Blackbird

by Jessica MacIntyre

  Robert bristled. They were supposed to be discussing their mother but here he’d gone and brought up Chelle. “She wasn’t in today.”

  Greg picked his head up from his plate and in his typical brash style cut into the conversation. “Talk to your employee about what? What’s going on?”

  “Oh one of Robert’s employees might have a little drug problem, that‘s all.”

  “I don’t think we should be discussing that in public, Paul,” Robert said lowering his voice.

  “Oh dude! Seriously? What? How did you find out? Did they steal a bunch of stuff? Are you gonna fire them? Is it the redhead? Tell me it’s the redhead. That would make her so much hotter. I always knew she was a bad girl. Maybe she’ll offer you some, you know, perks if you don’t fire her. Know what I’m saying?” he said, moving his fist in time with his tongue to simulate a blowjob.

  “Greg, you’re a pig,” Michael said, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “That’s inappropriate.”

  “What? It’s not inappropriate I’m just saying he could get something out of it. Those drugged up girls are wild, man. They’ll do anything for money. If you won’t do it send her my way.”

  Michael was even more disgusted. “Robert is getting married and taking advantage of a drug addicted person is one of the most immoral things you can do.”

  “Whatever. Hey Robert, what are you gonna do?”

  Robert sighed knowing there was no point in arguing with Greg, he simply lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m not going to do anything. I don’t know for sure that’s what’s going on.”

  Paul spoke again. “I’ve been trying to convince him to drug test the staff but he doesn’t seem to want to do that.”

  “I think you should,” Greg said.

  Michael cleared his throat and wiped his spoon with the cloth napkin polishing it to a shine as he always did when he was nervous. “As much as I hate to agree with Greg I think he might be right. It’s the only way you’re going to know.”

  “I don’t know…maybe. How do you even do that?”

  “I have an idea. We can take blood and urine samples. Tell them you have to collect them for their insurance benefits. Tell them it’s like a mandatory physical. We can get all the stuff on the way back from the home tomorrow.” Paul stopped short realizing he’d given himself away. All three of Robert’s brother’s grew silent, exchanging awkward looks.

  “Tomorrow? Really? That fast huh? Don’t I even get a vote?”

  “I’m sorry man,” Greg said. “There are four of us and three of us want to do it. No matter what you’d have still been outvoted and I knew of this great place ready to take her right away.”

  “So that’s it then? It just ends like this? We put our mother in a home overnight?”

  “What do you mean it ends like this? You’re speaking as if we were getting ready to send her off on an ice flow. It’s just a home. You can visit as much as you want,” Paul said.

  “Yeah, it’s a home, but it’s not her home.”

  “No, but think about it. If we do this we can sell the house now while the market is good and split the money. It’s the smart thing to do,” Greg said.

  “Oh, it’s about money is it? Well you know what? You keep my fucking share because I’d rather die in the fucking gutter than fucking spend any money that came from that fucking sale.”

  “Dude!” Greg whispered. “Stop saying fuck. You’ll get us kicked out of here.”

  “Fuck you Greg,” he said as he stood, throwing his napkin on the table.

  “You’re at least coming tomorrow, right?” Michael was looking at him like he was the only ally he had. Michael probably had not really wanted this, but he always seemed to do what Paul and Greg wanted. They had most likely browbeat him into the idea.

  “Oh, I’ll be there. One of you text me the address. She’ll need to know that at least one of her sons isn’t abandoning her.”

  “That’s not fair,” Paul said. “We only want what’s best for her. She needs round the clock care and now she’ll get the best.”

  “Yes. I’m sure it’s the best because that’s what’s important, right?” Without looking back at the table he stormed out of the restaurant and through the nearby parking lot toward his car.

  “Fuck!” he screamed after slamming the door so hard it caused the window to rattle. He dialed Billie’s number and she answered right away.

  “Hey handsome,” she breathed. “What’s up?”

  “Are you home? I need to come see you.” His voice was trembling.

  “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

  “I’m downtown. I just had dinner with my brothers. They’re putting mom in a home tomorrow.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.” The sound of laughter in the background came through the phone and he heard the cackle of women shrieking. Her friends were there.

  “No. No Billie it’s not nice it’s…”

  “Listen, I gotta go. The girls and I are having wine and then we’re going downtown. It’s my pre-bachelorette party. I’m so excited,” she chirped into the phone. Robert was silent. “Robert? Are you there?”

  “Yeah, look, can you go in tomorrow and take over the office for the afternoon? I’ll be in around four. I have to go be with my mother.”

  A sigh of annoyance came straight into his ear. “Fine. Will I see you tomorrow night?”

  “We’ll have dinner or something, ok?”

  “Ok. Bye-bye baby.”

  Before Robert could get out his own goodbye Billie had hung up. He was hoping to see her and talk to her. He couldn’t blame her for being busy and excited though. That was one of the things that had attracted him to her. She had a bubbly personality and a wide circle of friends. Robert had a few good friends and his brothers. He had never been very good at socializing, despite the fact that he ran businesses that were based on it.

  Instead of going home to his empty house, which was sitting in boxes until he could move them into the home Billie and he would share, he decided to drive around. His gut twisted as feelings of guilt settled into his body. His father never would have allowed the woman he loved and adored to be shipped off to some nursing home. He should have seen this coming. His brothers wanted the house, more accurately they wanted the money from the sale. As rich as they were they were willing to make room in their bank accounts for a little more. Why did they even care? There was nothing the sale of that house could do for them. He had to think of something and racked his brain trying to come up with a solution. Something, anything to keep his mother from having to stay and live in a nursing home.

  After driving for what seemed like forever he turned the car in the direction of home. The dashboard clock told him it was after midnight. The streets in this quiet part of Halifax were deserted and so when he drove past a lone figure, a woman, bending over on the sidewalk like she was in pain it caught his eye. He slowed down realizing he recognised the coat, but didn’t know from where. Then suddenly he realized who he was looking at.

  Chelle picked up her backpack, carrying it in front of her and looked around nervously before heading up the walkway to a modest little cottage style home with two stories. When she arrived at the door, instead of fishing out keys from her pocket or backpack, she reached up to the doorframe, feeling around. After a moment she retrieved a key and unlocked the door.

  She looked around once more like she was frightened and put the key back as fast as she could, closing the door again and disappearing inside. Robert turned the car around and noted the address before driving off. Looking back in the rear view he noticed that the house was just as dark as before Chelle had entered. He reasoned that she might have just been exhausted and gone straight to bed, but Robert had done the same thing many times and could never remember a time when he’d not turned his lights on when entering his home.

  And surely she must have roommates or parents or something. A house in this neighbourhood was not something someone making minimum wage could afford alone. He knew she
wasn’t married, but perhaps she had a boyfriend. For some reason he didn’t quite understand, the thought of Chelle with a boyfriend caused him to tighten his grip on the steering wheel.

  He wanted so badly to talk to her, to knock on the door and ask her what exactly was going on. Paul’s idea of telling the staff that blood and urine samples were for insurance purposes wouldn’t wash with most people. That was ok. He just needed to make it believable to one.

  Heading home he punched a number into his phone and heard the voice that answered coming through the speakers. “Robert?”

  “Hey, Paul listen, I’m sorry I stormed off.”

  “I understand. Are you coming tomorrow?”

  He took a deep breath. “Yeah. I’ll be there. Also we’ll need to be making that stop on the way back.”

  “Gotcha. See you in the morning.”

  Robert ended the call without saying goodbye. He knew he wouldn’t sleep tonight but went home and lay down anyway. He thought of his mother and of Billie, but for some reason, he mostly thought of Chelle. Perhaps as a distraction from other, more crucial things, but he thought about her nonetheless. And the more he thought about what his brother had said, the more it made sense.

  Chapter Six

  Bone tired Chelle rolled her sleeping bag out and crawled in. Normally she would wash up a little or pull one of the granola bars out of her bag to eat something before she slept. Not tonight. She’d been up for almost twenty-four hours and her sleep deprived mind was almost on the verge of insanity. Paranoia was setting in. She was sure that a car that had simply turned around and driven off had been watching her. That was ridiculous though. All the neighbours cars were safely parked in their respective driveways, and whoever it was probably wouldn’t know if she belonged in this neighbourhood or not.

  Chelle closed her eyes and forced it out of her mind. She needed a shower. The clean shirt that Robert had left for her had absorbed the wet blood on her back and was sticking to her, rather uncomfortably. Sitting up for a moment she removed the shirt, feeling the fabric tear itself from the skin. This was the only uniform shirt she had and she needed it for her one o’clock shift tomorrow. There was no getting around the fact that it would need to be washed as it was in no condition to be worn with two dark slivers where the fabric had been wet stood out. Thank god the shirt was black, any other color would have made it instant garbage.

  “Damn it all to hell,” she said, standing. Chelle cringed as she threw the garment into the washer she was lying next to and peeled off the rest of her clothes as well. She hated doing this. She had only used the washer here once before and that was when she’d fallen in the muddy snow on her way home, again needing those clothes for work the next day. But in for a penny, in for a pound. And since she was now naked, she might as well shower.

  As the washer hummed she felt her way in the darkness of the house to the upstairs bathroom, grabbing a towel on her way. Now she’d have to wash this and put it back tomorrow. Cursing she flicked on the light and stared at herself in the mirror. Standing sideways she could see the marks in her back, still blood encrusted but mostly healed underneath, back to their usual ugly scars.

  “Prettiest waitresses in town huh?” she whispered to herself in disgust, remembering the words Robert had said to her this morning. Why would he say something so utterly insensitive? Surely he didn’t think she was stupid enough to buy it. She softened thinking of the way he’d spoken to her. She had to give him some credit at least. He was trying to be nice. He had ended up simply being condescending, but at least he tried, which was more than probably could have been said for a lot of people.

  Chelle ran the shower and jumped in as quickly as she could. This had to be fast. Spending any time at all upstairs made her nervous. At least if something happened when she was downstairs she could hear and possibly crawl out the basement window.

  The moment the hot water rained down on her, her back began screaming. With one hand against the wall she stood, biting her lip, her poor scared lip that she always bit when in pain, and waited for it to pass. There was blood in the tub now along with everything else. This night was just getting better and better.

  After cleaning up she stopped the water and grabbed another towel to clean up the bloody mess. Before heading down to the basement once more she looked at her back again. It had returned to normal, well her normal at least. Then she said a prayer, like she did every time it happened, that this would be the last time. Whatever this thing she had been cursed with was she always hoped against hope that it would go away, but her prayer had never been answered. It always returned.

  After hiding the dirty wet towels behind the boxes she crawled naked into her sleeping bag, shivering. The house was freezing on this mid-winter night and she trembled alone in the darkness until the washer finally came to a stop.

  She threw the clothes into the dryer and lay down once more, beginning to relax as the warmth from the pipe that pumped heat into the appliance began to fill the room. Now she was ready to sleep. She drifted off as the noise rocked her into a badly needed slumber. She sighed thinking again about what Robert had said. She also thought again about his arms, the arms she had found herself admiring and let herself imagine for a moment that he was here, lying next to her with his arms wrapped around her. How wonderful that would feel. If only, she thought…prettiest waitresses in town? If only it were true.

  Chapter Seven

  Robert sat on the bed with his mother, quietly holding her hand. She was scared and confused, looking around at the new environment. The room was beautiful with a large window that overlooked a small pond. Other seniors were out on the grounds taking walks in the snow on the crisp sunny winter day. This would have been a great place for her before her mind had gone completely, but now it was the same as any home. She didn’t know where she was, only that she wasn’t where she was supposed to be.

  “It’s ok,” he whispered to her. “I’m gonna come visit you all the time.”

  “Robert,” she said, her face lighting up in a panic. “Have you seen Rusty? He’s not under the bed is he? Get him out from under there if he is.”

  “He’s not under the bed, mom. Rusty is fine.” Robert didn’t have the heart to tell her that Rusty, her ten year old Yorkie, was back at the house, probably wondering where she was too.

  She lay her head on her grown son’s shoulder like a small child and Robert felt his heart break into pieces. He put his arms around her, hugging her close. “Well, looks like she’s all settled in here,” Paul said as he entered the room. “We’ve signed all the paperwork. We’re good to go.”

  Robert knew his brother and knew he was just being his pragmatic self, but he wanted to punch him. At least he had shown up. Greg and Michael had both crapped out at the last minute. He might be ready to go but Robert wasn’t, and his mother surely wasn’t ready for him to leave. “You’re such a good boy, Robert. Just like your father. You look like him too,” she said, glancing at the framed wedding photo he had carefully placed on her bedside table.

  He did look just like his father, right down to the beard. She had told him this many times but each time felt just as good as the last. Reluctantly, he removed his arms from around her tiny, now much too angular, body and tilted his head to look her in the face. “Why don’t you lay down, huh? You look tired.”

  She did and he covered her up with one of the big quilts they’d brought from home. It didn’t take much to tire her out anymore and it had been an eventful morning for her. She closed her eyes and began to drift off almost immediately. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” he whispered so that only she could hear him.

  Robert joined Paul at the door, giving one last look at his mother before exiting. As they climbed into his brother’s car he stayed silent while the engine turned over, and didn’t speak a word until they pulled into the parking lot at the hospital where Paul was going to pick up the drug test collection supplies. “Are you going to hate us all forever?”

  “No,” he
sighed when he finally spoke. “Probably not. But I will for a little while.”

  Paul simply nodded and headed inside. When he returned twenty minutes later Robert was leaning with his head against the window. “Try not to take it so hard.”

  He wanted to scream at him. Wanted to ask how he could not be taking this hard. It was their mother after all. After a moment he decided to bite his tongue. There was no point trying to make someone care about something they so obviously didn’t. “What are we doing with the dogs?”

  Paul thought for a moment as if this was something he hadn’t thought of at all. “We could try to find homes for them I guess. But they’re old, might be best to put them down.”

  “I’ll take them,” he said without thinking.

  “Well, ok. You sure you have time for two old Yorkies? You’re pretty busy.”

  “Between me and Billie we can figure it out.”

  “Ok then,” Paul said pulling back on to the road.

  “I hope this works,” Robert said, shifting the subject to what they were about to do next.

  “I’m sure it will. If people think they are going to get better perks at work they’ll submit to almost anything. Especially at the kind of job they’re working.”

  Robert wanted to argue that it was a good job, but he had to admit that working in a bar was usually just an in-between thing most people did when they were at a crossroad in their lives. They had very few long term employees. People these days just didn’t see bartending and waitressing as a career.

  As soon as they arrived Robert pulled a few of the staff members aside for a brief meeting, took a deep breath and prepared to lie. “Ok, guys. Good news. We’re upping your insurance benefits.” There were smiles all around. It occurred to him for the first time that now he’d actually have to do just that. An expensive price to pay for his curiosity over one lone employee. “This is my brother, Paul. Some of you know him. He’s a doctor and so for your convenience I’ve brought him in to take blood and urine samples. I could have given you rec forms but you know the kind of wait there is at the blood clinic at the hospital, so Paul offered to come down and do it himself. It will only take a second and then we can all get on with our day.”