A Glittering Chaos

by de Nikolits, Lisa

  She thinks he doesn’t look too bad, all things considered, but he is terribly thin and gaunt. She sees, when he takes his cap off to rub his head, that he has lost most of his hair. His skin is windburnt, and raw from washing with cold water and cheap harsh chemicals. There are broken veins in his face, and his nose looks to have been broken. The woman wonders if this was from a fist fight or if he fell when he was drunk.

  She watches him reach into a plastic bag and take out a bottle of rotgut wine. He drinks and passes it around. His generous nature has not changed.

  The men are preoccupied with their daily task of survival. Feeding the body’s addiction comes first, then a mild nod at ablutions, then thoughts on what the Mission is offering that day and plans on how to keep the wine flowing.

  Hans appears to be happy. He is laughing and joking with the others, flicking his imaginary hair back from his broad forehead. She is startled to see that he has a full and bushy beard; for some reason, she had imagined that he would still be the fastidious Hans.

  He is dressed in an assortment of good quality clothes that once would have fit him well. The woman guesses that they are his own. They are, however, filthy, and caked with layers of dried fluids and substances the nature of which she would prefer not to think about.

  In the early afternoon, the woman gathers the baby, gets back on the bus, and returns to the café.

  She stands outside for a moment, knowing that she has to go in this time, unless she is willing to spend yet another night in the bus station, the mere thought of which exhausts her.

  She pushes her way through the door, holding her son who is sucking his tiny forefinger and leaning his head on her shoulder.

  Felix looks up. “Yes?”

  The woman hesitates. “I’m looking … I’m looking for Melusine Meier.”

  Felix calls over her shoulder, “Melu, someone’s here for you.”

  She looks at the woman wondering who she is. There’s something vaguely familiar about her but Felix cannot place what it is.

  Melusine comes out of the baking area, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

  “Yes?” she looks at Felix who gestures to the woman.

  “She’s here to see you.”

  “Can I help you?” Melusine asks the woman.

  The woman holds the baby tightly. He stirs and grabs a handful of her hair with a plump little hand.

  “Can I help you?” Melusine asks again. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

  The baby looks at Melusine and flashes a gummy little smile. Then he gets shy and headbutts the woman’s neck, burying his head on her shoulder. Melusine smiles at the baby, looks enquiringly at the woman and waits.

  “I am Kateri,” the woman says simply.

  For a moment neither Melusine nor Felix say anything.

  Felix is, of course, familiar with the story; she knows exactly who Kateri is.

  “But you’re dead,” Felix says, since Melusine seems incapable of speech. “Hans keeps telling everyone that he killed you.”

  “Well, he’s wrong.”

  “Where have you been? And why are you here now?” Melusine finds her voice.

  “It’s a long story,” the woman says. Her voice is melodic, musical and light. She also speaks very slowly and Melusine wants to shake the whole story out of her.

  “I see,” Melusine says. She wants to be polite although she is very shaken. “I suppose you had better take a seat. Felix, can you get some coffee or something? What would you like?” she asks the woman claiming to be Kateri.

  “Water is fine. Oh, and this is my son, Tommy.”

  “Where’s his father? Tommy’s father?” Felix asks.

  Kateri shrugs. “I have no idea. Just some water is fine.”

  Tommy starts to cry and Kateri mixes him a bottle of formula.

  “I suppose he should start eating solids soon,” she says vaguely. “But solids are so complicated.” She shrugs and feeds the baby who makes contented mewling sounds and smiles at his mother, with the teat of the bottle still in his mouth.

  “How can I believe you?” Melusine says. “That you’re Kateri. You can’t just arrive here and say that you’re her. The story’s been in the newspapers for well over a year now, you could be anybody.”

  “But I’m not. I’ve got proof, you’ll see.”

  Melusine looks at Felix. “I’m going to phone Kommissar Klein. He’s the detective from Hans’s hometown. He’ll know what to do. Can you take care of them?”

  Felix says she will and Melusine excuses herself and goes into the back to use the phone. Then she peers around the door at Felix. “Can you also call Jonas on your cell and ask him to come over?”

  Felix nods.

  Melusine finds the phone number with shaking hands and dials. “Herr Kommissar Klein? This is Melusine Meier. Yes, fine, thank you. Well, actually no, not really, what am I saying? There’s a woman here claiming to be Kateri Meier…”

  She listens for a few minutes. “Yes,” she says. “I can do that. Okay. What do you make of all this?”

  She listens again and nods. “Yes. Fine, see you soon.”

  She goes back into the main area of the café. “Kommissar Klein is on his way. He’s going to alert our police here too as well as the Älterer Polizeikommissar in Frankfurt. It’s just that this is all very unexpected,” she says to the woman who seems unperturbed, while Tommy has finished his bottle of milk and still looks hungry.

  “He should eat something more substantial than that,” Melusine turns to leave. “I’m going to purée some apples for him. Felix,” she says, quietly, “don’t let her go anywhere.”

  “I’m not going to leave,” the woman says. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

  Melusine is in the back when Jonas bursts in with Nika behind him.

  “Where is she?” he shouts and Melusine comes out to greet him.

  “Don’t shout, Jonas. I know, this is very disturbing. The police are on their way.”

  She has made a small dish of food for Tommy and she picks him up and starts to feed him. He grins up at her and eats messily, giving her his gummy smile and batting her with his little fists.

  “I don’t know how you can all be so calm,” Jonas says. His chest is heaving and his cheeks are flushed. He stares at the woman rudely, leaning forward on his elbow and studying her face.

  “We’re all in shock, Jonas,” Melusine says. “Sit down. Have a latte.”

  “I don’t want a latte.” But he sits down.

  The door opens and Dieter and Martin rush in. “Where is she?” Dieter asks and Felix points.

  “I phoned them too,” she explains to Melusine.

  “What do we do now?” Dieter asks. “Are the police on their way?”

  Melusine tells him that they are. She looks at her watch. “They’ll be here in about an hour.”

  “An hour!” Jonas is agitated. “We can’t wait an hour. Where’s your proof?” he shouts at the woman who reaches into her large purse.

  She pulls out a family photograph and passes it to Jonas who looks ready to weep. “It’s Papa,” he says to his mother. “But you could have got this from anywhere.”

  “Like where?” Nika butts in. “Where could she have got it?”

  Jonas doesn’t answer. “We’ll make you take DNA tests,” he threatens the woman who doesn’t appear worried.

  “Surely the person to tell us if this is Kateri would be Hans,” Dieter says. “We should fetch him.”

  “Firstly, Papa doesn’t even recognize me sometimes,” Jonas says. “And he says he killed her. If he killed her, how come she’s here?”

  “Obviously he didn’t kill her,” Melusine says.

  “Do you believe her then, Mami?”

  “Look at her, she does look like your father. Same forehead, mouth, cheekbones, eyes. She’s more narrow though. Hans has got quite a round head.”

  The woman doesn’t respond to any of the theories or accusations flowing around her. She gazes into the distance
, her eyes unfocused, and her body relaxed in the chair. She hardly seems present but ephemeral, as if she might disappear at any moment.

  Melusine burps Tommy, amazed by the immediate and instinctive return of her long-retired mothering skills and Tommy’s solid little weight feels very reassuring in her arms.

  “It wouldn’t mean anything if Hans didn’t recognize her,” Dieter points out. “Since Hans is crazy.”

  “Maybe this would make him snap out of it,” Jonas is hopeful. “This could be it, this could be the key to his recovery.”

  They all think about this for a while.

  “Shall we try to fetch him?” Dieter asks but Melusine doesn’t think this is a good idea.

  “He never leaves the park. Never. We’d have to go there.”

  She looks at the large mosaic clock on the wall. It’s just after four p.m. “He’ll still be there,” she says. “He goes to have supper at the Mission at five. We’d catch him with time to spare.”

  “How will we all get there?”

  “Someone should stay here and wait for the police,” Nika says, “I will.”

  “And I’ll take Kateri, Tommy and Jonas,” Melusine says. “Dieter will you bring Martin and Felix?”

  He agrees and they all stand up including the woman who appears to follow what is being said, even if she does not contribute.

  Melusine hands Tommy to Kateri and takes off her apron.

  They herd out and get into the cars. Melusine drives off in the lead, with Dieter following.

  They pull up near the park and lock the cars.

  “I don’t know what to expect at all,” Felix whispers to Martin who has not said a word since he and Dieter arrived at the café. Martin nods. He looks nervous.

  Melusine once again leads the way. She sees her husband standing with a group of men and he is holding court and laughing. She has a flashback to the first day she saw him; it had been much the same, only then he had been shielded by the beauty of youth and unbridled promise. She is aware of this grotesque parallel and the tragic degree to which his misshapen life has gone horribly wrong.

  She approaches him cautiously, not wanting to startle him. “Hans,” she says and he doesn’t seem to hear her.

  “Hans!” she says with more force and the group of men turns to her.

  Hans looks perplexed as if he has no idea who this woman is.

  “Hans,” she says again, “it’s me, Melusine. Do you remember me?”

  He doesn’t answer and his expression remains neutral.

  Melusine decides to be blunt, hoping she will shock him into responding.

  “I’ve brought Kateri. Kateri is alive.”

  Hans shakes his head vehemently. “No, she’s dead. I killed her. I kissed her, then I strangled her then I kissed her again.”

  “And then what?” Melusine can’t help asking. “What did you do then? Because they never found her body, Hans, they never found her body. She can’t be dead.”

  “She’s dead. In the tree.” He turns back to talk to the men.

  “She’s here!” Melusine shouts and she grabs the agreeable Tommy from Kateri and motions the woman forward.

  Hans looks at the woman almost curiously for a second. “Kateri is dead,” he says conversationally. “I killed her, I kissed her. Then I strangled her, then I kissed her again.”

  “No, Hans,” she says gently. “I’m Kateri. I’m alive.” She pulls the photograph out of her pocket and shows it to him. “Look, there we are, together with Mami and Papa.”

  He takes the photograph from her and the sane individuals of the gathered group hold their breath, hoping this will jog the return of Hans-the-normal.

  But he just lets the picture drift from his hand and float to the ground and he turns back to the group.

  The woman moves closer to him. “Smell me. Come on, Hans, you won’t have forgotten. Smell me.”

  She sidles closer to him and eases herself into him until her head is against his chest. His eyes widen and his nostrils flare — he is not happy at the intimacy of this proximity. She fits under his chin; he is much taller than she is but, standing so close together, it is easy for the others to see the strong family resemblance.

  Kateri looks up at Hans. “It’s me, it really is me.” She burrows her head in his filthy clothing and puts her arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry you suffered so much. I didn’t know. I came as soon as I could after I read that you thought you’d killed me. I thought you were happy all these years and that’s why I stayed away but when I found out what you thought and that it had driven you mad, I came. I came as soon as I could. I’m so sorry Hans. I never intended to cause you such pain.”

  Hans stands deadstill. It is hard to know if he can even hear her. He doesn’t seem to understand what she is saying and if he does, he doesn’t respond at all.

  Then he raises his filthy hand and strokes her head. The gentle intimacy of the gesture turns ugly when he grabs a handful of her fine blonde hair and pulls her head away from him so he can study her face but the woman doesn’t flinch. He pulls her toward him again and sniffs her hair, and then he holds her away from him once more, handling her as if she were a doll. He shakes her a little and while the homeless men do not move, the rest of the gathered group all crane forward, their senses on high alert.

  Which is a good thing because Hans releases the woman’s hair and grabs her by the throat. “I killed you and you know it. And now it’s not enough for you that I can’t lie down, you’ve decided to haunt me when I’m standing too, even during the day.”

  He starts to throttle her. None of the homeless men move a muscle; they just watch impassively. Melusine steps quickly to the side, clutching Tommy close to her, while the others jump on Hans and wrestle him to the ground. Even Felix pounds him and Martin delivers a hefty blow to Hans’s ear that sees him relinquish Kateri with a jolt.

  “Ow,” Hans says, rubbing his ear, and he looks bemused. “That hurt.”

  “Are you all right?” Melusine asks Kateri and she nods although she is holding her neck.

  “He really has gone mad,” she says wonderingly, as if she too had thought that the shock of him seeing her would jolt him back to reality.

  “Or maybe you’re not who you say you are,” Jonas points out.

  “Hans just tried to murder a woman,” Dieter says. “None of you seem to care about that. We should have him locked up.”

  Melusine, Jonas and Kateri, or whoever she is, all turn on him.

  “Not a chance,” Jonas says.

  “It wasn’t his fault,” Melusine protests.

  “I’ll deny that anything happened,” Kateri murmurs.

  Hans is still rubbing his ear and looking confused.

  “He’s dangerous,” Dieter protests, “he’s really homicidal, you all saw it.”

  “Time for supper,” one of the homeless men says in a flat voice that’s tinged with worry. “Come on, let’s go. We’re going to miss out and tonight’s tuna casserole.”

  They leave at a brisk pace, focused on getting their share of the tuna casserole, with Hans shielded in the middle of the pack.

  “I guess we should go back to the café,” Melusine says. “Maybe the police have arrived by now.”

  Dieter watches the homeless men go. “I’m not happy about this,” he says and Martin agrees with him.

  They all drive back to the café. Nika is there with the local police while Kommissar Klein has yet to arrive.

  “What happened?” Nika asks and Jonas takes her aside to tell her.

  Melusine takes Tommy from Kateri who is yawning. Melusine holds the baby on one hip while she digs around in Kateri’s big bag, aware that Tommy needs to have his diaper changed. She doesn’t find anything in the bag except for dirty bottles, some toys and clean wipes that have dried out. “Kateri,” she asks, “where are the supplies for Tommy? Change of clothing, diapers, food?”

  Kateri looks bewildered. “All gone?” she answers, her reply a question.

&n
bsp; Melusine is furious. “Nika, I need you to go shopping,” she says and she scribbles down a list.

  “Don’t worry, I used to babysit a lot.” Nika takes the list. “I know what to get and I’ll be quick.”

  Tommy is snoozing in Melusine’s arms. She figures he must have the resilience of a Hummer to be able to withstand Kateri’s mothering.

  Shortly after Nika leaves, Kommissar Klein arrives.

  Felix has made everyone coffee and she passes the mugs around.

  “All right, Kateri, I’ve got some questions for you,” Klein says, once they’re all settled. “But first let me explain a few things. I’ve been cleared to investigate this by the Senior Police Commissioner in Frankfurt, Herr Kommissar Reichardt. Herr Beamte Richter, as some of you might know, is a police officer from the local polizei here and he’ll be helping me out as we go.”

  The local cop nods. Jonas recognizes him; he has chatted to him a couple of times when he has gone to see Hans.

  “Okay,” Klein says, “formalities out of the way, let’s get on with things. Kateri, is Tommy your son?”

  She looks surprised. “Yes, of course he is.”

  “And where did you and he come from? Where were you before you came here?”

  She frowns in concentration. “We were on a bus and before that we slept in the bus station.”

  “Which bus station? In which town?”

  “Um, I can’t remember the name. It was north of here. No, it was west.”

  “Do you have the ticket stubs?”

  She shakes her head.

  Klein motions to the young officer. “Search all her pockets, Richter. Search everywhere. Her every belonging. Search the baby too.”

  “Oh, wait,” Melusine objects. “Wait until Nika gets back. I don’t want to disturb him twice and I’ll look when I change him.”

  The constable searches while Klein continues to question the frustratingly evasive Kateri. “You’re saying you can’t remember where you came from. Why did you decide to come now?”

  “It was in the newspapers that Hans said he’d killed me. I had to tell him and the whole world that he didn’t.”

  “Let’s go back to the day you vanished or the day you were supposed to have died. What happened that day?”