"Ms. Marshall, what do you think? Are we predestined to make the choices we make, or do we have the freedom to make our own choices and influence our own futures?"
I flustered, immediately yanked out of my silent angst and back into the present.
"I'm sorry, Professor. Can you repeat the question?"
"I was asking your opinion on fate versus free will Miss, Marshall. Were you fated to space off in class or was it a willing choice to ignore a lecture that will feature heavily in your midterms?" Professor Davies narrowed her eyes at me as the other students tittered. I felt embarrassment heat my cheeks, and I inhaled deeply.
"I think that depends on the story and your point of view," I replied slowly, struggling to keep my voice even. "Would Oedipus have married his mother if his father hadn't chosen to believe an oracle and leave him for dead by the road? Would Harry Potter have been the Chosen One if Voldemort hadn't tried to kill him? Fate tells you resistance is futile. Free will is liberating and full of hope and promise. In my particular case, it was neither. Fate doesn't exist and free will is an illusion. There's always something waiting to force your hand and make you choose before you're ready. The reality is somewhere in between."
My words were filled with all the bitterness I felt at the situation. I hated being backed into corners, and that was what it felt like.
"Interesting point of view, Miss Marshall. Try to pay attention."
She resumed her lecture and I forced myself to pay attention to the rest of the lecture and stop obsessing over my situation. If I chose to remain a mortal, I would need to keep my GPA up.
I gathered my things at the end of class and left the building, my steps leading me slowly towards the coffee shop. My brain was buzzing again. Aleksander had said that I had a choice. I didn't particularly care for the options lying on the table, but at least I still had the choice. What if I didn't even get the choice? What if I just left the mortal world behind without getting any say in it? True, it wasn't a choice I wanted to make, but like Aleksander had pointed out, at least I got a say in it at all.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I withdrew it to check the screen.
Hey beautiful.
It was Dom. I had been so busy with classes lately and so wrapped up in my whole second life that I hadn't had much time for my friends. A pang of guilt settled in my stomach.
My fingers flew over the tiny touchscreen on my phone. Hey yourself. I made it to the coffee shop and ordered my drip coffee. When she finished, she handed it to me and I made my way to one of the tables outside. It was a relatively warm day for late October and I wanted to soak up every ounce of sunshine I could before the rainy winter began.
I haven't heard from you in a while. Thought I would check to make sure that the Dragon Lady hadn't chopped you up and fed you to her cats.
I snorted. Nope. I'm still safe and sound and relatively uncrunchy.
Good to know you haven't been doused in ketchup after all.
I loved that Dom understood my sense of humor.
Thank goodness. Gingers should never wear red. It clashes.
Pulse is having a costume bash tonight. Come with me.
I studied my phone and considered his offer. Dom was sweet and funny, and as much as my heart and achy body told me that I wanted to crash out early and slip into my secret life, my head told me that I needed to explore all available options if I was going to be ready to make a choice. It wasn't like I could avoid sleep even if I wanted to, so I would see Aleksander afterward. For now, I just wanted to escape reality for a while and not think about fate or free will or determining the fate of my soul.
I'm in, I texted back. I was sure Becca would be down for getting out and going dancing, and Miguel would never turn down a chance to dress up and draw all the attention to himself.
I'll pick you up at 9.
I texted him my address and finished my coffee. Perhaps what I needed was some normal mortal fun, some perspective. A costume party with Dom sounded like a great way to start.
***
Hunting for a costume in a college town on Halloween was like searching for a needle in a haystack, and thankfully Becca took pity on me since I had been sick and didn’t force me to search every store in town like she normally would. I didn’t know how long the after effects of the piskie venom were going to hang around but coffee and Tylenol weren’t helping very much. Becca, Miguel, and Ray had all agreed that a costume party sounded like fun, and Miguel was desperate to meet Dom for himself. Becca and the boys had gone to every store in town, including the big warehouse stores, looking for costumes and came up with nothing but strap-on wings. They resorted to digging around in Becca's closet to finish them off.
Becca dressed me up as a faerie. The humor in that wasn't lost on me, but it nearly evaporated when she practically painted a new face on me to cover up the dark circles under my eyes. A tight green corset top pushed my chest up under my chin and was laced so tight I was sure I would pass out before the end of the night. She matched it with a green tulle tutu that she had worn on the Shamrock Shuffle 5K race last year. A pair of glittery wings and black Chucks laced up my calves finished the costume. Becca had tried to convince me to wear another pair of her death-trap shoes, but the glare I shot her made her reconsider. No way was I up for teetering around those things. If she found out that I was a real Faerie—or at least part Faerie—she would have a heart attack.
Becca looked amazing. With an incredibly short white minidress, faux feathered wings on her back, and a golden circlet on her head for a halo, she made a breathtaking angel. Her glossy dark hair was curled, and it cascaded over her shoulders in perfect ringlets. Ruby-red lips highlighted her beautiful smile. Her costume suited her well.
A loud knock at the door sounded Dom's arrival. I opened the door and smiled with delight when I saw him. He was dressed as a roman gladiator. The fake leather armor clung to his frame over a short white toga. A red cape was attached at the shoulders and falling to his sandal-clad feet. A golden laurel leaf was in his dark hair, matching the golden ring in his eyes.
"Hey, you're here," I grinned, welcoming him into the apartment.
"Wow, Cassie," he said, his eyes raking over my costume appreciatively. "You look positively mouthwatering."
"You're not so bad yourself," I pointed out as I stuffed my ID and some money into the top of my costume. "Is it okay if my roommate rides with us? Our friends are going to meet us there."
"Yeah, that's no problem, as long as you're riding shotgun." He reached out and grasped my hand, squeezing my palm, the corners of his mouth turning up into a lazy smile.
We met Miguel and Ray at the club and gushed over their matching gangster costumes. I introduced them both to Dom and Miguel shot me a glee-filled grin and a wink, signaling his approval of my date. He was not at all subtle, and Dom caught the wink, smirking down at me and pulling me into his side.
"I think your friend likes me," he said with a grin.
"I think you might be right," I laughed “But he’s got his own date and he can’t have mine.”
Pulse was packed. A sea of beautiful and exotic creatures were on the dance floor, a heavy bass beat thumping and driving the crowd as they twisted and moved with it. Miguel and Ray went immediately to the dance floor, and Becca hadn't been in the club for more than a minute before she was whisked off by some good-looking frat boy to join them.
"You want to get something to drink?" Dom asked, his breath tickling my ear. I nodded and grasped his hand before we made our way to the bar.
I leaned against the wooden surface and Dom put his hands on the bar on either side of me, boxing me in and pulling my back against his chest, careful not to dislodge my tiny wings. It was pleasant, and I felt safe and comfortable leaning against him. He caught the bartender’s attention and ordered two Sprites, surprising me.
"You remembered," I smiled, twisting to look up at him.
He grinned down at me, running a thumb over my cheek and pulling a strand
of hair off my face, tucking it gently behind me ear.
"I pay attention to detail. I love your costume by the way. It brings out your beautiful green eyes. Have I mentioned that I have a weakness for green eyes?"
"Yes," I laughed. "I think you have. Yours aren't bad either. It makes the gold in your eyes sparkle."
He blinked, looking taken aback for a moment before his face split into a wide grin. "It does, doesn't it? Most people don't notice the gold in my eyes. I like that you have, Cassie. It tells me a lot about you."
"Like what?" I asked, draining my small plastic cup of soda.
"It tells me that you are an observant little faerie. Come on. Let's go dance." He tugged my hand and led me to the dance floor, and before long, we were both lost in the music.
I wasn't sure if it was the hypnotic throb of the music pounding a rhythm or the feel of Dom's arms around me, but the night passed in a pleasant blur. I was absolutely attracted to Dom. I didn't feel the same excitement that I felt whenever Aleksander touched me, and my heart didn't beat frantically when he was near me, but there was a comfortable vibe between us. If I chose a mortal life, I could see myself choosing Dom. He was funny and articulate and pleasant to be around. He made me laugh, and I needed more of that in my life.
It wasn't his fault that his eyes weren't green and his hair didn't glow in the sunlight.
Dom drove me home at the end of the night, telling me about the year his mother had made him wear a giant papier mache dinosaur head for a costume. I sympathized. My mother was the crafty type, so most of our costumes growing up had been homemade too, although thankfully she had never resorted to papier mache.
He pulled up to the curb in front of my apartment building and insisted that I stay in my seat until he could open my door for me.
"My lady." He swept a low bow as he offered me his hand. I smiled and accepted it, stepping from the car. I thanked him as he helped me from the car, and he grinned, tucking my hand under his arm, walking me up the concrete stairs to my apartment door. It was a nice feeling, being taken care of. I could get used to more of it.
"Thank you for an amazing night," I said after I unlocked the door. "I had a great time." I meant it. After being sick with piskie bites and then letting my head spin up all day over that whole conversation with Aleksander, the reprieve of a fun night out and a chance to get out of my own head for a while had been refreshing.
"I did too," he smiled mischievously down at me, the gold in his eyes glittering and flaring. I was mesmerized by them. He reached up and ran a thumb over my lower lip, and my breathing hitched. "You are so beautiful..."
He moved his hand and cupped my face, leaning down and brushing his lips softly over mine. I stiffened for a moment, surprised at the contact, but didn’t stop him. His hand slid around and grasped the back of my head, pulling me closer, and I closed my eyes, his kisses growing more heated and searching. It was pleasant, and I relaxed against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and willing myself to return his kiss. He groaned and pressed me against the door, his hands tangling in my hair as his mouth moved hungrily over mine. I felt a cold shiver run up my spine and I turned my face away, breaking the kiss.
He pressed his forehead to mine, his breath heavy and his eyes closed. When he opened them, they were dilated until there was nothing left but the gold. They mesmerized me, hypnotizing me again, and I forced my own eyes shut.
"I'm sorry," I said. "You caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting you to kiss me."
"You're a beautiful girl, Cassie. You should expect people to want to kiss you. Especially me. I couldn't resist trying, but I don't want to rush you."
I looked back up at him, surprised to find that his eyes had shifted again, the sapphire blue of his eyes dominant again as his breathing became normal and even.
"You're worth the wait," he smiled, lightly kissing my nose. "Go get some sleep and I'll call you in the morning."
I opened the door and offered him a grateful smile before closing the door and leaning back against it, burying my face in my hands.
His kiss had been pleasant enough and I’d enjoyed the feel of his arms around me, but it hadn’t been his face I’d seen behind my closed lids when I’d returned his kisses.
It’d been Aleksander's.
Chapter Twelve
I was in danger of falling for Aleksander. The shock of recognition consumed me as I wandered to my room, stripped off my costume, and sat on my bed. Just a day before, I would have thought that it was a good thing and would have been excited to get to Otherworld to see him. But now everything was different. Now my stupid heart was throwing more complications into an already complicated decision and all I wanted to do was cry. Instead, I curled up in bed and struggled to keep my eyes open on the reruns playing on my television.
It didn't work for very long, and when I found myself on the beach with Aleksander waiting for me, I almost cried. He was sympathetic, misunderstanding my sorrow, giving me my space and suggesting we walk along the water for a while. He was quiet, letting me process my thoughts and my emotions, and for that I was grateful.
"Cassie?" he called softly as we reached the far edge of the beach.
I jerked my eyes up from the water and looked at Aleksander. His eyes were curious and kind. I knew he could see that I had been distracted all evening, enjoying the steady pull of the water, its constant motion soothing to my chaotic and frayed emotions.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "I know I threw a lot at you the other day. I shouldn't have waited so long to tell you about it, and I definitely shouldn't have done it while you were still so sick. I'm afraid I didn't do a good job breaking it to you gently."
"I’ll be fine," I replied quietly. "It would have been hard to hear no matter how you broke it to me, Aleksander. I can't imagine a life without my family, but I can't imagine leaving all this behind either. It's going to be a rough decision-making process."
I swung my gaze back to the water. That was only part of it, but I wasn't about to tell him it wasn't the looming choice that was keeping my head spun up, but his proximity and my own inability to figure out what I should do about the feelings I was slowly becoming aware of.
He regarded me intently, his face unreadable. I flushed a deep red and hoped he couldn't read the emotions on my face. My mother had always said that I was an open book for anyone to see everything I was feeling at any given time and that I would be a lousy poker player.
"I have just the thing to take your mind off of things for a while," he said finally, reaching over, grasping my hand, and winding his fingers around mine. Then the corners of his mouth turned up into a grin. "You've been coming here for weeks and I haven't introduced you to any other Fae. I've been selfish, keeping you to myself. I think it’s time I took you to Court."
I blinked at him. "Court? Like, with a judge? Did I do something wrong?"
"No," he chuckled, his eyes dancing with merriment. "Not that kind of Court. The Seelie Court is more than a system of government, Cassie. It’s how we define ourselves as a society. I think it’s time I introduced you to others of your own kind. What do you say? Are you up for it?"
"Absolutely," I smiled. Any kind of distraction would be welcome right now. I hadn't been looking forward to a long night of awkward silences and trying to sort out my emotions. A trip to Court would be a fantastic distraction and I could stick my emotional head back in the sand for another few hours. "That sounds like fun."
"It will be," he promised, squeezing my hand firmly, and we set off through the woods away from the beach. It was a path we had never taken before, through the edge of the woods, heading away from the path we usually took to get to the Pool.
The trail was smooth and well maintained. It widened as we traveled, eventually meeting a cobbled road. I was surprised to find something as mundane as a road in a place I'd come to associate with wild fantasy. None of the places Aleksander had taken me had shown any amount of modern civilization—or society for that matter either. This
was the first indicator that others lived here too.
I could feel my curiosity building as I considered the mystery this presented. Things I probably should be considering when weighing my options. I couldn't very well choose a life as a Fae if I had no idea what that life would be like. I wasn't the adventurous type. I liked to know what the temperature of the water was before I jumped in.
"What do you mean it's how we define ourselves?" I asked as we walked.
"We are Seelie Fae," he smiled. "There are two Courts here. The Seelie, which is us, and the Unseelie."
"The Un-Seelie? Is that like the Anti Seelie?" I snorted at my awful joke.
"Actually, yes.” His grin dazed me for a moment. "The Seelie Court is another way to say the Summer Court. The Unseelie is the Winter Court. Do you see those snowy mountains? That is where the Unseelie live."
I looked in the direction he’d gestured and found myself staring at a beautiful snow-dusted mountain range clearly visible in the distance.
"So that's it?" I was intrigued by the idea of separate Fae nations.
"Not quite," he explained. "There are qualities that we possess like empathy, kindness, morality. Things that the Unseelie do not. Like opposite sides of the same coin. Niall is an Unseelie Fae, if that tells you anything about the kind of people they are."
I suppressed a tremor of anger when I thought of Niall. If he was an example of what their Court was like, I wanted nothing to do with them.
"You said my empathy was what suited me to be a Fae, why I was so good with the dreams. How do they work with dreams if they don't have compassion for the dreamers?"
"They don't," he said, his voice cold. It startled me, and I swung my gaze up to meet his with surprise. "The Seelie have charge of the Dreaming. The Unseelie are forbidden to have anything to do with it or with mortals. Their Queen forbids it, and our Queen as well. Nobody wants someone guarding mortals when they couldn't care less whether the mortal dies from fright or not."
The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) Page 9