by H. J. Bellus
Shit! I had one hand to drink and one hand to play with a wet spot. I found a wet pussy under a skirt and starting banging it with my hand. I leaned over and whispered into the other one’s ear, “I’m going to come and I want you to catch it with your mouth.” She flew underneath the table and started sucking me.
I continued fingering the brunette on my knee. The hair on the back of my neck stood up when I could tell she was getting close to coming. Her hot pussy started to grip my fingers as she found her release. She turned towards me, shoving her tits in my face and grabbed the top of my hair the way Lacey always does. It instantly made me blow my load into her friend’s mouth.
Flying even higher now, I slammed more shots. I was so fucking trashed and my dick was on high alert, needing more and more pussy. All rational thoughts were swallowed by the monster of addiction. I barely remember stumbling up to the guest room above Cree’s shop with the guys and some hot chicks. The last thing I remembered before my world went black was a girl on my face and the brunette sucking my dick while Sam fucked her from behind.
Chapter 10
I’m Done
Tripp
Holy fuck! I hadn’t been that fucked up for a long time. Jake had hooked me up with some good drugs, whiskey, and women. In the heat of the moment, it had been the best feeling ever last night, but now the guilt and the low had settled deep in my chest. I hurt Lacey and did unforgivable things last night. I lost the best thing I ever had. My dad’s words echoed in my head; he was so right about me.
I walked into the main house for breakfast to find my little Annie and Lacey cooking together. The sight of the two of them took my breath away, and my actions from last night finally crashed all around me. Annie leapt off the counter and raced over into my arms.
“Unky! I love you.”
Annie jumped up into my arms and hugged me through the smell of drugs and whiskey that lingered on my clothes. I sat her down on the counter and she went back to helping Lacey cook pancakes. Lacey barely peeked up at me through her blood shot eyes, and in that moment, I knew that I had broken her. I fucking destroyed the one person I had ever truly loved. She stood in front of me completely devastated and it was my entire fucking fault.
“Hey, Lace,” I tried to offer her a greeting.
She ignored me and I deserved that. I sat down next to Cree at the island.
“Have a good night last night, cuz? Sounded like it when you came in.”
Fuck! Cree was even being asshole about the whole deal. Guess that’s what I needed; a good wake up call to realize I couldn’t turn to drugs and sex anymore when my temper got the best of me. I had to make it right somehow, someway; because a life without Lacey in it wasn’t worth living.
“Lacey, listen, I’m sorry. I overreacted and screwed it all up,” I said.
Just as I finished my last word, Sam and Jake made their way into the house with the chicks from last night. Willow grabbed Annie and took her upstairs to get washed up for breakfast and to avoid the whole fiasco. The brunette climbed up into Lacey’s favorite spot; my lap. This damn bimbo wasn’t shy about it either; both of her ass cheeks were hanging out of her tiny pink shorts. She started nuzzling my neck and peppering kisses all over me.
“Want to reenact some of last night? I don’t think I will ever get enough of your…” Lacey chucked her batter covered spatula in my direction, drilling me right in the bare chest, stopping the bimbo from going on.
“I’m done! I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I’m leaving. Milly, pick me up when you guys are ready to head into Denver,” Lacey yelled in defeat.
She didn’t wait for an answer, she rushed out the backdoor and Jake was hot on her heels. I couldn’t move as fast because of the fucking bimbo sitting on my lap. I pushed her off and followed the pair of them. I stood frozen on the backdoor step as I watched their fight.
“I fucking hate you, Jake.”
“Lacey, calm down. It’s not that bad. We just went out and had some fun.”
“I fucking loved him. Do you hear me? Loved. I fucking loved him. You ruined it. All of it! I never want to see you again.”
“God dammnit! Are you going to let this ruin our relationship after everything we have been through? Lacey, I saved you.”
I saw something in Lacey snap and her eyes lit up with an uncaged wild anger. The poor girl went ballistic, she started throwing punches and clawing at Jake. Cree and Milly ran past me to go to her side. I had caused all of this by being a selfish addicted prick.
“What? You want me to announce to the world how big of a fucking hero you are? How you saved the day by taking me to a dirty garage, letting some man cut a baby out of me with a kitchen knife. Oh wait, before that went down, I had to fuck three guys for payment. There ya go, Jake. I don’t owe you anymore. No secrets.”
“Lacey, stop! You don’t have to do this,” Milly shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders.
Dead silence filled the backyard. Lacey had tears streaming down her face and Cree was pale from Lacey’s brutal admission.
“I left out the part where you made me fuck you for years to keep your mouth shut. There, it’s fucking out! Everyone knows what a piece of trash I am.”
“You are an ungrateful bitch, Lacey,” Jake spat out as he slapped her face. Lacey didn’t even recoil from the slap. She stood there and took the abuse as if she was born to take it. Hell, she accepted abuse easier than love.
“You want me to get on my knees and suck your dick right here because I owe you?”
By this time, Milly had her arms wrapped around Lacey and was trying to hold her back.
“You were the slut always wanting to suck my dick and anyone else’s that wanted it.”
I fucking lost it. The shit that was being said was fuel to my temper and I was ready to kill Jake. I had no fucking idea that Lacey had been hurt so badly in her life. She had tried to tell me out on the canoe and I’d just shut her down. It now made perfect sense as to why she didn’t trust men.
I flew out the back door and bee lined it for him, knocking him down and went to bashing the motherfucker’s face in. Blood and teeth were flying and I didn’t stop. I was going to kill Jake with my bare hands.
“Don’t. You. Ever. Fucking. Call. Her. A. Slut. Again,” I seethed out in between each blow.
My fists continued to assaulting his bloody, unrecognizable face.
“I’m going to fucking kill you and enjoy doing so.”
Cree pulled me off of Jake’s lifeless body, and Sam carried Jake to the car and the sluts followed. I looked over to Lacey, who was now curled up into a ball on the ground in Milly’s lap. I went over to them and sat on the ground by Lacey.
“Lacey. Please look at me. I’m so sorry for all of this. I love you and need you.”
I grabbed Lacey away from Milly and held her in my lap. She was sobbing hard into my chest, causing everything inside me to break, fearing this was the end of us forever. My arms held tight to her, thinking this may be the last time I ever had the chance to hold the love of my life. She lifted her head and threw up all over the side of me.
“Tell me that you still love me and want me,” I begged.
Her sobs continued and I started to cry out of fear. Her silence was deafening and the answer to my question. She was letting me go and I couldn’t fight for my honor because I didn’t have any.
“I’m going back to rehab. I need more help and I’m gonna get it for you and for us. But I need to know I have you in my life.”
She lifted her head to look up at me. Her face was covered in tears, sweat and smeared vomit. Her perfect face was red and swollen. Through it all her beauty broke through. Even in this state, she was the most beautiful person I had ever met.
“You’re the only man that has ever truly hurt me. The demons in my past didn’t wound me as much as you have. You crushed my world and tore apart the one piece of hope I had left inside of me. I’m nothing and have nothing, and it’s all because of you. I let myself love you.”
***
Lacey
I drove home in a haze. I went into the kitchen to find a knife. All my tears were gone and I was ready to let go of my pain. Bleed, I needed to bleed today like I did when I was fourteen. It was time for me to bleed and get it over with. I should have burned that day instead of my dad.
The sharp blade of the knife sliced across one wrist. Blood trickled down to the ground and at last I was set free from my pain. I sliced my other wrist open and watched the blood flow out of my body, along with my hope and future dreams. I crawled into my bed and let the blood flow. My mind started to get foggy, and I wondered how much longer until I saw my mom. “I loved you, Tripp,” escaped from my lips and peace finally washed over my broken soul.
Chapter 11
Recover Me
Tripp
(Tripp’s Journal Entries)
April 15th
I’ve been in rehab for a week now. My counselor suggested that I start writing down my feelings in this journal. The fucker wants to know my feelings…I’m in fucking hell and want to die. It fucking sucks this time around because I know that I have lost everything in my life. I feel pain that I didn’t know fucking existed. I hate myself more than I hate my dad.
Cree dropped me off the night that Lacey left me covered in her puke. No word from her and I don’t expect her to reach out to me. I lost my girl.
April 18th
I received a card today from Annie. She’s so funny and excited for me to get home to be her coach. I have to live for that day. Still no word from Lacey. I tried to reach out to my parents, and mom told me that dad was just too busy to talk. I fucking hate my life right now.
April 21st
I started working out in the gym today and it felt great. All the equipment reminded me of Lacey and the time she made me carry her on my back while I ran on the treadmill. The little shit told me I wasn’t working hard enough, so she jumped on my back while I ran for an hour. Then she bitched because her crotch was covered in my sweat. The memories of my wild Princess drive me forward. I finally opened up to my counselor today about my brother and Lacey. They are the two loves of my life and I’ve lost both of them.
April 23rd
Today fucking sucked! During my counseling session, we Face Timed my father and mother. Dad was a total dick. Shocker, I know! He made it official and disowned me during the conversation, cutting all ties. It was easy for him to throw me away like a piece of trash. Mom sat by him, holding his hand. He told the counselor to take him off the contact list and if I was found dead in an alley to list me as having no family. He suggested they burn my body. I understand that I totally fucked up this time and in the past, but weren’t parents supposed to be there for their children? I lost my parents today. Did I really ever have them to begin with?
April 24th
I woke up today in a good mood. I felt lighter than I had in a while knowing that my parents no longer wanted me. Deep down I didn’t want them and I didn’t want to live up to their expectations. I talked to my counselor about getting into the construction business. I’ve always had a love for building things. My dad always got pissed when I would draft up models, or try to build something, because it didn’t have anything to do with his precious car lot. My counselor set up an appointment with a local construction company. I was going to job shadow my sober coach for the next two weeks of my treatment.
April 27th
Today I worked alongside of my sober coach at a construction site. His name is Daniel and he’s the owner. Daniel is a recovering cocaine addict who has been sober for over 10 years. He’s currently building a strip mall in Fort Collins. Working with him is legit. Construction set me free—I could envision something and carry the plan through with my hands. Daniel took me home and introduced me to his family. He has a beautiful home, wife and three children. He’s my saving grace and inspiration.
April 30th
I feel stronger than ever. I still haven’t heard from Lacey. I always ask Cree about her on the phone and he changes the subject. I can take a hint that she doesn’t want me anymore, but I always tell him to tell her I love her. I have written her every day of rehab and sent the letters to Cree’s house. I’ve been hopeful that she’ll write me back. She hasn’t. I’m not giving up on her or my dreams this time. With the help of my counselor, I’ve let go of my parents, the death of my brother, and my vices. Today Daniel took me to the Chamber of Commerce to help me file for my very own business license. It almost killed me to not stop at Lacey’s salon. The “For Sale” sign in the window fucked with my head big time. It looked like nobody had been there for a very long time. I pointed it out to Daniel and he stopped to let me take the time I needed. Fuck! I want my girl back.
May 2nd
Between the gym and working construction, I have little time to write. Six days until I go home. I’m scared shitless. I’ve formed a family and belong here. There’s a part of me that wants to live here in my safe haven. I know I can’t. I’ve asked Cree, Milly, and Lacey to come on May 7th for family day. Cree told me that he and Milly will be here. He didn’t mention Lacey’s name. I know that she hates me, but I will die trying to get her back. I’m not giving up this time or giving in to my demons. I will get my Princess back and love her for the rest of my life. I desperately miss seeing her outraged, hissy fits at the mention of Princess.
May 4th
I’m fucking restless with nerves. I just know that Lacey will show up with Cree and Milly. We formed a tight bond over just a couple months. I’ve continued to write her every day to express my love to her. I need her. I need her to be with me.
May 5th
I talked to Cree today. He told me all about Annie’s dance recital. Thank God I’ll be home for it. I can’t wait to see that little shit dancing on stage. She was the bright spot in all of our lives. God truly blessed us with her. He knew exactly what we needed. Cree also told me that Mac was in the 100th percentile for weight and was rolling over like crazy. He was a proud papa. I knew one day that I would be a proud daddy too. I just pray that it is Lacey’s baby I was proud of.
May 6th
Tomorrow is the big day! My family, my graduation ceremony, family counseling and then being set free in to the big ol’ world. I can’t wait to see them. Especially Lacey’s smiling face. I need to see my tattooed girl. Lord, I have changed my ways, cried tears over her and can’t wait to be with her. Just like on Christmas as a child, I can’t sleep.
Chapter 12
Where’s My Princess?
Tripp
Today’s the big day. I’m leaving here a new man with a business, newfound self-esteem and hopefully my sweet Lacey. I’ve been pacing in front of the big windows for the last hour, waiting for my family to show up. I couldn’t wait for Daniel and my counselor to meet them.
I finally spotted Cree’s big dark blue Dodge pull in the parking lot. I rushed out the front doors to scoop ’em all up and shake the shit out of them. I spotted little Annie first. She darted across the grassy lawn, barreling into my arms. I swallowed her up into a big bear hug and twirled her around. She was wearing the cutest little yellow dress and hat, which I’m sure Milly made for her. She was my own little piece of sunshine today. I kissed her and told her how special she was.
One thing I realized during rehab is that my mother and father never told me that they loved me or that I was special. I tried my whole life to gain their acceptance, but never did. My Annie would always know how important and special she was. Her little brother, who still shit his pants, would too.
I looked up from Annie to see Cree and Milly standing there. My eyes instantly shot back to Cree’s truck to see that is sat empty. I didn’t see her. She wasn’t here.
“Lacey?” I asked.
“Tripp, let’s just focus on you today, Buddy.”
This was the only reply from both of them. I wanted to break down and cry like a baby on
the front lawn of the rehab center. The worst kind of pain struck me and it hit every fiber of my being. I had lost her.
“Cree, I need her,” I replied, as the tears streamed down my face. I let it out. Cree had no words; he wrapped me up in a bear hug. I could see the look on Milly’s face over Cree’s shoulder, and I didn’t like it. She was crying and covering her mouth with a look of sheer horror dancing in her eyes. They were keeping a secret from me.
I pulled back from Cree and demanded, “What aren’t you telling me?”
Milly stepped up and hugged me while Cree took Annie inside. I died inside when I felt Milly’s hands shake in mine. This was bad, very bad.
“It’s Lacey. I have to tell you something, Tripp. She can’t be here today with us. The night she left our house she went home and slit her wrists.”
Milly
The Night She Found Lacey
“Lacey! Lacey! Lacey!” I screamed as I ran up her stairs. I had tried calling her. When she didn’t answer, I knew something was wrong. Her door was wide open and I could see the trail of blood that lead from her kitchen to her bedroom.
“Lacey! Where the fuck are you?”
I ran to her bedroom and my heart stilled. Lacey was on her bed covered in blood. My hands instantly flew to the cuts. She was cold. I lost it, screaming and shaking her. With my phone pressed between my ear and shoulder I quickly dialed 911 keeping both of my hands over her wrists.