The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles)

by K. R. Wilburn

  He sighed and sat in the chair nearest the fire, his eyes focused on the dancing flames. "He's afraid of losing you," he said quietly.

  "I doubt that," I scoffed. "If that were true, he wouldn't be shoving me away as hard as he can. You can't be afraid of losing what you don't want."

  I moved to the window and stared outside, wondering if he was still watching the house. I tried to convince myself that it didn’t bother me that he wasn’t lurking around the house and keeping an eye on me anymore. I had asked him for space and he was giving it to me, and I was unreasonably angry. I felt like he had deserted me.

  "How much has he told you about his mortal life?"

  "Just bits and pieces," I said, turning away from the window and sitting across from him. "A little about his parents and a lot of self-loathing."

  "Has he told you about Margaret?" He watched me, his eyes dark and unreadable.

  I frowned. I had heard that name before, and I struggled to remember but pulled blanks.

  "Who is Margaret?" I asked, my heart picking up its pace. I didn’t want to know but I hadn’t been able to stop myself from asking.

  He inhaled and swung his gaze back at the fire, rubbing the back of his neck.

  "Who is Margaret?" I repeated, narrowing my eyes.

  "She was Aleksander’s girlfriend when he was still a mortal. They were childhood sweethearts,” he admitted reluctantly.

  I hadn't thought it possible but my heart cracked even further. Blood roared in my ears, and I let my face go blank.

  "I see," I said stiffly.

  "No you don't," he frowned, his eyes flashing. "When Aleksander turned nineteen, he had just lost her in a car accident. He was broken and blamed himself, and I think he chose to stay here so he wouldn't have to face life there without her."

  I felt like my stomach had dropped out from underneath me. I pressed my palms against my midsection as the thoughts swirled. It had never been about me. It had been about her. I listened while Jackson described the wreck Aleksander had been when he had become a Síofra. He had been desperate for an escape because he felt responsible for their accident, felt guilty he had survived and she hadn't.

  "He's afraid to lose anyone else, Cassandra," Jackson explained, watching me carefully. "It's not that he doesn't care for you. I think he could love you if he would allow himself to. He wants you to be safe, and he'll sacrifice what he wants to make sure that happens, even if it means hurting your feelings. His heart is in the right place even though it may not feel like it right now. He’s trying to be a good Caomhnóir to you."

  I gave him a reassuring smile I knew didn't reach my eyes and pulled the kettle from the fire, pouring water into both of our cups.

  "Then he’s being overdramatic for no reason," I said quietly. “There’s nothing between Aleksander and me for him to give up.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. I had thought there was something between us but clearly I had been wrong

  It was such a contrast to hear Erik talk about how love was worth everything he was going through and then to realize that Aleksander wouldn't even allow himself to care about me enough so it would hurt if I were killed.

  "I'll try to be easier on him," I promised, struggling to keep my voice even. I needed to get out of there before I completely lost it in front of Jackson. There wasn’t enough room for me and all my emotions in the tiny room at the same time. "I think I'm going to go take a walk."

  ***

  I followed the little stone path until I came to the village gardens. Without meaning to, my feet led me to the tree in the center, where a large willow tree grew, and I collapsed beneath it, pulling my knees into my chest and letting the tears slide down my face.

  All I felt like I did anymore was cry and get angry and cry some more. I had never experienced loss or real fear before. I had grown up in a secure family in a comfortable neighborhood, and the worst thing I had ever had to consider was going to a different college than Becca. I had been sheltered, and it’d left me completely unprepared to handle the enormity of the situation before me.

  "You have got a truly terrible crying face. It's almost shockingly ugly. Has anyone ever told you that?"

  I jerked my hands from my face and stared in shock when I recognized Finnian, his strange eyes dancing with amusement. I felt prickles of fear climbing my spine and making the hair on my neck stand on edge as I glanced about nervously for Niall.

  "No, but then most people don't make a habit of kicking people when they're down," I said warily. "Where's your nasty little friend?"

  "Niall is not my friend," he stated, sitting down next to me on the grass uninvited.

  I shot him a dirty look and scooted away from him. "You sure seemed awfully chummy at Court," I shot back, my face hostile and my stomach churning.

  "We're not." He shrugged indifferently. "After his stunt with the piskies, my mother knew Titania would never listen to what he had to say about the Erlking so she sent me to smooth things over. Titania doesn't much care for me either, but everyone else adores me."

  "Not everyone," I snarled. "So far I can't say I'm overly fond of you."

  "That's because you don't know me yet." He smirked at me, unaffected by my anger. "Give it time and you'll be clamoring to join my fan club."

  "Yeah, I wouldn't get your hopes up. ‘I heart Finnian’ buttons aren't exactly my style." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

  "I heart Finn," he corrected with a grin.

  "What?"

  "It would be ‘I heart Finn’ buttons. Only parents and stuffy Court drones get to call me Finnian. I like my friends to call my Finn. Give it some time and you'll realize I'm the man of your dreams and you'll be begging for a button."

  "You mispronounced nightmare, Finnian," I snorted as I placed emphasis on his given name. "Why would your mom care if Niall was here?"

  "Well, Cassandra," he grinned at me. "That would be because my mother is Queen Mab. I know what you're thinking. She doesn't seem like the maternal sort. It's because she's not."

  I felt the prickles of fear climbing my spine again, and the urge to bolt almost overtook me.

  "Stop looking at me like I'm about to pull the tails off of puppies," he said, a corner of his mouth turning up making his cheek dimple. "I'm not like my mother. My father is Seelie, and I'd like to think I got some of his better qualities."

  I stared at him in shock. "Your dad is Seelie? How does that even happen?"

  "Well, frankly, I would have thought someone would have had this talk with you already, but ignorance is a deplorable trait. You see, when a man and a woman are attracted to one another—"

  "Ugh." I curled my lip, holding my hands up as if I could block his words. "No. Just, no. Not what I meant. I meant that I don't understand the dynamics of a relationship with an Unseelie. You guys seem pretty damn dark to me. Then again, after having met you, I doubt your dad is the brightest crayon in the box."

  "Hey, you can't judge the man until you've met my mother. She can be…persuasive when she wants something. And apparently, at some point she wanted a kid, although I'm sure she regrets that decision now." He snorted, as if maternal disappointment amused him.

  I felt an irrational urge to comfort him and lifted my hand to touch his shoulder but stopped myself short. I pulled my hand back awkwardly, pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear instead. Finn didn't need my sympathy. What Finn needed was a long walk off a short pier.

  “Besides. I’m not technically Unseelie. I have ties to both Courts but neither claims my allegiance. I’m what’s known as a wild Fae,” he explained patiently.

  "Is that why your eyes look so weird?" I asked bluntly.

  He blinked at me like he was surprised and let out a peal of laughter, amusement lighting up his eyes. When he laughed, his whole face brightened and he looked almost radiant.

  "You know you're the first person to ask me that?" he grinned, his eyes dancing. "No, that's not it. I've never been a Síofra, but I envy you the shape of your eyes. With enough concentratio
n, I've managed to alter my shape some. It angers my mother, which makes it worth it. She hates my fascination with your world. She's the one who closed all the portals in and out. I've been told it was quite the drama when it happened."

  "Why would she do that?" I demanded, the anger coiling in my stomach again.

  "To keep the Fae from returning to their mortal homes. We used to dip back and forth to visit loved ones, taunt people, and chase pretty girls." He leered, and I scowled at him.

  "So she just left the Erlking out there to stalk the Síofra?"

  "Not intentionally, I don't think," he frowned, his eyes clouding over. "They were never a danger until they were locked away from our world. I can't imagine how alone they must feel out there."

  "Well they're a danger now," I said heatedly, climbing to my feet. "My friend is dead and I might be next unless my Caomhnóir can force me to make a choice now instead of when I'm ready, so you'll forgive me if I don't pity them."

  "Don't pity them, Cassandra," he said darkly, his eyes intense, trapping my gaze as he moved to his feet next to me. "They're dangerous and they're cunning. Fear them. Respect them. Never pity them, because I can assure you, if they find you, they'll have no pity for you."

  "I don't pity killers," I sneered and turned to leave. I was done with this conversation. Finn unsettled me and I didn’t like it.

  "Cassandra," he called. I stopped and looked back at him. He gave me a smile that made his cheeks dimple. It softened his face and made him look almost human. "Don't let anyone force you to choose. It's your life to control, and you're smart enough to figure out what you want for yourself. Don't forget that."

  I flushed and nodded slightly, scurrying off into the woods.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  My head was spinning as I wandered away from the village. I didn't like feeling like this. My life had always been simple, easy, and all of a sudden it was anything but. I wanted to turn back the clock and enjoy life again. I was only nineteen years old, and this was too much for me.

  I was too young to worry about my friends dying and monsters stalking me in the dark. The worst thing I should be thinking about was failing out of a class or dealing with my horrible boss.

  "Cassie!"

  My shoulders slumped as I recognized the voice shouting my name. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now, but I knew he would keep following me, so I reluctantly stopped and waited for him to catch up.

  "Where are you going?" Aleksander demanded, his eyes flashing as he caught up to me. "You were supposed to stay at Erik's with Jackson."

  "I needed some time alone," I mumbled, looking away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

  "Well you shouldn't be alone," he argued. "Niall and Finnian are still around here somewhere, and you have a knack for getting yourself into trouble."

  "Too late." I let out a strangled laugh and shook my head, walking away from him and farther into the trees. "Finn already found me and I managed to walk away unscathed so you can quit pretending like you care now."

  "That's not fair, Cassie," he argued as he ran to catch up with me. "I never said I didn't care about you."

  I snorted derisively and walked faster. I knew I was being childish but I didn’t care. "You have a crappy way of showing it," I tossed back over my shoulder.

  His hand encircled my wrist and I was pulled back and spun around until I was flush against his chest. I could feel his heart pounding against my chest as he stood rigid against me, his breath shaky.

  I struggled to keep my own breathing under control and raised my eyes to his face.

  He glared down at me, his eyes hard and his nostrils flaring as he pressed his hand against the small of my back, keeping me from running away from him again.

  "I wouldn't be so damned worried about you if I didn't care," he said, carefully controlling his tone.

  "You have a horrible way of showing it" I said plaintively, turning my face away. "How can you say you care about me in one breath and tell me to leave in the next?"

  He gripped my chin in his hand and forced me to look back at him. "The problem isn't that I don't care, Cassie," he said, his face tight. "The problem is I care too much and you don't seem to care enough."

  "I don't care enough? Really?" I demanded incredulously. "I've done nothing but try to show you how much I care and you keep pushing me away."

  He glared at me and his nostrils flared. "I keep pushing you away because you seem hell-bent on throwing yourself into danger every chance you get."

  "I can take care of myself," I flared.

  "Clearly." He glowered at me, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Since you're apparently on a friendly basis with Finn."

  I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm not on a friendly basis," I argued. "And you'll notice I walked away without incident unless terminal creepiness is contagious."

  "You can't trust him, Cassie," he cautioned. "He's unpredictable. You can never know what he'll do."

  "Well at least he supports my right to make my own choice on my own time," I said pointedly, narrowing my eyes at him.

  "That’s because he's not the one whose life is at risk! He's safe here from the Erlking, but you aren't! You have no idea what you're facing."

  "So tell me!" I shouted back at him, my anger boiling over. "If you were so concerned about my safety, you would tell me what I'm looking for and how to stop it. Instead, you're going to try to take away the first decision I’ve ever wanted to make for myself."

  He glared at me and shook his head. "I just want you to be safe, Cassie."

  I moved next to him and reached for his hand, a small glimmer of hope flaring in my heart when he didn't tug it from my grasp.

  "So teach me what to look for, Aleksander. Tell me what I'm looking for and what I need to do to stop it. Tell me about the Erlking."

  I watched as his warring thoughts played out on his face. I knew he didn't want to tell me. He still wanted me to take my ball and go home. I needed him to agree, to see this was the only way I was going to be safe.

  When I watched his shoulder's sag in defeat, I knew I had won.

  "Fine," he said stiffly, his eyes meeting mine, dark and resigned. "I'll tell you everything I know. I don't know if it's going to be of any use, but if this is the only thing I can do to protect you, then I'll do it.

  "I have to tell you, Cassie, I would much rather you choose. I want you chose to stay here where you belong, but I'd be okay if you chose to stay a mortal too because you'd be safe. This plan you have isn't a good one, but it seems like you aren't giving me any real choices either."

  "So we understand each other then," I said, arching an eyebrow at him.

  "We do," he agreed hesitantly.

  "Tell me about the Erlking," I prodded softly. "I can't protect myself if I don’t know what I'm supposed to be protecting myself from."

  "They used to be elves," he explained, gazing into the distance. "They were part of Queen Mab's Court mostly, although they were endlessly fascinated with the mortals. They used to hide in the woods and wait for mortals they could lure into the woods with them to corrupt and try to lure back here. They enslaved them and tortured them without pity. Their Queen looked the other way until one of them crossed a line."

  "What happened?" I asked, bracing myself for what he was trying to tell me.

  "There was an elf named Lachlan that Queen Mab was particularly fond of. She lavished attention on him, kept him as her confidante—some say as something more. She indulged him and allowed him to spend more time around the mortals than anyone until one night when he didn't return. She sent scouts to find him and bring him home, convinced he was in some kind of trouble, but when they found him, he was fine and refusing to return."

  "Why not?" I asked.

  "It would seem he had fallen in love with a mortal girl. He told her what he was and she didn't care, but she didn't want to live here. In those days, mortals still knew about us and were frightened of us. So he decided to forsake his Court, forsak
e his Queen, and live a mortal life. When Mab found them, she raged at his betrayal and sent the other elves to bring him home. He refused.

  "The stories say she went crazy with jealousy and sealed the portals between our worlds so no other Fae could be lost to the lure of a mortal. She trapped the elves in the human world as punishment, and then she went after the girl."

  "What did she do?" I said, fear clenching at my heart.

  "She used the Dreaming to drive her mad until the girl killed herself. Queen Titania was terrible in her anger and forbade any Unseelie from using the Dreaming again. By that point, Queen Mab didn't care anymore. The damage was done and she had her revenge, and other than her enduring hatred for mortals, it was over for her."

  I gulped and stared at my hands, taking a shaky breath. "But not over for me."

  "No," he agreed. "Not over for you—or for any of the Síofra. Queen Mab created our greatest enemy herself, and she could not have created a more terrible enemy if she had tried. We thought they had all died, but we were wrong. Without the magic of Otherworld to sustain them, they age like mortals and eventually die, and it had been so long since we had lost Síofra that we were sure they were gone."

  "Well apparently there's at least one." I inhaled deeply. "And I need to know what I'm looking for if I'm going to protect myself."

  "That's the real problem, Cassie," Aleksander sighed, his eyes wary. "It’s been so long, and if they can still glamour themselves, there’s no way to know. They could be your best friend and you probably wouldn't even know it."

  "Yeah, I've known Becca since we were five," I said dismissively. "And I can assure you she's not an Erlking."

  "No, I would think not," he agreed, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. "There aren't many real signs to look for. In their natural state, they look like the pure Fae. Their features are close to human, but they are unnaturally beautiful and graceful, and where our eyes are green, theirs are like molten gold."