Dirty Deeds

by R. J. Blain

  “That was more than a signal,” So’la said.

  “Of course it was. It’s incapacitated nearly everyone. If things had gone according to plan, Law and LeeAnne would be focusing on taking care of everyone instead of looking for the virdanas and Nayena and Coorsel. The conspirators bought themselves some time.”

  “But for what is the question,” Law said with a scowl.

  He was taking this personally, Mal could tell, and she could get why. This was happening on his turf. This was about as in-your-face a challenge as you could get and so far, he wasn’t coming out the winner.

  Mal wondered if something bad enough happened, if he’d lose his job. Would he get fired? Could he get fired? With a blood oath, she didn’t know if that was possible. A very small part of her hoped it was, hoped that it would actually happen and that he wouldn’t be bound to Effrayant anymore.

  And then what? They’d take their unsolved problems somewhere else, along with the ghosts, Elliot, and possible random visits with So’la? Sure, they could do some traveling and she wouldn’t have to see LeeAnne, but then again, she wouldn’t get to push all LeeAnne’s buttons and the ghosts wouldn’t have charging stations, and Elliot might start chewing on Mal’s underwear, and they’d have to figure out somewhere to live.

  Anyway, she didn’t want Law to fail. She didn’t want him to lose something precious to him, and she knew that Effrayant mattered to him, along with LeeAnne, the employees, and even the guests. He’d chosen to work here when he thought Mal had died, to give himself purpose and to tie him to the world. He’d been distraught, he told her, even suicidal, though she still couldn’t quite make that fit into her understanding of him and the world. He’d come to love this place, and he wanted to protect it.

  “Are you okay?”

  Law stumbled and tried to catch himself by grasping a chair. His hand slipped and he dropped to his knees.

  Mal went to help him up, but he just swayed as if dazed.

  “Law? What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t know,” he said, his voice puzzled. “Feel a little… numb.” He shook his head. “Fuzzy. Can’t think. Everything is far away.”

  “So’la, find LeeAnne and see if she is okay and if she can come here,” Mal said.

  He vanished without a word. Fear drove knives into Mal’s stomach, even as rage seethed through her. She focused on the rage, letting it consume the fear. Rage she could deal with. Anything happening to Law was inconceivable. And she knew she was using the word correctly. If she even tried to conceive of losing him now, she had no idea how she would survive. If she would survive.

  “Let’s get you up.”

  She put her arm around Law and helped him into a chair, where he collapsed, legs sprawled out, head lolling side to side as if it was just a little too heavy for his neck.

  “Feels like the ground is moving,” he said.

  “It’s not.”

  “Good to know.”

  So’la reappeared with LeeAnne. Carrying LeeAnne, to be exact. She had her arms around his neck and looked pissed as hell.

  He set her down, keeping his hands on her waist to steady her as she swayed and lurched for balance on her sky-high heels. She swore viciously and kicked off her shoes, revealing delicate feet. Her toenails were painted bright neon blue with tiny panda bears gamboling across them.

  Mal stared. This was Armageddon. No doubt about it. That, or she was trapped in a hallucinogenic dream, or possibly had eaten some really bad sushi. She didn’t remember eating sushi at all, but that could all be part of her reaction. It might have been that bad.

  “How is Law?” LeeAnne asked, slapping at So’la as she started walking then tilted sideways. The demon grabbed her and set her back upright, keeping hold of her.

  “Pride goes before the fall. Literally,” he pointed out when she snarled at him.

  “You’re quoting the Bible?” Mal asked. “Isn’t that some sort of sacrilege? You’re a demon.”

  He shrugged. “Not my book and if the shoe fits and all that. Found her stumbling across the lobby on her way out here. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was drunk.”

  “We were attacked,” LeeAnne said.

  Even though she was wobbly, she was clearly in full possession of all her mental faculties, unlike Law.

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” Mal said. “Why is Law so much worse off compared to you?”

  “We were integrating deeper into Effrayant when the spell hit. Law pulled out and I didn’t. I assume he took a harder hit because of it.”

  He pulled out because of her. Mal knew it without having to ask. Stupid fucking knight-in-shining-armor complex.

  “This is going to take a whole lot more than foot massages and chocolate to make up to me,” she told him through gritted teeth. “You had your own job to do and you should have fucking done it and let me do what I do. But no, you had to run to the damsel and save her and now you’re sick and who knows how bad and I swear I will kill you if you try to die on me. Do you understand? I will get a necromancer to raise you, and I’ll kill you and do it over and over until your body falls to pieces and then I’ll wire your bones together and keep going. Do you understand me?”

  She jammed her finger into his chest as she ranted, tears running down her face. Angry tears. Not sad tears because those would be silly and ridiculous, and she had nothing to be sad about and everything to be mad about.

  “You… don’t… kill.” Law’s words came out slurred and he laughed, sounding half maniacal and half drunk.

  Mal kicked him in the shin. Hard.

  “Ow!” The pain made it through the haze in his body and mind.

  “Well, at least he can feel that. How do we help him?” She asked LeeAnne and So’la. “What kind of spell is it? How do we counteract it?”

  LeeAnne shook her head. “I’ve never heard of anything like this. But no one in our world would disclose if something like it had happened. We wouldn’t want anybody getting ideas.”

  “So’la?”

  “What did you do to save yourself? Try that.”

  Mal stared, wanting to slap herself for missing the obvious answer. She whirled and set her hands on Law. Pulling magic into herself, she put the pieces of the spell together and shoved it inside him.

  It burst apart in a corona of blinding light, and Mal half expected to see the shadow of his bones through his skin.

  The light vanished, leaving bright blots swimming across her vision. She cupped Law’s head.

  “How are you? Did it work?”

  He looked at her, but his pupils were too small, and his eyes still didn’t seem to want to focus.

  “Everything’s fuzzy.” At least his voice sounded stronger.

  Mal straightened and glared at LeeAnne. “I don’t get it. Everything was fine. You guys were putting out healing energy. There was nothing wrong. Then suddenly Law is staggering, numb, and incoherent. Why? If that spell hit everybody else right away, why did it take so long for the two of you?”

  “It didn’t. Effrayant protected us, but the spell worked its way through those protections. Because I was immersed still, I was able to limit the effects. Law did not.”

  The disapproval in her voice indicated what she thought of that. Mal completely agreed. She might even admit it to LeeAnne one day. A cold day in hell, but still. It could happen.

  A click of hooves caught her attention. Elliot came bounding across the courtyard. Edna wasn’t with him, and Mal had no idea where he’d come from, but since he didn’t respect magic or human walls, it could have been anywhere.

  He gave a flying leap as he approached, and she caught him, cuddling him against her chest. He nuzzled her, banging his horns against her jaw.

  “At least it didn’t hurt—”

  Something clicked in her mind as she spoke, and Mal set Elliot on Law’s lap, pulling his arms around the little goat, who immediately started nibbling on his hair. Law tried to twist away, but Elliot would not be denied. He put his front f
eet up on Law’s shoulder, took a hunk of his hair in his teeth, and yanked. Law yelped and lunged to his feet, his arms tightening.

  Mal grinned. He moved with his normal fluidity, reaching around to push Elliot’s nose away from his head. Elliot bleated protest.

  “You abominable little beast! Let go of my hair before I go bald!”

  Ah. Hair loss. The nightmare of men everywhere. Mal’s grin widened.

  “At least he’s not chewing your underwear,” LeeAnne said. “Atrocious little menace.”

  “That abominable, atrocious, underwear-chewing, hair-pulling, beasty-menace just saved Law from the residuals of that attack spell,” Mal pointed out. “I suggest a thank-you might be in order. You’re going to have to repay him with brushings, ear and belly scratchings, treats, top-shelf tequila, and whatever else he wants. If you want him to help you, LeeAnne, you’re going to have to hold him and play nice.”

  The housekeeper made a face then reached out to take Elliot from Law. So’la continued to steady her. Despite LeeAnne’s revulsion and dislike, she cuddled the little goat close and scratched along the base of his horns, around his ears, and down along his jaw. His tail switched back and forth in delighted spasms, his eyes closing as he made little sighs.

  “Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” Mal murmured.

  “You think?” Law slid his arm around her. “You still mad?”

  “Oh, you think all that sick business gets you off the hook?” Mal shoved him against his chest, but he didn’t move, smiling at her in his cocky way.

  “You threatened to kill me.”

  He seemed absurdly happy about that fact.

  “The night’s young. I still might.”

  “Mal?” Tag appeared beside her. “You’d better come. They’re out in the gardens near the tree houses.” His eyes were wide, and he looked slightly afraid.

  “What’s going on?”

  Mal didn’t wait for the answer as she shifted away from Law and started running. Whatever was happening, they were out of time. He ran beside her. Tag floated alongside.

  “There are dragons,” he said in wonder then vanished.

  Allow me.

  A shadow loomed behind and claws lifted her and Law into the air. The ground blurred below, So’la’s wings billowing as he flapped upward. Mal wondered if he or the dragons were faster. Not that it mattered. This wasn’t going to be a race. This was going to be a fight. Probably to the death.

  Well, the virdanas might be willing to die for their cause, but she wasn’t willing to kill them, even if Law and So’la were. Besides, death was easy, and Mal had no intention of letting those bitches off the hook with easy. They were going to have to pay—and pay big—for hurting Law.

  Chapter Sixteen

  LeeAnne had restored the gardens after the day’s brawl. The giants had gathered near a small mirror pool surrounded by flower gardens that had once again been trampled. Talk about rude.

  They crowded around a small group of people. Coorsel and Nayena appeared to be two of them. Ilee was another but Mal didn’t see any sign of Hammet. There had to be at least a couple hundred giants standing around watching, many of them virdanas and their bodyguards, plus sixty or seventy small female giants. Some in dragon form. The latter stood off to the side in a group, watching the proceedings.

  So’la landed just behind the outer circle of giants, setting Mal and Law down and transforming at the same instant. He landed nimbly on his feet, while his passengers staggered before regaining their balance.

  “I’d have landed closer, but there’s a shield,” he said. “You two might end up a little crispy if I break through.”

  “Night’s still young and some dragons breathe fire,” Mal said. “We still may end up in Colonel Sanders’ bucket.” She looked at Law. “How do you want to handle this? Are you able to access your full power?”

  He nodded. “Thanks to you and that little menace of a goat, yes. You?”

  “I’m hoping we don’t have to hit very hard,” she said, unwilling to say the two spells to heal herself and Law had sapped the hell out of her and she’d already been feeling low after the morning’s shenanigans. She was running on fumes. She’d thought a month of lolling around doing nothing would be enough to recuperate from her last job. She’d been so wrong.

  Even though she’d done little but eat and sleep since then, she was still recovering from the serious strain she’d put on herself. More than serious. Calamitous, might be more accurate. Or catastrophic. Whatever. She’d overreached and now she was paying the price. She no longer had stamina.

  However much power the collection of virdanas could bring to bear, even at full strength, Mal didn’t know if she, So’la, and Law had the capability to shut them down. With Mal running on empty, they’d need to go the devious route.

  Luckily, she was good at devious, and So’la was even better. Law—well, he liked rules, but he’d been known to color outside the lines from time to time. Now was going to be one of those times. Just as soon as they figured out what the hell was going on.

  “Noted,” Law said with a meaningful look over her shoulder at So’la.

  Mal rolled her eyes, annoyance grinding through her. As if she couldn’t read what he was saying. Again with the manly-men-saving-the-damsel-in-distress crap. She eyed Law’s shins. Kicking him had felt supremely satisfying. Maybe he’d get the message if she did it again.

  He read her mind and stepped back.

  “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t put a little extra effort into looking after me or So’la if we were in your shoes,” he said. “So suck it up. Sometimes you’re the doctor; sometimes you’re the patient.”

  “Just as long as you avoid becoming the corpse, all will be fine,” So’la added. “Though you seem to lag in that department.”

  “Haven’t become one yet.”

  “Not for lack of trying.”

  Not having a snappy reply, she made a face at him, then turned to Law. “What now?”

  “Let’s go find out what’s happening.”

  “Think they’ll let us?”

  His grin was lethal. “With any luck, they won’t.” He glanced at So’la. “Want to hang back in the air? We’ll call when we need you. You can be a killer surprise.”

  “As long as you don’t try to hog all the action. I haven’t killed anyone in…”

  He trailed off, looking at Mal, who lifted a brow at him. He smiled, one of those shit-eating grins that pissed her off so much.

  “Hours.” He shot up into the air, vanishing into glamour as soon as he left the ground.

  “He’s a dick.”

  “No arguments from me,” Law agreed. “Let’s go.”

  He put his hand out flat before him, fingers splayed. Green and purple fire flickered close around his fingers and sent shimmers up and around, following the contours of the invisible spell. They coruscated over it then rippled back. Law hit it with a burst of energy, and the waves went wild, rolling outward and back as if blown by a violent storm. The speed and depth of the trenches between the waves increased, and the spell ripped apart, flecks of brilliant power spraying in every direction.

  Nothing obvious about that.

  Law shielded himself and Mal as they proceeded between the massed giants. The ground beneath them rose, lifting them so they strode along at head level. Murmurs rose around them and spread across the crowd, but nobody tried to touch them or otherwise interfere with their progress.

  Mal didn’t know whether to find that comforting or not. Did the conspirators consider her and Law such a minimal threat that they could just walk in undisturbed? Or perhaps it was a matter of civility. Allow the enemy the chance to meet face-to-face?

  But after the attack on the guests at the pavilion and courtyard, Mal was betting that the conspiring giants didn’t think they had much to worry about.

  A ghost slid down beside her, invisible. The barely tangible presence floated next to her, matching her pace. She recognized Glenda. Whispered words t
ickled her ear.

  “The little giant man and the pixie are married. The ceremony to make her virdana begins.”

  With that, Glenda flitted away.

  Mal sped her steps, gripping Law’s belt beneath his tux jacket. She stood on tiptoe, repeating the news in a low voice.

  He nodded and increased his pace. Mal did as well, stopping a moment to remove her heels. She could run a marathon in them on pavement, but the soft grass and dirt handicapped her. With her shoes in one hand and the skirt of her dress in the other, she jogged after Law.

  In just moments, they arrived at the center of the event. Mal scanned the scene, taking in the details quickly. A rough circle had been cut into the soil and filled with something pale. A pinkish glow emanated from it. Inside the circle was another one, about half the size of the first, made of candles. Four black, four red, four white, four blue, four green. Their flames burned preternaturally straight, despite the breeze.

  Coorsel and Nayena stood in the center of the candles. A veil of gauzy magic rolled around Coorsel, who stood rigid a little to the side of his bride. He was dressed in what looked to Mal like a really great pirate costume, with thigh-high forest-green boots embroidered in gold, yellow leather pants, a long laced-up green vest with gold embroidery, a blousy shirt, and a cap made of a glittering green material.

  Nayena wore pale green harem-style pants that cuffed tightly around her calves above soft boots. Her shirt was snug fitting, laced down her arms and around her wings. A woven belt circled her waist. Her hair had been twisted with silver wire and flowers. Her wings were brilliant, the edges painted and decorated with sparkling jewels.

  She held her head high as she stared at the big giant in front of her. She was the same virdana who’d challenged Law and escaped his floor trap by half turning into a dragon. She stood just outside of the candle circle but within the rough outer one.

  “Good of you to join us,” she said to Law and Mal. “I had not expected you so soon.”

  “Sorry to ruin your plans,” Law replied. “Do you want to share your name?”

  “I am Yibal, and you ruin nothing. A witness is required. You or another was always necessary.”