A Glittering Chaos

by de Nikolits, Lisa

  “Oh, stop that. Although why you didn’t have a Brazilian wax before taking these pictures is beyond me. I’m going to call Jonas now.”

  She dials a number. “Jonas? Auntie Ana here. Can you come over? No, your Mami is fine. A little upset but fine. No, it’s not your Papa, I’ll explain when you get here. Okay, see you now.”

  “He’s on his way,” she says unnecessarily to Melusine, who wishes her face was not so swollen; her eyes are nearly closed from crying.

  They wait and they finally hear a car pull up. Jonas rushes in. “Mami? Are you all right? What’s wrong? Do you have cancer? Did Papa die?” He hurls questions at both the women.

  “Oh, Jonas,” Melusine wails, “I’ve done something that you’ll hate me for. I just wanted to do something for me. I’m sorry.”

  “What are you talking about? Auntie Ana, what’s she talking about?”

  Ana wordlessly hands him the catalogue. He does not understand until Ana turns to the pages that have the images of Melusine.

  Jonas sinks down into a chair and stares at the photographs.

  “Mami?” He looks at her quizzically and then a gigantic grin spreads across his face. He leans back in his chair and flips through the catalogue, smiling.

  “Mami, you thought I’d be upset? These are great! I’m so proud of you. Nika’s going to love them. Who took the pictures?”

  “A man I met in Vegas. He could speak German. Your father had disappeared to find Kateri with the psychics and he left me all alone. But this man became my friend … and…”

  Jonas pats her hand. “I don’t need all the details.” He grins. “You might say that everything I need to know is right here in front of me.”

  “I thought you’d hate me,” Melusine says. “Ana, I need a brandy now. My nerves were shot,” she says to Jonas.

  “She’s been crying like a banshee for hours,” Ana confirms, pouring a large shot of brandy for each of them. “She couldn’t bring herself to tell you. I had to phone you.”

  “Nika’s going to love these,” he says again, “I can’t wait to show her. I’m so proud of you, Mami.”

  Melusine sighs. “Ah well, Jonas, I think I’m about to disappoint you now. The library fired me today because of these pictures. I’ve lost my job.”

  Jonas gapes at her. “They can’t do that. We’ll sue them, Mami, that’s what we’ll do, we’ll sue them. I’ll get all my professors involved and we’ll nail them.”

  She shakes her head. “No, please, don’t do that. I know you’re upset, and I am too. But then these images will be flashed everywhere and not only that, the whole toe sucking fiasco will be dredged up again, and everybody will rush around taking pictures again of Hans on his bench and he’ll get all frightened. No, Jonas, we have to leave this one be.”

  “But it makes me so angry,” he says and his face crumples into a scowl.

  “I know, me too. And I’m very proud of these images, I am. I’ll never regret doing them but by the same token, I don’t want them in every tabloid newspaper, we’ve had more than enough of that. Don’t you agree?”

  He shakes his head. “Yes, but it’s just not fair.”

  Melusine remembers something else. “Ana, I forgot, I must tell you both about something else too. But before I do, you should top up our glasses.”

  The two of them look at her. “I can’t imagine what’s coming next,” Ana says drily to Jonas, “can you?”

  He shakes his head.

  Just then, Dirk, Ana’s husband, arrives home. He looks at the three of them drinking brandy at noon and he sees Melusine’s swollen face. “I guess whatever happened you’d better give me a shot too,” he says to Ana and hands her a glass. He takes his jacket off and puts it on the back of a chair.

  Dirk still looks like the boxer he was in his youth and he has always been supportive of Melusine and was particularly protective when Hans derailed so spectacularly. Dirk had been the one to keep nosy reporters at bay and despite the fact that he had never much liked Hans, thinking him pretentious and snobbish, he nevertheless checked in on him regularly at the park, and kept an eye on things.

  “Did you crash your car?” he turns to Jonas who shakes his head indignantly.

  “You should know me better than that, Onkel Dirk,” he says. “No, this isn’t about me. My parents are the ones who get into trouble, not me.” He and Dirk share a grin at this.

  They have always got on well; Dirk’s a high-end mechanic who fixes Mercedes, Audi’s and Porsche’s and Jonas loves tinkering with cars. He had learned enough from Dirk to be able to buy a cheap second-hand car and fix it up himself.

  Jonas looks at his mother. “Can I show him?”

  Melusine nods. “The whole world will see soon anyway.”

  “Just don’t go getting too overly appreciative,” Ana says and she punches her husband on the arm, hard.

  He winces. “Ana! That hurt! What are you talking about?”

  Jonas opens the catalogue and pushes it towards Dirk, whose mouth falls open. Ana punches him again but this time he hardly feels it. “Wow, Melu, I had no idea…” he rubs his upper arm absentmindedly.

  “You had no idea what?” Ana asks, icily.

  “That she modelled…” Dirk says lamely. “These are great. Why are we so sad then?”

  “Because,” Ana says, closing the catalogue, “first off, Melu thought Jonas would be devastated by these photos and rush from the house in despair never to be seen again. Which, by the way, did not happen, as you can tell. And secondly, and this is why the tears, the library fired her over them.”

  “They did what?” Dirk is furious. “Bunch of uptight bitches.”

  Melusine gives a laugh. “I was one of them this morning, Dirk. And anyway, I can see what they’re saying … you can understand their point of view.”

  “No,” he says. “I can’t. This is art. This isn’t like Playboy. This is like Porsche does Playboy.”

  This cracks Jonas up. He swallows half his brandy and looks at his mother. “Ah, but Mami, you were going to tell us something else. Onkel Dirk, moments before you came in, Mami had just said ‘but wait, there’s more….’”

  They all turn and look at Melusine who leans back and sighs. The brandy has brought a red flush to her cheeks and her face is still damp and swollen. She pushes her hair back and it sticks up in wild tufts. Jonas thinks she looks like a stork caught in a storm but decides not to mention it.

  “So?” he prods.

  “Well,” she says, “remember that book I was writing?”

  They all nod.

  “I finished it.”

  “And?” prompts Ana.

  “And I sent it to a publisher.”

  “And?” Dirk says, “come on, woman, out with it.”

  “And they’re going to publish it.”

  The other three erupt into wild applause but Melusine shakes her head. “No, it’s not good. It will just be more strange publicity for our family. You see, the book is quite erotic and it has lesbian relationships and drug-taking…”

  They stare at her. In silence.

  Then Jonas starts to giggle. “Mami,” he says, “not only do you take the cake, you take the champagne and the sports cars. You rock!”

  Melusine looks at him. “Jonas! You beautiful boy. What did I ever do to deserve you?”

  “You’re the best mother in the world, that’s what. And you know why I was so difficult to Papa all these years? Because I thought he pushed you down and I hated him for that. So I love all of this. I love these pictures and I love your book, whatever it is.”

  Melusine goes over to hug him and she is crying again and even Ana has tears in her eyes.

  “I wish my boys would say things like that to me,” she says and Dirk looks at her.

  “They do but you’re too busy shouting at them to pick up their clothes and put down the toilet seat to hear them.”

  She pouts. “This place would be a pigsty, if it weren’t for me,” she says and Dirk grins.
/>   “Nika is going to be so happy about the book, Mami,” Jonas says, “I meant to tell you, she’s decided to give up writing, for now anyway. She’s changing her major from German literature to midwifery. Which means she’ll need to take biology and science which she’s very good at. And luckily for her, she took some courses in sociology and psychology and she can use those credits.”

  “She’ll be a wonderful midwife,” Melusine says. “She’s been so great. Our family’s had one crisis after another recently and she’s been wonderful. She’s great with Hans, too.”

  She looks down at her hands. “I don’t know what I’m going to do for a job now. Nika’s quite right to be changing fields, there’s not much call for German literature students with a masters in librarianship.”

  “If you’ll allow me, I’ve got an idea,” Dirk says, pouring more brandy. “And it may sound like it’s coming out of nowhere but I’ve actually thought about it before. There’s this guy who brings his car in….”

  “There’s always a guy bringing his car in,” Ana says, “be more specific.”

  “…a rich guy with a lot of money to burn. A homo, but a nice one….”

  “Thank you Dirk, for elaborating,” Ana says. “He’s never learned political correctness, has he?” she asks Melusine.

  “Political correctness is for wankers,” Dirk says. “Ana, stop interrupting me, okay? Good heavens, woman, no wonder I hardly ever talk in this house, it’s too difficult, what with the interruptions every two seconds.”

  “Talk then,” Ana says. “For the record I won’t interrupt you, except if you say politically objectionable things.”

  “Ana!” Melusine says. “Let him talk.”

  Ana pouts again.

  “So,” Dirk says. “There’s this rich fag who gets his car fixed…” he and Ana exchange furious glances but she remains quiet and he grins. “And he’s been wanting to start his own coffee shop for a while now. He wants something arty, something different. And now Melu, here you are, model of this photoshoot, author of an erotic novel and you studied all that artistic crap and most importantly, you are the greatest baker in the world.”

  “What? Better than me?” Ana is affronted.

  Dirk laughs. “My angel, she’s in a league you can only dream of.”

  It appears as if this might develop into a war, but Jonas holds up his hand. “Stop it, you two, stop. Onkel Dirk, please carry on.”

  Dirk leans back on his chair legs with his arms folded.

  “You’ll fall back,” Ana warns, “you know you will. And you’ll break the chair.”

  “Ana! Please!” Melusine is running out of patience. “I need to hear this.”

  “So this guy,” Dirk says again, “has a shitload of money and he’s always wanted an arty coffee shop and now here’s Melu, perfect for the job. You won’t even need to put any money in. I thought of you before for this, but I admit that I thought maybe he’d think you were too conservative. But now, with these pictures, and your book, well, I’m sure he’ll love you. You interested?”

  “Yes!” Melusine’s face glows. “I’m very interested! I’ve often daydreamed about baking for a living. But it was only that, daydreaming, since I never thought I’d have enough startup money to do it and anyway, my job at the library was a good one and I had no reason to want to leave. Will you talk to him tomorrow?”

  “I’ll do better than that,” Dirk says, getting up and ruffling Ana’s hair as he passes, “I’ll call him now. He and I go way back. He travels the world a lot of the time, with his pretty little boyfriend who’s nearly twenty years younger than him but hell, if you can do it, why not?”

  “What, if you can have a lover twenty years your junior or travel the world?” Ana calls after him.

  “Both!” he shouts over his shoulder and Ana gives a mock shrug.

  “Ana, do you think this could be for real?” Melusine asks.

  “Dirk never says anything unless he means it,” Ana says. “You know that. He always delivers. Another round?” she asks, holding up the bottle.

  Jonas laughs. “Not for me, I’m meeting Nika soon. I’ll leave my car here and take the bus. Mami, don’t you worry about anything, okay?” He goes over and gives her a hug.

  “And me, and me, where’s my hug?” Ana says. “Come over for supper soon, okay Jonas?”

  “Wild horses couldn’t keep me away,” Jonas says. “Mami might be the top baker but no one makes sausages like you, Auntie Ana.”

  Ana beams. Jonas is a little unsteady on his feet as he leaves; between the three of them, they polished off half a bottle of brandy.

  Dirk returns and hands her a piece of paper. “Here you go. His name’s Dieter and he’ll meet you tomorrow at this address. And don’t worry, he knows all about Hans.”

  “Everybody knows about Hans,” Ana interrupts. “Sorry Melu, but it’s true.”

  “…and I told him about the catalogue and your book. You’ve got nothing to hide, so don’t think you need to.”

  “I cannot thank you enough, Dirk.” Melusine stands up. “I am going home to sleep. What a crazy, exhausting, exciting day.”

  “This will work out better for you in the end,” Dirk predicts. “Come on, Melu, leave your car here, let me drive you home. Unlike the rest of you drunkards, I only had one glass.”

  “Don’t get any ideas now, just because you’ve seen my best friend naked,” Ana yells after Dirk.

  “I’ve always had ideas,” he shouts back, “about you, you silly woman.”

  He drops Melusine off and she lets herself inside the house, thinking that it feels awfully quiet after all the hilarity and noise at Ana’s, and she is happy to see Mimi who greets her with an enthusiastically wagging tail. Melusine scratches the dog’s head and wonders if she will always be alone. For a while, after the Hans episode, as she calls it, she had welcomed the solitude but she increasingly wishes that she had more than a pen pal to share her life with. But then again, she reminds herself, she would be a lot worse off without Gunther, as tenuous as their relationship might be.

  She writes a detailed update about being fired from the library and she tells him about telling Ana and Jonas about the novel and about Dirk’s friend Dieter who might be interested in starting a coffee shop.

  What a crazy day! Could it be that this is the start of something really good and life changing? And if so, I have you to thank. Were it not for the pictures, I probably would have stayed at the library for the rest of my life.

  She pauses.

  I know you’ve been so busy with your new, exciting life in New York. My life must sound very mundane. At least now, I’ll have a little adventure too! As Ingeborg said, ‘at an end is the beginning of daydreams…’ which feels very fitting right now.

  She feels as if she wants to say more but she cannot think what it is. She seals the letter and decides to have a shower for a change instead of a bath, wanting to feel the rainfall of water rushing down her body. She knows she should feel tired and she is, but she is also wired from the excitement of the day.

  Standing in the shower reminds her of the time when Gunther made love to her under the fall of hot water and she is startled to feel the sudden urgent pressing of her body’s needs. She reaches down; her vulva is hot and full, and her groin is swollen and heavy.

  She slips three fingers inside, pushing hard, probing, seeking, finding that spot. She groans, widens her legs, tilts her head back and opens her mouth to the hot spray of water. She braces her leg on the side of the bathtub and works her fingers harder and harder, supporting herself on the wall with her other hand, working those fingers faster and deeper, letting her bladder go and finding her orgasm; hot water, hot liquid, hot explosion behind her eyeballs.

  Spent, she sits down in the bathtub and lets the water hit her back, with her arms wrapped around her legs.

  She laughs out loud. And decides to take showers more often.

  34.

  DIETER, the prospective café owner, is a sleek pigeon
of a man, with tidy salt and pepper hair. He has a strange mustard-coloured suntan and is dressed for a yachting expedition. He and Melusine hit it off immediately and they talk excitedly, with ideas pouring out, one on top of the other.

  “So listen, I’m thinking we should feature a selection of French, German and Hungarian pastries. And not just super high-end ones either. People will kill for a perfect palacsinta — they look like ordinary crêpes but when they’re done right … they’re to die for!” He snaps his fingers.

  “Exactly,” Melusine agrees. “And a good slice of cake makes people happier than I can tell you. Half the time, when we used to have dinner parties, people were waiting for the dessert and the cakes always got the best welcome. Cupcakes are the big thing in America and I tried a few when I was in Vegas and we could offer some of those too although I’d improve the recipes.”

  Her mind immediately flashes back to the red velvet cupcake that she shared with Gunther outside the Sugar Factory and a lump fills her throat. She cannot believe that she still misses him as much as she does.

  “The thing is,” she focuses on the conversation with Dieter, “it’s real baking that people want. And excellent coffee too. We’ll have to have lattes on offer too, that’s just expected these days.”

  Dieter nods. “And tea,” he says, “there are entire shops dedicated just to tea. We could offer those flower ball teas that unfold so beautifully in glass teapots, they’re very eye catching. The possibilities are endless!”

  “How about I make you some samples of a few pastries? I’m sure you’ll want more proof of my expertise than Dirk’s recommendation and my assurances. If you don’t mind, you could come to my house and I can give you a selection?”

  “That would be great! The day after tomorrow? I’ll bring my partner although you’ll see, he won’t eat a single bite! I do the eating for both of us and then I have to work twice as hard to get rid of it too!”

  Melusine spends the afternoon shopping and all of the following day baking.

  Nika and Jonas arrive for supper to find her covered in a dusting of flour and rushing this way and that.