You Did Say Have Another Sausage

by John Meadows

  I nodded to the lady who merely raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement.

  “Hello lads, is your room okay?”

  “It’s great, what a fantastic view!”

  At the next floor, the elevator door opened and in stepped four of our fifteen year old girls.

  “Hello Dad,” they all chorused with a giggle.

  “Hello girls,” I replied, trying to keep a straight face.

  At the next floor five more pupils joined us with the same greeting, obviously all pre-planned, “Hello Dad.”

  The lift was now full to its limit, with the fur-coated lady now surrounded. Just as we reached the foyer, she spoke for the first time. She looked at me and asked, “Are all of these your children?”

  Before I could answer, one of the girls chipped in with, “No, the rest of us are in four other rooms!”

  I’ll take Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island too...

  Like most major cities around the world, New York has ‘hop-on-hop-off’ sightseeing tour buses. I went round to the office of one such company and negotiated a good price for exclusive use of a double-decker bus and a tour guide for a day. It proved to be very enjoyable and very informative. Our guide began by explaining the origin of the nickname ‘Big Apple’. There have been several theories, but the definitive explanation originates from horse racing. In the 1920s, a sports writer named John Fitzgerald was in New Orleans where he heard jockeys and trainers talking about winning a ‘big apple’, referring to the big-money prizes in New York. He borrowed this colloquialism and ‘The Big Apple’ became the name of his racing column in the ‘New York Morning Telegraph’. The name quickly caught-on and the city authorities officially adopted the slogan in the 1970s to help to market New York. Outside the house where Fitzgerald lived has been officially re-named ‘Big Apple Corner’ and the plaque has become a tourist attraction. Of course, we had to have a group photograph taken in front of it.

  Our local guide told us that the first Europeans to settle on Manhattan Island were the Dutch, which is how the district of Harlem got its name. After the Restoration of the Stuart Monarchy in 1660, King Charles II and his brother James, Duke of York (later to become James II) were determined that Britain should challenge the Dutch trading empire. In 1664, an expedition was dispatched to seize the Dutch colony of New Netherland. The British used ‘gunboat diplomacy’, a show of force accompanied by underlying threats. The Dutch Director-General, Peter Stuyvesant, surrendered without a fight and New Amsterdam on the southern tip of Manhattan Island was re-named New York in honour of the Duke of York. The British terms of occupancy were generous, and many of the local Dutch settlers stayed on. One was Claus Van Roosevelt, whose farm was where the Empire State Building now stands, and two of his descendants became President of the United States: Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt.

  Our itinerary for the week in New York included all of the must-see sights, such as the ferry from Battery Park at the Southern tip of Manhattan to the Statue of Liberty and then Ellis Island. This was the place where immigrants were processed, and it is now a very interesting museum which charts the history of immigration into America.

  Transatlantic migrants who could afford first or second-class tickets were allowed into the USA automatically. Ellis Island was for processing steerage passengers. After interrogation and inspections by doctors, migrants were categorized by chalk marks on their backs. They were stripped naked and given showers, then wrapped in blankets while their clothes were taken to be fumigated and de-loused. When the migrants were re-united with their clothes they were hardly a picture of sartorial elegance. It was the ‘Ryanair’ of its day. Clean but bedraggled, they were ferried to New York, and the grainy black and white documentary movies on show today at the Ellis Island visitors’ centre shows hordes of happy, smiling waving immigrants. This was authentically re-created in the Oscar-winning movie ‘The Godfather part 2’, when the young (and fictitious) Don Corleone arrived from Sicily. Many of these migrants became famous, such as Charles Atlas, a name which became synonymous with body-building, silent-movie star Rudolph Valentino, who arrived from Italy. Songwriter Irving Berlin, of ‘White Christmas’ fame, and movie mogul Sam Goldwyn were Jews from Russia. A young couple from near Naples passed through Ellis Island. They were skilled and hard-working, ideal immigrants to help build a prosperous 20th Century America. Gabriel was a barber and his wife Teresina was a seamstress, and they raised a family of nine children. The most famous of these children was born in Brooklyn in 1899. His name was Al Capone.

  New York seems such a familiar place, even to those visiting for the first time, because it has featured in more movies than perhaps any other city in the world. It has been hit by a tidal wave, frozen solid, vaporised by Alien spacecraft, and a half-submerged Statue of Liberty was the final dramatic ending to the original ‘Planet of the Apes’ film starring Charlton Heston.

  The Statue of Liberty or, to use its official French title, La Liberté Éclairant le Monde (Liberty Enlightening the World) is a huge sculpture on Liberty Island in the harbour. It was a gift in 1886 to the United States from the people of France, and is of ‘Libertas’, the Roman Goddess of Freedom, who holds a torch and tablet inscribed with the date of the American Declaration of Independence. The metal sculpture was designed by Frederic Bartholdi, and the internal supporting structure was designed by a certain Gustav Eiffel. The unveiling of the Statue of Liberty was marked by New York’s first ever ticker-tape parade.

  The view of the Manhattan skyline was fantastic, and later in the week we saw a different aspect of the magnificent panorama from the viewing platform at the top of the Empire State Building. The 102-storey skyscraper stood as the world’s tallest building for forty years from its completion in 1931, and although there are now more than twenty taller buildings it is still arguably the most famous, thanks to King Kong probably. Its name is derived from the nickname for New York, the Empire State, and it has become a cultural icon with its distinctive Art Deco style. The entrance hall is a superb example of this, with inlaid polished marble in geometric design. The top of the Empire State Building is the best vantage point to view the city because it showcases the surrounding buildings which symbolise the character of New York. The 1930s Chrysler Building was designed by William Van Alen who utilized geometric patterning and made pioneering use of aluminium and stainless steel. The ‘sunburst’ was a favourite motif and this forms the basis of the famous apex of the building. As towers around the world compete with each other, from Dubai to Kualar Lumpur to Taiwan, and climb inexorably skyward, the Chrysler Building retains one record which will probably never be beaten: tallest brick building in the world.

  Another distinctive skyscraper is the Woolworth Building, which opened in 1913. It was designed by architect Cass Gilbert and paid for, in cash, by Frank W. Woolworth, who made his name as a ‘five and dime’ king. The equivalent today would be if the owner of ‘Poundworld’ paid for London’s ‘Shard’ in cash. It is a Gothic style skyscraper which stands on Broadway and boasts an elaborate terra-cotta exterior and a sumptuous, ornate lobby in yellow marble, which showcases religious-style architecture. There is an extensive collection of sculptures, including medieval-style caricatures of Frank W. Woolworth counting his dimes and the architect holding a model of the building.

  MoMA Met Guggenheim

  Another day was taken up with visits to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, popularly known as the ‘Met’, the Guggenheim Museum, and the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA). The Met is the largest art museum in the United States, and, on a world-wide perspective in terms of size and exhibits, it ranks alongside the great galleries such as the Hermitage in St. Petersburg, the Louvre in Paris, the Prado in Madrid, and the National Gallery in London. It is located in a beautiful setting on the eastern edge of Central Park, along Manhattan’s Museum Mile.

  A short walk from the Metropolitan Museum of Art is the Guggenheim Museum on Park
Avenue, and you could be excused for mistaking it for a multi-storey car park. Whereas the Met looks like a traditional museum with its Greek style Ionic columns, arches, pediment and porticos, the Guggenheim, by contrast, is a plain concrete spiral encircling an interior continuous ramp around which the works of art are displayed. It was designed by the famous American architect Frank Lloyd Wright (he of the Simon and Garfunkel song), and it is totally unrelated to the surrounding buildings. But it works. Unlike say, the Louvre Pyramid in Paris or the National Gallery extension in London, the striking originality of the Guggenheim looks perfectly at home in its New York setting.

  We couldn’t go to New York without taking in a Broadway Musical, and I had pre-booked tickets for our party to see ‘Phantom of the Opera’. It was the first time many of our pupils had been to see live theatre, so New York’s Broadway was as good a place as any to start. Next stop: Wigan Little Theatre.

  The American Museum of Natural History is located on the upper west side of Manhattan, across the street from Central park. It was founded in 1869 and is one of the largest and most famous museums in the world. The comedy movie ‘Night at the Museum’ was filmed there and starred Robin Williams as President Theodore Roosevelt coming to life with the rest of the exhibits. Probably a tribute to the fact that the president’s father, also called Theodore, was one of the founders of the museum. I was particularly impressed by the artwork amongst which the various specimens were set. The depth and lighting created by imaginative use of atmospheric or exaggerated perspective was easily the equal of the best stage productions on Broadway or London’s West End. Whether it was a lion standing proudly in an East African setting, a model of the Great Wall of China, or Lhasa in Tibet, the transition from three to two dimensions were expertly executed. The settings were works of art in their own right, and the best I have ever seen anywhere in the world. Many of the world’s Natural History Museums seem obliged to fill the reception hall with a dinosaur, but, as far as I know, only the one in New York comes to life at night and rattles around the museum.

  “How old is that dinosaur?” one of our pupils asked a rather vacant- looking uniformed attendant.

  “Oh, let me see,” he answered, stroking his chin, seemingly grateful that someone had spoken to him to alleviate his boredom.

  “That dinosaur is 68 million and 17 years old,” he informed us cheerily.

  “That’s remarkably precise,” I interjected. “Is such accuracy now possible due to modern developments in carbon-dating techniques?”

  “Possibly,” replied the attendant with slow deliberation, “but the way I calculate its age is that when I first started working here I was told that the dinosaur was 68 million years old... and I have been working here for 17 years.” I walked right into that one.

  I have already referred to some movies made in the ‘Big Apple’, but the definitive New York movie has got to be ‘The Deanery High School Art Tour to New York.’ Now that really was a disaster movie. Wherever we went, we had three or four video cameras on the go. Everyone took part in the Frank Sinatra ‘New York, New York’ sequence: high kicks in Central Park “Da da da da, da da...da da da” on Park Lane, Broadway and in front of the Statue of Liberty. The headmaster was a real star and received a great ovation on the night of the premiere. Not so much the Odeon, Leicester Square, as the Wigan Athletic Social Club. Val was able to reprise her party piece first unveiled to the public on the school car park.

  During filming, four of our year 11 girls offered to perform a Spice Girls’ routine. We had only vaguely heard of them as they had just released their first record. So we set up the cameras on Ellis Island and the students came running down the ramp from the museum and sang, “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want... etc.” This was accompanied by all the moves and a well-rehearsed dance routine. They were so impressive that a few passers-by stopped to watch.

  Skating on Thin Ice

  One afternoon we all went to the ice rink in Central Park, another place famous from numerous films. We hired skates, and Janette and I ventured onto the crowded ice. Some of our pupils were filming us, so we hammed it up and played to the camera, knowing that the eventual accompanying music would be, you guessed it, ‘The Bolero.’

  As we were in the middle of the rink, one of the lady officials came over to me and said in that nasally New York drawl, “Sirrr, I believe you are in charge of these guys.” She pointed to two of our fifteen year old boys who were skating round the perimeter of the rink at break-neck speed. They were in the perfect stance of speed skaters, which I had only seen on television, leaning forward with one arm behind the back while swinging the other arm left to right like a pendulum. I had to double-check to see if they were our students, then one of their friends came over to tell me that they were members of a speed-skating team back home. I had no idea.

  “You will have to tell them they can’t go skatin’ around at that speed,” she said.

  “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that,” I answered.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t catch them!”

  We made our way over to the edge and managed to intercept them. I told the lads that I was very impressed with their skills, but we have been warned that it is inappropriate on a crowded rink.

  In the meantime, our Spice Girls tribute act had been performing on the middle of the ice and they started to attract a crowd of children, teenagers and some adults. After a few minutes one of the girls skated over and said to me, “Sir, they think we really are the Spice Girls, so we have told them that you are our manager.”

  None of us knew what the Spice Girls looked like or that they had nick names of Ginger, Posh, Sporty etc; but we were told that their record had just entered the Billboard chart and they were soon due in New York. Not quite the Beatles in 1964, but at least they were beginning to make the news, and obviously all the local kids didn’t yet know the real group from our imposters. This caused a great deal of laughter amongst our party. I decided to play along with the hoax. I skated out to the middle of the ice and shouted for the girls to gather round.

  “Now remember girls,” I said tersely, adopting my schoolteacher’s persona. “We are due at NBC studios later today and then at a press conference at Radio City this evening, so you must be very careful on these skates.”

  The girls played along as they all nodded dutifully. By now we were surrounded by quite a crowd, including the uniformed attendant who earlier warned me about the speed skaters. I couldn’t resist turning to all the ‘fans’ and asking them to be careful not to cause the Spice Girls to fall over. They all nodded co-operatively. I was so convincing, I almost believed it myself. Then out came all the autograph books and pens as the fans started to hold them out to the girls. They were taken by surprise by all this adulation and asked me what they should do. I think they meant whether they should own up before it all gets out of hand. I was well into character by now, so I just said, “Sign your autographs of course.”

  I skated back to the rest of the group laughing as the crowd got bigger and bigger. After a few minutes a couple of the attendants skated over towards us, but all they were doing was picking up some tables and chairs which they placed on the ice for the ‘Spice Girls’ so that they could continue to sign their autographs. We watched with amused amazement as queues formed at each table and excited children skated off looking at their books or pieces of paper. Word seemed to spread quite quickly, and more and more people started to gather. I was just beginning to wonder how to call a halt to the proceedings when our coach driver arrived to tell us that he only had ten minutes left on his parking space. By this time our girls were happily posing for photographs and laughing and joking with their fans. I skated over and put on my manager’s act to tell the girls that we had to leave since we were on such a tight schedule. As the girls were leaving they couldn’t resist a final, “I’ll tell you what I want, what I
really, really want...” which received cheers, applause and some screams. The fans waved us back to the coach, including the uniformed attendant who gave me a special smile as she pointed proudly at her autographs. Our Spice Girls were star struck, but I couldn’t help thinking that we should get out of town before the real ones arrived.

  New York proved to be one of our most memorable and enjoyable tours, and I think it is largely due to the magic quality of the city. It has a certain something, a je ne sais quoi, or, as the French would say, X-Factor. To compare like-with-like, there are similar cities situated in a more spectacular geographical setting, such as Sydney, or Cape Town or Rio. There are cities with a much deeper cultural heritage, such as Moscow or London, or Paris or Rome. There are cities with a more imaginative variety of modern buildings, such as Dubai, or Singapore or Kuala Lumpur. But, having visited all these places, my personal preference is New York because it has a unique personality; as a city it almost has a life of its own. So good they named it twice.

  Chapter Six

  Scousers, Woolly backs and a Cockney

  “How did the interview go?” asked my mum and dad anxiously.

  “Oh, it went well. I’ve been offered a job.”

  “Fantastic,” they gasped with a sigh of relief.

  “Yes, I start next week as a fork-lift truck driver.”

  Dad’s expression changed an instant.

  “I meant your interview for a teaching job,” he sighed.