Now and Forever--Let's Make Love

by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

  Copyright

  NOW AND FOREVER—LET’S MAKE LOVE. Copyright © 1997 by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

  Warner Books

  Hachette Book Group

  237 Park Avenue

  New York, NY 10017

  Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com.

  ISBN: 978-0-7595-2125-4

  First eBook Edition: February 2001

  CONTENTS

  Copyright

  1: How to Make It Happen

  2: Newly Partnered

  3: Now We Have Children

  4: The Empty Nest

  5: We’re Not Kids Anymore

  Conclusion

  You’re Never Too Old to Ask.

  You’re Never Too Young to Know

  • How can you make time for making love with small children running around the house?

  • You’re not a size six anymore. Should you still wear something sexy to bed?

  • Do women need orgasms to be sexually satisfied?

  • Are men always eager for sex?

  • How can you get your lover to be more aggressive in bed?

  • Can you ever be too old for sex?

  You’ve got questions. NOW AND FOREVER—LET’S MAKE LOVE has the answers. Let Joan Elizabeth Lloyd show you how to lengthen foreplay … use all your senses to bring out new feelings … try new activities like storytelling, cybersex, catalog browsing, and playing out power fantasies. All you need is an open mind … and you’re ready to make it fun, make it hot, and make it last.

  A Featured Alternate of Doubleday Book Club®

  NOW AND

  FOREVER—

  LET’S MAKE

  LOVE

  Also by Joan Elizabeth Lloyd

  NICE COUPLES DO

  IF IT FEELS GOOD

  COME PLAY WITH ME

  BEDTIME STORIES FOR LOVERS

  BLACK SATIN

  THE PLEASURES OF JESSICA LYNN

  SLOW DANCING

  This book is dedicated, as always, to Ed,

  mnow and forever. Together, we make life fun,

  in and out of the bedroom.

  I would like to thank my son-in-law, John Petty,

  who is the author of four of the “Ageless Fantasies”:

  Jeff ’s, Ted’s, Melissa’s, and Dave’s. I’m sure you

  will find they are a valuable addition to this work,

  and I use them happily with his permission.

  1

  How to Make It

  Happen

  BRAD AND AMY’S STORY

  They left their condo at sunset. Brad had his brightly colored towel draped around his neck; Amy had hers tied around her waist. As they approached the path through the low, stunted scrub, they dropped their joined hands and made their way single file to the beach, which was still warm from the day’s heat. Without words, they kicked off their shoes and wandered down to the line between the waves and the sand. They stood for a moment and watched gulls wheel through the cooling air and dive between the white-caps. Sandpipers raced back and forth just in front of the breaking waves. The air smelled of sea and salt.

  “I love this time of day,” Amy said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “Me, too.” Brad took her hand and they walked along the hard-packed sand in silence. The sun painted the sky amazing shades of pink, orange, and deep purple over the deepening blue. Brad stopped, turned Amy toward him, and cupped her face with his large hands. “Amy, I love you so much, I don’t even want to consider spending the rest of my life without you. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and … well, will you marry me?”

  Amy was flabbergasted. She and Brad had lived together for seven months, and she hadn’t been sure that he was interested in making their arrangement official. “I never thought …”

  “I know,” Brad said. “I guess I didn’t either until recently. But I want the world to know that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.” When Amy hesitated, Brad added, “I know it’s complicated, but it will all work out. I love you and want to marry you. That’s all that’s important. Do you love me?”

  “Oh Brad,” she said, “you know I love you with all my heart.”

  “Then marry me.”

  Slowly, a smile spread over Amy’s face. “I very much want to marry you.”

  Brad caught his breath, not daring to hope. “You mean that? You will?”

  Amy laughed out loud with the sheer joy of it. “Yes, I will.”

  Brad grabbed Amy around the waist, lifted her bare feet off the sand, and swung her around. “Oh babe, that’s sensational.” He lowered her, sliding her against his body, feeling the length of her against the length of him. He set her feet down, leaned over, and pressed his mouth on hers. He tangled his fingers in her dark hair and massaged her scalp, changing the position of his mouth to taste every bit of Amy’s. “I love you so.”

  Amy slid her arms up Brad’s chest and placed one hand on each side of his face, relishing the taste and feel of him.

  Brad looked each way along the beach and saw no one else on the sand. Without much thought, he grabbed the bottom of Amy’s T-shirt and pulled it up over her head. Noticing the surprised look on Amy’s face, Brad said, “There’s no one but us anywhere, and it’s almost dark. What better way is there to celebrate?”

  Amy quickly looked around the deserted beach, smiled shyly, then nodded. Brad took the towel from around his neck and spread it just beyond the waterline, then spread hers beside it. He quickly pulled off his clothes and then unfastened Amy’s bra and removed her shorts and panties. He eased her down onto the towel, then settled beside her.

  He gazed down at her naked body, barely visible in the fading light. She was tiny and soft, with ample hips, a slight stomach, and small, soft breasts. “So beautiful,” he whispered, running the palm of his hand over the body that was so familiar yet ever new. He lightly pinched one nipple and watched it tighten. He was suddenly overwhelmed with his hunger for her.

  He suckled at her breast while sliding a hand to the curly hair between her thighs. She was damp, ready for him. “I want to make love to you very slowly,” Brad said, “but I’m suddenly so hungry.” He reached into the pocket of his shorts, which were lying on the warm sand beside him, unwrapped a condom, and unrolled it on his hard penis.

  As he crouched between Amy’s spread legs, he felt her hand slide down his hairy chest and across his belly to grasp his hard cock. She squeezed gently, then raised her knees slightly and placed the tip of his hardness against her open pussy. “Do it, darling,” she whispered. “Yes, do it.”

  She raised her hips, and he felt his cock slide slowly into her hot, moist channel. He was so hungry that it was only moments before he lost control. “Baby,” he screamed, feeling Amy’s body meet his, stroke for stroke. “Oh God.” He erupted deep inside of Amy’s body. Amy wrapped her legs around Brad’s waist and held him against her for a long time.

  As his body slowly relaxed, he felt the cool water lap against the soles of his feet. “Baby,” he said breathlessly, “you didn’t come.”

  “Later, when you’re feeling refreshed,” she said, giggling, “we’ll see whether you can make up for that lapse.”

  “You’ll really marry me?” he asked again, wiggling his toes in the spume.

  “Yes. I want to, you know that. But it will create so many problems.”

  “I know. We’ll have to figure out the Social Security. And tel
ling your children and mine will be quite a job. They’ll never understand.”

  “Oh Lord,” Amy said, slipping back into her clothes. “Do you realize that we’ll be getting married in the same year that I become a grandmother for the first time?”

  Brad finished dressing, picked up his towel, and ran his fingers through his iron-gray hair. Then he took Amy’s hand and laughed out loud. “God, I love you, Grandma.”

  “And I love you, too, you old fart.” Hand in hand, they walked through the darkness toward their apartment.

  • • •

  Life has changed dramatically over the last thirty years, and the sound you are hearing right now is the gentle pop of myths exploding, myths we will be discussing at length in this book.

  Most couples who are making the decision to commit to each other are in their twenties or thirties. Pop. Couples nearing and past retirement age, like Brad and Amy in the story you just read, and my partner, Ed, and I, are pledging to spend the rest of their lives together. Of course, Social Security and other marriage penalties frequently make living together more feasible than marriage, but the depth of the commitment is no less.

  Most of those making the decision to be together are doing it for the first time, and that commitment will last forever. Pop. Fewer than half are making that decision for the first time. Sadly, divorce is rampant. You can’t pick up a magazine without reading an article about starting over.

  Brad and Amy’s story illustrates a few more inaccurate but deeply held beliefs:

  Quickies are bad. Pop. Quickies, like the one Brad and Amy just had, can be wonderful. So can long lovemaking sessions that last hours. But variety is the spice of a relationship. Sometimes quickies are hot, hungry, and deliciously satisfying. At other times, longies are just what the doctor ordered.

  The sex drive slows during your forties and fifties, then stops altogether. Pop. Pop. Pop. Boom! The idea that sex drive inevitably decreases in the middle years is baloney. Sometimes there is a physiological reason for a lack of interest, due to disease or medication. All too often, however, the decrease in sexual frequency is due to other problems that couples don’t feel the need to resolve because, they say, “We’re too old for that stuff, anyway.”

  Condoms spoil good sex. It’s like taking a shower in a raincoat. Pop. Condoms are necessary in this age of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Any two people, even Brad and Amy in our story, who haven’t been either celibate or exclusive for at least five years, need to protect themselves from the spread of such diseases. And condoms, when made a routine part of sex play, don’t spoil the fun. Although Ed and I have been together for more than ten years, we still use a condom occasionally, and the feeling of that cold, lubricated latex is, for me, exciting and fun. And putting a condom on can be foreplay in and of itself.

  Women need to achieve orgasm to be satisfied with a sexual encounter. Pop. Not so. Lovemaking is closeness, sharing, peaks and valleys of sensation and excitement. It can frequently be impossible to know where your personal pleasure leaves off and the pleasure that your partner is experiencing begins. I sometimes find that Ed’s orgasm can satisfy me, as Brad’s did for Amy. Of course, at other times I initiate sex play after Ed’s orgasm, and my climax can be extremely satisfying. Sometimes I climax before he does.

  Although this story doesn’t illustrate the next few myths, here are some that are worth exploding.

  Men are always hard, eager, and anxious for sex. Pop. So many of the women with whom I’ve spoken, either in person or via letters, have told me that their male partner isn’t interested in sex more than once or twice a month. If that satisfies both parties, fine. Fortunately, the FDA hasn’t established a minimum or maximum requirement for intercourse. (Don’t smile—it might happen yet.) Whatever satisfies both partners is the correct amount. However, there are many women who are interested in having sex more often than are the men in their life, and vice versa. This situation can be remedied, to some extent, but it requires some thought and preparation.

  Nice comfortable sex is best. Experimentation, especially with off-center stuff is not for ordinary people like me; kinky sex is for kinky people. Pop. It’s true that what is comfortable is nice. But there are pleasures you’ve previously only dreamt about that are possible between you and your partner. The new and unusual is exciting at any stage of a relationship. Anything that’s enjoyed by both partners is good for them. Anything not enjoyed by both is not. Period. And there’s so much you’ve probably never explored.

  Men get hot very fast and women warm up slowly. No, don’t explode that one. Although, like all generalities, it does have exceptions, this one’s true most of the time. I heard a wonderful quote recently: “Men flame like a match; women heat like an iron.” This is very true, and it’s a situation that’s often underestimated. Find a compromise, the books and articles say simplistically. He needs to slow down; she needs to try to speed up her reactions. Sure. So much more easily said than done. But there are ways.

  Why do I bring up all these dearly held beliefs? Because together, through the next two hundred pages or so, we’re going to look at mistaken beliefs about lovemaking. We’ll search for truths, solutions, and for the fun that’s to be had between partners, from those who are new to each other to those who’ve been together since the Eisenhower administration and longer.

  Together, we’re going to investigate exciting ways to make lovemaking, at all stages of a relationship, hot, new, and fun.

  Before we begin, there are several topics that need to be addressed. First, and most important, no section of this book is specific to one stage of life or another. Of course, there are problems that affect those at one stage of a relationship more than at another: dealing with small children, the problems of aging, the good news and bad news about new relationships. But the suggestions for activities to relieve some of the sexual tensions that go with these problems and the ideas for spicing up a sex life are generic. All ages can benefit from lengthening foreplay, from using all the senses to bring out new feelings, from ideas for new activities, and from suggestions to facilitate communication between partners.

  Although I encourage you to skip around, there is something in every chapter for everyone, so don’t decide that because you’re twenty-seven years old and you and your partner have a two-year-old son the chapter titled “The Empty Nest” has nothing of value for you.

  You can read this book from cover to cover if you like, or you can begin with the section that seems to apply to your relationship, then skip around later. There are new ideas everywhere, so just keep an open mind as you read.

  This book is also filled with short stories about ordinary people having fun in the bedroom, on the grass, at a motel bar, or in an elevator. They will engage in some activities that you and your partner may want to experiment with, some that are fun to fantasize about but that you wouldn’t think of actually doing, and some that are just “not your thing.” Not everything is for everyone.

  You will notice that few of the people in the stories are described in detail and that I’ve given the characters plain vanilla names. I hope that you can imagine yourself and your partner in one or more of those situations. Think of them as people like yourselves, doing things you’ve always wanted to do. Should you decide to read one or more of these stories aloud, you can personalize the tale by changing the names of the characters and describing them as if they were you and your partner.

  In addition to problems, suggestions, and stories, each chapter contains a section called “Try Something New.” These sections contain stories and useful information about a new activity: storytelling, cybersex, browsing through catalogs, and playing out power fantasies. I included one in each chapter, but none is specific to an age or a particular stage of a relationship, because there is no age limit on anything you want to try. If you think it might feel good, go for it.

  At the end of each chapter, you’ll find a section titled “Ageless Fantasies,” adventurous tales of
delicious interludes, each story demonstrating how dreams can come true.

  Keep an open mind. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again through the book. It’s an important phrase. I’m going to discuss ideas that may seem “bad” to you. I will certainly admit that not all sexual activities are for everyone. Many of you may have no interest in being tied to the bed or in making love on the dining room table. But that doesn’t mean these are “bad” ideas. They are just not your thing. Maybe you’ve never ventured far from the beaten path. That’s fine, too. But don’t label ideas as “good” or “bad.” Either they suit your taste or they don’t. And take care never to label your partner as “bad” for suggesting something off-center. The idea may not appeal to you, but your partner has been very brave to suggest it.

  Try not to make your “sounds good” versus “let’s not” decisions based on what you’re supposed to like or dislike, what nice girls or good guys should do or not do.

  Let’s take oral sex, for example. The new Kinsey Institute report states: “Although various studies show that 50 to 80 percent of women perform fellatio, only 35 to 65 percent of those find it to be pleasurable; the rest are indifferent (that is, they can take it or leave it) or do not enjoy it at all.”

  What was your first reaction as you read that? Did you think what most of us do when reading sexual statistics?

  Am I in the majority? Yes! Phew. I’m okay.

  Or: No! I must be weird. I’m in the minority. Something’s wrong with me.

  I have a wonderful mental picture of a woman reading the latest study on sexual activities aloud to her husband of forty years. “Dear,” she says, her lower lip quivering, “it says here that only five percent of Americans enjoy making love standing on their heads.”

  “Oh darling,” he answers, “I never realized that we were doing something so kinky. I guess that means we have to stop.”