," Gretchen nodded.
Carrie glanced at her uncertainly. "Would you tell me if you weren't? Because I kind of get the feeling that something's not right."
Gretchen shook her head with a forced smile and stared back out the window. "I'm fine." Several blocks passed and Carrie suddenly pulled into a parking lot and shut off the engine. "What…?"
"Tell me what's wrong."
Gretchen sighed in frustration and pushed her hair behind one ear. She just wanted to get there, get it over with and get on with her life. She didn't want to talk about it because she suspected she was being silly. Plus, she kne
w that once she got there she would probably enjoy herself whether she intended to or not. "Nothing's wrong, Carrie."
"Are you worried what those people will think of you? Trust me when I tell you that you've got nothing to worry about."
"That's not it…"
"So it is something," Carrie said. "I can tell by looking at your face that you aren't happy, Gretchen."
"You can not," Gretchen objected.
"Can so. You might as well tell me now because I intend to stay here until you do."
Gretchen stubbornly set her jaw and stared into Carrie's eyes. Several minutes passed in silence and she began to think that Carrie would never bend. With a slow, deep breath, Gretchen gave up. "I grew up as an ornament on the family tree. I don't want to be your ornament, too."
Carrie's mouth fell open and her shoulders slumped.
"I know I'm probably being stupid," Gretchen continued. "It's just a fundraiser, but I worked hard to get away from the kind of life where I had to be concerned about living up to the expectations of strangers and people I don't respect. If a life with you means that I have to be the proper, politically correct wife at endless social functions, then I need to know now."
Carrie looked horrified. "You think I want you to be a…a decoration to make myself look good?"
"Don't you?"
Carrie buried her face in her hands with a groan. "No. How could I have made such a mess of things?" She turned in her seat so she could face Gretchen. "I wanted to impress you with the kind of life I could offer you. I didn't want you to think being with me would be a life on the edge of obscurity. I know you grew up in the Country Club set. Well, I grew up in the Bowling Alley set and I was afraid that you would be disappointed. I only wanted to show you that we could have whatever kind of life you want. Being with me doesn't necessarily mean you would be settling for less than you're used to."
Gretchen's resentment began to thaw. "You're right. I had the Country Club life. I hated it and I hated the people who made me live it. I looked at the Bowling Alley set with envy. Important people just make me mad because they can't see value beyond their own tightly protected egos. I thought you invited me so that you could use me to impress those people. I know that sounds vain on my part, but…"
"You will impress them," Carrie interrupted, "but that's not why I asked you to go with me. I don't care if they're impressed or not. All I care about is getting to spend time with you and I thought that this was something that you would enjoy doing. In fact, we don't have to go. We can do anything you want. Just let me spend some time with you. Please?"
Gretchen's doubts disappeared like smoke in a high wind. The car's interior suddenly seemed close and intimate and she was struck once again at how sexy Carrie looked. "If someone is obnoxious or stupid, can I say what I really think?"
"Of course you can. Why would you think you couldn't?"
"Do I have to dance with old fat guys?"
"No old fat guys. Or young skinny guys. In fact, no guys at all."
"Can I pig out on the food?"
Carrie laughed. "We'll just drag our chairs right up to the buffet and scandalize the whole damn town."
Gretchen smiled. "Okay. Let's go."
~***~
Chapter Twenty
Watching Carrie as she moved from one introduction to another was fascinating. She didn't wait for people to come to her; she sought them out. Gretchen was impressed at her aggressive warmth and how it disarmed people. Carrie seemed to think it was obvious she was gay and that everyone already knew. Those who might have objected acted as though it was too late for them to have a problem with it. The first time someone's face expressed displeasure at Carrie's introduction of Gretchen as her date, Carrie had merely said, "When life hands you lemons…" and shrugged as though it were all beyond her control. Several minutes later the older gentleman was acting as though Carrie's sexuality was his own idea. Gretchen wasn't sure how it had happened, but it was impressive.
At one point Gretchen took two glasses of wine from a passing waiter and handed one to Carrie. She almost choked on her own when Carrie's hand found her bare back and lingered softly along her spine. The arousal on Carrie's face was breathtaking and it took all of Gretchen's willpower to keep from kissing her. "Don't look at me like that," she whispered.
"Like what?" Carrie whispered back.
"Like you're two seconds away from…from making love to me."
"But, I am."
Gretchen's breasts were aching to be touched and she couldn't get enough air in her lungs. The temptation to place Carrie's hands where she wanted them was almost too much to bear. She looked around the room for a hidden corner in which to at least kiss her, but didn't see one. She did, however, see Maureen and Shine heading straight for them. She didn't know either woman very well, but they had met on several occasions and she was anxious for Carrie to meet them.
"There are some women I want you to meet," she whispered to Carrie. "But as soon as I find a place for us to be alone, I'm going to kiss you."
Carrie's hand slid up under her hair and rubbed her back in soft slow circles. "I'll keep my eyes out for a likely spot."
Hello, Gretchen!"
She turned with a smile. "Hi, Shine. Maureen-it's always nice to see you."
"I can't tell you what a relief it is to not be the only gay couple here tonight," Maureen grinned. "Sometimes the only thing that keeps me coming to these events is knowing that it's more distressing for them than it is for me."
Carrie laughed and Gretchen hugged her arm possessively. "Allow me to introduce my date. This is Carrie Griffith. She's the new manager at Larry's Food Mart. Carrie, this is Maureen Baird-the County Librarian-and Shine Avery. She's a disc jockey at Magic 95."
Carrie shook hands with both women, but lingered at Shine. "If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who voices our commercials."
"I am," Shine admitted.
"I'd like to get together with you sometime and discuss some ideas about an advertising scheme I'm rolling around in my head."
"Good, because I've got to tell you-I'm pretty sick of what we're running now."
Gretchen caught Maureen's eye and grinned. Maureen smiled back with understanding and slipped her arm around Shine's waist. "I've been hearing good things about your booth at the Halloween fair," she said to Carrie. "Very clever. The children liked it, but the parents-especially the mothers-were very impressed."
Carrie's intent gaze belied the grin she wore and Gretchen knew she was focused entirely on business. "Really? What are they saying?"
"They know it was an advertising gimmick, but they liked that there was at least one activity available for their children that didn't cost them an arm and a leg. I think you'll find that a lot of them will visit your store just to show their appreciation."
"Excellent," Carrie said. "We've been hearing good things at the store as well. I'm working on ideas for Christmas and if that goes well, perhaps we can do something for Easter and the Fourth of July."
Shine spoke up. "Maybe we could do a live remote on the air for the Christmas booth. I'll talk to the General Manager and see what I can arrange."
Carrie nodded happily. "That would be great."
Gretchen noticed that the buffet line was forming and her stomach growled. The other women looked at her and she grinned. "I'm hungry. What can I say?"
They joined the line as a group and visited while they waited. Filling their plates from the large variety of foods, Shine found a small table where they could sit together. Carrie took off her jacket and hung it on her chair before sitting down and Gretchen wanted to rub herself all over the satin shirt she wore. Sliding her chair a little closer, she put her hand on Carrie's thigh.
Halfway through dinner, the emcee stood up and began talking. Gretchen used his distraction to pull Carrie's chair a little closer so she could run her hand over the slender shoulders. She could just feel the scar on Carrie's back through the thin blouse and she slowly stroked it with her fingers. Igno
ring the speech he gave about community activities and goals and the list of businesses that donated the evening's prizes, Gretchen focused on the pleasure she felt in just being close to Carrie. That she wanted Carrie sexually was no longer an idea she fought against. That she loved her was harder to accept, but she knew it was true.
Gretchen's primary fear was still that what she felt would turn out to be an illusion or, a few months down the road, Carrie would change her mind about her feelings for Gretchen. Knowing it wasn't fair to deliberately entice Carrie when she didn't intend to follow through, she reluctantly stilled her fingers, then pulled them back to her lap. She tried to smile when Carrie looked at her curiously.
Hearts Renewed Page 15