A few words about condoms. First, although natural skins do prevent unwanted pregnancy as well as any other condom, they do not protect either partner from sexually transmitted diseases. If you and your partner have been monogamous for more than five years, this might be all right, but why take the chance? Latex condoms really are new and improved, and they now come in colors, flavors, and textures, lubricated and nonlubricated. There was a story on the radio recently about a Hungarian company that developed a musical condom that plays a tune as it is unrolled. (I wonder what song it plays.)
You can even buy assortment packages by mail from many catalog companies so you can try and compare. Ed and I have tried several types, with ribs, ticklers, nubs. I must tell you that I didn’t notice any difference, but you might. So experiment with lots of different ones. In the back of my book Come Play with Me, there is a list of some of the many companies that will send catalogs to you.
Latex condoms fit pretty much everyone, but if the man’s cock is particularly small or particularly large, be sure you buy a condom that fits properly and doesn’t come off during intercourse or restrict blood flow.
It is important to put a condom on properly. It must be put on before any penis-vagina contact. Playing with a loaded weapon is not permitted. A man’s lubricating fluid—or “pre-come,” as it is often called—is full of sperm, and those little devils can travel upstream from even the most casual vaginal contact. Put the condom on properly and carefully before any intimate genital contact.
By the way, it can be fun to let your partner help put it on—very slowly.
After ejaculation, it is important to remove the condom-covered penis from the vagina before the penis softens, so there is no leakage of fluid around the penis. Hold the base of the condom while withdrawing carefully. Then, once the condom-covered penis is out of contact with the vagina, remove the condom carefully and don’t make contact with any vaginal tissues. Sperm are resourceful and have only one purpose— the one you’re trying to prevent. And never reuse a condom— ever.
Okay, now you’re together permanently, every night. What does that mean? For one, it means that being together isn’t a date anymore. A lot of people ask each other, “What are we going to do tonight?” You see each other naked every night, so it’s not an exciting novelty anymore. Sex tends to begin in the same way, progress along familiar paths, and end up in the same place, the bedroom. Now it’s predictable. And what’s wrong with that? I hear you ask. Nothing. But predictability can lead to boredom, and that is a problem.
This is a time to be a bit creative, but creativity requires communication. You and your partner must find a way to share your needs, desires, and fantasies. There are several important parts to good communication, some of which we’ve already read about with Jake and Sandy and with Barry and Carol.
First is the willingness to take a bit of risk. Let’s say that, like Barry, you’ve had a fantasy for years. You have recurrent dreams about having your partner show up at your office at lunchtime, lock the office door, and ravish you in your desk chair. Wonderful. But discussing that with your partner is a delicate matter.
He’ll think I’m crazy.
She’ll think I’m kinky.
He’ll think he’s not good enough for me.
She’ll think our sex life isn’t any good.
He’ll think I’m not a good lover.
She’ll think I’m not a good lover.
Personally, I think the risk is minimal with two people who genuinely want to please each other. Suggest something mild at first. Use body language, purrs and groans, subtle ways to say “I like that,” or “That doesn’t feel as nice as what you were doing before.” While making love, tell a story that includes something you want to try. Slip a bookmark in one of the stories in this book. However you do it, take a chance.
The second requirement for good communication is being a good receiver. Tune your radar to your partner’s frequency if that person is telling you a story or a joke. Look for suggestions everywhere—in conversation, in gestures, in responsiveness. Resist knee-jerk reactions. Just relax and realize that your partner’s telling you something wonderful, sharing difficult yet potentially highly exciting things with you. He or she has made the first move toward better communication. It’s up to you to make the second. Discuss or slowly act on what you think you’ve discovered. Rub that way instead of this, and listen.
But what if you hate the idea your partner suggests? It is as important to say no as it is to say yes. Lovemaking must never become an endurance contest, testing yourself to see whether you can put up with that awful thing your partner wants to try. If you’ve got an open mind about rubbing grape jelly on each other’s bellies, go for it. But if the entire idea makes you gag, say so. Neither of you want a negative encounter, because it makes the next one that much more difficult. So say, “I don’t think I would enjoy that.” Then add, “But I might like it if we …”
Saying no has a positive side, too. Ed and I communicate well, and occasionally one or the other of us has suggested something that the other finds unpleasant. If I know that he will admit that an idea of mine turns him off, I can suggest anything—literally. So can he. I don’t have to worry that he’s enduring something for my sake, and I don’t endure for his. Whatever we do is for the right reasons.
Since Al and Tina each had good radar, they learned something new about each other one afternoon, totally by accident.
AL AND TINA’S STORY
Al worked for a large suburban manufacturing firm, and the low industrial buildings covered a large area. The company had landscaped the acres around the buildings carefully, with large wooded areas and artificially created ponds and streams. Animal life was abundant in secluded glens and clearings that contained bird and small-animal feeders. In the nice weather, both at lunchtime and after work, these areas were filled with employees. They wandered through the lush foliage or sat on blankets to watch the birds and to hand-feed the tame squirrels.
Tina had the day off from work. Since it was late May and a perfect day for a picnic, she surprised her husband with a wicker basket in one hand and a thick plaid blanket under her other arm. It took no time for Al to put his work aside, find a spot, spread the blanket, and devour the sumptuous lunch Tina had assembled. “It’s so beautiful out here,” Tina said. Content, she dropped onto her back and gazed at the fragments of brilliant blue sky visible through the leaves of the huge maple tree above them.
“And you’re a sexy broad,” Al said, watching the way her position caused her lightweight summer blouse to stretch across her ample bosom.
“Umm,” she purred. “And you’re a very sexy man.” She let her eyes roam her husband’s body and her gaze settled on the lump in the front of his pants. She watched him shift position as he sat on the blanket.
“You make me crazy,” he said, then he looked at his watch. “Damn, it’s almost one-thirty. I was due back fifteen minutes ago.”
He started to get up, but Tina took his hand. “You’re late already. Will anyone really miss you for another few minutes? It’s so wonderful here.”
Al settled back down. “Well,” he mused aloud, “Mark’s away today and Georgia had a dentist appointment.”
“So you can stay a few more minutes?”
“I guess.” He settled back onto the blanket, lying shoulder-to-shoulder with Tina, their fingers intertwined. “This makes me think of our honeymoon. Remember? We got so excited that we almost tore each other’s clothes off on the beach that day.”
“God I was hot,” Tina said, feeling her excitement grow as she remembered. “We almost ran to the room.”
“I always wondered how it would have felt to do it right there on the beach.”
“Al,” Tina said, shocked, “you wouldn’t have. There were people around.”
“I know, but making love in the open just seems so erotic.”
“Someone might have seen us.”
“So? We’re married. And we’re
only doing what everyone knows people do every day.” He turned and tickled the inside of Tina’s ear with the tip of his tongue.
“Al, stop that.” She playfully pushed him away. “There are people here, too.”
Al propped himself up on one elbow. “Not really. Lunch hour’s long over. There’s no one in sight.” He squeezed her breast.
Despite her better judgment, Tina was getting very excited by the conversation and by Al’s talented hand. Her husband was usually very traditional about love-making, preferring the bedroom at night. This was so thrillingly risky. “You wouldn’t dare.” She didn’t know whether she wanted him to dare or not.
Al looked at Tina’s slightly flushed face and saw the rapid rise and fall of her chest. The idea obviously excited her as much as it did him. “No one would know.” He ran his finger over the crotch of Tina’s jeans and felt her heat. He watched her breathing quicken even more and felt her hips move. “You know,” he whispered, “it’s more exciting knowing that there might be people watching us.”
Tina was silent. It was exciting thinking of someone possibly seeing what they were doing. And Al’s hand rubbing her crotch was driving her crazy. After a while, she murmured, “You’d better stop that.”
“Why?” Al asked, his face close to her ear, so his hot breath tickled her.
“Because.”
“Because you’re going to come? Tell me.” His finger rubbed all the places he knew she liked, and he could feel the crotch of her jeans getting damp.
“Oh God, baby.”
“I know we can’t fuck right now, but I’m going to make you come. Right here, where anyone might be watching.” His finger kept up its magic rhythm. “Maybe someone’s got a pair of binoculars and is peering at us through the trees. Maybe he can see my hand between your legs.”
“Baby …” The thought of someone watching her filled Tina’s mind with erotic images: A strange man’s eyes, his knowing that Tina was going to come.
“Maybe it makes him hot to watch what we’re doing. Maybe he’ll take out his dick and start playing with it while he watches us. He’s got his dick in one hand and his binoculars in the other. He’s watching us and jerking off.”
The image of the man with his engorged penis in his hand was enough to drive Tina over the edge. With little noise or movement, the first spasm hit her.
“Oh yes, baby,” Al purred. “Come for me while that man watches.”
Waves of orgasm rolled over Tina’s body, flowing from her belly to her sopping cunt. Her mind swirled with Al’s hand, the unseen man’s cock, the binoculars.
“He’s watching us,” Al whispered, “seeing my hand rub your pussy. His eyes are on my hand and on your face. He knows you’re coming. You can’t hide from his eyes.”
Al’s voice drove spasm after spasm through her body. “Oh God, baby,” she moaned again. “Oh God. So good.”
Finally limp, Tina lay beside Al in silence for a while, then said, “That was sensational. I’d never imagined that the idea of someone watching me would get me so turned on.”
“Neither did I. But you just went crazy. God you were hot.”
“But what about you?” She patted his crotch. “You didn’t come.”
“I know. But I want to wait until later. I’m not quite the exhibitionist that you are.”
“Exhibitionist?” Tina said, horrified. “I am not.”
“Well, maybe it’s just the fantasy of being watched, but it sure got to you. And I can wait. Now that I know what makes you go crazy, I want to consider all the other places we can make love. The top of the Empire State Building, the White House lawn …”
TRY SOMETHING NEW:
VIDEOS
If you enjoy the fantasy of being watched, the video camera might be just the thing for you.
It is said that X-rated videos appeal mostly to men. Ed and I seem to have been born the wrong sexes. Most X-rated videos turn him off, but they turn me on. So much for common wisdom. Suffice it to say that if X-rated videos turn you on, rent one or two and watch them together.
Buying videos is an expensive proposition. I get lots of catalogs with hundreds of videos described, at prices ranging from ten dollars for amateur films made by couples not unlike you and your partner to seventy and eighty dollars for movies specializing in bondage, spanking, and other such activities. Unfortunately, if you’re interested in such specialties, they aren’t always easy to rent, so purchasing might be your only alternative.
You can play a game with an X-rated video. Set a timer for anywhere from five minutes after the movie begins to a few minutes before its conclusion. Then, when the timer sounds, do whatever the folks in the film are doing. Silly but fun, and fun’s what it’s all about, after all.
You can also make your own video. The nice thing about video cameras is that you don’t have to have your film developed, so you can film whatever you like without the danger of anyone else seeing what you were doing. Set the camera on a solid surface or on a tripod, aim it at the bed, press the record button, and cavort. It can be just as exhilarating to watch the film later.
If you’ve got a friend with whom you are particularly close, you can have him or her film your lovemaking. Particularly thrilling can be having that person direct the lovemaking, giving you instructions as to how and where to touch and what to do.
TRY SOMETHING NEW:
COMPUTERS AND CYBERSEX
Computers used to be limited to office use, but since the proliferation of smaller, more affordable models, many households now have a home computer. Because of the privacy this affords, many companies have jumped into the X-rated market. There is an amazing variety of X-rated games and CD-ROM movies. I recently played a version of the spacial-relations game Tetris in which every time you scored points, a woman at one side of the screen removed some of her clothes. Eventually, she was nude, and then another picture appeared. For those who enjoy watching women strip photographically, it added extra incentive to the game.
Then, of course, there’s cyberspace. The World Wide Web. The Internet. You can’t exist for more than twenty-four hours right now without hearing about, reading about, learning about, or being mystified about this magical place. Everyone has a Web site, from Time magazine to your local car dealer. Your next-door neighbor has one that displays pictures of his kids. Your favorite TV channel has one with coming attractions and advertisements.
Whether you think that the World Wide Web is the greatest invention since sliced bread or the largest assortment of computerized junk mail ever assembled, it’s here and it’s real and it’s got some interesting material for the sexually curious.
The Internet is a busy place. I’ve only touched the surface in my personal explorations. Here’s what I found.
There are numerous collections of erotic stories for downloading and reading. Some are good stories from both new and experienced writers interested in displaying and receiving responses to soft-core and hardcore material of all types. Needless to say, some are awful, but some are clever and well written. Some are depictions of ordinary lovemaking; some are more off-center; and some are truly bizarre. Some will appeal to you; some may not. Browse, read what you enjoy, and use your delete key for the rest.
There are sexually oriented World Wide Web sites to appeal to every taste, from those interested in meeting members of the opposite or the same sex to professional “entertainers” with 900 phone numbers. There are sites put up by people of every sexual persuasion in search of people with like interests to correspond or chat with, from lesbians to transvestites. A few hours of Net surfing will turn up a variety of cyberlocations.
Pictures are available on the Internet. You can browse the Louvre. You can look at people during various stages of any type of sexual encounter you can imagine. As before, download what appeals to you and pass on the rest.
A warning: You will probably stumble onto pictures of minors engaged in sexual activities. Don’t download those. They are illegal and can get you into all
forms of legal difficulties. If you are offered pictures from someone you meet online, again beware.
Computer on-line services are everywhere, from Prodigy, CompuServe, and America Online to small local Internet-access providers. And with these services come the chat rooms, and in some of the chat rooms you can find amazingly new sexual experiences.
What’s sex on-line like? Well, it’s like phone sex in writing, but usually both parties are giving and receiving. To my mind, “hot chatting,” as it’s called, is a lot less threatening than listening to a live voice. Why would you want to try it? Well, here’s how I began.
I am a longtime user of one of the large on-line service companies and I had been talking with other members in an area devoted to writers, helping answer questions about plot, characterization, editors, agents, and the like.
One evening, I decided to try one of the general chat rooms. I entered a room full of over thirties and lurked for a bit, just watching the questions, answers, and comments scroll across my screen. It took me awhile to become accustomed to several conversations taking place at the same time, but when I learned to read every third, fourth, or fifth line and to keep track of who was discussing what with whom, I was able to follow the interaction easily.
Once or twice, something caught my eye and I typed an answer to a question or a comment someone else had written. It was interesting, but only mildly. I knew, of course, about the more esoteric rooms and, with a few clicks of my mouse, I found myself in Truth or Dare.
Now and Forever--Let's Make Love Page 4