The Child From Nowhere

by Freda Lightfoot

  The two maiden aunts blushed furiously and made little clucking noises, not quite knowing where to put themselves.

  ‘Dear God, that doesn’t mean you actually have to wed the creature,’ Lucy spluttered.

  ‘In my eyes it does. Had I known about the child earlier, I would have wed her before the birth, but it is not too late to put matters right. I’m aware it won’t be easy for you, nor for the servants, what’s left of them, but I hope that you will do your best to welcome her into the family, and give her the support she needs while I’m away fighting in the trenches. Kate has a kind heart and will, I am sure, prove to be a dear sister to you, Lucy.’

  ‘Sister? You want the nursemaid to be my dear sister?’

  Eliot rewarded this comment with a flint-hard glare. ‘You may recall that she is no longer a servant. Kate has her own business, in which she is doing rather well. I intend to leave Tyson’s in her charge, and have no fears that she’ll do a good job. So, I hope you weren’t going to say something on the lines of ‘over my dead body’, because none of us would wish you to adopt such an outmoded attitude, Lucy. These are difficult times and we must pull together. I do mean to go through with this. No one will prevent it.’ And he encompassed them all with a warning glance. ‘Aunts, I hope you too will welcome my new wife to the fold.’

  ‘Dear me, deary, deary me,’ said Cissie, stroking the dog on her lap with such agitation that it woke up and jumped down, yapping excitedly, thinking they were about to play some sort of game. She made a grab for it, trying to calm it.

  ‘What would Amelia say?’ said Vera, in shocked tones.

  A predictable response but then the aunts had barely tolerated his taking in one innocent child from the stews of Kendal, let alone marrying the mother. ‘Amelia would not object.’ He raised his voice a notch above the yapping dog. ‘She was very fond of Kate, as am I. And she knew how much I wanted children. She wouldn’t expect me to ignore this one, particularly not after what happened to Callum.’

  ‘But the child is illegitimate.’ Words spoken in hushed tones. ‘You cannot alter that fact by marrying her.’

  ‘I can try.’

  Vera drew herself up into rigid disapproval, spine like an iron rod, her square body seeming to pulsate with shock as she gasped for breath, making little puffing sounds in her throat.

  Cissie began to look concerned and giving up on the dog, whom she’d been trying to restrain, put out a consoling hand to pat her sister instead. ‘Now don’t get into a state, dear.’

  Vera said, ‘Oh, do hush for once, Cissie, and put that dog out before it drives us all demented. Marriage, dear boy is a big step to take. Even I, stickler for propriety as I am, do question the necessity for it. Think of the implications, the position she will be expected to maintain, the access she will have to Tyson money, and this is bound to create one almighty scandal. The gel does not deserve your generosity, she’s no better than she should be.’

  Eliot laughed. ‘A quaint phrase I’ve never quite understood, but entirely inaccurate. I’m quite certain that we have all misjudged her badly.’

  Lucy, who’d been happy for Vera to do most of the hard work, now chipped in to offer support. ‘Utter nonsense. If there was ever a case of being trapped into marriage, this is it. Don’t let her make a fool of you again, Eliot.’

  He walked away to take up his favourite position at the window, hands clasped behind his back as he gazed out upon the smooth dark ribbon of the river, the town he loved so much with its cluster of limestone houses huddled together in this wide, green valley with the distant fells beyond; hoping that in some way the view might calm him. But his patience was fast disintegrating. He’d not expected the breaking of this news to be easy, but he’d be damned if he’d allow them to be quite so obstructive. He certainly had no wish to discuss his feelings on the matter with the women of his family. These were far too personal, and he fully intended to keep them to himself.

  At length he turned to face all three of them, his expression as blank as if it were carved in stone, his tone when he addressed them uncompromising, making it clear he would brook no argument, that all discussion on the subject was now at an end. ‘The wedding is to take place at noon today. I hope and trust you will all be there to wish me well.’ And having made his point, he strode from the room.

  Lucy thought she might choke with rage. All her clever planning, all her effort, all those long years of patient waiting, all for nothing! Yet she found, to her horror, that she was powerless to prevent it. The wedding did indeed go ahead that very day, in a simple ceremony conducted by the vicar in a fitting and proper manner. The aunts were present, unwillingly making a show of support, but Lucy herself absolutely refused to attend.

  She remained in her room in a fury of temper, railing against injustice. When she heard the church bells ring, she snatched up one of her favourite vases and hurled it to the ground. Seeing it smashed into a hundred pieces, she promptly burst into tears.

  Oh but she’d have her revenge, she surely would. She wasn’t finished, not by a long chalk. If that slut thought she’d won, then she was sadly mistaken.

  Chapter Six

  Kate was not late, in fact, to her shame, she was early. Fortunately, Eliot was there before her, one of his soldier friends who had volunteered to be best man, beside him. All necessary arrangements had been made, a special licence procured, the vicar probably bribed as he smilingly went through the service with brisk efficiency. It surprised her that the aunts were present, looking unnaturally funereal in their customary black, but much to Kate’s relief the sour-faced sister-in-law was absent. In fact, no one else attended the simple ceremony except for Millie and, for once, a sober Clem dressed in his best suit, looking as if he’d been scrubbed and buffed to a brilliant shine. Even so, Kate could not claim to be lacking in attendants, either from bridesmaids or page boys, as the huge church echoed with the chatter and excited giggles of Millie’s children and Flora, who all thought it grand fun.

  Kate’s first concern had been one of alarm, worrying how she was to explain all of this to Flora. ‘How on earth do I tell a little girl that this is her daddy who I’m marrying at long last, after all this time. How do I do that, fer God’s sake?’

  Millie had considered the point with grave seriousness. ‘You say, this is yer daddy, pet, and we’re getting married at long last.’

  Kate gave an exclamation of annoyance, ‘Don’t make fun of me, Millie. What if she asks why we didn’t get married in the first place when she was born? Before she was born, for God’s sake, as is the proper way of going about things.’

  ‘You’ll say you didn’t feel like it at the time, that you hadn’t quite made up your mind. She knows how cussed you are, so won’t be in the least surprised.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘No more buts Kate, just tell her. Haven’t I been saying for years that she has the right to know who her father is?’

  And so Kate told her. She went upstairs, sat on her bed and told Flora the whole story, as much of it as seemed appropriate for a five year old, desperately striving to ignore the ache in her heart which reminded her she had another child, who would have loved to hear this news. She and Dennis had been round the markets on a number of afternoons during these last few weeks, whatever spare moments she could snatch away from the workshop, which admittedly were few. As soon as this wedding was over, they’d go again. Kate wasn’t for giving up on Callum, not while she’d breath in her body.

  In the event, Flora took it all on the chin, asking only, ‘Can I tell me friend Maggie that I’ve got a daddy now?’

  ‘Ye can so, sweetheart, because that’s what ye’ll have.’

  ‘And you’re marrying him today, so I get to miss school?’

  ‘I am, and ye do.’

  Flora thought about this for a moment. ‘I can tell her tomorrow then, can’t I? Will I be wearing me best blue frock?’

  ‘They’ll never accept me. Never. It’s not even worth the trying. Far better
if I stay with Millie and Clem while you’re away.’ They were standing on Scout Scar, an open fell overlooking the town, having enjoyed a pleasant, if rather quiet lunch at the Fleece Inn. The aunts would have declined and beat a hasty retreat back to the small parlour, were it not for the fact that Eliot insisted they stay and celebrate his wedding. So they’d sat stiff backed throughout, hardly opening their tightly pressed mouths wide enough to take in a morsel of the excellent Westmorland lamb.

  Afterwards, Kate and Eliot thanked their guests for coming to share this special day with them, and with Flora skipping along in front of them, the three had walked up Beast Banks, on through Serpentine Woods and out onto the fell. It was a long, steep climb but it was a soft Spring day with a bright sun lighting the first primroses, the wayside clotted with wild daffodils and blue pools of bluebells forming a haze of brilliant colour among the long green grasses in the woods.

  ‘If you’re worrying about the aunts, or Lucy, then don’t. I’ve spoken to them and they are quite resigned, if not exactly jubilant about our decision to marry.’

  ‘Your decision. I don’t seem to have had much say in the matter.’

  Eliot chuckled. ‘Flora seems quite happy with the situation.’

  Flora was ecstatic. She’d met her father for the first time outside the great doors of the Parish Church and it was apparent to Kate, to everyone present, that they had liked each other on sight. In typical Flora fashion, she came straight to the point.

  ‘Are you my daddy?’

  ‘I am.’

  ‘And are you going to marry me mammy.’

  ‘If she’ll have me.’

  ‘Did you have a quarrel before, that time when I was a babby?’

  ‘I think we must have done.’

  ‘Has Mammy said she’s sorry?’

  ‘Not yet. Do you think she might?’

  Flora had considered this very seriously for a moment, and then shaken her small head, making the dark curls bounce, the fire in them gleam in the sun. ‘Will you say you’re sorry to her?’

  He gave a rueful smile. ‘Sorry enough to ask her to be my wife, will that do?’

  A tiny puckering of her brow. ‘Mammy says we’re to come and live with you.’

  ‘If you approve. I hope you like my house. You’ll have a room all to yourself, but you can of course see your friends whenever you wish.’ He indicated Millie’s children standing close by her side, holding on to her hands and watching the proceedings in wide-eyed wonder.

  ‘Will I be stopping in Mrs Williams’s class at school?’

  ‘Oh yes, I should think so. If you want to. Do you like Mrs Williams?’

  At this she nodded, and the matter seemed to be settled. Flora released herself from her friends and went to stand before him, gazing up into his face, ‘You can kiss me, if you like.’

  ‘Only if you call me Daddy.’

  ‘All right, Daddy. You can kiss me now.’

  And he’d swept her up into his arms and smacked a great big raspberry kiss on her cheek, making her squeal with delight.

  ‘So if we’ve no problems with Flora,’ he said now to Kate, watching the little girl in her pretty blue frock hopping and jumping from one tussock of grass to another, ‘what else matters? The aunts will come round, once they warm to your charm, as I have done,’ he said with a teasing smile. ‘Lucy has had the opportunity to express her disapproval but gave up when she saw that it got her absolutely nowhere. So you see, I’ve made my feelings on the subject very plain.’

  That’s more than you have to me, Kate thought, but didn’t say as much, her eyes on Flora, happily humming a merry little tune to herself.

  What had she done on a mad moment of impulse?

  Kate was in no doubt over his reasons for marrying her. He wanted Flora. Having lost Callum, he needed a replacement child, particularly now that he was going to war. Perhaps this time he felt it incumbent upon himself to offer her something more substantial than a mere job. Perhaps he realised she would never agree to another adoption, or perhaps he thought it might work out cheaper for him in the end to make her his wife, since she could keep an eye on his business too, for nothing.

  And why had she agreed?

  Because of Flora? Perhaps she was part of the reason, but much more than that. Because Kate had found herself quite unable to refuse. Even without Millie bullying her every inch of the way to the altar, the thought of being with him, of waking beside him in the morning, of being allowed to care for him, to love him, had been overwhelming, too tempting to refuse.

  Kate had thought of him going to France, of possibly losing him for good, and she’d needed some part of him all to herself, in case she did lose him. She’d wanted a glimpse, however momentarily, of how it felt to be his wife.

  Of course it had all happened so fast, but these thoughts had raced through her mind. Now, with the knot tied and facing reality, things looked rather different. They were indeed man and wife but Kate couldn’t quite come to terms with the fact. How could they ever hope to lead a normal life when the image of Callum still lay between them? What if she never found him? Could she ever hope to banish the guilt of losing him and allow herself to be happy again? When would the agony end? When did time start to heal, as everyone had promised her that it would? The thought that Callum had wandered off and got lost while they were quarrelling; thinking they were angry with each other, angry with him perhaps, haunted her as much today as it ever had, and still brought the occasional nightmare.

  Best to turn her mind away from that painful time. Where had agonising ever got her? Concentrate on what was happening now, on the subject in hand. How she was to fit into his life, into Tyson Lodge as his wife. ‘What about Amelia’s friends? The ladies of Kendal society. Would they ever accept me as your wife? I doubt it.’

  ‘Do you want them to? Do you care whether they do or not?’

  ‘No, of course I don’t care, but you can’t deny that these people matter.’

  ‘Why should they matter? Do they to you?’

  ‘No, not to me. I don’t give two pins for any of them. ’ Her worries changed to anger now, as they always did, and she turned on him, spitting mad that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, understand. ‘Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, can’t you see it’s you they’ll hurt, you I’m thinking of. There will be the most God-Almighty scandal, just like before. We must have been mad to do this.’

  He gave her a sideways glance, a long, narrowed, considering look which seemed to indicate disbelief, as if saying that she should surely be used to scandal, a woman alone with a child. Kate could almost see the thought imprinted in his gaze, almost hear the words on his silent lips.

  ‘Don’t look at me like that. I don’t care a jot what they say about me, for all I’ve more morals than you’ve ever given me credit for, more than them probably. Wasn’t I once decently married afore ever I met you?’

  He chuckled. ‘Are you accusing me of leading you astray?’

  ‘And isn’t that the way of it?’

  A smile twisted the corner of his mouth, but he said nothing, unnerving her slightly.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know what to think. So why did you marry me? Will you tell me that, at least? You could have come to see Flora at any time. I wouldn’t have denied you that much, not with the war an’ all, and I was even prepared to tell her that you were her daddy.’

  ‘Why do you think I wanted to marry you, Kate?’ They’d stopped walking so he could hold her gently in his arms and his voice had grown softer, mesmerisingly so.

  She gave a careless shrug. ‘How would I know?’

  ‘You can’t guess?’

  Kate shook her head, deliberately stubborn, pretending not to notice the teasing gleam in his brown eyes.

  ‘Then I’ll just have to show you. Not here, of course,’ glancing pointedly at the happy child who’d now come to take both their hands, begging them to swing her between them. ‘Later, perhaps.’

  ‘I’m not sure I’m ready for this.’ He was at the far sid
e of the room and, having taken off his jacket and tie, had begun to unbutton his shirt. Kate stood unmoving, filled with a sudden, girlish shyness, knowing she was trembling from head to foot. Between them lay the vast sprawl of a bed and she was perfectly certain that she couldn’t go through with it. She simply couldn’t. She’d taken one swift, all encompassing glance, drawn in a deep breath and decided it was best to make her feelings clear right from the start.

  At her words, he stopped folding the silk necktie to look across at her in surprise, then as if recognising something vulnerable in her expression, tossed it to one side and came over to take her gently by the shoulders. ‘That is entirely your decision, of course. If you prefer to wait, we can. There’ll be time enough for – for all of that – later, when I get back.’

  ‘’Oh, God, I forgot, you’re going away.’

  He smiled and shook his head. ‘No you hadn’t forgotten at all, you just don’t care to think about it. Neither do I. I’d like to stay here, with you, for ever. Why did we quarrel, Kate? What was our problem when the attraction between us is so strong?’

  ‘You know well enough, let’s not go over all that now. I just want to wait till I’m ready, that’s all,’ she said crisply, and snatching up her nightdress fled to the bathroom. At least she was allowed to use that now she was no longer a servant.

  Later, keenly aware that she was lying in the master’s bed, that the aunts were in a room not too far away, perhaps with their nasty little ears pressed to the wall, she lay stiffly beside him. He reached out and touched her hand. Kate instantly turned her back on him, striving to make her breathing sound even and slow, as if she were falling asleep. It didn’t seem to be working as he began to stroke her back, his hand moving slowly up and down, easing the tension in her shoulders, melting the stone in her heart so that she could hear her breathing quicken, betraying her need. He seemed to have edged closer as she could feel the warmth from his body searing through her like fire.