Carrie half rose from her chair and moved it right next to Gretchen. Sitting back down, she put her arm around her shoulders and leaned in to whisper. "Why did you stop?"
Gretchen could smell her clean scent. "I don't want to be a tease."
"Even if I enjoy it?" Reaching into her slacks, Carrie pulled out their ticket stubs and held them up. "Choose one."
Gretchen picked one at random, a little disconcerted at the abrupt change in conversation. "What's this for?"
"They're starting the drawings. If you win something it's yours to keep."
Maureen was the first of their group to win a prize. She came back to the table with a pewter-edged crystal serving platter and seemed very pleased. Gretchen could see why. It was a beautiful piece.
Gretchen's number was one of the last to be called and she jumped up in excitement. Her prize was in an envelope and as she accepted it, the emcee informed the crowd that she had just won a dawn ride for two in a hot air balloon. Gretchen's adrenaline level went through the roof. Thanking everyone on the makeshift stage, she all but skipped back to Carrie's side. "Did you hear that? I won a balloon ride! You'll come with me, won't you?"
Carrie smiled. "If you want me to."
Gretchen hugged her impulsively and sat down. Holding out the envelope, she showed it to Shine and Maureen. "A balloon ride!"
Shine laughed. "You'll love it, but make sure you dress warm. It gets really cold up there. Especially this time of year."
"You've been up in one?"
"Many times," Shine said with a fond smile. "I've even bungee jumped and parachuted out of them."
"I am not jumping out of it," Carrie said firmly.
Gretchen glanced at Carrie before explaining to the other women. "She had a bad experience with parachuting as a child."
"Someone took a child parachuting?" Maureen asked in horror.
"Not exactly," Carrie grimaced.
Gretchen sat back and let her hand trail over Carrie's thigh as she recounted her adventure for them.
~***~
Chapter Twenty-one
"I like them," Carrie said on the way back to Gretchen's house. "If I invite them to have dinner with us sometime, would that be okay with you?"
"Sure." Gretchen was just drunk enough to feel good without being at all out of control. Carrie had only had one glass of wine early on in the evening so that she could drive and Gretchen watched her capable hands on the steering wheel. She had yet to see a ring on one of those fingers and wondered if Carrie ever wore one.
"I'm glad you won something," Carrie said into the silence. "Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, I did."
"I didn't ignore you too much?"
Gretchen lay her head back against the seat and studied Carrie's profile. "Not at all."
"Did I ever make you feel like a trophy?"
"You made me feel beautiful," Gretchen said in a soft voice. "When can I kiss you?"
Carrie's hands tightened on the steering wheel and she coughed. "I thought I should at least get you home first."
She could see a pulse in Carrie's throat and knew from the intensity with which she watched the road that she was scared and excited all at once. For some reason, this made Gretchen feel even calmer and more in control. "Pull over, Carrie. I don't want to wait that long."
Carrie obediently guided the car to the curb and turned off the motor. "I remember the last time we did this," she said with a shaky voice.
Gretchen released her seat belt and reached for Carrie. "So do I." Their lips met tentatively and she buried a hand in dark hair to hold their mouths together. It seemed only a few moments and they were kissing deeply: lips slipping wetly and tongues delving in a sensuous dance. Desire grabbed Gretchen by the throat and shook her roughly. She strained to be closer, but the agony of need in her chest and throat were inescapable and she whimpered into the hungry mouth that was laying claim to her very soul.
They pulled away from each other simultaneously and Gretchen could see the desire she felt mirrored in Carrie's eyes. "I'm sorry," she blurted out.
"Don't be," Carrie gasped. "Don't ever be sorry about this. It's magnificent."
Gretchen cautiously put a trembling hand on Carrie's arm. "No. I'm just sorry we have to stop."
Carrie managed a weak smile. "I'm not. But we should go."
The ache of unrelieved passion only sharpened as Carrie drove her home. Her hands were still shaking as she tried to unlock her front door and Carrie finally took pity on her and did it for her. With her hands free, Gretchen slid a hand underneath the leather jacket and rubbed Carrie's back. "I'm sorry," she repeated.
Carrie left the keys in the door and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm glad we still have these feelings for each other," she whispered. "I was terrified that the magic would be gone. Please don't apologize to me."
"I don't want you to hurt."
Carrie's hands were in her hair and her breath was tickling Gretchen's ear. "It hurts good."
The words sounded like a dare to Gretchen and she arched into Carrie's lean body. Pulling at the back of the satin shirt she slipped her hands inside and ran her hands up the delicate flesh of her back. Carrie groaned and captured her mouth for a turbulent kiss, then grasped her hands and forced her to stop.
"Are you okay?" Carrie rasped.
Gretchen nodded, not at all sure that it was true. Her hands itched to touch Carrie and her breasts and groin were throbbing. If not for Carrie holding her hands firmly she would have torn someone's clothes off-her own if Carrie were uncooperative.
Carrie shook her head slowly. "You want me. I can see it. Can you see how much I want you, too?" Gretchen nodded again, sure this time. Her hands were pinned at her sides as Carrie moved in to kiss her throat. "We could make love tonight, but you would regret it in the morning. I couldn't live with that, Gretchen."
She knew that Carrie was right and that when her body cooled she would be grateful for her strength in this moment, but the agony of it brought tears to her eyes. "When can I see you again?"
"Whenever you want. Just crook your finger and I'll come running."
Gretchen lay her head on Carrie's shoulder and willed herself to relax. Her hands were gradually released and she loosely circled them around Carrie's waist. Their bodies began to sway and a feeling of utter contentment filled her. "I could do this all night," she murmured.
"What would your neighbors say?"
Gretchen had lived in the same house the entire time she had lived in Edgewater. She thought back and couldn't remember a single time she had kissed a woman goodnight on her porch. Aside from the occasional struggle to get the door open, all of the sexual and emotional intimacy she had engaged in had been inside the house. It made her sad to think that all her neighbors had ever seen had been the arguing and the heartbreak at the end of her relationships. Recalling the number of women she had allowed inside, she felt like a tramp for the first time in her life. "I've been with a lot of women," she said with shame, "but the neighbors have never seen this before. No one has ever kissed me goodnight and gone home."
Carrie's arms tightened. "I don't care how many there were before me," she said with quiet sincerity. "I only care that I'm the last."
With just those few words, Gretchen felt absolved. "Do you mean that?"
"Absolutely. Promise me one thing though? When we're old and gray and we can't make love anymore for fear of breaking a hip, you'll tell me all about them? That way I can feel like I didn't miss anything."
Gretchen started to giggle. Grabbing the lapels of Carrie's jacket, she held her close for one last sweet kiss before releasing her. "You'd better go now."
Carrie bounced down the steps and walked backwards across the lawn with a broad smile, her hands clasped over her heart. "You are more beautiful to me than any jewel. More lovely even than the moon. More dear to my heart than baby bunnies."
"Tell me more," Gretchen pleaded dramatically.
Carrie flung her arms out. "Your ki
sses are like water in the desert."
Gretchen giggled again. "Hot and gritty?"
"That, too," Carrie shrugged expressively, "but I was thinking precious and life giving." She stepped off the curb unawares and fell back against her car without taking her eyes from Gretchen. Sidestepping, she backed around the car to the driver's door as she continued. "My heart beats to the rhythm of your name and your touch is like lightning and summer sunlight on my skin."
"You're crazy," Gretchen said with immense tenderness.
"Crazy in love with you," Carrie said softly. "Sleep well and wake happy, my beloved."
Gretchen blew her a kiss as she got into her car and drove away. Cinching her coat against the cold, she opened the door and let Rupert out. Reluctant to let the moment be over, she sat on the top step and gave Rupert kisses for being good. He quickly lost interest in her and began checking the front yard for information and intruders.
Hugging herself to stay warm, Gretchen replayed the last fifteen minutes of her life in wonder at the variety of emotions Carrie had evoked in her. She had traveled from the edge of orgasm to the brink of despair and languished in complete serenity. How Carrie had taken her from such intense sexual fervor through laughter to the calm acceptance she now felt was a mystery in itself. And her delightful parting words were so charming not because of what she had actually said, but that she was willing to risk looking foolish to give Gretchen pleasure. She was glad now that they had not made love because sexual satisfaction couldn't compare to the way she felt right at that moment. Calling Rupert from his explorations, Gretchen went inside and closed the door.
~***~
Chapter Twenty-two
Feeling as though she and Janelle had not talked in almost two weeks, she invited her to dinner on Thursday night. True, they worked side by side five days a week, but they hadn't really talked. She wasn't sure if she had been shutting Janelle out or if her best friend had just been giving her some space. Whatever the reason, Gretchen intended to change that over spaghetti. She had time to start dinner while Janelle went home to change and was setting the table when she arrived.
"That's quite a centerpiece you've got there," Janelle said.
Gretchen had been receiving a steady stream of flowers all week. Every day was a different flower and the bouquets were small so she knew that Carrie was staying within their budget. She had been bringing them home from work and now had a cluster of them on her kitchen table. "Carrie is trying to figure out what my favorite flower is."
"I thought you liked roses."
"They're all right," Gretchen shrugged. "But I prefer flowers with a little more creativity. Roses are so obvious."
Janelle sat down at the table. "That's funny. I was sure that you liked roses."
"That's all anyone ever gave me," Gretchen pointed out. "What would you like to drink?"
"Whatever you're having." Janelle reached out and picked up the small teddy bear amongst the flowers. "So, what is your favorite flower?"
"Promise me you won't tell Carrie?"
"Of course."
Gretchen put two wineglasses on the table and pulled a bottle of red wine from the wine rack. Pointing at the centerpiece she said, "Those purple irises are my favorite, but I don't want her to know that. I don't want her to only ever send me just one kind of flower. I'd rather have a small mixed bouquet than a house full of only one kind of flower." Handing the wine and a corkscrew to Janelle, Gretchen turned to stir the spaghetti sauce. "It's driving her crazy that I won't tell her which one is my favorite."
The cork came out of the wine bottle with a sucking pop. "What kind of flowers are you sending her?"
Gretchen cringed inwardly. "I haven't."
"Why not?"
"I did buy her something," she said defensively, "but I'm afraid to give it to her."
"What is it?" Janelle asked as she poured the wine.
Gretchen went to the bedroom and came back with the bracelet she had purchased on Tuesday evening. Handing the slim box to Janelle she began adding noodles to the boiling water.
"Wow," Janelle breathed. "This is beautiful. It's Topaz, isn't it?"
"They're the same color as her eyes," Gretchen pointed out. "I was just passing by and it caught my eye. I had to buy it, but now I'm not so sure."
"What's the problem? Why haven't you given it to her?"
"I haven't noticed that she wears any jewelry and I'm afraid she won't really want it. Also, we agreed on a budget for this sort of thing and it'll be weeks before I can justify it."
"Just give it to her, Gretchen. How could she not love this? It's gorgeous."
"I'm afraid that she'll feel obligated to buy me something just as expensive."
Janelle's eyes were huge. "And you'd have a problem with that? Are you feeling okay?"
Gretchen sat down at the table and picked up her glass. "Giving jewelry to women is a risky proposition, Janelle."
"It's not a ring, Gretchen. You're not making a commitment here."
"But that's what she wants."
Janelle studied her carefully. "You wouldn't be so afraid of it if you didn't want it, too."
"Perhaps," she responded vaguely. Uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed she automatically changed direction. "Did you ever go to see Jerry?"
"Who?"
Gretchen almost laughed at the obviousness of Janelle's evasion. "Butcher boy?"
"Oh, him." Janelle sighed. "He's not so bad, I guess. Have you seen him?"
"I don't recall," Gretchen admitted. "They all look the same to me."
"Who?"
"Men."
"They do not," Janelle objected.
"It's a lesbian thing," Gretchen said airily. "You wouldn't understand."
Janelle rolled her eyes. "You are so full of it."
Gretchen made Janelle call a cab after dinner and promised to pick her up early in the morning so she could have her car back. After hugging her goodbye she went back to the kitchen and cleaned up. It was late and she knew Carrie would be calling soon so she curled up in bed with the bracelet and waited for the phone to ring. The bracelet begged to be given and she knew it was only a matter of time. In truth, she couldn't wait.
She picked up the phone on the first ring. "Hey, gorgeous."
"Maybe I should have called sooner," Rachel laughed.
"Rachel?" Gretchen covered her eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
"Obviously!"
Rachel's call suddenly clicked in her head and Gretchen sat straight up in bed. "Oh, my God! I forgot group!"
"No one who needs it ever forgets," Rachel laughed with genuine amusement. "I only called to make sure you were okay."
Gretchen fell back on the bed. "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I meant to come. I really did. I wanted to say goodbye to everyone."
"I told them you probably weren't coming back. They talked about it and decided that it was best this way and asked me to convey their good wishes. Besides, we had three new members tonight and I'm not sure you would have had a place to sit."
"Still," Gretchen objected guiltily, "it wasn't my intention to just drop out like that."
"Get over it," Rachel laughed. "Tell me: whom were you expecting to call?"
Gretchen's face grew warm. "She's here."
"Who? The woman from the camping trip?"
"Her name is Carrie. She moved here."
"Just like that?"
Gretchen smiled. "Just like that. She contacted me the day after I talked to you last. She's got a good job and a place to live and she swears she's here to stay."
"How do you feel about that?"
"Terrified and excited all at once."
"Well, I'll be."
"I'm trying to be cautious," Gretchen admitted, "but it's hard. It's almost impossible to think past the pull I feel for her."
"Congratulations are in order then. I'm happy for you, Gretchen. You deserve to be happy. I hope things work out between the two of you."
"Thanks." Their last talk popped into her head. "How are things with Kirsten?"
"Well, like you I'm trying to be cautious. She has an appointment with the doctor you told me about in a few weeks and she's having a hard time keeping her hopes reasonable, but she seems to be more alive lately. There is a support group, but she has to see the doctor first and get a referral to it. I think she's looking forward to that almost more than anything. She doesn't feel so alone anymore."
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