Hearts Renewed

by Tannya Gibson

  "Have you told her how you feel about her?"

  "Not in so many words, but I think she's finally aware of it. By the way, she asked me to tell you that regardless of what happens with the doctor, she's grateful for your help. So am I."

  "I'm surprised you told her that you talked to me."

  "I love her, Gretchen. For there to be any hope at all, I had to tell her."

  Gretchen felt foolish. "I'll never discuss it with another person, Rachel. Tell her that?"

  "She came to that conclusion on her own, but I will."

  "You know, I usually have a little Christmas party every year. I haven't set a date yet, but I'd love it if the two of you would come."

  "Really? That would be great."

  "I'll call you when I've got a date for it."

  "I look forward to it. It's unusual for former group members to become friends, but I'd really like it if we could stay in touch."

  "Consider it done," Gretchen said fondly.

  "Well, I should let you go. I'd hate to make you miss Carrie's call."

  "Thanks, Rachel."

  She barely had time to process Rachel's call when the phone rang a second time. Feeling lucky, she tried again. "Hey, gorgeous."

  "Hey, beautiful. How was your day?"

  "Good." Life made sense again. "Did you miss me?"

  "I never realized before that missing someone could be a physical sensation."

  Gretchen's heart cramped painfully. "You poor thing. I feel that way, too, but I'd rather it be me feeling it than you."

  "I want to see you more often. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day. Is that possible?"

  Her heart melted. "Can I come see you at work tomorrow on my lunch?"

  "Of course. You've been avoiding the store, haven't you?"

  "Yes," Gretchen admitted.

  "Why?"

  "I didn't want to interfere with your job and it's too hard to be that close and feel like I have to see you."

  "I should have made this clearer," Carrie sighed. "I want you to come to the store. Shop wherever you like, but please! Come see me every chance you get."

  "Really?"

  Carrie gave her specific instructions on how to find her office. "When you come tomorrow, I'll have a visitor tag waiting for you at the customer service desk. In time, my employees will recognize you and you won't have any trouble. I'll also arrange for you to get my discount when you shop…"

  "Wait…!"

  "No," Carrie said firmly. "It's a done deal. I can give you my discount if I want."

  Gretchen wasn't sure what to say. A discount would be nice, but it seemed like too much. She didn't want to feel indebted.

  "If it really makes you uncomfortable," Carrie offered, "you can fix me dinner now and then. That way the discount is for the food I eat."

  "I don't have anything comparable to give to you."

  "The discount doesn't come out my pocket, Gretchen. It's just a courtesy from the store and it doesn't require any reciprocation on your part. Besides, I've got security mirrors for windows and I can see the whole store. I can sit up there in my office and watch you while you shop. It will drive me insane with want for you."

  "How come whenever you want to give me something, or do something for me, you've always got selfish motives to justify it?"

  "Call it a character flaw."

  Gretchen held up the bracelet and decided to give it to Carrie when she saw her the next day. "I accept. On one condition."

  "Uh oh."

  She smiled. "I want to give you something and you can't bring up our money agreement."

  "What did you get me?"

  "You'll see."

  ~***~

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Carrie's door was partially open and Gretchen stepped inside quickly in hopes that she would catch her unawares. Carrie looked up from her desk and Gretchen was surprised. "I didn't know you wore glasses."

  Carrie took them off and dropped them carelessly on her paperwork. "Only for reading." She stood up with a smile. "I feel like jumping around like a little kid. You look so good."

  Gretchen feigned doubt. "Can you even see me?"

  Carrie squinted back. "I see you just fine. Come here." She held her arms open and Gretchen all but flung herself into them. "How long can you stay?" Carrie asked.

  Gretchen held her watch up behind Carrie's back. "Thirty-five minutes." Adjusting her arms to hold the slim body more firmly, Gretchen settled in and let Carrie's presence fill her up. "We definitely need to do this more often."

  "Did you come with Janelle?"

  Gretchen shook her head. "She had errands to run."

  "Errands?"

  Carrie's tone was curious and Gretchen leaned back to see her face. She followed Carrie's eyes out the windows. "What are you looking at?"

  Carrie stepped closer to the dark glass and pointed to the tables clustered near the deli. "She's right there."

  Gretchen spotted her at a table with a red headed man. "Is that Jerry?"

  "Yes. It's his day off today, so that looks like a date to me. She's been in here every day for the last two weeks talking to him. Didn't she tell you?"

  "No." Gretchen's evil twin emerged. "Her life is about to get very interesting."

  "Be nice," Carrie laughed. "Does she know you're here?"

  "I doubt it."

  Carrie closed the office door and Gretchen suppressed a shudder of anticipation when she heard the lock engage. The arms that came around her from behind took her mind off her plans for Janelle. Leaning back, she turned her face up and closed her eyes as Carrie kissed her. The phone was an unwelcome distraction. "Don't go away," Carrie whispered to her.

  Gretchen sat down on the old love seat under the one-way mirrors and watched her as she spoke to someone named Greg. It sounded as if Greg were calling in sick and from Carrie's words on the subject it was obvious that Greg was sick often and not likely to return unscathed. She smiled as Carrie hung up. "You're sexy when you boss people around."

  Carrie stifled a grin and dropped down next to her. "I'd be more than happy to boss you around any time you like."

  Gretchen laughed as she snuggled closer. "You're welcome to try. This little couch is cozy. Your idea?"

  "No. I think it's been here longer than either of us has been alive. So, where's my present? I'm dying of curiosity."

  Gretchen prayed that she was doing the right thing, but there was one more thing she just had to know before she could hand it over. "Um…Do you consider yourself to be butch or femme?"

  "Definitely both. Why?"

  "Just making sure." She reached into her purse and pulled out the jeweler's box. Placing it in Carrie's open hand she explained, "I didn't go looking for this. I was just walking by and it screamed your name."

  "What is it?"

  "Open it," Gretchen urged.

  Carrie lifted the lid and sighed. "Oh, Gretchen. It's lovely."

  "The stones match your eyes," Gretchen pointed out.

  Carrie's slender fingers gently lifted the gold bracelet from its bed and held it up to the light. "It's beautiful, baby." She clutched it to her chest and leaned over to kiss her.

  Gretchen could see that she was on the verge of tears and could not have asked for a response more satisfying. "I've never seen you wear jewelry. You don't have to wear it if you…"

  "Of course, I'll wear it! Here, put it on me?"

  Gretchen took the bracelet and fastened it around Carrie's left wrist. "If you like jewelry, why don't you wear it?"

  Carrie held her hand out, shaking the bracelet and admiring the way it looked on her arm. "I have a strange relationship with accessories. It never occurs to me to buy myself rings and such. When I do have them I usually forget to put them on. At the moment I don't own any jewelry. When I left Tracey I left her all the jewelry I had. She was the one who bought it for me and I didn't want any of it because I associated it all with her. Like you and this bracelet. Every time I look at it or wear it, I'll think a
bout you. I didn't want to think about Tracey anymore."

  "So, if I bought you jewelry you would wear it?"

  Carrie looked at her with amusement. "Yes, I would wear it, but if you buy me anything else I'm going to consider our agreement about money as void."

  Gretchen smiled. She had the information she needed. "I'm glad you like it."

  Carrie scooted down on the couch and fit herself under Gretchen's arm. "Thank you, Gretchen. I love it."

  Gretchen smiled into her hair. Carrie was still admiring her wrist and Gretchen slid her fingers over the delicate forearm in a deliberately sensual caress. "Are you free tomorrow night?" Carrie nodded against her shoulder. "I would love to cook dinner for you." Carrie tilted her head back and Gretchen thrilled at the vulnerability she saw in the golden eyes.

  "Sounds wonderful."

  Gretchen brushed her fingers over Carrie's long throat. "Is tomorrow night okay for you?"

  Carrie hummed in response.

  ~***~

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Gretchen slid the chicken casserole into the oven. The salad was already made and chilling in the refrigerator next to a nice bottle of white wine. She had a fresh loaf of french bread that she would prepare later and dessert was a store bought apple pie she would heat after dinner and serve with vanilla ice cream. With the casserole in the oven she now had nearly an hour to take a shower and get dressed before Carrie would arrive.

  "Thank God I took the afternoon off," she murmured to herself. Gretchen was not a messy person, but she had spent most of the afternoon cleaning her house. She wanted everything to be perfect.

  Carrie knew that Gretchen wasn't perfect, of course, but Gretchen wanted to impress her. In a way, it was like they were just starting to date. Maybe they were doing everything backwards (and Gretchen was by no means ready to really move forward), but this was an important step. Inviting a woman home for dinner carried a certain intimacy with it. Carrie would see how Gretchen lived. The way a person decorated their living space said a lot about who a person was. Gretchen was inviting Carrie to see that part of herself and she was a little nervous about it. She wanted Carrie to like what she saw and feel at home in her space. Gretchen knew from experience that you could be comfortable with a person and feel completely out of place in their home. If she and Carrie had any chance at all of someday being together, they had to be comfortable in a home together. Not being comfortable in each others homes would not be a good sign.

  Gretchen still wasn't sure what she was going to wear and she went straight to her closet to figure it out. Rupert padded into the room behind her and jumped up onto the bed to watch. Settling down with his chin resting on his paws at the edge of the bed, he watched as Gretchen rifled through her clothes.

  It took a while, but Gretchen finally settled on a casual pair of tan slacks and a cream colored sweater. It was nice, but not too dressy; casual, but not a slouch-around-the-house outfit. She would wear a comfortable pair of sandals with it.

  With that decided, Gretchen headed for the shower. She was rinsing the conditioner out of her hair when the smoke alarm went off and Rupert began to bark.

  ~***~

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Carrie had gone home early to change clothes. Her work clothes were comfortable for the most part, but Gretchen had suggested that she wear something casual. Exchanging her slacks and blazer for blue jeans and a white T-shirt, she had stopped at a florist's and picked up a handful of poppies. Except for Gretchen's statement that she didn't like roses, she was still trying to figure out what the younger blonde did like. So far, all of her gifts of flowers had elicited the same enthusiastic response. Maybe she could ask Janelle which flowers were Gretchen's favorites. They were best friends, after all. Janelle should know something like that.

  Turning onto Gretchen's street, she saw right away that Gretchen's front door was open and some grey smoke was wafting out. There was no way she could prevent the panic she felt. Throwing her car into park and yanking out the keys, she ran up the walk, the sound of a smoke alarm getting louder.

  Running through the open door, she almost yelled out, but then she saw Gretchen across the room hitting the smoke alarm with a broom. The woman she loved had a towel wrapped around herself, but with her arms up in the air, it rode up and showed just enough of that perfect ass that Carrie had to smile. Gretchen had obviously been in the shower. Her hair was still sopping wet and she had soap down one leg. It was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen.

  From the smell and the lack of the dense smoke that usually accompanied a serious threat, Carrie deduced that dinner was toasted. There wasn't much she could do about that, but she could help with that piercing noise. Walking up behind Gretchen, she placed a hand on a naked shoulder. "Can I help with that?"

  Gretchen jerked around in surprise, one hand going to stop her towel from falling off. "Oh, shit."

  Carrie smiled at the shocked look and reached up to pull the cover off of the alarm. She pulled the battery out and the sound stopped. "That's better. Are you all right?"

  Gretchen's face crumpled and big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. "I can't believe this. I just can't." She turned and walked into the kitchen.

  It was funny, but at the same time, Carrie understood how Gretchen must feel. She followed and found Gretchen standing over an open oven still smoking and burned food on the floor.

  "I set the oven to preheat," Gretchen said with a dull voice. "I must have forgotten to turn it down."

  Carrie put an arm around Gretchen's shoulders for comfort. "What was it?"

  "Chicken casserole with asparagus tips and mushrooms on rice."

  "It sounds really good. I'm not starving, you know. I can wait to eat for a while. Can we make more?"

  Gretchen wiped at her face with the back of one hand. "That's not the point. I wanted everything to be perfect and now it's ruined. I burned dinner and the house smells like smoke. I'm not even dressed."

  "I don't mind that part at all."

  Gretchen sighed and moved out from under Carrie's arm. "You can't make me feel better. Maybe we should do this another night."

  The despondency of Gretchen's voice and demeanor made Carrie frown. "We can if you want to, but I really want to stay. I'll help you clean up and we'll make more. Or we'll eat something else. This is not a big deal to me. Why don't you go ahead and get dressed and I'll do something with this. Okay?"

  "You don't have to clean this up, Carrie. I can do it."

  She watched as Gretchen turned to pick up a roll of paper towels. If she didn't do something right now, she was afraid that Gretchen would make her leave and things would never be made right. Carrie stepped around the mess and took Gretchen's face in her hands. She saw the tear tracks and that Gretchen was trying not to look at her. "Hey. Come on, baby. Look at me."

  Blue eyes filled with more tears slowly shifted.

  "I don't care about dinner," Carrie said to the sad eyes. "I didn't really come here for dinner. I only came to see you. I missed you all day." She placed a kiss on Gretchen's forehead, her nose, and finally on her lips. "All I care about is being with you. I don't care what we do or what we eat. I just want to see you and talk to you."

  Carrie began placing gentle kisses all over Gretchen's face, relieved when she felt the smaller woman start to relax. "I missed you. I love you, baby."

  Gretchen's arms went around Carrie's slender waist and they held each other tightly, their bodies starting to sway. "I just wanted everything to be perfect," Gretchen said softly.

  "Everything is perfect, baby." Carrie shifted slightly and they fit together even better. "It's not what you do, or what you say, or what you look like, Gretchen. It's just you. All I need or want is for you just to be. That's what makes me happy. Please, let me stay?"

  Gretchen sighed. "I really am a good cook."

  "I know."

  "I spent all afternoon cleaning house."

  "I like your house. It feels really comfortable."


  Gretchen pulled back, hopeful eyes searching Carrie's face. "Does it really? You're not just saying that?"

  "No. I wouldn't do that." Carrie caressed the side of Gretchen's face. "I caught a glimpse that once when I came to pick you up. I really like the colors. Maybe you could help me with my place? It just doesn't have any warmth at all and I can't figure out how to fix it."