Dirty Deeds

by R. J. Blain

  With that, the bird leaped into the sky, its powerful wings snapping wide. The wind from its flight pushed at Mal, and she had to lean so it didn’t knock her over. It wasn’t until then that she noticed the bird’s wicked talons. Not a creature to tangle with, that’s for sure.

  Mal eyed the tower. This could take a while, but birds didn’t work in feet and inches. With a sigh, she began her climb, glad the wisteria was strong. It actually didn’t take as long as she’d feared because the giant hadn’t hidden the signs of his passing and she found a trail of broken and bruised leaves. When it stopped, so did she. Digging inside the tangle of vines, she located a round wooden box about the size of a small plum. The wood was lacquered green with a crest inlaid in gold.

  She pocketed it and climbed down, waving up at the birds as she departed. She’d have to find a way to thank them. Maybe send a giant fruit basket. Or a cow. She’d ask LeeAnne what they liked.

  On the way back to her apartment, she dialed both LeeAnne and Law but got no answer. She scowled. That wasn’t like either of them, especially when they would want her to report in as soon as she had news.

  She tried again then rang the front desk. They tried and had no better luck.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Jade, but they must be in a meeting. I can leave a message for you—”

  Mal hung up, worry chewing at her. Not for the first time did she wish she could mindspeak with the ghosts.

  What the hell was going on?

  Panic bubbled inside her, and she pushed it down. Panic rarely helped. The only reasonable thing to do was go look for them and see if they needed help.

  She called the desk back. “Where is the Leshiy family staying?” She asked before the clerk could get off a greeting.

  “I’m sorry but—”

  “I’m on staff now, so if you’re going to tell me you can’t give out that information, it’s bullshit. I need to know, and I need to know it now. Where is the Leshiy family staying?” Mal kept her voice quiet and even, which anyone who knew her would have known meant she was about to pop the last rivet on her temper and go ballistic, all safeguards abandoned.

  “Oh. I see. Let me check… Oh, yes. I’ll text you that information, Miss Jade. Right away.”

  The phone cut off, and a moment later, the text came through. South copse resort, specially designed for forest dwellers on vacation. She should have known.

  Mal had made it only as far as the first floor of the main tower before contacting the main desk, so she wheeled around and returned outside, crossing the courtyard, striding through the formal gardens, winding through the waterpark and other amenities, until eventually she came to the forest-land resort.

  It looked like it had come from an enchanted forest movie set. Huge trees rose higher than skyscrapers and wove together with the rooms created both inside their trunks and from their interwoven branches. Rivers rose up and created impossible waterfalls. Moss dripped and lilies filled pools. Starflowers dotted the ground and sparkled high up in the trees, creating a faerytale atmosphere. Behind the large trees ran a wildwood, untamed and bound only at the edges by LeeAnne’s power.

  That’s where Mal headed. If there was trouble here, that was the place to find it. Anything could happen in a wildwood, including something that would keep LeeAnne and Law too distracted to answer Mal’s call. She refused to consider that they were anything more than distracted. If that was the case, she’d have to break her vow against killing. If someone had hurt Law or even LeeAnne, that someone was going to pay in blood. A lot of blood.

  Chapter Four

  It turned out that Mal didn’t have to kill anybody after all.

  She marched along a cathedral-like walkway leading into the wildwood. Overhead, tree branches curved like flying buttresses and starflowers gleamed in the green gloom. The ground changed from cobbles to moss then to leaf meal. She was aware when she left the ordinary magical world and entered the wildwood when she stepped over a line of purple mushrooms with little yellow spots.

  The air bent around her, and the trees swayed. The earth rippled and a monstrous figure grew up out of the ground. It was made of dirt and twigs and had no discernible face. Its legs were thick lumps of clay and its arms were ropey roots woven together, the ends forming something suggesting hands.

  “Leave,” it said in—surprise! —a dry, dusty voice. “Not welcome.”

  “I have friends in here, and I’m going to find them.” Mal had already shielded herself against an attack. “Once I find them, I’ll take them and leave.”

  “Stay and be dead.”

  Thick, wet mud swirled up and closed around her legs all the way to her hips.

  Rude.

  Mal wasn’t in the mood to play polite. She cast a spell to dry the mud and exploded it away from her.

  “Mistake,” said the creature.

  “Damn straight it was,” she said. “And I’ll thank you to stop making them. I’m going to look for my friends, and I don’t have time to mess around. I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I swear to all that’s holy and all that’s not, I will wipe this place off the map if you try to stop me.”

  The creature didn’t seem to understand, or maybe it just didn’t care. Hard to say. How much intelligence did mud creatures have, anyway?

  Mal took a step forward, and the creature oozed toward her. Magic flared around her hand. She was feeling a lot like hitting someone, and wasn’t it convenient that this creature was asking for it?

  “Mal, stop. It’s okay. We’re here.”

  Law sounded exhausted, his voice gravelly. He came out of the woods on the right, following someone else.

  “Riazs, return to your home with thanks,” said another man, his voice pitched higher than Law’s.

  Instantly the mud creature dissolved into the ground until there was nothing left of it.

  Mal looked at the man with Law. Only he wasn’t a man. Not exactly. He had all the right parts: arms, legs, head, chest, and so on. He also had a pair of spiraling horns growing out of the riot of russet hair that fell down his back in a thick curtain. His smooth skin was dark—a mix of green, gray, and brown, like tree bark. His eyes were a brilliant green, like lush grass. He wore something that looked sort of like pants and sort of like nothing at all.

  Law pushed around his companion and came to stand beside her. He was carrying Elliot, who was asleep in his arms.

  “We found the kids, thanks to Tazho and Elliot. The Leshiy family decided to stay in the woods for now.”

  Mal wanted to ask just who Tazho was, but it wasn’t particularly important right now. She glanced over to where LeeAnne had stopped beside the wildwood denizen. Despite the fact that her clothes looked pristine—she was still wearing heels and walking easily in them—her mouth and eyes were tense, and her eyes were the color of pansies. She’d gone from pissed to livid in the past few hours.

  “Did you find out who took them?” Mal asked.

  “Let’s talk about that later,” Law said. He looked at Tazho. “Thank you for your help. Should you need or want anything, you have only to call my name. I will hear.”

  “You are welcome anywhere in all of Effrayant at any time,” LeeAnne said. “Say my name, I will come.”

  Mal glanced between all three. Something big appeared to have gone down. Blood-bound supernaturals like LeeAnne and Law didn’t commit their help or friendship like that without a serious reason. It could conflict with their oaths. She took in the dirt smearing Law’s clothing and the scrapes hashing his hands and face. His shirt and pants were torn in places and stained with a dark substance. Splotches of what appeared to be blood liberally dotted his clothing.

  “Let’s go.” Law nodded to Tazho and stepped over the mushroom line.

  LeeAnne followed. Mal hesitated.

  “Nice meeting you,” she said finally with a little wave and started to turn, stopped, and turned back. “You haven’t seen some ghosts, have you? They came to help look for the missing kids.”

  Tazho’s
mouth curved into a smile, revealing dimples and white teeth. “They are here.”

  He held up a stem. It held what appeared to be the green outer leaves of a flower. In the center, though, was a drop of pearly water. Mal’s eyes narrowed and she stepped forward. The pearl color came from the ghosts.

  “Why?” She demanded, not bothering to hide her anger.

  “It protects them.” He waved a hand at their surroundings. “The wood is a strange place, and their kind can become… food.”

  The relief that swept through Mal made her throat swell and her eyes burn. “Thank you for protecting them.”

  He tipped his head. “They are important?” His voice lilted upward in a question.

  “They are my friends.” She paused then shook her head. “They are my family.”

  His smile widened. “Those who find ties of the soul among outside their kind are much to be admired and envied.”

  “How do I free them?”

  “In the dawn the flower will bloom.”

  An awkward silence fell between them as he looked at her but did not hand her the flower. Did she need to bargain for it?

  He stepped closer until he nearly touched her. She smelled the sweetness of flowers and the warmth of green life and fertile soil. It was a heady scent made her dizzy, like she’d downed half a bottle of champagne.

  He reached up and pulled a delicate wisteria blossom from her hair.

  “I will take this in exchange.”

  He held up the ghost flower with his other hand. The moment was strangely intimate but not sexual. It was more holy, if Mal had to choose a word. Sacred. Like encountering a wild creature who chose to trust you. She felt a certain joy that came from the wonder.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “You are welcome here,” he said. He tipped his head, looking up at the canopy. “You have a foot in this world as you have one in the other. Never fear the wildwood.”

  He flashed a smile at her and leaped away, disappearing into the dappled light and shadow.

  Mal accompanied the others back to the towers, following Law up to their apartment. He didn’t seem inclined to talk, and she didn’t want to push. Once inside, he took Elliot to the bathroom and set him in the bathtub, running a warm bubble bath. Elliot loved his bubble baths. A few moments later, Law returned to the kitchen in fresh clothes. He put on a pot of coffee and took out a to-go cup.

  “Where are you going?” Mal asked, frowning.

  He blew out a tired breath. “You tell me. What did you find?”

  He was all business, and Mal’s feet rooted themselves to the floor as ice wrapped around her. He’d been through something. Something difficult. Shouldn’t they talk about it? Didn’t couples do that?

  Not that she knew a damned thing about relationships. Inwardly she shrugged and then sat at the counter. He poured them both coffee as she reported on her experiences, remembering she still had the severed hand in one of her pockets. She pulled it out, and Law grabbed a plastic bag for her to put it in. It had begun to smell. She also gave him the round talisman box. He turned it in his fingers but didn’t open it before dropping it in his pocket.

  “All right. I’d better go deal with this. Don’t wait up. I probably won’t be back tonight.” He noticed the pearl flower she’d set on the counter. “What’s that?”

  “Something Tazho gave me.” She chewed her lower lip. “What happened in the woods? How did you find the kids? Did you find out who took them? And why? And how?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll tell you later. Have to run now. The wedding parties start arriving tomorrow, and I’ve got to get this all cleared up before they arrive if I can.”

  He grabbed his cup and the sack holding the hand and headed for the door, stopped, came back, and pressed a fast kiss to her lips, then was gone.

  Mal stared at the door for a long moment, not quite sure how she should feel. Definitely not hurt, even though that’s where her idiot emotions were leaning. Law had a lot on his plate that needed to be dealt with. It would be pretty stupid and selfish to feel hurt that he was going to go investigate a bunch of murders that had happened in his territory. Not only was it his job, but he’d taken a blood oath to protect and serve Effrayant, which meant he didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter. Trouble was, she still wasn’t all that sure about their relationship and could have used some reassurance.

  She rolled her eyes at herself. Don’t be such an insecure baby. That will drive him off for sure.

  She finished her coffee, sighed at the empty carafe, then stood up. Ten minutes later, she was scrubbing down a happy goat before wrapping him in towels and grabbing her own shower. She made herself a sandwich and crawled into Law’s side of the bed, falling asleep with Elliot curled up beside her, nose tucked into her neck, snoring.

  Chapter Five

  It’s a truth universally acknowledged that any sane being who sees a pixie should immediately run in the other direction. Don’t look back, don’t stop, not even if you happen to be having a stroke or spontaneously burst into flames. Pixies are worse than either of those. Get as far away as possible and maybe, just maybe, if you’re very lucky, you’ll get clear of the disaster zone before all hell breaks loose. Because hell will break loose, and when it does, even the mountains will wish they could hide. So run, rabbits, run as fast as you can.

  Unfortunately, a place like Effrayant doesn’t discriminate on the basis of potential mayhem, even when it’s quite possible the guests will trigger an extinction level event. If pixies wanted to plunk down the money to stay, plus a hefty damage waiver, they’re welcome to come and have their wedding. And if there happened to be a few hundred of them? Put on the riot gear and roll out the red carpet.

  In this case, the carpet was blue with a gold border. Mal cast a dubious eye at it. Was there such a thing as Kevlar carpets? Because at the rate things were going, the number of guests abandoning ship was going to wear a few dozen holes in it before long.

  She yawned and sipped her coffee. It was a little before eight in the morning. Normally she wouldn’t be out of bed yet but having LeeAnne call and summon her to a consultation had cleared out all the cobwebs and sent an electric jolt through her bloodstream.

  She’d left Elliot snoozing in the bed, and put on a pair of worn jeans, a comfortable T-shirt, and a blue patchwork leather jacket with fringe along the arms before descending for the meeting. She wasn’t fashionable, but she didn’t particularly care, and nothing she wore would look good while in LeeAnne’s vicinity anyway.

  She’d taken a table at the bistro on the edge of the hotel’s lobby to wait, watching the flood of guests leaving, most not checking out. She assumed that they planned to return once the pixies had departed.

  Rats abandoning a ship.

  Not that she could blame them. The pixies hadn’t even arrived yet, and already there was a stack of dismembered giant bodies and a kidnapping. That didn’t bode well for the rest of the wedding activities.

  Truth be told, there were worse things than pixies. Like… mentally deficient gnomes who’d forgotten how to use toilets—though to be honest, gnomes weren’t generally known for using toilets. They like to squat and drop and keep going. On top of that, they weren’t actually known for their hygiene. They always had rank hair growing mildew and moss with slimy things colonizing in their greasy tresses. They dressed in clothes made of recently caught fish skins, when they dressed at all. At least the pixies didn’t smell and weren’t as depressing.

  If Mal had to choose, she’d take pixies. That probably qualified her as mentally deficient. Maybe she should look into a shrink.

  LeeAnne stood speaking to a kelpie and his skinwalker wife or girlfriend. The kelpie looked steamed, but while LeeAnne normally managed a perfectly polite and genial façade for her guests, she hadn’t gotten over her rage from yesterday. The kelpie had stretched out as if he were about to take a piss on the carpet. A chill rolled through the air. Only it wasn’t cold. More like the devil running
his fingers up your spine. Her fingers.

  Every one of Mal’s hairs prickled, and she shuddered against the visceral fear that swept through her. The kelpie’s hair stood on end, his tail bottle-brushing. She’d never seen anything like that before except on a cat. He shifted into human form and bowed low, head nearly to his knees. It was something straight out of a seventeenth-century French drama. He held the pose until LeeAnne said something, and he and his companion sprinted for the front doors.

  The housekeeper’s lips curved in a tight smile, and she headed for Mal’s table, only to be stopped again, this time by a trio of vampires and their blood harem.

  LeeAnne ignored the two male vampires and the human blood donors, focusing on the petite female vampire. She had an hourglass figure, with orange tennis shoes, black yoga pants with little white hearts up the backs of the legs and skull and crossbones on each hip; the skulls sported pink bows and the words Beautiful Disaster. On top, she wore a plain black hoody. Her blue hair was caught up on top of her head in two long pigtails. She was adorable.

  She looked up at LeeAnne, speaking quickly and gesturing broadly. LeeAnne nodded, her gaze flicking to the two males and the harem, who looked high and happy, as was usual for most harems.

  Mal took in the two males who radiated protective hostility at LeeAnne. Clearly the three were the beginning of a terror. Murder of crows, gaggle of geese, terror of vampires.

  The bloodsuckers tended to collect into sort of family groups, often with a queen at the center, though sometimes they started with a king. Most of the time the women decided they wanted to nest and that’s how things started. Generally they collected at least thirteen members of a blood harem to feed on, so either there were more waiting back at their den or they were recruiting. Maybe both.

  LeeAnne and the female vampire exchanged words. Abruptly the vampire woman threw her arms around LeeAnne in a quick embrace, let her go, and swept away, heading for a bank of elevators at the back of the lobby that hadn’t been there two minutes before.