Feel

by Karen-Anne Stewart

  “There’s only been one.”

  “One what?” I rasp, needing to experience what it feels like being inside of her.

  “Who’s touched me…there’s only been one,” she murmurs, her breath softly warming my neck as her eyes imprison mine for what seems like eternity.

  Relief sweeps through my veins. “Good,” I smile, “then that’s only one man I’ll have to kill.”

  The light that was burning so brightly dims. Her dark eyes gloss over and panic spews through my veins at how heart-wrenchingly broken she looks, the complete opposite of how she usually looks. With a few slow blinks of her long lashes fluttering against her olive skin, all fragility is gone, replaced by a burning rage, as her voice quakes, “There’s no need.”

  The meaning behind her anger and pain slams into me and I slowly slide her down my body when she unwraps her legs from my waist. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say.

  She gives me a smile, trying to reassure me that I’m not the one to blame, then she turns to go, leaving me helpless to do anything but watch her walking away.

  The rage from how infuriatingly helpless I felt to find another way to save her back then nearly killed me. I didn’t do helpless well four years ago and there’s no way in hell I’m going to do it again now. Grabbing her wrist, I pull her back against my chest. “We’ll find him, Saige. You have my word on that.”

  She turns around, pressing her hands against my chest, “I know.” Her smile is forced, but I love her for trying to heal me when it was her friends, the man who was her first, that were killed.

  Feeling like a complete ass, I can’t keep my mouth from asking about the man who was inside her. “Did you love him?” I ask gently, hoping she did and didn’t at the same time.

  A sad smile curves her lips. Her head softly shakes. “No. I didn’t love Wes.” She pauses, pulling her lower lip inside her mouth for a few seconds before continuing, “He didn’t love me, either.”

  Hearing that saddens me. I know how mindless sex can feel after it’s all over and done and the pleasure fades to emptiness. I would never want that for Saige. I can see the pain she wants to escape from; she can’t hide it from me, not when I’m intimately familiar with the same kind of hell she’s been trapped in all of her life. I pull her closer, brushing my lips against her head.

  “I trusted the wrong person,” she mumbles against my shirt.

  Taking her arms, I gently push her back, “He didn’t hurt you did he?” I won’t regret his death one bit if he did.

  “No. It wasn’t anything like that,” she quickly assures. “I just thought I was okay being alone, but when Wes started paying attention to me, I didn’t want to be invisible anymore. What I didn’t realize is that, as soon as he had me, I would be invisible to him again.”

  She’s talking about Wes but I know she’s thinking about her parents right now, too. They always made her feel like she was better off not existing. The tears she’s fighting like hell not to let fall win, rolling down her cheeks, and the raw agony in her eyes guts me as I pull her into my arms.

  I hold her small frame as her body trembles from sobs. I don’t let her go until she’s all cried out and my shirt is soaked with her tears. Gently, I place my hand against her cheek, my heart breaking as she leans into the warmth of my touch like she’s never had it before. “They were assholes, Saige, incredibly stupid assholes to have you and not see everything I see every time I look at you.”

  Her dark eyes are clouded with doubt as she searches me, needing me to tell her what I see, needing me to be her strength right now after she’s been strong on her own for far too long, and just needing me. I want to rip the hearts out of everyone who has hurt her, but I tame the rage so I can give her everything she needs of me right now. “The second I met you I knew that you were special and I don’t mean just because of your gift. There’s this wild gentleness buried inside of you that is rare. You fight for what you believe, never backing down, even when you felt all the pain, all of the shit from everyone fighting to restrain you. You didn’t give a damn what you lost of yourself and did what you felt was right, what needed to be done. There aren’t many people like you left, Saige. You said I was your hero, well, I’m not the hero here. You are.

  “I’m sorry,” she blurts, rubbing her hands down her tear stained cheeks.

  “For what?” I ask, using my thumbs to help her dry her tears.

  “I don’t know,” she answers. “For punching your friend, for being stupid, for everything.”

  “That’s a helluva lot to be sorry for.” My lips curve into a smile, and another tear slides down her cheek, leaving a hot, wet trail that I trace with my finger.

  “I’m also sorry for how I’ve treated you since we met again.”

  “You thought I sent you to a nut house. Don’t sweat it,” I tease, trying to cheer her up.

  “So that excuses my being a total bitch to you?” Her eyes are red and puffy when she stops rubbing them and gives me a lopsided smile, looking so damn beautiful.

  “No, it explains why you’ve been a total bitch,” I grin, giving her a wicked wink, “but I have a whole other slew of ideas of how you can make up to me for your bitchiness.”

  She laughs, the sound soft yet strong, and so fucking seducing, the sweet lull rumbles through her throat like an aphrodisiac. After what she said about Wes, I can’t be like him. She deserves to know she’s loved before she gives herself to me. After all she’s been through, I won’t risk the chance that she’ll get scared I’ll leave her like he did. There will be no doubt about how much I love her when we make love for the first time; I’ll make damn sure of that.

  The screen door slams in the distance. Andy makes his way over, stepping next to Saige. He throws his arm around her shoulders as he takes her right hand in his, inspecting it. “I think you should take up boxing, princess. You seem to like punching the living shit out of people.”

  Saige’s cheeks flush scarlet, and I laugh. I didn’t want Amira to get hurt but I can’t honestly say she didn’t have it coming with ambushing Saige like that.

  “Can you play nice now?” Andy playfully taunts.

  “If she can, I guess I can try,” Saige grumbles, and I slip her fingers through mine, loving the hell out of this wildly innocent, rebellious woman.

  Amira has a wet towel pressed against her nose and lip when we go back inside. Saige doesn’t look contrite in the least, but she is dignified enough to let it go. Amira doesn’t have as much class, but she’s smart and keeps her mouth shut so Saige doesn’t pop her again.

  “Driving to Hampton, TN is a three day drive, or two if we drive hard,” Andy grumbles. “Why can’t we just splurge and buy plane tickets this one time?”

  Saige’s face pales as her eyes search mine, silently pleading.

  Andy catches her stricken expression and bursts into laughter, “Don’t tell me you’re afraid to fly when you make dumbass moves like following a bomber to his apartment, alone, and have the chops to throw punches and bust my balls like you do.”

  “You know how stressful it is for us to fly with cranky passengers, annoying whiners, and every crazy ass person in between? Picture Saige being stuck on a plane full of emotionally charged people and make a guess on how many people she’ll try to take out then.”

  “Fine. Let princess drive the van and we’ll fly,” Andy jokes. “Looks like she can use the time to blow off some steam anyway.”

  Amira huffs.

  Andy laughs.

  Saige folds her arms across her chest, looking like she’s going to bust his nose next.

  “We drive.” Raking my fingers across my forehead, I try to stave off the pain beginning to pulse before it turns into a full-blown headache. “We can’t wait two to three days to get to this house. There might be information there about what he’s planning next.”

  “We can call in an anonymous tip to the cops,” Saige suggests.

  “The cops can take down some hard ass criminals
but they aren’t equipped to handle someone who shares talents like ours,” Andy explains. “We don’t know exactly what kind of abilities this bastard has, but we’re sure he has some serious skills.”

  The pulsating thud in my head turns into a wrecking ball. “I think Amira’s right. I’m going to have to call Dad.”

  “It’s about time,” Amira chastises, pulling herself up to sit on the counter top instead of a seat at the table. I guess she isn’t ready to get too close to Saige again.

  Saige’s questioning gaze studies me before it shifts to Amira, then Andy. I know she’s trying to piece together the parts to one very screwed-up puzzle.

  “Will your dad tell you any details about the bomber?” Andy asks. “Four years is a long time to not hear from your sorry ass then get a call out of the blue to be interrogated about a man he doesn’t know that you know exists.”

  “You haven’t spoken to your dad in four years?” Saige asks. Her voice is quiet and I don’t know the best way to answer her just yet.

  Andy seems to have no issues, however. “He’s been too busy chasing bad guys and lamenting ghosts. You know, that twisted need to rectify the whole ‘sins of the father’ dilemma.” Andy turns towards me, “He’s going to want answers on how you know about one of his prodigies.”

  “Then, I’ll have to tell him,” I state, not giving a damn if my father knows I hacked into his files. I just wish I hacked into the individual files about the people he trained to find out the abilities he was helping them sharpen, and what he was helping them sharpen their powers for. Sliding my phone from my pocket, I hold it in my hand, staring at it for a few seconds. I can feel Saige’s eyes on me and I know that I have a lot of answers I’m going to have to give her as well. My chest tightens and I take a deep breath. Damn, I don’t want to call my father. “I’ll make the call, and we’ll get on the road. Dad can check out the house before contacting the authorities. If there’s anything that can lead anywhere near the bomber, I’m sure he’ll show us when we get there.”

  I step outside to make the call I have no desire to make, trying to ignore the shrill tones as I scour my head for what to say. How is it possible that five rings of a telephone can seem like hours? Each torturing pause just reinforces my hesitance to make the call in the first place. The night I left, too many harsh words were thrown, which hurt a helluva lot more than the blow Dad threw when I told him he should let mom go, that he acts like she’s dead to him anyway. I could see how much I hurt him when I said that. There was no denying the shot of pain that flashed in his eyes before his anger drowned it. What I never could see is why he keeps her on that damn machine in the back bedroom he never sets foot in. I’ve heard the nurses talk; she’ll never wake up. Mom can’t want this, to barely hang on to this life without being able to live it.

  I’m about to hang up when I hear Dad’s voice. I’m still at a loss of what to say so I just grunt, “It’s me,” and wait for him to blow up, start yelling at me like he did the last night I saw him. Like most of my life.

  “Jensen? Is that you?”

  “Yeah, it’s me, Dad.” I fight like hell to keep my voice steady when I hear how his seems surprisingly sad, a tone foreign for him.

  There’s a pause, and I grip the phone tighter, hating how my hand is shaking right now. I don’t want to hear any emotions in Dad’s voice. I need to hang on to the anger so I don’t feel the pain of how I’ve always seemed to fail him. He doesn’t show any emotion other than anger, never has. Except for that last night. He sure as hell doesn’t need to start now.

  “Are you okay, son?”

  Son? What the fuck? He’s never called me that. “I’m fine, Dad.” Not wanting to prolong the uncomfortable pauses, I dive straight into the reason I called, explaining everything I know about the bomber and how I know.

  “You’ve been tracking this bastard across the country, Jensen?” Dad asks, his usual angry tone returning.

  “Someone had to.”

  “You’re not equipped to handle him,” he yells.

  “You mean that I’m not good enough to handle him,” I bark back.

  “That’s not what I meant,” he sighs.

  I don’t say anything. His implication is clear. Just like it was all the times he tried to get me to find my special ability like Jackson and he would just shake his head and walk away when I couldn’t do what my brother did. Dad finally gave up trying, then he gave up on me all together. “It doesn’t matter what you meant. The only reason I called is to have you find his home and check it before alerting the authorities. We’re in California and won’t be able to get there for a few days.”

  “I’ll investigate this now. I don’t want you pursuing him any longer.”

  “I’ll be there in three days. I need to see everything you find,” I state firmly. I stopped allowing him to make decisions for me when I left; there’s no way in hell I’m going to give that authority back to him now, and I end the call.

  The late afternoon breeze blows against my face and I close my eyes, allowing the cool air to tame all the shit wreaking havoc in my head. A low creak sounds behind me and the soft scent of mandarin and lilac is refreshing. Being with her was a slow, sweet torture. Every part of me wanted Saige and it was getting harder to not act on the ideas the raging beast in my pants craved. I had never had sex because I was waiting on Saige, until she was ready. But even at seventeen I knew that, once I had her, I could never let her go. The way she entranced me just by being her made me fall crazy in love. Hard. Tasting her, making her completely mine…I had to do that right and not fuck it up. Her leaving nearly killed me. I’ve lived in emotional hell the past four years. Seeing her here right now, she breathes life back into my soul. When I thought she would be the death of me, she became my redemption.

  “You okay?” Saige places her hand on my arm, and I slip her small, slender fingers through my much larger ones before pulling her close, breathing her in.

  She’s always said that I calm her, that I’m her peace. What I’ve never told her is that she’s mine. She always has been. Saige had enough shit to deal with, she didn’t need me bitching about my crap at home. Besides, I didn’t think of any of it when I was with her. She might not have been able to feel me but I sure as hell felt everything about her. The way she looked at me, touched me, and just stayed next to me was my peace. And much more. She made everything right. All the broken pieces seemed to mend when Saige was around. Despite her beautiful contradictions and stubborn ass, she was so damn easy to love.

  “You’re here,” I state simply, “how couldn’t I be fine?” Damn, I love the blush that flushes across her cheeks.

  “What you said earlier. That goes both ways.” Saige stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips so close, I can feel her breath against my skin, “I’m here for you, any way you need me to be.” That full, irresistible mouth brushes against mine, and my dick immediately springs into action, pressing its hardened eagerness against my zipper.

  “I know,” I whisper against her lips. I do know. I could have told her everything back then and she would have been there for me just like she would now, but I meant what I said. As long as she’s with me, I’m all good. “We need to hit the road,” I tell her after tasting her lips a little longer.

  “Yay, another road trip,” she winks.

  I can tell she doesn’t want to go home as much as I don’t. “Can you behave yourself long enough to get Andy?” I tease.

  “What? You don’t want to say good-bye to your girlfriend?” she smirks playfully.

  Yep, I have a helluva lot of explaining to do.

  “I can say good-bye for you,” she offers, biting her lip to keep from laughing.

  “Maybe I should go with you,” I suggest, knowing she’s only teasing but also knowing it wouldn’t take much for Saige to punch the daylights out of Amira again.

  It’s just past 4:00 p.m. when we get back on the road. Andy and I take turns in the driver’s seat, and I adamantly shake my head when Saige
offers to drive. “I’ve seen you drive. I’d like all my parts to stay where they are.”

  “You’re the one who taught me to drive,” Saige quips, “so I’d keep my mouth shut if I were you. Besides, I have a perfect driving record.”

  “That depends on which part of the record you’re talking about, pretty girl. Just because you haven’t killed us yet doesn’t mean I’m going to tempt fate. It’s a miracle we survived on my bike.”

  “You let her have control of your bike?” Andy’s jaw drops, “You never let me touch it.”

  “That’s because you don’t have my skills,” Saige smirks.

  “I think it’s more along the lines of being because I don’t have what’s between your legs.”

  “Oh, I get it. You can’t handle a woman being a better driver than you?”

  “Please, woman. I’d kick your ass in a race any day, princess,” Andy scowls.

  Saige turns in her seat and cocks her brow, “You’re on.”

  Throwing my hand up, I shake my head, “Oh, hell no! No one is racing.”

  “Sorry, man, but there’s no way I’m going to pass up having to school your girl, here.”

  Saige gives me a tilted grin and I give her my best ‘don’t-kill-yourself-or-I’ll-kick-your-pretty-little-butt’ look. “Alright, Andy, but I don’t want to hear you whining when she kicks your ass.”

  He blows a puff of air between his lips, “Like that’s possible.”

  Oh, it’s more than possible and I’m going to laugh my ass off when it happens. I just hope Saige keeps it somewhat sane. I doubt that’s going to happen. That’s one thing that has always worried me about her; she’s an adrenaline junkie. I know thrills heighten her own emotions and make her feel alive but she has a tendency to scare the shit out of me when her wild side rears its beautiful head.

  The rest of the drive passes quickly with more amusing insults being thrown between Saige and Andy until we pull into a hotel parking lot a little after midnight. Turning on the lights in Saige’s room, I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on after having shut it off after my call with Dad. There are three missed calls and a message. I don’t recognize the number but I’m betting it’s one of my father’s cells.