Dirty Deeds

by R. J. Blain

  He took another deep swallow of coffee, held up his finger, then put the coffee on the counter and stepped back.

  That was not a good sign.

  “So, good news, the storm broke.” He smiled. “Bad news, some of the roads are flooded and a driftwood log slammed into The Whistling Sails, busting out a wall, some windows, and knocking down the balcony.”

  “Shit.” I jogged to the bedroom for my phone.

  “No one was hurt,” he called after me. “The motel rooms weren’t rented out. So that’s good news too, isn’t it? See how I’m a bringer of good news?”

  I pushed the comforter, which had fallen off the bed, to one side. “Where’s my phone?” I said. “Ryder?”

  He was there, on the other side of the bed, checking in the sheets. “Nightstand?

  “No.”

  “Dresser?”

  “No.”

  He dropped to his knees and reached under the bed. “Got it. Oh.”

  “Oh?”

  Ryder stood. “I’m gonna blame the dragon pig.” He held the phone out to me. Or rather he held half the phone out to me, the bottom half having been neatly bitten off.

  “It ate my phone?” I took the destroyed electronic, having to actually touch the broken and melted edges to believe it. “It ate half my phone. Why? Why would it do this?”

  “Did you feed it yesterday?”

  “It had some forks and lug nuts at the diner.”

  “That’s barely a snack for that thing. I thought you were getting some old guard rails for it to eat.”

  “Fencing. Metal fencing.” And because it was morning and because I had been distracted by Crow, it all fell into place. I groaned. “Which I forgot to pick up from Aaron.”

  Ryder cleared his throat. It sounded like he was covering a laugh.

  I glanced up at him. “Don’t.” I scowled.

  He curved his fingers over his mouth and chin.

  “I can still see you grinning like a maniac. This isn’t funny.”

  “Totally not funny.” He sounded like he was going to bust a lung trying to keep the laugh at bay.

  “I don’t have a backup phone,” I whined. “How am I going to check in on The Whistling Sails?”

  “You could get a new one. If the road to Salem isn’t flooded.”

  “It is,” Crow called from the living room. “Part of 101 slid off the hill. Crews are working on it, but it’s gonna take more than a day to get it stabilized.”

  I dropped the half phone into the trash can. “So either I have to drive the long way south through Newport, hoping the pass is clear, or go without a phone.”

  “And did I mention the other bad news?” Crow called out.

  “Is it wrong of me to want to strangle my almost-uncle?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know,” Ryder whispered back. “Have you tried it?”

  I grinned at him. He grinned back and called, “Spill it, Crow. What’s the bad news?”

  I shucked out of Ryder’s T-shirt and threw on a sweater, then dug out a pair of socks. Phone or no phone, I was going to be outside today checking in with everyone and assessing the storm damage. Another storm was scheduled to hit later tonight. We weren’t out of the woods yet.

  I grabbed a rubber band and finger-combed my hair back to get it out of my way. Ryder was ahead of me, letting the dog and dragon pig back inside.

  “Bad dragon,” Ryder said as the pink menace trotted in a cute little circle around his feet. “But you’re probably starving. Thank you for not eating my truck.”

  It sat on its soft butt and tipped its snout up. It oinked once, adorably.

  Ryder headed toward the garage. “How about a crappy set of golf clubs for breakfast?” He got another oink for an answer and the dragon pig galloped after him.

  “Could I interest you in an incredibly annoying pet?” I asked Crow.

  “Why, what’d it do?”

  “Ate my phone,” I grumbled. “Okay, tell me the rest of it. All of it.” I snagged up my boots from where I’d left them in the front entryway.

  “Electricity’s out,” Crow said.

  “Where?”

  “Just the shoreline and the bay. Some places are working on backup generators.” He held up the hot coffee as proof.

  “You know, it’s weird you’re the one telling me all this. Where are my sisters?”

  “I ran into them and offered to come by.”

  “Suspicious.” I balanced on one foot, shoved the other in my boot, and repeated the process.

  “You really gotta try looking on the bright side one of these days, Boo Boo.” Crow took another swig of coffee.

  “What’s the bright side?”

  “Me,” he said, like it was obvious. “I’m the brightest bright you’ve ever seen. Oh, and also I think we have a little time before all hell breaks out.”

  Ryder had lugged the golf clubs into the living room, leaving the pig to its feast. He handed me my coat. I just held it in my fist, wanting nothing more than to throw it at Crow’s head. Then maybe strangle him with it.

  “You make me crazy,” I said. “If you’re not going to tell me, I’ll just go ask Myra. Or Jean. Have fun being Bertie’s lackey for the next decade.”

  I angled into my coat, reached for the door.

  “Wait!”

  I didn’t release the door but threw him a look over my shoulder.

  The smile was gone. The teasing was gone. He’d set his coffee cup on the kitchen island, and now he shoved both his hands, stiff-fingered, into the front pockets of his jeans.

  “I just found out. I need you to remember that, because I know you, Delaney, and I know you are going to lose your mind. But I just found out. This morning. And that is the full truth.”

  I turned the handle.

  “All right. Hold it. I know.” He licked his lips, shrugged one shoulder up like his neck was cramping, then mumbled: “I know who the storage unit belonged to.”

  “What?” I asked. “Louder. I don’t have ears on the floor.”

  He lifted his gaze to mine. “The storage unit. You asked me where I got most of that stuff?”

  “The whale sale?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Storage units, right?”

  He nodded. “Three, but most of it, the good stuff, the stuff that really sold well, was from one unit.”

  “Whose unit?”

  “Pandora’s.”

  This time I did let go of the handle so I could smash my hand over my face. It was better than grabbing my uncle and shaking the feathers out of him.

  “Uh, Delaney. Boo Boo. Did you hear me?”

  I inhaled, exhaled, counted down from ten, no, twenty, no, one hundred.

  “All that stuff I sold used to be owned by Pandora.”

  Ninety…

  “Which pretty much makes her storage unit a box, doesn’t it?” he mused.

  Eighty…

  “Most of the stuff came in a box, too, now that I think of it.”

  Seventy…

  “So that’s gonna be a problem if the myths are to be believed.”

  “Of course the myths are to be believed!” I waved my hands around. “This is Ordinary.”

  “I know where we live, Delaney,” he said. “Which is why as soon as I found out who the items used to belong to, I insisted I would come over here and fill you in. See? I’m doing my part to keep everyone safe.”

  I just stared at him, and the stupid twinkle in his eye that said he rather liked the way things were turning out so far.

  Trickster gods were just the worse, but Crow was the worst of them all.

  “So is the weather and flooding and destruction of property because Pandora’s stuff was sold?” Ryder asked.

  It was good he’d said something. What I needed right now was focus and a clear head. And Crow just looked so strangle-able.

  “I don’t think so,” I said, turning away from Crow even though all I wanted to do was stay here and yell. Yelling wouldn’t solve the proble
m, and I was pretty sure Crow was right when he said all hell was going to break loose.

  “So what’s the hell that’s going to break loose?” Ryder opened the door for me, his brain putting two and two together and coming up with the next logical step at the same time as mine.

  “I don’t know yet,” I said. “But if all the items came in boxes…”

  “…and the storage unit is a box,” he added.

  “…then everything Crow sold has the potential of being cursed.”

  Ryder jogged with me to the Jeep and waited for me to unlock it so he could get in the passenger seat. Unfortunately, Crow was right behind us.

  “Hey, don’t look at me like that,” he said. “You told me this was my mess to clean up, so I’m coming with you to clean it up.”

  I leaned on the top of the driver’s door and glared at him over the roof of the vehicle. “I want a list of everything you got out of the storage unit, and a list of everyone who bought something from you.”

  “You think I keep track of all the—”

  “Yes,” I interrupted. “I know you do. Get the lists. Then call me.”

  “Phone,” Ryder said.

  “Shit. Call Ryder, he’ll be with me. If we’re going to find all this stuff before curses start popping up everywhere, we’re going to have to split up and be quick.”

  “But…”

  “No. Go. Get the records. Call. Now.”

  I ducked into the Jeep.

  Ryder was already on his phone texting.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Myra.” He hit the screen, and Myra’s voice came through the speaker.

  “Crow did what?”

  “Sold Pandora’s box. Boxes,” I clarified.

  “Want me to try to get the manifest of what was in her storage?”

  “No, I have Crow doing that. I need you to head to the library and see if there’s any way we can tell which of the items she owned are cursed.”

  “Is there a chance none of them are?” Ryder asked.

  “No,” Myra and I said at the same time.

  “Once you get to the library, let me know,” I said.

  “Already there,” she said.

  Relief washed through me. Myra. Right place, right time. “Okay, then let me know what you find out. If all of this stuff is cursed, we’re going to need a curse breaker.”

  “Got it.” She sounded a little out of breath like she was climbing stairs.

  “I’m sending Jean south. We’ll need to coordinate if we’re repossessing or curse-breaking the objects.”

  “Curse-breaking is best,” she said. “That way we won’t have to deal with this same problem in ten years when the items crop up again.”

  “Agreed. I’ll check in with Hatter and Shoe, make sure they’re dealing with the weather-related disasters.”

  “Good,” Myra said. “Delaney?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You promised me you were going on vacation today.”

  I looked at Ryder, and he was staring straight ahead. He felt my gaze, though, and looked down at the phone.

  “Reservations are good for a late check in,” he said.

  “Wouldn’t have to be a late check in if you left right now,” Myra said.

  Ryder’s eyes came up, and I was caught by the green of them, flecked with black and gold, like a forest in the setting sun. There was a question in his eyes, an invitation. We could just run away. Leave this mess behind.

  I could just let go.

  He must have seen something in my expression because to Myra he said, “We’re good for now. Headed north.” He paused.

  I nodded. “Yeah, north.”

  “And we’ll work our way down as soon as Crow gets us the list of buyers.” He raised his eyebrow in question, and I nodded. That was the plan. He knew me well.

  “If you need me,” I said, “call Ryder’s phone.”

  “Why? What’s wrong with your phone?”

  “It got eaten by a dragon.”

  She laughed and kept on laughing until Ryder pressed the button to hang up on her.

  I eased the Jeep out onto the street and took off northward. Limbs had fallen in yards, on roofs, and cars, but no major damage that I could see. A couple of fences were blown over and garbage cans rearranged.

  Winter on the Oregon coast meant we were prepared for these kinds of storms. We’d taken a lot worse damage, so I knew we would get through this. But with another storm coming in tonight, it was best to do everything we could before it hit.

  Like find all the cursed objects before something terrible happened.

  “So on a scale of time-to-go-on-vacation to oh-my-gods-we’re-gonna-die, where do the cursed items fall?” he asked.

  “Probably varies. If we have Pandora’s past to measure against, I’d say we’re somewhere in dump-truck-of-shit-about-to-hit-jet-engine territory.”

  “Well, crap,” he said.

  “Exactly.” I aimed the Jeep north, noting with relief that the main drag through town was relatively clear from debris. The missing traffic light wasn’t helping anything, but we were used to having power knocked out several times a year too. We’d set up road construction sawhorses with flashing lights to warn everyone to use the intersection like a four-way stop.

  So far, no accidents. Luckily, this wasn’t the busy tourist season.

  Ryder’s phone belted out the opening to “Drop it Low, Girl” by Ester Dean. I gave him a wide-eyed look.

  He just flashed me a grin, mouthed, “drop it drop it low,” before hitting the screen. “You’re on speaker, Crow. I’m with Delaney. What you got?”

  “The list of names and items. I think there’s only a couple dozen things from Pandora’s stash.”

  “Forward it to Ryder,” I said, “we’ll take it from here.”

  “Now, now,” Crow said. “I seem to recall someone telling me that if I made the mess, I needed to be the one to clean it up.”

  “No,” I said.

  “So, I’ll meet you wherever you’re headed.”

  “No—Shit. Did you see that?”

  Ryder nodded. “Kind of hard to miss a giant yellow flash. Power lines?”

  “That’s what we’ll say it was,” I said.

  “Blue Owl?” Ryder asked.

  “Looks like it.”

  “Piper bought one,” Crow said. “I’ll meet you there.”

  “Crow, you will do no such thing.”

  Ryder shook his head and held up his phone. “He hung up.” His phone chimed. “That’s the list.”

  “Forward it to everyone.”

  “Already ahead of you.”

  “What did Piper buy?” I stepped on the gas, the standing water throwing up wings as I plowed through deep puddles.

  “Hang on.” He worked his phone, fielding messages and scanning through the list.

  “Well,” he grumbled, “one thing I can say about Crow. He keeps detailed records.”

  “Such as?”

  “Piper: good mood, French perfume, no jewelry, paid cash.”

  “All right. Paid cash for what?”

  “A toy.”

  “Does he say what kind?”

  Ryder scowled at the screen. “Solar dancing toy. Clapper. I have no idea what that is.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “Does it say outside or inside toy?”

  “No.”

  “That’s fine,” I said. “We can ask Piper. I’m sure she knows what she bought.”

  He nodded. “Plus, Crow’s meeting us there.”

  “Yeah, I’d rather keep him out of this as much as possible.”

  “You did tell him to clean up his messes.”

  “And yet he always finds some way to mess up his messes even more.”

  “Talented.”

  “Trickster.”

  “You sure you don’t want to get away? Little cabin in the woods. Might be snowy. Hot tub. Peaceful. Quiet. Just the two of us. Heaven.”

  He was teasing me a little, but I needed him t
o know exactly how I felt. “I want that more than anything. The faster we take out Pandora’s trash, the faster we get that hot tub. And it better be peaceful and quiet. Just the two of us.”

  “I love it when you get all forceful.” He patted his chest and fluttered his eyes.

  I pulled into the diner’s parking lot, avoiding the ruts and puddles. “All right, let’s go see what that flash was all about.”

  The wind had picked up, cold and wet off the ocean. It wasn’t raining, but the air still had tiny droplets in it, forming a mist that was almost invisible. It was the kind of moisture that wasn’t really noticeable until you’d been standing in it for several minutes and realized you were soaking wet.

  Typical Oregon.

  “I’ll take point.” I strode up to the door.

  He nodded and fell into step behind me.

  The diner looked normal. Half-a-dozen cars were parked as close to the building as possible so the owners wouldn’t have to walk far through the rain. The smell of cinnamon and onions—weirdly, a nice mix—poured out of the venting.

  From what I could see through the windows, diners were at tables eating breakfast. There must be some really great music playing on the janky speakers because every head in the place was nodding along to the beat.

  Which was…

  “Weird,” Ryder said. “The synchronized head-bopping. That’s weird, right?”

  “That’s weird.”

  I pushed through the door and stopped.

  “Hey, Delaney,” Piper said. She was plastered against the wall next to me, her eyes wide and staring straight out over the dining area. “Thought you’d be by. Wanna fill me in on what’s going on?”

  I didn’t tell her I was just about to ask the same thing.

  “Did you buy a toy from Crow?” I asked.

  “Toy?”

  “Solar-powered clapper?” Ryder hadn’t stepped into the building at all, but stood in the threshold of the door, letting in the wet, fresh air.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I did.”

  “Is it here?”

  She still hadn’t taken her eyes off the far side of the diner. As a matter of fact, other than talking, she hadn’t moved at all.

  “Can’t you see it?” she asked.

  I scanned the room. Three booths and two tables were occupied. Every person was sitting still, hands in front of them, heads bobbing side to side. Side to side.

  The music was a slow country tune, and the beat of the song and the beat of the diners was not lining up at all.