"I'm glad she did," Gretchen admitted. "Don't be too hard on her on my account. I like your mom."
"She didn't scare you then? She was worried that she scared you."
"I was scared before."
"And now?"
"Maybe not as much." Gretchen couldn't get the image of Carrie naked out of her head. "If you're nude…"
"Yes?"
Gretchen blushed. "Sorry. I don't want to be a tease."
"I wish you would." Carrie sounded sincere.
"Can you see your breasts?"
"Yes."
Gretchen covered her eyes in embarrassment. "Are your nipples hiding?"
"Hmm. The left one is a little perky, but the right one is sound asleep. Should I wake it up?"
"No. I just wanted to get your image right."
"What about yours?"
Gretchen pulled up the neck of her T-shirt and looked. "Still awake, but not paying any attention."
"I miss them," Carrie said quietly.
"I miss yours, too." There didn't seem to be much to say after that and Gretchen let silence fill the void.
"I'm going to sign up for that pottery class on Monday," Carrie said. "Are you interested in joining me? No strings attached."
"I don't know. I'm not very gifted in the artistic realm."
"That's the beauty of pottery. A bowl is a bowl and a cup is a cup. If it holds water when you're done, you've done it correctly."
"I'll think about it and let you know before Monday morning." The silence returned and Gretchen sighed. "You're being awfully patient with me. Don't you ever want to…?" She couldn't finish.
Carrie's voice was husky. "Rip your clothes off and fall on you with my mouth and hands until you'll agree to anything if I'll only let you come?"
A relentless wave of pleasure coursed through Gretchen's body. "Something like that, yes."
"Constantly. But it's your heart I'm waiting for. It can't be taken-only given, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes."
"Am I hurting you-making you wait like this?"
Carrie laughed. "Your kisses make it all okay. I'm fine."
Gretchen relaxed.
"Um…" Carrie said with hesitation. "You're not going to hang up now, are you?"
"I don't have to, no. Why?"
"It's just that my right nipple woke up and you could talk to it if you want to."
Gretchen grinned and held back a laugh. "I'm not very good at talking dirty."
"You don't have to be. In fact, I won't even listen." There was a brief pause and then Carrie's voice was far away. "Go ahead, Gretchen."
Embarrassed at herself, Gretchen made kissing sounds into the phone until she heard Carrie screech.
"Mom! What are you doing in here?"
Gretchen held her breath so she could hear better.
"What am I doing?" Carrie's mom sounded surprised. "What are you doing?"
"Gretchen's talking to my… Why am I explaining this to you?"
Fighting not to laugh out loud, Gretchen concentrated.
"Oh," Olivia said with understanding. "It's phone sex, right?"
"Mom! You're totally out of control!" Carrie didn't sound angry so much as embarrassed and it only made Gretchen's hysteria more intense.
"I thought you were having a nightmare. I can't believe you talk to your old mother this way." Olivia's distant voice held a dramatic quiver. "And after all I've done for you."
"Cripes, Mom. Go to bed."
"Tell Gretchen I said hello."
Carrie's voice was suddenly clear and aggravated. "Mom says hello."
Gretchen finally lost control and laughed harder than she had laughed in years.
"She's laughing, Mom. Are you happy now?"
"Goodnight, dear." Olivia sounded extremely pleased with herself.
It was all Gretchen could do to keep the phone to her ear.
"It's not funny, Gretchen."
"Yes, it is!"
"Fine. Next time she can catch you. She's going to tell everyone about this. I'll never be able to go home again."
"Oh, God!" Gretchen gasped. "I think I gave myself a headache."
"Serves you right."
"Oh," she finally said. "I needed that. I may never talk dirty again, but I sure needed a good laugh."
"If you don't mind telling me, what did you two talk about today?"
"What a good person you are and that she hopes I'll marry you." She kept the baby information to herself for now. "I love your mom. She's great."
"She is pretty great," Carrie admitted. "I just wish she didn't get such a kick out of embarrassing me."
"You love it and you know it."
""Don't tell her, okay?"
"I won't." The line was silent for a long moment and Gretchen would have been perfectly happy to just listen to her breathing.
"Can I ask you something?" Carrie said tentatively.
"Sure."
"What's your last name?"
Gretchen could have sworn she had told her, but she couldn't remember when. "My last name is Jeffries."
"Well, then. Good night, Gretchen Jeffries."
"Good night, Carrie Griffith."
~***~
Chapter Twenty-eight
By holding her breath, Gretchen managed to contain her enthusiasm until the balloon was several hundred feet in the air. There was little or no wind in the brisk morning sky and they floated lazily above the take-off field. The pilot's helpers on the ground were getting smaller by the moment as they finished picking up gear and prepared to follow them wherever the wind took them. The sun was just beginning to peek over the distant hills and the sky was a brilliant pink. The gondola shifted slightly as they moved about, but it reminded Gretchen more of a raft than anything else.
Taken in by the glorious vista spread out before her, Gretchen leaned over the side of the gondola and spread her arms out to embrace the vivid December sunrise. "This is magnificent!" She shouted. She could hear the support staff below laughing at her outburst, but somehow she knew they understood.
She was glad she had taken Shine's advice. It really was cold. It helped to have Carrie at her back. Hugging the arm Carrie had wrapped around her middle, she pressed back into her. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"
Carrie's reply was soft and low in her ear. "I've seen you."
"You're so sweet." Gretchen studied the landscape carefully, anxious to commit it all to memory. She had no way of knowing if she would ever do this again, so it was important to soak it all in. The sun suddenly crested the horizon and sent rays of pure brilliance her way. She looked down to shield her eyes and spotted Carrie's hand on the gondola's edge. Gretchen reached out and covered it with her own.
She was startled to find the hand rigid and it brought the fact that Carrie's entire body was unnaturally stiff to the forefront of her awareness. She had been marginally aware that Carrie was nervous prior to take-off, but Gretchen had been totally self-absorbed in her own excitement. It had been easy to dismiss the signs because Carrie always seemed so strong and confident. It was hard to believe that anything could frighten her, but now that Gretchen was thinking about it, it seemed so obvious. She groaned inwardly at her insensitivity.
Turning to slip an arm around Carrie's waist, Gretchen saw the tightly closed eyes only briefly before Carrie buried her face in Gretchen's shoulder. "Oh no. Why didn't you tell me you were afraid of heights? What were you thinking? You didn't have to come."
"I'm okay," Carrie whispered raggedly. "I can handle it. How high are we?"
"Not very," Gretchen lied.
The pilot spoke up for the first time since lift off. "Everything okay?"
Gretchen shook her head. "Take us down, please."
"No!" Carrie said urgently. "I'm okay. I don't feel sick and it can't get any worse than this. Just keep going."
Gretchen wrapped her arms around Carrie's shoulders. "I don't mind if we land. I saw the sunrise and it was beautiful. I don't want you to be miserable
a moment longer than necessary."
"I can do it," Carrie insisted. "Isn't there supposed to be champagne?"
"Maybe she should sit down," the pilot suggested. "That seems to help some people."
Carrie seemed to collapse at the suggestion and wrapped her arms tightly around Gretchen's legs. "I can do it," she repeated. "Please, don't land on my account."
Gretchen's indecision was made more difficult by the look of amused nonchalance of the pilot. A gust of wind ruffled her hair and she realized they were finally moving away from the take-off zone. The pilot used the burners to lift them higher in the layer of moving air. Dropping her hand to Carrie's hair, she looked down as Carrie lifted her eyes.
"Please, Gretchen. This really is better." Carrie's grip seemed to relax a bit. "I sure wouldn't mind something to drink, but I'm okay."
The pilot crouched down and dug into a wicker basket at his feet. "I've got just the thing." He pulled out a small silver flask and held it out to Carrie. "Brandy. Good stuff, too. Not swill."
Carrie reached for it gratefully. "Thanks, but who's flying this thing?"
"God," he grinned. "Relax. I promise not to crash today."
Carrie twisted the lid from the flask. "Do I have your word on that?"
"My life." He patted Carrie's knee, then squeezed Gretchen's arm and turned his back as he rested his hand on the burner.
Gretchen cupped her hand around the side of Carrie's face as she drank deeply of the brandy. She could see the lines of tension around the dim brown eyes and her skin was pale. She couldn't imagine the courage it had taken to climb aboard, not to mention her determination to see it through.
Except for the occasional roar of the burners, it was totally quiet. They weren't going anywhere fast so she crouched next to Carrie. "Why did you agree to come with me?" she asked quietly. "All you had to do was tell me. I would never have asked you to do this if I'd known how hard it would be for you."
Carrie drank from the flask before answering. "I had to come."
"Why?"
"How could I ask any less of myself than I ask of you?"
Gretchen didn't understand. "What are you talking about?"
"You're only asking me to accompany you for 50 minutes. I'm asking for 50 years."
"The two aren't comparable, Carrie."
"I know." Carrie reached out and put a cold hand to Gretchen's cheek. "It's much scarier to risk your heart than your life."
Gretchen gaped as Carrie's logic sorted itself out in her head. That Carrie felt her own current terror was less than Gretchen's seemed absurd, but she seemed to genuinely believe it. Gretchen stood up and swept her gaze over the landscape.
This doesn't scare me at all. I can't even guess how far off the ground I am, but it doesn't matter. I feel completely safe and secure. But Carrie is paralyzed by it and it seems that she's trying to tell me that she sees our relationship in the same terms. When she looks at a future with me, she feels like I do when I look at all this beauty around me. And when it comes to our future, I'm the one cowering on the floor. Is that possible? Is that really how she sees me? Is my heart really paralyzed by irrational fear? Does she look at me and wish there were just one thing she could say that would make me feel safe?
Knowing she would have to take some time to think about it, Gretchen made a decision. She reached out to touch the pilot's arm and silently indicated that he should take them down. He nodded his assent. Gretchen had already seen the best part of the experience. The rest was unnecessary. What mattered now was alleviating Carrie's distress.
Twenty minutes later, she was sitting next to Carrie in the grass, watching the balloon rise into the morning sky.
"We didn't have to land."
"Yes, we did."
"I know you were excited about this flight, Gretchen. I'm sorry you felt like you had to cut it short."
"I'm not. I got what I wanted out of it."
The roar of the balloon's burner seemed to accentuate the stillness of the dawn. Gretchen tipped her head back and took a deep breath, feeling the crisp air deep inside her lungs.
"Are you upset with me?"
She turned to look at Carrie's worried face. "I'm really not. I got to go up in a hot air balloon and see the sunrise. It's not how long I got to ride in the balloon that's important to me."
"You're sure?"
"Positive."
"You seem...pensive."
Gretchen took one of Carrie's hands in her own, content just to be touching her. "Maybe I am, just a little. I'm letting things percolate for the moment, but I'm not upset or disappointed. I promise."
"Okay."
The ground crew for the balloon had everything packed up now and Gretchen waved to them as they headed out in pursuit. Soon, there were no sounds at all but nature waking up and two women breathing. Gretchen let the serenity of it seep into her soul and closed her eyes.
In the last weeks, Gretchen had seen Carrie every day. Sometimes it was only for a short time, but they made up for it by talking on the phone for hours every night before bed. Just for the fun of spending time with the older woman, Gretchen had joined her in the Monday night pottery class and they were having a blast. In a surprising turn of events, Gretchen turned out to be the one with a knack for feeling what the clay could become. Carrie did all right, of course, but Gretchen's pottery had what seemed to be a touch of art. She was thinking about taking more advanced classes as they became available.
It was becoming harder and harder for Gretchen to imagine not having Carrie in her life. Still, they had not made love since the camping trip. That was not to say that they didn't torment each other relentlessly with passionate kisses and fiery touches. But, it was the talking that drew them closest. It had never been like this for Gretchen with any other woman she had known.
Gretchen had been very upset when she learned that Carrie had moved to Edgewater to pursue her, but everything that had happened since then had seemed so inevitable. Just like when they met at the park and Gretchen had almost immediately taken Carrie's hand. She had been fighting against a relationship with her mind, but she was beginning to see that her heart had known all along.
Just to see what it was like, Gretchen tentatively opened her heart, her mind and her soul to a lifetime commitment with the woman at her feet. Something inside her mind shifted with an almost audible chime and for one agonizingly pure moment, her being expanded to include the universe. Her heart skipped a beat and then everything settled into a new configuration. Gretchen took a deep breath and realized that she could feel Carrie within herself. Somehow her heart now included Carrie: not in addition to what was already there, but as an indistinguishable part of herself. The future spread out before her and every dream she'd ever entertained became possible.
Carrie was The One. There was no longer any doubt. None of the other women she had ever thought she loved had ever felt this way. None of them had touched her so deeply or shared so fully. None had ever made the sacrifices Carrie had or shown the patience Carrie gave her routinely. Somehow, she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Carrie was the one woman in all the world that she could love and trust until the end of time.
Why it had been so difficult to arrive at this moment was a mystery to her. Now that she had opened herself to a future with Carrie it seemed ridiculous that she had not done it immediately. There were so many things to talk about, so many choices to be examined. One issue, however, she knew needed to be settled at once.
"I want the left side of the bed," she said clearly, her eyes on the horizon. She felt Carrie turn towards her in confusion and waited for her response.
"The left side?" Carrie's voice was uncertain, but dripping with hope.
To avoid any misunderstandings later, Gretchen explained. "If you stand at the foot of the bed and face the head, I want the left side."
"But, I always sleep on the left."
"Not anymore," she said firmly. She smiled as Carrie hugged her hard enough to leave bruises.
> "Okay," Carrie conceded with tears in her voice. "But the left side is responsible for the phone and the alarm clock."
"Deal."
"And Rupert can't sleep with us."
Gretchen neglected to mention that Rupert never slept on the bed when there were two people in it. "Will you explain that to him?"
"Yes."
Gretchen's eyes filled with tears and she let them fall unchecked. "I'm going to hold you to fifty years, you know."
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