I feel hot. I still need that shower, but I’m so hungry, I think I’ll feel better after I eat.
Grandpa’s not at the table. Did I even talk to him at all? I look down at my arms again, they’re fine. His paper is spread out where he left it. I have a bad feeling but I shake it off.
“Ah, thank you, Ms. Mona,” I say, not to her, but to the fried chicken that she made for us. I make myself a plate and put the rest in the fridge. I set my plate down on the table and sit down to eat.
It’s so good, and that hospital food was terrible. I finish my drumstick in a few big bites and I’m about to make a dent in the mashed potatoes I piled on my plate when I look at Grandpa’s empty seat. Huh. He left the paper open. He usually folds it up before he leaves the table. I take a bite of mashed potatoes.
Huh.
I look around to see if he’s in the living room. I can’t see him, but maybe he’s napping on the sofa. I take a bite of my corn. I didn’t pour myself a drink. Before I go to the kitchen for a drink, I check the sofa. He’s not there. I look around again.
On the outside, my feet are firmly planted on the ground and will not move. On the inside, my heart begins to race.
He must be in his room.
I will my feet to move me and I find myself in front of his bedroom door. I knock. No answer.
“Grandpa?” Nothing. I wait and think that it’s odd that I’ve been living here over a month and I’ve never been in his room. I knock again, then I pound. Finally, I turn the knob and push the door open. I expect to find him in his bed, but it’s empty. I look around; his room is very neat. His dresser doesn’t have a thing on it. I walk around and check the other side of the bed. Maybe he was lying down and fell out of bed. No, he’s not there.
The bathroom, Mom’s room, my room, his old work room. No, no, no, no. I hear laughter outside. I hear screaming in my head.
“Grandpa!” I head back to the living room, dining room, kitchen. The front door. It’s unlocked. I know I locked it. I locked it, but it’s unlocked. It’s not locked. I locked it. I locked it!
I open the door and run out. I want to run to Zac’s, but the sound of the kids playing draws me in their direction.
They stop and stare at me, their mouths drop. I must look frightful. “Have you seen my grandfather?”
They stare.
“An old man? From my house, that house right there?”
Blank faces, open mouths.
“Please!”
One boy finally says, “No.”
I take a second to look down and check myself, expecting to find myself covered in blood. No, I’m not. They’re just kids, I scared them.
I run down the sidewalk; I don’t see him anywhere. I turn back and look. Zac’s house! I forgot I was going to check Zac’s house. I cross the street without looking. A car’s tires screech; I don’t stop running.
I knock on Zac’s door and Ms. Mona answers. “Raina, dear, what’s the matter?”
“Grandpa.” I’m out of breath, I can hardly speak.
“What about him?”
“Is he here? Have you seen him?”
“No, he’s not here,” she says.
Without further explanation, I walk away to continue my search of the neighborhood.
“Wait!” Zac calls out to me.
“I can’t, he’s gone!” I begin searching in the opposite direction of where I started. I can’t run anymore. I walk as fast as I can.
“I’ll help.” Zac has caught up to me.
“Mr. LaCroix!” he calls in this direction. “Have you already checked the other way?”
“Yes. But we should split up.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll get my car and drive around. But, Raina…”
I turn to look but he’s stopped walking so he’s several steps behind me.
“Maybe we should call the police to help us.”
The thought hadn’t occurred to me. Now that he mentions it, I’m even more scared. I don’t say anything, I go back to searching.
“Grandpa!”
Ahead of me a woman walks out of her house and toward me. When she gets close enough she says, “Are you looking for an elderly gentleman?”
“Yes,” I say, trying to gather up any calm I might have left in me.
“He’s here, in my house.”
“Oh, thank God!”
“I found him walking down the sidewalk with no shoes on. I asked him where he lived and he didn’t know, so I brought him inside to try and figure out how to help him.”
I look for Zac, but he’s gone. He had to have run to get his car to be out of sight so fast.
“He’s fine, but I don’t want to leave him alone too long. Come on.” She motions for me with her arm.
I follow.
She walks inside and I begin to follow her in, but I stop at the open door. I look back for Zac; I don’t see him. I look into the house. She’s out of sight but she’s left the door open. “You can come in,” she says.
I look down at my feet and then up at the sky. This seems real. I can only see a few feet into her house, it’s dark beyond that. I expect the devil to jump out at me.
This is a trap to get me out of my home.
Not the devil, her again. She looks innocent enough, with her mom pants and flowery shirt. She has a puzzled look on her face. We stare at each other.
I hear Zac’s car and look back to wave at him so he’ll stop. He sees me and pulls up in front of the house.
“I was just waiting for my friend,” I say. But she’s not standing there anymore. I look into the darkness for her.
“Did you find him?” Zac says.
I don’t look back at him, I continue to stare into the house. A figure walks toward me. It’s him. It’s my grandfather. I’m so happy to see him, but I just stand there.
Zac walks up beside me and says, “Mr. LaCroix, I’m glad to see you.” Then he looks at me and says, “It’s ok, Raina, we found him. It looks like he’s fine.”
I continue staring straight ahead, straight at the woman holding his arm. She says, “He seems a little unsteady.”
Zac takes a step inside the house. He says, “Thank you,” to her.
I shake off my stare. He’s obviously fine, and Zac is right here with me.
“Who are you?” Grandpa says to Zac.
“I’m your neighbor, I live across the street.” There’s no flash of recognition in Grandpa, so Zac continues, “Ms. Mona’s son.”
The woman tries to pass him off to Zac, but Grandpa pulls away. I see the look she gives Zac and I don’t like it.
Zac says, “Here, Raina’s right here.” He points to me.
“Hi, Grandpa, I was so worried about you,” I say, still not wanting to step inside.
We all watch Grandpa while he’s watching me. He says, “I don’t know you.”
The look she gives me I like even less. This is bad.
She says to him, “Do you know them at all?”
“No,” he says.
“He’s my grandfather, I live with him. Right down the street there.” I point in the direction of the house, but she never takes her eyes off me.
She takes a firm grip on his arm and pulls him away from Zac. “Maybe we should call someone.”
“Grandpa,” I plead to him. “You remember me. You remember my mom, Rachel.”
I see the expression on his face change when he hears his daughter’s name.
“Rachel?” he says.
“Yes. And my uncle, Jacob.”
“Jacob,” he says.
The woman says, “Do you remember now?”
Grandpa looks at her, and then at Zac.
Zac nods to him, “Yes, Mr. LaCroix, Raina is your granddaughter. She moved here with Rachel, remember now?”
“Jacob?”
“No, I’m Zac. I’m Ms. Mona’s son.”
Grandpa looks like he remembers, and at the same time, he looks more confused.
“Do you want to go home?” the woman ask
s him.
He looks at her and says, “Who are you?”
“I live here. I found you walking down the street and invited you in.”
We all stand and look at each other. She must believe us because she lets go of his arm and guides him toward Zac. Zac takes his arm, and this time Grandpa lets him. Once they’re out the door I take hold of his other arm.
“It’s ok,” I say.
“Rachel, where have you been?”
“We’ve been looking for you,” I say.
We’re able to lead him to Zac’s car, but he resists getting in. I look back at the house. The woman stands in the doorway, watching us. I wave, she doesn’t wave back.
Zac says, “You should get in. It’s a long walk back and you must be tired.”
“I don’t know you,” Grandpa says.
I want to smooth this over before she changes her mind about letting him leave with us. I think of something that might work. I tell him, “You left your paper open.”
He looks at me, but it’s not the reaction I hoped for.
I lay it on thicker. “You left your newspaper all over the table. Mom said she’s going to throw it away.”
He says, “It’s still good, I’m reading it. I just came out to…” He looks around as if trying to remember what he left the house for.
“It’s all right,” I say. “Do you want to walk all the way home, or ride with me and Zac?”
He gives thought to my question, and without answer, he gets in the car. Once we get home, he goes inside with no trouble.
“Thank you, Zac, you saved us both.”
“Of course. I was worried about him too.”
“Would you like to come in?”
He looks back to his house and says, “Sure, let me go tell Mom he’s home and drive the Mustang back under the carport.”
“Sure.”
He gives me a kiss and a hug; I don’t want to let go.
I get Grandpa settled back in to reading and clear my dishes. I sit across from him, fold my arms on the table, and lay my head down.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he says.
I guess that’s improper. I sit up and put my hands in my lap. I get up to sit on the sofa and wait for Zac, and just as I get comfortable there’s a knock at the door.
It’s Zac; I let him in. “Let’s go to my room so we can talk,” I say in a voice meant only for Zac to hear.
Before we get to the hallway Grandpa says, “Where are you two going?”
“To my room,” I say.
“No, young lady. If you want to have a young man as a guest, then you both can have a seat in here.”
“He’s just a friend. We’ll keep the door open.”
“You will not. Here or he can go home, and you can go to your room alone.”
Zac and I exchange looks and head for the sofa.
“What are you going to do, Raina?”
“I don’t know. I thought I locked the door, but I must not have.”
“He could have just unlocked the door.”
“The deadbolt takes a key from inside and out, so it’s not so easy to unlock.”
“Where’s the key kept?”
It’s a simple enough question, but I’m suspicious of everything. And everyone. Why does he want to know about how to get in and out of here?
He says, “I mean, does he know where the key is? Isn’t it right by the door where he can just grab it and unlock it easily?”
“Oh. Um, yes, it’s hanging up by the door. I should move it. I can take it in my room with me.”
“That’s a start, but you know that’s not going to be enough to keep him safe.”
“He’s safer now than before I moved in. We take care of each other, he’s fine.”
“I know he’s safer now, but maybe he’s getting worse too.”
“Why would he be getting worse?”
“I think that’s how it happens.”
I rub my face with my hands. I wish this would all go away.
“Look, Raina, you don’t have to make this decision on your own. You should call your uncle Jacob. Or your aunt, or your mom, or Ellie, or even his doctor. You have people who care about him and you.”
“What if they take him away? He wouldn’t want that. He wants to stay here. He’s lived here for, like, forever. I don’t want to see him sent off to some home to die. I’m just getting to know him. And all we have is each other.”
“Now, that’s not true. Besides everyone I just said you could call, you have me and my mom.”
“Yeah.”
“And you don’t know; maybe they’ll hire someone to move in here.”
“That sounds expensive.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Think about it.”
“I’ll talk to Ellie.”
“Good,” he says with a smile like everything’s just been solved.
***
Ellie’s phone goes straight to voice mail. Instead of leaving her a message I hang up and send her a text that says, “Give me a call when you can.”
A few minutes later, I hear from her. “What’s up?”
“Everything’s ok, but I wanted to tell you that Grandpa, sort of, well, he wandered off yesterday.”
“Oh my God! But he’s ok?”
“Yes, he’s fine. It’s just that I thought I should let someone know.”
“That’s a pretty big deal, I’m glad you told me.”
“I thought I’d keep the deadbolt key in the bedroom with me.”
“I don’t know about keeping the key in your room. If there was an emergency, you’d have to get out quickly.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“And if he’s not able to go out and get his paper in the morning, you’ll have to get up early and get it.”
“Hm, I hadn’t thought of that either.” Obviously my plan is not a good one.
“We’ll figure it out; you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve been meaning to call you. How are you feeling?”
“It’s been a lot, but he doesn’t seem to remember any of it.”
“I’m glad y’all found him and everything is ok, but I mean, how are you?”
“Oh, I’m fine. Really. It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to, you know, try to kill myself or anything.”
“I know, I didn’t think you would. I just worried about you. We all did.”
“I’m fine.”
“So you’re not having nightmares anymore?”
I pause for a moment. Instead of answering I say, “Did you say anything to Johnny about what happened?”
“No.”
“Andre?”
“No, I haven’t told anyone. That’s up to you who you want to know.”
I sigh with relief. “Ok.”
“And the nightmares?”
Knowing that I can trust her makes me blurt everything out. “I don’t know what to do anymore! It happens when I’m asleep and it’s starting to happen when I’m awake. I am really haunted, and it seems like there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Oh, Raina, I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve been thinking that maybe Lovie can help me. I didn’t want to believe her, but I do now. But, I wasn’t so nice the last time I saw her. Do you think she will see me?”
“Yes, I think she will.”
“Well, maybe I’ll go tonight, if she’ll see me that soon.”
“We have to make sure Grandpa will be ok.”
“Yeah, maybe Ms. Mona will stay with him.”
“We need to figure out something permanent.”
“Ok, but for now I just need to figure something out for tonight.”
“I hope Ms. Mona can do it. I would come over and stay with him, but after work Andre is taking me to dinner. It’s the anniversary of the day we met.”
“Oh, happy anniversary!”
“Thanks! I’ll tell Lovie for you. She’s upstairs right now, but she’ll
be home later.”
“Thank you.”
I’m anxious to meet with Lovie, and I don’t know what to do about Grandpa. I sit down next to him at the table. “I’m going out for a while and I thought I’d ask Ms. Mona to come over and keep you company while I’m gone.”
“Who?”
“Our neighbor. She comes over and cooks for us.”
I don’t think he’s listening to me. I sit with him for a few more minutes while he reads. “I wish I knew you before.”
“Before what?”
“Just before. Like, earlier.”
“Rachel, you’re not making any sense, girl.”
“I’m Raina!”
He sets his paper down. “Don’t you raise your voice to me, young lady.”
“Ok, I won’t. I’m going to ask Ms. Mona now.”
He returns his attention to his paper.
Ms. Mona answers the door wearing her housecoat. “Hello, Raina. Zac isn’t here.”
“That’s ok. I wanted to ask you a question.”
“Sure. Come on in.”
She leads me to the living room. “Can I get you something?”
“No, thanks, I’m fine.” I sit down and wonder where Zac is. I never think about where he is or what he’s doing when we’re not together, but somehow knowing that he’s not here on a Saturday night makes me wonder.
She sits down and says, “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. But I need to ask you a favor, and I feel bad because you do so much for us already.”
“Oh, nonsense, I’m happy to help if I can.”
“I need to go see a friend, and I don’t want to leave Grandpa alone.”
“I can go over and stay with him, if you’re not going to be long. I can’t stay up like I used to anymore; all this medicine I take makes me so sleepy.”
“I’ll try to make it short. When he goes to sleep you can come home.”
She gives me a long look that makes me a little uneasy. She says, “Where are you going?”
“To see a friend who lives in St. Claude.”
The look on her face is all I need to know that she disapproves, then she says, “You don’t need to be in that part of town by yourself at night. Nothing good can come of it.”
“It’s ok. I’ve been before, with my cousin, Ellie. I just need to go see a friend and I’ll come right back. Promise.”
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