Dirty Deeds

by R. J. Blain

  “It’s not exactly unreasonable either,” Mal conceded after a long moment. “But it is really frustrating to have you doubt my commitment when I’m trying so hard. I said I’m all in.”

  He drew back slightly, his brows drawing together.

  “Now what?”

  “That was incredibly adult of you.”

  “Thanks, I think. I’ve been working on it, not that you’ve noticed.”

  His thumbs moved in gentle circles on her shoulders as he continued to marvel. “I just threw a load of crap at you and you didn’t freak out on me.”

  “One of us has to be sane right now. Obviously, you’re in raving lunatic mode, so I have to be in reasonable mode. Which, may I point out, I was also being when I said that I might get mad and you’d have to deal with it. Because we’re going to fight, probably a lot, and we’ll have to work it out. Every time. Without one of us running off or one of us being a giant dick.”

  His mouth quirked. “Let me take a wild guess about who the giant dick might be.”

  “Don’t bother. It’s you.”

  Mal wasn’t feeling particularly mollified or forgiving. She was still seriously irritated and really wanted some chocolate and maybe a cocktail. Hitting someone wouldn’t hurt either.

  “You know, it could be said that the reverse is true. That I might get mad and you might have to just deal with it,” he suggested.

  She scowled. “Yes. It could. However anybody saying that right now might find his nut sack wrapped around his neck. Plus I am dealing with it. I haven’t gone anywhere, have I? I haven’t thrown any punches or stabbed your foot with my heels, have I? And I notice I’m not even getting a high-five or a pat on the back for my restraint. I should at least get a box of Oreos or a Wonka Bar.”

  Neither Mal’s hurt nor her anger were appeased, but she didn’t want Law to know it. Better to just let it go and forget anything had happened. But this unfortunate interaction had sent her back into her doubts about whether she was capable of managing a relationship with him at all. Or would it always be one of them doubting the other?

  She released a sigh that she wasn’t aware of. He put his fingers under her chin and lifted it to look into her eyes again.

  “We’re going to figure this out,” he promised. “And we’re going to start by stopping whatever shit show is about to get under way. Whatever it is, it’s going to be bad.”

  “You said I had a look like I was going to take risks I shouldn’t. Care to clarify?”

  “You’re about to dive headlong into this mess,” Law said. “If you’re in the middle of it, that translates into taking risks you shouldn’t. Ergo, I need to be worried about how this plays out.”

  “Did you really just say ‘ergo’?”

  “Don’t change the subject. I know you want to help the little giants and the pixies. You’re a sucker for underdogs, and you don’t like seeing the little giants lose everything to become slaves just because they shrank. You’re going to do everything you can to make sure they get their wedding and a safe territory to live in.”

  Mal made a face at him. “You think you know me so well.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  “No, but I don’t have to like it. Maybe I want to cultivate an air of mystery.”

  “If you had any more mystery going on, I’d have to put a gun in my mouth. You’ve got so many secrets, it would take years to tell me, even if you started yesterday.”

  “I thought men liked mysterious women. Open books are boring.”

  “Feel free to bore me any time. And I’d like to point out that you’re trying to change the subject.”

  “All right, fine. Yes. I want to see the alliance go through and the little giants and pixies start protecting each other, though I still think it sucks that the little female giants aren’t getting much out of the deal.”

  “Except their freedom and they’ll retain their citizenship and possessions,” Law said.

  “Fine. What exactly are you wanting from me? Since you don’t think I’m all that safety conscious? Are you telling me to stay out of it?”

  He glared at her. “Of course not. I’m telling you to be fucking careful. Don’t go it alone. Take a partner. Bring in the ghosts.

  “They’re still recovering, and they are going out with a reaper wraith for LeeAnne.”

  “Then summon So’la.”

  Law hated the demon, but since So’la was very invested in Mal’s staying alive and he had both magical and physical strength, Law had decided the demon was a necessary evil if it meant keeping Mal safe.

  She opened her mouth to respond, and he cut her off.

  “Don’t tell me you swore you’d never take advantage of your bond to command him. He demanded you call on him before you risk your life, and he will be pissed if you don’t. Besides, you don’t have to command him, you just have to ask.”

  “And then listen to him complain about it until the end of time,” Mal groused.

  “Don’t be a baby.”

  “He’s probably in the middle of an orgy.”

  “He’ll get over it.”

  “It’s rude.”

  “All the more reason to do it.”

  “Oh, fine.”

  Are you there?

  The connection between them was like an open phone line that neither could hang up, though Mal could, and had, squeeze it so tight, he couldn’t talk to her.

  He responded almost immediately.

  What’s on your mind, Mistress?

  She gave a mental sigh. He only called her that to annoy her. Now. In the beginning of their relationship, the word had been full of raking fury.

  I apparently could use a bodyguard. But you don’t have to come if you’re busy. It’s not a big deal.

  “Why does that phrase always worry me?”

  Even half expecting him to just pop in, his arrival still made her start. The demon wore a human guise, but at least he’d decided not to come as Law’s identical twin. That creeped her out to no end.

  Instead he’d stuck with a look he’d worn before. Blond, broad shouldered, sculpted face with hawkish blue eyes, and the body of an Olympic god. He glanced at Law then at her, his eyebrows rising. A half second later, he’d shifted from casual to a designer tux.

  “Very nice dress,” he drawled at Mal, scanning her up and down with slow appreciation.

  “You can look but don’t even think about touching,” Law growled, his jaw knotting.

  “But thinking is so fun,” the demon replied, taunting. “There are so many naughty possibilities for that dress. And those delightful shoes. And, Mallory, I think you’re not wearing a stitch of underwear.” He licked his lips. “I could just eat you up. I imagine you’re just delicious.”

  Every teasing word turned up the heat on Law’s ire, which was the entire point. Well, maybe ninety percent. So’la had been working on getting Mal between the sheets for a while, now. He was hedonistic as hell, and she was pretty sure he’d fuck a camel given half the chance. Mal resisted the urge to remind Law it had been his idea to call on the demon.

  “Demon,” Law growled, sliding a possessive arm around Mal. “She’s your mistress, not your dinner.”

  “Witch,” So’la said without bothering to look at Law. “She’s my mistress and I’ll thank you to remember that.”

  “What the fuck? Now you’ve all of a sudden decided me holding your chain is a good thing? Is having the biggest dick that important?”

  “Yes,” they both said in unison.

  “Oh my god, I’m living in a reality TV show. Could you two cool it and remember we’re running out of time?”

  “We are?” So’la asked with interest. “What calamity is about to strike now?”

  “We’re looking at a giant civil war with a side of pixies,” Mal said.

  “Pixies?” So’la repeated with a mix of both horror and interest. “How big is this giant civil war? And whose side are we on?”

  Mal shook her head. The demon enjoyed nothing mo
re than mayhem. Having him here had every chance of making things worse. A whole lot worse.

  “A civil war between giants,” Law explained. “Some large, some small.”

  “Small giants,” So’la repeated. “Is that even possible? Aren’t giants by definition very large?”

  “Turns out not so much, no,” Law replied.

  “One of the little giants and a pixie are about to get married and create an alliance, but a lot of the big giants and some pixies don’t want it to happen,” Mal explained. “Actually, from what we can tell, most of the big giants don’t want this to happen. There have been a couple attempts to stop the wedding already, including several murders and a massive brawl earlier today. We know an attack is about to happen. One of the virdanas as much as told Law so, and she didn’t seem at all worried about Law or LeeAnne stopping it. Oh, and a lot of the virdanas and little giants can shift into dragons.”

  Law looked at Mal. “I’m going to have to connect more deeply with Effrayant. So will LeeAnne. It will take a little while. I’ll be quick as I can.”

  She nodded as if she understood what he meant.

  He looked at So’la. “Watch her back. I won’t be long.”

  The demon smiled and licked his lips, his gaze running over Mal. “With pleasure.”

  “Keep your hands to yourself, demon,” Law growled, then to Mal, “I’m fairly sure we have until the wedding before hell breaks loose. I’ll be back long before then.” With that, he bent and kissed her then strode away.

  Mal watched him go then looked at So’la, who just stared her.

  “What?”

  “I’m waiting for that word salad to make sense,” he said.

  Mal nodded. “I’ll explain, but first I need you to go to fetch the ghosts. They don’t have to go on duty for LeeAnne for a few hours yet, so they can help watch for trouble.”

  “Is that an order?”

  She glared. “Are we really starting that again?”

  “One must keep up appearances.”

  “One must shove his head up his ass is what one must do. If you don’t want to pop out and get the ghosts, say so. I’ll go find them. But it’ll be a lot faster if you do it.”

  “I’ll go.” He grabbed a glass of something off a tray. It bubbled but it didn’t look anything like champagne. He tossed it back in one gulp, eyeing the small and large giants milling in the crowd.

  He grinned and shook his head. “I have no idea what’s going on, but as always, Mallory Jade, you are entertaining.”

  “I aim to please.”

  “I am beginning to think bonding with you wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

  “Yippee. I’m so happy for you. But don’t worry; you’ll change your mind soon enough. Now go fetch the ghosts.”

  He gave a little wave and vanished.

  Mal snaked her way through the pavilion, searching for Coorsel and Nayena. She saw no sign of them, or Hammet and Ilee. It wasn’t that late, she told herself. Guests were still arriving, and the wedding wasn’t scheduled for a couple of hours yet. They’d make their appearance soon enough.

  All the same, foreboding itched at her. Something wasn’t right.

  So’la returned, startling a triad of pixie females who had been at the nearby nectar fountain. They squealed in dismay and then fluttered closer, faces alight with curiosity.

  Mal wondered what they saw. The real So’la, under the illusion of gorgeous human male, was a butt-ugly scary demon with substantial powers. He saw their interest and smiled at them. Talk about silent messages. That wicked smile, that seductive look. All three pixies answered his unspoken invitation by clustering around him. Apparently, they were just as horny as he was.

  Mal rolled her eyes and stepped back, ignoring them as she looked for some sign of the ghosts. Edna sat in a chair in a small nook. Mal went to sit beside her.

  “You look better than you did,” she said. “How do you feel?”

  “Much better, thank you. So’la says that you need us?”

  Mal nodded. “This is the pre-reception for the giant-pixie wedding that takes place in a couple of hours. Many, if not most, of the guests don’t want that wedding to happen.”

  “Why not?”

  Mal explained about the curse and the current situation of both the little giants and the pixies. “So we need to find Coorsel and Nayena and keep an eye on the guests. Are you and the others up for that?”

  She nodded. “Watching we can do. Much more and—” She just shook her head.

  “Be careful. Let me know if you see anything that seems off.”

  Edna nodded and disappeared. Mal rose, deciding to look for Coorsel and Nayena outside. So’la quickly joined her, sans pixie companions.

  “How about you explain what’s going on. Speak slowly and use simple words.”

  “Simple words for a simple demon?”

  So’la grinned. “Remember that when I get revenge, later.”

  “If I don’t, I’m sure you’ll remind me.”

  “That I will.”

  Mal glanced back at the three pixies, who had now morphed into seven, not all of them female. She looked at So’la. “Before or after the orgy?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Probably not.”

  “So start talking. Begin with just how in the Nine Reaches the little giants became little and why Law thinks you’re in danger.”

  “You do realize he’s being overprotective, don’t you?”

  “You do realize he’s got reason to be, don’t you?” So’la returned, mimicking her voice.

  “I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.”

  “You are a very strong, very creative, very capable witch,” So’la agreed. “You are also insane, and you have few, if any, ideas of your own limits. Either that or you know them and just wave at them as you whizz on past. Either way, you need someone to keep you on the right side of reason.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Your idea of reason is totally selfish and never a help to anyone.”

  “And your idea of reason is total sacrifice and never look out after yourself. Which one of us does Law trust to bring you back alive?”

  He had a point. She refused to say it. She also refused to let him have the last word because she was ten years old, apparently.

  “Maybe you should be the one dating him, then.”

  “I wouldn’t mind, but sadly, he seems to think you’re the only one for him.” So’la shook his head, curling his lip in disgust. “Monogamists.”

  “At least there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” Mal cast him a sideways look. “Please tell me you don’t actually fuck fish.”

  “That does not deserve a response.”

  “Oh. I see. You do screw fish. Good to know.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Maybe we should just go see if they are still in their quarters,” Mal said as they exited the Grand Pavilion. “It would be better if Coorsel and Nayena stayed sequestered until then, anyway.”

  “They won’t do it,” So’la said, gaze running over the still-thickening crowd. “They need to make a statement that says they aren’t afraid. That they aren’t going to be cowed by threats. You should be more worried that they aren’t here. It’s likely someone’s got to them already.”

  “Aren’t you just a shiny rainbow of happiness,” Mal muttered as she started pushing through the guests. “I was worried. I am worried. Only now, I’m a lot more worried.”

  They passed through the central courtyard, and Mal was startled to find it far more crowded than she’d have expected, and things were getting raucous. The pixies had made several drinks that had proven both delicious and highly intoxicating for all who drank them. No doubt they’d used plenty of pixie dust in the brews.

  A number of guests had retrieved instruments and had set up an impromptu band. Watching them play together, Mal would’ve thought that the pixies and giants were old friends. Dancers soon joined in, their feet thundering as they pounded in traditional d
ances. What worried her were the virdanas and their guards standing soberly on the sidelines, not one cracking a smile. Neither did they talk to each other. They just watched as if waiting for some signal.

  “Let’s go,” Mal said to So’la, and they hustled around the edges of the courtyard into one of the arcades running alongside. It was crowded here, too, and they had to thread their way, being careful not to get knocked into by a dancing giant. Big or little, they’d send Mal flying off her feet.

  The first sign of trouble hit Mal like she’d run into a giant dandelion puff. At first it felt soft. Then it broke apart, and all the separate bits clumped and clung to her. She staggered. She couldn’t control any part of herself. She could feel her hands and feet, her legs and body, but they felt detached somehow. Then she had a sensation like they all broke into a thousand jigsaw pieces. Even her brain fragmented.

  Dimly she was aware that she’d collapsed and So’la had caught her, that he was speaking to her, and that she had not literally fallen to pieces. Still, she couldn’t move, though she did continue breathing. Whatever this was, it wasn’t meant to kill. Or maybe it was. She’d been shielding herself. If this happened to her even with that in place, then it very well could have been intended to kill.

  What is happening to you? Can you speak?

  So’la’s mental voice sounded slow and syrupy.

  She tried to piece together words but couldn’t formulate anything, much less make her mouth and tongue bend properly.

  She twitched as a half dozen ghosts smashed into her, wrapping themselves around her in a cocoon. She could feel their panic. For her? Or themselves? More hit and she lost count of them, her thoughts crumbling into pieces.

  The ghosts tightened, hardening and somehow that helped. It became a little easier to hold on to a thought.

  So’la.

  What is happening to you? I can’t sense any spells. Your heart is erratic, and I think you are dying! We talked about this, Mallory. I don’t want to die. You must protect yourself.

  His anger washed through her, blunting anything else he might have been feeling. His words weren’t quite as slow and distorted, but they still weren’t normal.