The Fire In My Eyes

by Christopher Nelson

“I gathered that,” I said.

  “Did you now.” Her tone was suddenly less friendly. “Do you have any idea how close she came to dying, Kevin?” I shook my head. “I can't bring dead brain cells back to life, but I stopped more from dying. Do you know what could have happened? She may have vision problems from the damage to the parietal lobes, possible cognitive problems from the bruise to the frontal lobes. I saved her from those possibilities, I think. I hope. We are going to examine her overnight to see if we can do anything more. Understand?”

  “I think so,” I said.

  “That was bad enough. Where she hit her head, it split her scalp and cracked her skull. See?” She pointed at the wall where traces of blood were disappearing. “Can't leave any of that behind.”

  “No thanks to you,” the man snapped at me.

  “Quiet. Like I was saying, she split her scalp and cracked her skull, and you know how much head wounds bleed, right?” I nodded. “Then you know that she was going to lose a lot of blood, and the force of that impact weakened many blood vessels in her head. Some ruptured, not in the brain itself, but between her brain and skull. I had to drain the blood in order to keep her brain from getting compacted inside the skull.”

  “Burned a hole in the back of the girl's head,” the man said. “Sprayed all over the wall. Just missed me. More to clean up. I should be making you clean, since this is all your fault in the first place.”

  “I'd be more than willing to help out,” I said.

  “Shut up. Just shut up,” the man said.

  The woman cleared her throat. “Did anyone notice?”

  “A couple kids heard a noise. We're lucky it was in the back of the building and that kids are out trying to get laid tonight, otherwise I'd be here all night. The only one who actually saw anything was the kid smoking around the corner, but I got to him before he could freak out.”

  “Max?” I asked. How had the guy known that Max had seen it? I hadn't noticed him going over to check.

  “What, the smoker?” The man shrugged. “If that's his name, yeah.”

  “What did he see?” I asked.

  “Nothing. He went inside after finishing his cigarette.” The man crossed his arms over his chest. “That's what he remembers. Don’t try to tell him otherwise, unless you want to traumatize him. Haven't you traumatized enough people tonight?”

  I winced. That wasn't fair. I didn't want to hurt anyone, not Max, not Nikki. All I wanted to know was what had happened. “I was just curious.”

  “Of course you were,” the man said. “You were just curious, or just wondering, or just fucking stupid. That's the way it is with scum like you. It's never your fault, you just don't know what you're doing, right? Never mind that you turned down the chance to learn. I don't know why Alistair doesn't just twist them off when someone turns him down. Fuck second chances for stupid shits. I never agreed with that policy. This shit is why.”

  “Stop it.” The woman's voice was raspy again. I looked over at her and saw her hands on Nikki's shoulders. Her eyes were flickering green again. “You know accidents happen. He’s untrained. We've dealt with worse.”

  “Don’t absolve him of responsibility.” The man pointed a finger at me. “This stupid son of a bitch doesn't have any control or sense. He doesn't know his own strength. Yeah, we've dealt with worse accidents when some kid slips up during training. This was an accident from a kid who's completely untrained. It's just as bad as any savant I've had to deal with. Maybe worse.”

  “That's not my point,” the woman said. “We've dealt with worse and we'll have worse to come, I'm sure.”

  “Of course we will! Can you imagine the destruction he'll cause if he's trained?” The man threw his arms wide. “Next time he'll push on a wall and collapse the whole building! He'll throw someone for miles! Maybe he'll aim for the fucking moon. What are we going to do about that?”

  “Hope that whoever trains him can teach him well enough to avoid such dramatic loss of control incidents?” the woman asked.

  “Hope doesn't save lives.”

  “Are you saying that if I'm trained, I'll learn how to keep things like this from happening?” I asked.

  Their attention flicked back to me. The woman looked somewhat pleased, while the man looked even angrier. “Now he figures it out. Dumbass. Have you been listening at all?”

  Before I could answer, I was flying through the air again. He plucked me out of the air by the back of my collar, causing my shirt seams to rip some more, then thrust me down to look at Nikki's face from inches away. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly open, as if she was sleeping. Her sunken cheeks and drying blood trailing from her nose, ears, and mouth spoiled the attractive image. Her head sagged forward a little, exposing raw red flesh across the back of her head. “That's after it was healed, asshole. Do you get it now? See the blood on the wall? Can you imagine what this poor girl felt? Maybe I should slam you into the wall. Payback's a bitch.”

  I heard a sudden crack and the man let go of me, spilling me on the ground. “What the hell do you think you're doing, moving someone with potential spine injuries? I didn't say I was done yet, did I? Did I say one damn word about it being safe to move her yet? Did I?” I tried to scramble away, but she snagged me by the remnants of my collar and thrust me into a sitting position next to Nikki.

  “I didn't-”

  “You didn't what?” she challenged him, hands on her hips, standing between me and the man. Was she protecting me, or protecting Nikki? Probably Nikki.

  “I didn't move her without checking the injuries myself!” he shouted. “Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid?”

  “Sometimes I wonder,” she said.

  He growled and stepped around her, squatting down right in front of me. I thought he was going to take his anger out on me, but he turned away. “We'll have to report this. And we'll have to bring her to the infirmary.”

  “I already said that,” the woman said. “Kevin, do you know her roommate?”

  “I just met the roommate tonight,” I said. The woman touched my forehead and I felt as if someone was looking over my shoulder as I thought of Kaitlyn, encouraging me to remember everything I could about her. Every word she had spoken ran through my head, as well as the scent of her perfume, the expressions on her face as she spoke, and all the conflicting feelings I had that surrounded her. Including some rather explicit thoughts.

  “I see, she's very pretty,” the woman said, withdrawing her hand. “I don't blame you for wanting to see her naked. No need to be embarrassed.”

  “Wait, what? How did you do that? What did you do?” I asked. My temples throbbed again and my face burned.

  She ignored my question. “We'll need to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't question why her roommate doesn't come back tonight. Do you want to handle that?”

  “Sure,” the man said. “Part of the cleanup.”

  “All right. I'll bring the girl in for medical treatment. You handle the rest. I really wish more people were on duty tonight.” The woman sighed and stood up. “Hopefully we won't have to meet like this again.”

  “Wait. Wait!” Both of them looked back at me, the woman sliding her sunglasses back down over her eyes. “What the hell did I actually do? Can't you tell me that?”

  The man covered his face with both hands. “For fucking crying out loud.”

  “Are you serious?” the woman asked.

  “I'm serious. I said it before, I know I did it, I know I'm responsible for it, at least tell me how to keep it from happening again!” I stood up and clenched my fists. I had to know. What if I had killed her? What if I killed someone else? What if I did something worse? I couldn't let them walk away from here without telling me something, anything, just to keep any other disasters from happening. “I just want to know what I can do to stop this from happening again.”

  “Alistair told you, didn't he?” The woman's voice was very soft, almost amused. “You've got certain talents, certain abilities
. And you were awakened. I know you were awakened.”

  “Of course you know that. I told you I awakened him,” the man said.

  I blinked. His deep voice was familiar, but I hadn't made the connection. His voice was the one in my dream.

  “He was on the verge of awakening himself,” she said, then returned her attention to me. “But regardless, you've seen evidence on at least three occasions so far. It's all real, Kevin. This isn't some elaborate trick.”

  “I thought I understood before. Maybe I didn't.” I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself. Whatever she had done to keep me warm was fading away rapidly.

  “Your power can manifest before you learn to control it. That's what happened tonight. When you're trained, you'll learn to control how and when it manifests,” she said.

  “If I'm trained,” I said.

  “If,” she repeated. “If you are not trained, your abilities will continue to manifest unpredictably. If I could venture a guess, it seems that extreme emotional reactions cause you to manifest.”

  The man sighed. “That's obvious. He's a kid.”

  “Kevin, training will strengthen you and give you the understanding to control your power. Yes, there is a price, and that price is to join us. Regardless of trusting Alistair or not, you'll find that most of us are not quite so willing to leave you for dead.” She looked over at the man, who seemed on the verge of speaking. He shut his mouth and she continued. “On the other hand, you can continue to turn down the training and try to teach yourself. You probably won't succeed. You'll end up causing disasters and we'll have to clean up after you until you manage something that either kills you or forces us to kill you. That's the price for independence.”

  I leaned back against the wall. “That doesn't sound like a good deal.”

  “Think about it some more.” Her eyes began to glow again and Nikki's limp form floated gently into the air. She spun slowly until she was lying prone, as if she was lying on a stretcher made of air, then floated over to where the woman was standing. “Are you done? I'm going to take her to the infirmary, then sleep for a day, then eat for a day. I'm exhausted.”

  “One last thing to take care of,” the man said. He squatted in front of me again, leaving me nowhere to run with the wall directly behind me. He regarded me from just a few inches away, then took the sunglasses off and looked at me directly. His eyes were so dark, I couldn't tell where the pupil ended and the iris began. “First lesson's free,” he said quietly. “It's the most important lesson you'll ever learn in your life. Learn self-control.”

  He put his sunglasses back on and rejoined the woman. They both walked away, Nikki's body floating along between them. I pushed myself off the wall to my feet, freezing again. My shirt was torn apart at the front, stretched and ripped along all the seams, and stained in a couple of places. My body was exhausted and I could barely keep my eyes open.

  I forced myself to walk inside and up to my room. I didn't see Max on the way in, nor did I go back to the lounge. I didn't care what they'd assume happened between the two of us. Hopefully Kaitlyn wouldn't ask too many questions. Hopefully no one did.

  I undressed and collapsed into bed. The dull throb in my temples was finally fading away. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was Nikki slumped against the wall. It terrified me. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I had nearly killed her. No matter what had happened between us, it wasn't her fault, it was mine. I couldn't let that happen again.

  The last thought on my mind before I fell asleep was that I'd go to Alistair Ripley on Wednesday and agree to join his organization. I'd start learning how to control these strange abilities. It was the only choice I had that made any sense.

  Chapter Seven

  “Mr. Parker.” I froze in the midst of rising from my chair. Alistair Ripley stood at the front of the classroom with his hands folded on top of his cane, looking toward the door. “I have something to discuss with you.” His tone wasn't angry, but it wasn't pleasant either.

  I sunk back into my seat and glanced at the door to see what he was looking at. Nikki. Shit. I had picked a seat in the back to try to avoid her, but she had noticed me after all. I looked away. There was no way I could look her in the eye now. Not after last night.

  “Miss Wainwright. I realize you want to speak with Mr. Parker as well.” Ripley's tone sharpened. “I assure you, we will not be long, but I must ask you to leave until I am finished.”

  She didn't say anything. I saw the door close out of the corner of my eye. As soon as it latched, my chair sizzled and the seat of my pants became uncomfortably warm. “On your feet,” Ripley snapped. I jumped out of the chair, double time. The metal frame of the chair was red hot and melting, radiating heat like a furnace. Plastic and metal crumpled and ran together, but not a single drop touched the floor. I took a step away and stared at Ripley. His eyes were glowing bright green, but his expression was calm. Too calm.

  “Stop. Touch it.” I didn't dare disobey the old man, not when he was turning school property into slag. The chair was no longer radiating heat, but I still hesitated. I tapped it with the little finger on my left hand. It was still warm, much warmer than room temperature. “You understand, I am rather upset with you at the moment,” he said.

  “I think I picked up on that,” I said.

  He didn't even crack a smile. “You do not seem to understand the gravity of your situation, Mr. Parker. Your abilities are strong, absurdly so. However, as you have realized, you lack discipline. It is not uncommon for the newly awakened to have difficulty controlling their power. What is uncommon is for one to turn down the opportunity to learn how to do so. You present me with a difficult situation. Your strength makes you dangerous, both to yourself and to others.”

  “I realize that-”

  Ripley's cane slammed down. The hardwood floor cracked. “I did not give you permission to speak.” I shut up. His expression was still calm, but now he was radiating fury. This was not the time to be a smart ass. “You nearly killed that young woman. You. No one but you. Your failings also reflect on me. I failed to teach you. I failed to protect her. The only reason that young lady is alive right now is because I prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best. That is the one source of solace I have in this situation, that our agents were nearby, watching for just this sort of situation. If they had arrived a minute later? If they had made a single mistake? Nicole Wainwright would be dead.”

  I looked at the floor and couldn't find anything to say, smart ass or not. I had been powerless to help her. They had told me there was nothing I could do, because I had refused the training. I had hurt her, because I had refused the training. I had to take responsibility for my actions.

  Ripley grunted and tapped his cane on the floor. “It's never too late to learn, Mr. Parker. Control and discipline are the first lessons we give to the awakened. Perhaps now you understand why.”

  “Why was I awakened?” I asked.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

  “Why did you do this to me? Why did you change my life like this?” I tried to keep my voice under control, but couldn't keep a quaver from my words. “This wasn't what I wanted. I didn't ask for this.” No, it wasn't just my fault. If they had never awakened the freak within me, I wouldn't have hurt her.

  “Because you are needed,” he told me.

  I waited, but he didn't explain any further. “Needed?” I asked. “What do you mean, needed? This wasn't my choice!”

  “You're right. I took that choice from you.” Ripley's expression was even calmer than it was before. His serenity frustrated me. “I specifically chose you, Kevin Parker. I chose you because it was necessary.”

  “Necessary for what?” He said nothing. My frustration hit its limit. “Why won't you give me a straight reason for this? You throw my life into chaos, threaten me, and now tell me that you need me? After what happened last night? What sort of fucked up bullshit is this?”

  He slammed the cane down on the floor again, a
ll serenity broken. “Mr. Parker. Your situation does not allow you this sort of leeway in speaking with me!”

  “What situation is that?” I shot back.

  I could see his jaw moving, as if he was grinding his teeth. “Involuntary manslaughter,” he said. “A preventable accident that you did not take steps to prevent.”

  I shook my head. “That's not what I'm trying to-”

  “You were not trying to kill her, were you? Your refusal of training, of learning discipline and control, that is what almost killed her. I say it again and again, but you do not seem to understand that you nearly ended a life.” His eyes shone brightly and he pointed his cane directly at my face.

  I held my hands up in front of my face. “Bullshit! You awakened me! If you hadn't, this shit wouldn't have happened! I'm not going to take all the blame. You forced this on me!”

  Ripley's eyes glittered with green sparks. “Bullshit, Mr. Parker. You were on the cusp of awakening on your own. We awakened you in a controlled situation so that we could teach you and avoid the sort of accident that just happened. You are the one who refused to learn.”

  “You never told me what you'd teach me!”

  “And would you have believed me, with your skepticism?”

  “No, but-”

  He prodded my hands with the cane. “But what?”

  I batted the cane away from my face and leaned in toward him. “I'm sick of this. If you're going to kill me for this, fucking kill me. What do you want me to do? Fall on my knees and cry? Go insane? What's going to make you believe me?”

  “Remorse,” he said.

  “Remorse? Who the hell are you to say that? I had nightmares all night. I couldn't sleep. All I saw is what I did to her. All I could think about is how if I had accepted your offer, I would have been able to do something. I could have helped her. It wouldn't have happened. I made a mistake from the very beginning.” I reached out toward him, then stopped and let my hands fall to my sides. I wanted to grab him by the collar and shake until something fell out, but I no longer had the strength. My eyes stung.