Mad Love (Guns & Ink Book 1)

by Shana Vanterpool

  “Is she starving?”

  Nothing.

  “What does poor thing mean? Has Klayton grown a heart?”

  I grumbled mean hurtful words in my head. “What’s this one’s name?”

  “I’m sick of the way you talk to me. I’m getting my own apartment, and Madison’s coming to live with me. We sign the lease tonight. I’ll be by around seven to pick her up.”

  “Yeah right,” I seethed. But inside, I panicked. Mad living somewhere else? Where anyone could hurt her? Not down the hall? What the hell were these reactions? “You’re not going to take her. She doesn’t want to live in your revolving door of men.”

  “Don’t pretend like you care about her. You wouldn’t even have let her live there if I didn’t force her on you.”

  I checked down the hall and then poked my head into my room, finding the bathroom door closed and the light on. I went back out and growled. “You’re going to move in with your boyfriend like you always do. You’re not good for her. And you know it. That’s why you dropped her off here. Why you left her here. You show up to work on Wednesday ready to work, and that’s it. You hear me, Catherine?”

  A male voice said something on the other end, and she hushed him before returning to me. “I’ll be there at six to pick her up. I already gave them a deposit, Klayton. It’s a two bedroom. She doesn’t have a choice.”

  I ran my hand through my hair, pulling at the roots as I panicked. I sifted through any leg-ups I might have over Cat. When I came up with nothing, I hung up and lobbed my phone at the sofa, unable to breathe around my rage.

  “Klayton?”

  I looked over sharply at Mad’s sweet voice. “What?” I growled.

  She hugged herself. She looked at the back of the couch where my phone had landed.

  She’d heard me. I was on the edge of exploding, but at her presence, the rage immediately calmed down. I cracked my knuckles, and then forced out a smile I damn sure didn’t feel. “You ready to go?”

  She’d put on a pair of my black sweats and left on the same shirt she’d worn yesterday. The dark blue Guns & Ink shirt. Her Converse’s looked like they were barely holding on. I grabbed my cell and then my keys off the counter where I must’ve tossed them last night. She didn’t ask me anything until we were in my truck.

  “Where are we going?”

  “To the drug store.” She needed things I didn’t have. My existence was simple. Food, tattoos, water, sex, and beer. I didn’t need anything else. But she did.

  “Who were you talking to?” she asked next.

  “Cat.” I wanted to gauge her reaction. “She’s getting you and her an apartment.”

  She looked at me. Her mouth opened slightly, and her eyes churned as her brain tried to understand what that meant. Then she sat back with her hands together, the troubled look in her eyes hidden now that she had turned away.

  So much for gauging her reaction. It hurt in a way I hadn’t in a long, long time. And of course, the hurt became anger. And the anger became confusion. So she wanted to leave. I couldn’t blame her. I wasn’t good for her now, probably never would be. But we’d talked. I thought we’d found a balance, even a tenuous one.

  When we pulled into the drug store parking lot, I put my truck in park and took my keys out, shoving them in my pocket. She didn’t make a move to get out, so I didn’t either. As she scanned the parking lot for danger, I waited.

  “All clear?”

  “What is he doing?” She pointed at a man slumped at the other end of the parking lot.

  “Sleeping, Mad. He’s homeless.”

  She didn’t like it. Didn’t like him. She folded in on herself and refused to look away from him.

  “You think I’m going to let him hurt you?” I bent to see her face. “I won’t let that happen.”

  She met my eyes for a second before looking away, but not before I saw the water glisten in them.

  “You want me to run in and get what you need?”

  “No!” she exploded, whirling around and looking at me like I was dumb. “Don’t leave me alone.”

  I put my hand up, shocked by her outburst. It was the first time she’d raised her voice. “Okay … I won’t go in alone. Come with me. Get out on my side and stay close.” I wasn’t sure feeding into her paranoia and anxiety were a good thing, but right now, fighting them didn’t seem to be either. I opened my door and eased out, watching her fumble across the seat to do the same. The entire time she was careful not to touch me.

  I tried to behave normally as she looked over her shoulder, her breathing shallow and fast, but I was aware of her pain, of her terror every step of the way. Once we were inside of the drug store, she stopped in her tracks. The attendant was male. He looked eighteen and hairless—she stared at him in horror anyway.

  She did something I hadn’t been expecting. She saddled up to my side, so close that we touched. I didn’t touch her with my hands, but I got the feeling that out of all the men in the world, I wasn’t one of the bad ones anymore.

  I took a deep, relieved breath.

  I stepped away from her; she followed as close as she could, eyes peeled. This place wasn’t probably the best choice money wise, but it was close. I didn’t want to drive all the way into town and risk taking her so far from home. I grabbed a shopping cart and began going down the aisles. The first one was makeup. The only thing I knew about makeup was how women looked the morning after in it.

  “You want makeup?”

  She didn’t hear me, too worried about her anxiety.

  I shrugged, picking shit at random. I knew eyeliner and mascara—those were easy. But when I got to the cover up section, I didn’t know if she wanted powder or liquid. And the sheer amount made me dizzy? How did women choose? Ivory, fair—weren’t they the same thing? With a growl, I tossed them both in and then continued to the next aisle.

  “Ah, now we’re talking.” Candy. I could do that. “Do you like candy?” I didn’t expect an answer, didn’t even wait for one. I tossed a few bags into the cart, and then went down the next aisle, finding it full of hair products. Her dirty blond hair was in a bun this morning. She didn’t appear to care either way about anything. I tried to think about Cat—she was particular about her hair—and to the times she’d lived with me. The woman was a slob. I tossed in a hairbrush, some hairspray, and something called curl makers.

  By the time we got to the last aisle, I’d put in things she needed, and things I’d thought she’d want into the cart; deodorant, lotion, and soaps, a toothbrush, and maxi pads. She was of no help. If I got the wrong things, she’d have to deal with it. The last aisle was condoms and pregnancy kits. She refused to go down. She stopped at the end and turned her back as I went down to grab a few boxes of condoms. My kitten used the last of them last night.

  “Tell me now,” I told her as we headed for the front. “If you want anything else, now’s the time.”

  She looked around timidly, eyes widening as if she were only now realizing what we were doing here. She glanced into the cart and then blushed, giving me a surprised look. One thing, in particular, seemed to interest her.

  “Body spray?” She quirked one brow and scooped up the peach and orchid body spray, giving me a look.

  “Smell it.”

  She twisted the spray top and gave it a sniff. A quiet “mmm,” escaped her lips.

  I grabbed it from her. “That’s what I thought.” Shit smelled amazing. I twisted the top and tossed it back in the cart. “Did I get the right maxi pads?”

  She examined them briefly. “Yes.” Her blush was hot and undeniable. “Thank you, Klayton.”

  “Hmm,” I grunted, pushing the cart away from her heartfelt thanks. After everything was paid for and bagged, my houseguest stuck close to me as I stowed everything behind our seats in the back of my truck. Once we were buckled in, I drove through the McDonald’s across the street and ordered some breakfast. “Don’t thank me again.” I handed her a bag. I ripped the package off my own food, shoving
it into my mouth.

  “Klayton?” she said instead, so soft, so sweet.

  So adorable. I glared at the road menacingly. “What?”

  “I don’t want to live with Cat. I know she helped me. And I’ll pay her back, too. I will. But I don’t want to live with her. There’s a reason she left me with you. I think I understand that more than I do living with her.”

  The food in my mouth got lodged in my throat. I coughed it up as best as I could while driving and panicking. “I’m an asshole.” I didn’t know why I said it, only that I knew it was true. I wouldn’t be worthy of her thanks now, or tomorrow. She had to know that if she lived with me, I’d never make her feel as comfortable as Cat would.

  “If you’d rather I stayed with her, I understand.” She took a small bite of her sandwich.

  She looked so fucking cute. Her soft pink lips barely touching as she ate. She stared at her food bag instead of showing me I’d hurt her feelings. It was the most normal reaction she’d had to me since we’d met. I sat on my hand before I touched her, and bit the inside of my cheek before I did something worse, like kiss her—something I knew would result in my decapitation. Not to mention my self-disgust.

  “To be honest, I want you to stay with me. I just wanted you to know that you’re not going to be living with Prince Charming. There’s a reason I don’t have a roommate.”

  She gave me her eyes. “You really don’t mind?”

  I didn’t have time to fabricate a lie, or to mask the truth before I said, “I don’t mind.”

  “But you do mind. Some part of you does.” Having had enough of my eyes, she returned to staring at her bag, her breakfast sandwich nestled in her hand. “You had things the way you wanted it, and then I showed up. I don’t know where else to go. I feel … safe … at your house. I don’t think I will anywhere else. At least I’m not willing to be proven wrong until I find it. He’s still out there.” Her breathing sped up. “I don’t mean to be such a burden.”

  I felt little for most people. It had been that way my entire life. Friends growing up, women I dated—I played along, but I never felt anything. Cat was the only person I truly cared about. Even we were tumultuous. Relationships were pointless to me, and if I did bother with them, they rarely lasted. But this girl just knocked the air out of me, and all I wanted was to show her that she was no burden.

  “You want me to be completely honest with you?” Don’t do it.

  She nodded.

  So I did it.

  “When you first showed up at my place, I admit, I didn’t want the hassle. But I don’t want the hassle ever. I only put up with myself because I have to. It’s not you. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want you there. And now you’re here. You’re here, Mad. So, I know you, I see you. I’m the only person who knows that you probably don’t sleep at night, or eat, or want to be touched. I get it. You want little from me, right? I want little from you. I can’t know you’re out there on your own.” I waved a hand at the outside world as she stared down at her lap. “And frankly, the idea of you out there on your own terrifies me. That’s why Cat dropped you off at my place. We don’t need anything from the other—we’ll work because of that. That’s what you need to think about when you start feeling sorry for yourself.” The energy around me grew heavy, making my lungs work harder than they had a second ago. I was sure I looked like a beast. With my hot breath and anger. But that’s what she was getting. A beast. She had to know that.

  She didn’t say anything for a long time. The light turned green, and I had to drive. I was thankful for the break. I shoved food into my mouth and glared at the road, trying to understand my reaction to her, or my confusion and anger because I’d reacted at all. There had never been anything in my entire life worth reacting to. Everything had been as I expected. Disappointing and empty.

  Things didn’t feel empty with Mad.

  “Thank you for being honest with me.”

  I grunted, disappointed and empty. I didn’t know why she wanted to stay, but that she wanted to at all felt like I should take it.

  For the rest of the drive, we ate silently. When we got to the clothing store, I found a parking spot across the street, and then waited for her outburst.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “Buying you clothes.” I wiped my greasy fingers on a napkin and then tossed it into the bag. I gathered hers and crushed it into as small a ball as I possibly could to get rid of the dark, confusing energy swirling inside of me. It was brewing, and it wanted an outlet. The phone number in my pocket was burning a hole. The slight effects of the alcohol still in my blood wanted to relight and burn their way through my body and anger.

  Mad had made up her mind, so maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if she hung out with Cat tonight. I had to do something soon, or this confusing energy would grow. I had a feeling when it burst, so would I, and take everyone else around me down with it.

  “I don’t need clothes.”

  There was nothing she could say to persuade me. I got out and went around to her side, waiting patiently for her to scan her surroundings, single out the threats, and then determine her best course of action. When she realized it was me, she stuck close to my side as we headed to the crosswalk. The store was one of Cat’s favorites. I didn’t know Madison’s style, and I didn’t think she did anymore either, but there had to be something she could find here.

  “Hello!”

  I cringed.

  The worker behind the register was buoyant and annoying. She was blond too, but there was nothing sweet about her. She eyed Madison and then me, and her smile fell. I probably looked like a dick, and Mad didn’t want chipper right now.

  “Can I help you?”

  “I’ll let you know if we need it.” I headed where I wanted, knowing my houseguest would follow. “What size do you wear?”

  “In what?”

  Shit. “Let’s start with jeans.” There was an entire wall dedicated to them. I stared up at them in dismay.

  “I used to wear a two. Three sometimes. I don’t know anymore.” She eyed them with the same amount of dismay.

  “You’ve lost weight since then, right?” I kept my face neutral.

  “I think so.” Her tone faded into sadness. “He didn’t give me a lot to eat. When I ran away, I didn’t think about food. I only eat because you make me.” She touched a pair of dark blue skinny jeans.

  I swallowed the emotions in my throat. He? So it wasn’t exactly like Cat’s past. Cat’s had been one long night. Mad’s night must have lasted longer. I cleared my throat and ignored the sting on the edge of my eyes. The pure unadulterated rage burning in my heart. “We’ll stick with a two. And we’ll work on putting some weight on you to get back in those three’s.”

  I wondered where he was, and if he knew hell was in his future.

  Chapter Six

  Madison

  There were no men in this store other than Klayton.

  No threats around.

  It was something the old me was ecstatic to experience again. Clothes were an obsession for her. Mad didn’t care what she wore. The shock between reality and my insides was stark today, laid out for me to see. I didn’t understand how lost I was until Klayton said, “Get whatever you want,” and all I could think about was going back home so I could crawl into his bed. In his bed, I was safe.

  My hands formed fists, and my teeth gnashed together—I was going to snap.

  Klayton sighed and dropped a pair of jeans over his arm. I didn’t want to leave him. It went against everything inside of me to feel safe around a man, but this one hadn’t done anything to hurt me. I looked out the windows in the front of the shop, scanning, waiting. We were outside, and he could be too.

  I tried to slow my breathing. Thankfully, there was a radio on overhead, and the music helped mask my struggling lungs. When I thought of leaving Klayton’s house, everything inside of me felt like it would only end in being taken again.

  “Hey,” Klayton said softly, stopping
to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

  I wanted to drop to the floor and puke. “I can’t go through that again,” I whispered. I couldn’t see him through my tears. “I can’t, Klayton. I can’t go through that.”

  “You’re not,” he promised, but he couldn’t promise me that, and it didn’t help me at all. “I won’t let it.”

  “If I leave, it might. It still might, but it’s safer in your house.”

  His eyes softened when he finally made sense of where my thoughts were. He stooped, so he was on his haunches, putting him at a much lower height than me. His dark blue eyes were non-threatening and raw. “You’re not leaving. My place is your place. We’ll work it all out, I promise. You don’t have to leave until you want to.” He’d thrown all my clothes over his arm. His hair was messy, and his stubble was already growing in. He looked so large and out of place in this women’s clothing store. “Please breathe.”

  I did, pulling in a shaky breath. I blinked my tears away, wiping at them quickly.

  He looked at the jeans in his arms. “We still need shirts. Can you hold out for another ten minutes?”

  He pushed back to his feet and gave me a worried look before continuing shopping. I could feel the cashier’s eyes on me. Feeling ashamed, I tucked my chin in my shirt and counted the little hearts in the black carpet. After much longer than ten minutes, he headed for the cashier. I didn’t look up until she said how much it cost. And then after that, the only emotion occupying me was guilt. I would pay him back every single dime.

  “I’ll help,” I offered, when he struggled to hold all the bags.

  “I’ve got it. Get the door.”

  I ran to open it for him, keeping close as we crossed the street. He looked mildly amusing as he shoved the bags in with all the others. His tattoos clashed with the gold shopping bags.

  “Get in,” he ordered, once he’d managed to fit them all. I crawled over his driver’s seat and settled in the passenger, watching him seethe as he drove home.

  For some reason, I knew he wasn’t mad at me this time. But he was upset about something. He seemed to be upset more than he wasn’t. I understood what that felt like more than I wanted to.