“Who are you going to see?”
So many questions. “Her name is Lovie. Ellie works for her; that’s how I know her. I think she can help me with something. I just need to go see her, so can you stay with Grandpa, please?” I’m reluctant to tell her that she’s a mystic and that she’s read my tarot cards; not everyone is ok with that. I used to think it was some kind of witchcraft, so other people probably do too.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Raina. If you’re looking for guidance, why don’t you come to church with me tomorrow? We’re good people, you’ll be safe there.”
“Maybe, but I need to do this now.”
“Lay your problems on God’s shoulders, child. He has broad shoulders, he can take it. Anything that’s troubling you is no match for our dear Lord.”
“Thank you,” I say. I feel like God hasn’t done me any favors lately, but I certainly don’t want to get into that right now. This is taking forever as it is.
“Ok, I will go over and stay with your grandfather, but I’m worried about you. Will you pray with me?”
“Um, ok.”
She moves closer to me and holds out her hands to me, I assume for me to hold them, so I do. She says, “Dear Lord, please watch over your child, Raina, as she takes her journey this evening. Keep her safe, and help her to find what she’s looking for. Lord, we ask you to bless us in everything we do and we thank you for your glory. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”
“Amen.”
***
I’m grateful that Ms. Mona let me borrow her car. She was worried about me bringing Grandpa’s old car down here. I was worried too, a little, but I would have taken it anyway.
Lovie was waiting for me, I didn’t even have to knock on the door.
“Come in, I’m happy to see you again, Raina. Unfortunate circumstances though.”
“Thank you for seeing me.”
She smiles and leads me inside. I’m surprised to see there are other people here. “Raina, these are some friends I invited over to help us. This is Evelyn, Leticia, Francis, and Mary. And of course, you know Ben.”
“Hello,” I say.
“Sit here,” Lovie says. “Would you like something to drink?”
I look and see the tea tray set up, and it looks like everyone already has a cup. I’m suspicious, but I want to be more open this time, so I say, “Yes, please.”
She pours me a cup and adds a sugar cube for me. Ben brings me a glass of ice. After pouring it into the glass, I take a sip; it tastes better than last time. I set my glass down and when I look up again, I realize everyone is staring at me.
“I like my tea cold,” I say. I guess that’s why everyone is staring, even though I really know that it’s not.
“Let’s form a circle,” Lovie says.
Everyone moves just enough so we’re in a circle. Ben takes the tray into the kitchen and then comes back and joins us. Two of the women look to be about Lovie’s age, one is about Ben’s age; I think her name is Leticia. Ben sits next to her.
“Raina, you have suffered a tragic loss. Your father, your protector, has left the physical world suddenly. You drew strength from him, and he from you. You were very dear to him. I do not sense him in the metaphysical world yet; he may not know that he’s passed. Without your protector you are vulnerable to those who would do you harm.
“A demon spirit has found you in your weakened state of mind. It preys upon you and delights in your misery. It feels your innermost thoughts, even ones you won’t admit to yourself, and he uses that knowledge against you. It toys with your emotion for no other reason than amusement. It visits you when your mind is most open—while you sleep. You have given your power over to it by feeding it your energy. It has grown stronger, and now has reached into your conscious mind. If you don’t banish it, it will grow more powerful.
“You are the only one who can banish it. We join in this circle this evening for communion, for when people come together we combine our energy, therefore combining our strength. We are empowering you, Raina Rae, so this demon will no longer seek you out. Do we all agree on this?”
“Yes,” everyone answers.
“Yes,” I answer.
“When you are again visited by this demon, you will clear your mind. You will meditate on the positive energy you received here today. Where your father was once your protector, now you must protect yourself. Do you agree that is what your father would have passed on to you?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Very good, it shall be done. When you are confronted with any evil, you will meditate on the memory of your father’s protection and know that lives on through you. Please, everyone close your eyes and meditate with me.”
Every does as Lovie instructs. I close my eyes as well. No one speaks; there is not a sound in the room. I have never meditated before, so I’m not sure I know how. I do as she said, I clear my mind.
Silence.
Lovie speaks, “Imagine Raina; she is a frightened child. She stands alone on a hill. The hill is surrounded by a fence. On the other side of the fence are those who wish to do her harm. They claw each other and pry at the fence to get to her. The fence was made by her father so it is strong. She turns around to find her father standing behind her; he was there all along, even though she did not see him. Around his neck hangs a medal. He steps closer to Raina and takes off his medal, which he then places around her neck. Once she has the medal, he disappears from her sight. Although she can’t see him, he is with her. Her medal is a symbol of protection.”
Silence. I imagine myself, just as she said. I can almost feel the weight of the medal.
“Raina. When you are faced with the demon, you will clear your mind and meditate. Concentrate on your medal, your protection. You will not respond to the demon, no matter what it says to you. You will not feed it any more of your energy.”
Silence. I push all thoughts from my mind.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Very good. You are stronger than you know; that is why the demon chose you. You are a connection from the metaphysical world to the physical world. You must learn to control it, or it will control you. This demon will not be the last one to try and gain strength from you, so you must learn this now. Trust your inner strength and intuition.”
“I will.”
“Very good. Thank you, everyone, for your participation. Please keep Raina in your prayers. I wish blessings upon each of you, my friends.”
“Bless you,” everyone responds.
“Bless you,” I respond.
Lovie stands and comes to me. She takes my hand and I stand with her. Everyone rises from their seats and walks to me. One by one they take my hands in theirs and bless me. I feel their energy, I understand what Lovie means now. I feel strong.
“Thank you,” I say to each person. Then to everyone I say, “You don’t even know me, but you are here to help me.” I am overwhelmed by their kindness.
~ 10 ~
I open the door to my room and light spills out. The stained glass church is lit and its brilliant colors fill my room. I didn’t think I’d left it on. I turn the switch off and the room turns dull. Grandpa must have been in here. Or Mom. I rush to her room, only to find it still empty.
In my room, I turn the light back on and sit in the glow. I look up as if I could see the heavens through my ceiling. Why is this happening to me? I open the cigar box. I take out the elephant necklace; it reminds me of the imaginary medal around my neck. I place it next to the night-light. Its tiny jewels dance in the light. I flip through the Polaroids of me and Dad. “I miss you.” I set them on the desk. The last thing in the box is the lapis bracelet, I take it out and run my thumb across the smooth stone, and then I set it down on the table as well. I close my eyes. Daddy, please be with me. I open my eyes and see that I’ve made a little altar. Just one more thing…I take the tarot cards from the nightstand drawer and place them on the desk. I make the sign of the cross an
d I pray.
I take the deck of cards and shuffle them. I lay one faceup, the King of Cups. I know this one. Ellie told me that in a regular deck of cards it would be the King of Hearts. So, I don’t exactly know what it’s supposed to mean, but I’ll take it as a good sign. The next is the Page of Pentacles. What did Lovie say about pentacles? Money. That’s weird; I think this is the first time one has shown up, but I know I’ve gotten a page before. I think together those are me and my father. These are good, I can figure them out. I’m reluctant to turn over one more. I don’t want to see The Devil, but if I do, then I know I can handle it. I turn over the third card; the Three of Swords. I stare at how the swords pierce the heart—heartache. Yes, I know that one. It was also about a love triangle. I feel that is true.
I push my feelings away. I stack the cards up and set them back on my makeshift altar. That’s good for now. I close my eyes and imagine my medal. I feel its weight; it protects me like armor.
I lie back on my bed and close my eyes. These last few weeks have been crazy. I haven’t heard from any of my old friends, although I see their pictures online and it looks like they’re having fun. I wish I were back in California for the summer, there’s nothing like it. I turn seventeen soon, and then I’ll start my senior year of high school. I have no idea what will happen after that, but I’m not worried about it.
I’m not worried about anything. I feel at peace. I hear the laughter from the kids playing outside; it’s kind of late for them to be out. But then again, it’s summertime, and I used to stay out late and play too. It sounds like there are more kids out there tonight. I feel in such a good mood I want to go out and run around with them. I want to remember what it feels like to be a kid playing outside after dark.
The laughter grows louder, and then one of them begins to scream. Then all I hear is screaming, like all of them are screaming now. Are they having fun or are they scared? What are they scared of? I get up and look out the window, and I can’t believe what I see. The devil is standing in their yard. They scatter. Some run and hide behind a tree, some hide in the shrubs. I look at two children, hiding on the side of the neighbor’s house. One of them, a little girl with pigtails, looks up at me and puts her finger to her mouth. “Shhhh.”
That’s a terrible hiding place! It doesn’t matter, he already knows they’re there, he’s walking toward them.
I bang on the window and yell, “Run!”
Both of the kids look up at me. “Shhhh.”
“No, get away! Run, run!”
The little girl turns her head to the side; she does not see him. The boy sees him, he screams. The devil laughs. The boy runs away but the girl just stands there, looking at him. She’s helpless. She is me.
The demon has been with me all along, but I didn’t know it. It lay dormant, like a disease, and waited until I was weak before it attacked. I bang on the window. “No! Leave her alone! It’s me you want. Me, as I am now!”
He looks up at me and grins. The girl runs away. He spreads his wings and jumps straight up in the air and I lose sight of him. I have to get close to the window to try and see where he is. I can’t. I can’t see him. I have to put my cheek to the window and look up. I still can’t see him.
He slams into the window and it feels like I’ve been punched in the face. I stumble backwards and fall over my bed. Then he comes through my window, headfirst. “You are mine. This time, we are going to finish what you started. What you failed at.”
“No…” I begin to scream. Wait. I’m not supposed to do that. What do I do?
“You think you can fight me and win?”
I remember what to do. Ignore him.
He laughs and spreads his wings, “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”
I feel around my neck and down to my chest. The medal is not there, but it protects me just the same. I say nothing.
“I get it. I know what you want.” He wraps his wings around himself and he is gone. In his place stands my father. Not the burned image of him that visited me before, but really him.
I look at him; he opens his arms to me. I want to run to him, but I know it’s a trick. I haven’t seen him in so long. I have pictures, but they’re not the same as seeing him in person again. His stance, the way he turns his head, the way he holds his arms out for me, it’s all just like my father. But it’s not him, I know that. It’s a reflection of my memory of him.
While his arms are still outstretched I see something behind him. It’s the demon, back in the shape of the devil, his favorite form. It stands straight up and stretches its wings out. Everything on my altar goes flying to the floor. He wraps his claws around my father’s neck and squeezes.
I can’t look. I want to scream and throw myself toward the demon and fight him off. I want to save my dad. But I can’t, I know I can’t. In a moment of clarity among all this horror, I realize that I have been scared of losing what is left of my dad—my memories of him.
I hear screaming. It sounds like Dad, but I know it’s not. I hear the devil, “You can save him.” I hear Lovie’s voice in my mind, “Do not feed it your energy.” My face is buried in my hands, like the image from the Nine of Swords card. I take my hands away but keep my eyes shut tight.
“Raina!” it says in my father’s voice.
I pull my knees up to my chest and lay my cheek against my knee. I will not move. I will not open my eyes. I hear screams from outside, it’s the children. I hear laughter, it’s the devil. I clear my mind and meditate.
I open my eyes and I’m lying in my bed; my night-light is still on. I look around the room. It’s empty except for me. It’s gone. It may be back, but I know now how to defeat it. I’m not worried. I turn the light off and climb back in bed. I pull the covers up to my neck and fall asleep smiling. I have won.
~ 11 ~
I wake up feeling hopeful. I sit down to breakfast with Grandpa and say, “How are you this morning?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Grandpa?”
Finally he puts down his paper and looks at me. “I’d be better if things could go back to the way they were.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Where’s your mother?”
That’s a trick question. I’m never sure if he means my mother, or if he thinks I am my mother.
He notices my hesitation and says, “Is she with Kyle?”
“Yes, she is. It’s just you and me. Is that ok?”
“That’s fine.”
I smile at him, he smiles back. “You look like your grandmother. She was a good person. I miss her.”
“I wish I could have gotten to know her.”
“Yes, it’s a shame. Life sometimes deals us cards that we may not want, but we’ve got to make the best of them.”
“You’re right. I’m going to do just that, make the best of them.”
“Have I shown you my doubloon collection?
“Yes.”
He looks down. I think he may go back to reading his paper. I don’t want to lose our connection so I say, “I’d like to see them again.”
“Sure thing, Miss Raina.”
After going through his collection again, his memory fades. He heads back to the safety of his chair and newspaper. I go back to my room. I lie on my bed and practice meditating.
When I can’t hold off my thoughts any longer, I open my eyes and sit up. I wonder what Mom is doing. I decide call her.
“Hello,” she says.
“Hi, Mom. I just wanted to say hello, and tell you that I love you.”
“I love you too, Raina.”
“I miss you. Maybe we can get together soon?”
“I’d like that. You can come over for dinner.”
That’s not exactly what I had in mind, but I say, “Sure.”
“Okay, sweetheart. We want to have a little party for you for your birthday. You know, not a lot of people, but Ellie, Jacob, and Brooke can come. And the kids love a party!”
“That sounds good. Any chanc
e I’ll be getting a car?” I don’t want to push my luck and start a fight, but it’s worth a shot.
“You can use Grandpa’s car.”
“I know, but it’s kind of a big ole boat. And, well, I was just wishing.”
“We’ll see,” she says. I can tell that she’s smiling by the sound of her voice. Maybe that Page of Pentacles card was telling me something after all.
***
I spend the day just lying around. I watch TV, leave messages for my friends on their Facebook pages, but I don’t wait around for a response. Instead, I close the computer and read for a while. I even sit at my desk and write, like the journal entries I had to do for school. I don’t want to put my private feelings online in a blog, but it feels good to write them on paper.
I’m so into writing about everything that’s happened that I jump a little when the phone rings. It’s Ellie.
“Hi,” I say.
“Raina, Johnny and Sonya broke up. I hear that this time it’s for good.”
I don’t want to sound too excited, even though I know she’s telling me because she knows I have feelings for him. Still, I want to act casual, so I say, “Really? I hope Johnny is ok.”
“He’s fine, I saw him at work this afternoon and he seemed happy. Better than I’ve seen him in a while.”
“Well that’s good.”
“We’re going to the ruins tomorrow night, you should come.”
“I’d love to.” I immediately wish I hadn’t used the word “love” when talking about seeing Johnny. I remind myself that I can trust her. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister; it’s ok to let her know that I really like him.
She says, “I’ll pick you up.”
“Thank you.”
“You should get a car of your own. Don’t you have a birthday coming up soon?”
“Yes, in a couple of weeks. Do you see a car in my future?” I hope she can hear the joke in my tone.
She laughs, “Indeed I do!”
“I don’t get my inheritance until I’m 18, but I’ve already dropped the hint to my mom that I want one for my birthday.”
The Mystic Page 15