Words Get In the Way

by Nan Rossiter

  “Hey, Dad, are Uncle Nate and Noelle coming tonight?” Isaac asked through the open window.

  “They are.” Samuel nodded. He glanced at the clock and decided that it was late enough. He usually enjoyed having a cocktail when he was cooking, but today he had put it off. Now, with the chowder simmering on the ancient gas stove, Samuel went out onto the porch and handed Isaac his glass. His son filled it with ice cubes, splashed gin over the ice, topped it off with tonic, and squeezed a slice of lime into the mixture. He pushed the lime under the ice with his finger, gave it a quick stir, licked his finger, and handed the glass to his father.

  “Nice stirrer,” Samuel said as he took a sip and eyed his older son. “How’d you get so good at this?”

  “Watchin’ you,” Isaac said with a mischievous smile.

  As Samuel sat down on the wooden porch swing, the sun tried to break through the sullen clouds. A mild ocean breeze was pushing the clouds inland, and a bit of blue sky was finally visible. The old rambling Cape Cod house was situated on a bluff on the northern side of Nauset Light, and its back porch looked out over the vast expanse of the rugged shoreline that extended all the way to Coast Guard Beach. Asa leaned on the railing. He loved the ocean. When he and Isaac were younger, their father had told them that England was just over the horizon, and they had believed him. Soon after, Samuel had found them pushing off in their inflatable raft at low tide.

  “We’re going to England,” they had shouted over the surf. “Tell Mom we’ll be back for supper.”

  Samuel had had to swim out and pull them back in.

  Both boys loved the ocean, but Asa was drawn to it in a deeper way and was captivated by the mystery of its deep waters. He was also fascinated by the faithful lighthouse that stood guard and prevailed against the region’s punishing storms. On countless boyhood mornings, Asa had wandered down the worn path to the lighthouse’s clearing on the precipice, slipped inside its heavy wooden door, climbed its narrow spiral stairs, studied its great rotating lens, and stood on a box to look out its tiny window to the sea. On just as many evenings, he had lain in bed and watched its light pass across the walls of the room he shared with his brother, dreaming of the day when he would live on the outer reaches of some jagged and treacherous coastline and be the trusted keeper of the light.

  Now, Asa looked at the open window of the lantern room and thought of Noelle. She had stopped by that morning to drop off the old metal tub Nate had borrowed the previous summer. Asa had been the only one at home. He closed his eyes and pictured her standing in the doorway... .

  “I can’t stay,” she had said.

  “I know.”

  “It’s so good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too.”

  He had walked her to her car, and she had tried to think of something more to say. “I see they painted the lighthouse.”

  “Yeah, they’ve been working on that.”

  “You know, I’ve never been inside a lighthouse.”

  Asa had looked up at her in disbelief. “How can that be? Didn’t you grow up in Maine?”

  “Yes, but not coastal Maine.”

  He had reached for her hand. “C’mon, you have to see the inside.”

  “I can’t ...” She had pulled back, and he had let go. Seeing the disappointment in his eyes, she had relented. “Okay ... but only for a minute.”

  “Only for a minute,” Asa had agreed, smiling.

  They had walked down the worn path, and Asa had jiggled the lock and pushed open the heavy door. When they reached the lantern room, Noelle had looked in amazement at the mechanics that created the light.

  “It’s a Fresnel lens,” Asa had explained, showing her how the light was reflected. She had listened attentively and watched for a while before walking over to the window to look out at the sea. Asa had looked at the slender curve of her body outlined under her thin sundress and moved behind her. He had reached over her shoulder to push the window open, and the ocean breeze had rushed in and swept back her hair. Asa had slipped his arms around her, breathing in the lovely scent of her body, and Noelle had put her hands on his arms and closed her eyes. She had felt him against her and thought again about how easy it would be ...

  “Asa ...”

  “Don’t ...”

  They had stood silently together. The only movement in the room had been the rotation of the reflecting light and the breeze that whispered in to cool their skin.

  Finally, Noelle had broken the silence. “Asa, if you only knew how much I would love to be with you.” She turned to him and searched his eyes. “I’m so sorry... . I should never have come.” Asa had looked away, and Noelle had reached up and gently turned his face back to her, searching his eyes. “Asa, I would love to lie beside you... . Don’t you see? But then what? What about Nate? I love him too. Asa, please, help me not let this happen... .”

  Tears burned at Asa’s eyes. “Noelle ... don’t you know?” He struggled with the words. “I would do anything you ask—anything at all—even if what you ask is not letting this happen... .”

  Noelle had leaned up and pressed her lips against his flushed cheek. Asa had closed his eyes and kept his hands stiffly at his sides... .

  “So, a bonfire with the fellows, is that it?” Samuel asked, interrupting Asa’s thoughts.

  Isaac winked at his brother. “That’s the plan, Dad,” he replied.

  “Well, you boys know the rules—if you have any alcoholic beverages at your bonfire, stay out of the water,” Samuel warned. “I was a fellow at a bonfire once, you know.” He paused. “Are you going to hang around here for a while? I know everyone is looking forward to seeing you.”

  “Of course, Dad,” said Asa. “We wouldn’t miss out on chowder.”

  Samuel smiled and drummed his fingers on his glass. He looked his boys over. “Well, I hope you’ll change out of those rag-tag shorts and T-shirts.”

  “Yup,” said Isaac. “I might even take a shower.”

  “Sure you want to do that?” Asa teased. “It hasn’t been a week yet.”

  Isaac gave his younger brother a smirk and walked toward the open door. Sarah Coleman was standing there with a grocery bag in her arms.

  “Sam, I have the French bread and the shrimp if you want to come in and make cocktail sauce,” she said. “Asa, maybe you could slice the bread.”

  “Yes, my dear,” Samuel replied, easing himself up from the swing and walking over to freshen his drink.

  “May I get you a cocktail ... or would you like the whole rooster?”

  Sarah smiled. “A small glass of white wine would be good.”

  Asa watched his parents. He was always amazed by the easy, warm comfort of their relationship. He wondered if he would ever know another so well ... and if another could ever possibly know him. He thought of Noelle, and his heart ached for what could never be. He shook his head and went into the kitchen to slice the bread. Behind him, the summer sky was now a cloudless blue.

  2

  Nate peered in the bedroom doorway. “Almost ready, hon?”

  “Almost.” Noelle glanced in the mirror and sighed. Why did God create wrinkles?

  Nate stepped into the room, wrapped his arms around her, and looked at her reflection too. She was slender, and her dark brown hair hung just past her shoulders. Her smooth skin was tan against the coral color of her linen sundress. She looked amazing and lovely, and Nate wondered how he hadn’t noticed when he used to see her in her starched white nurse’s uniform.

  “How’d I get so lucky?” he pondered out loud.

  Noelle put her hands on his arms and remembered how Asa had felt standing behind her.

  She pushed the thought from her mind and whispered, “I’m the lucky one.”

  Nate closed his eyes and held her. The silver in his sideburns had long ago started spreading into the neatly clipped hair above his ears. Noelle had told him that it made him look distinguished, but he wasn’t convinced. She continued to stroke his arms, pulling on his soft
hair. She smelled his aftershave and felt a rush of warmth between her legs. Looking at Nate’s head bent down over her shoulder, she thought about the events that had brought them to this place. Her eyes were drawn to the reflection of the bedroom behind them. She studied the Shaker headboard and the blue and white country quilt that was tucked neatly into its oak frame. She had found the bed in an antique shop, and it had fit perfectly between the two windows that overlooked the ocean. The walls were painted a soft sea green and were offset by creamy white trim and wainscoting that reached halfway up the walls. Noelle had chosen the colors and repainted the room soon after she and Nate had married. Even so, the memory of another life—Annie’s life—still lingered. A gentle breeze drifted in through the windows and made the gingham curtains billow.

  “We should go,” Nate murmured.

  “Mmm-hmm,” she agreed, still lost in thought.

  Annie, Nate’s first wife, had died in this room. She had fought her long illness valiantly until its very end. As Annie’s nurse, Noelle had witnessed the fight. She had witnessed the love and the heartache, and after Annie’s passing, she had watched as grief and despair had consumed the brokenhearted man who was left behind. Witnessing all this and offering what comfort she could, Noelle Ryan couldn’t help falling in love with Nathaniel Shepherd.

  Blinded by sadness, however, Nate had barely noticed Noelle’s presence, much less her striking features. It wasn’t until they ran into each other some six months later that Nate noticed how beautiful she was. He had been going out of the grocery store as she was coming in. They had stopped to chat, and Nate had unexpectedly asked her if she had time for a cup of coffee. Noelle had obliged. They’d gone to a little outdoor café and continued their conversation, which Noelle had kept light. When they’d finished, Nate had leaned over to pick up his bag, and it had ripped open. Melted ice cream had dripped all over his shoes. “Guess I forgot what I had,” Nate had said, laughing. It had felt good to laugh. After saying good-bye, he realized that he hadn’t thought of Annie once during the conversation. It was a much-needed respite for his weary soul. Two weeks after their chance meeting, Samuel encouraged Nate to invite Noelle to one of their famous gatherings. He did, and by the end of the evening, it was evident to all present that Nate was smitten with Noelle, despite their eighteen-year age difference.

  3

  An hour later, Samuel was standing in the kitchen wearing a pressed white oxford, sleeves rolled to his forearms, and khaki slacks, mentally checking his list of preparations. Big band was playing on the radio. The kitchen counters were spotless. The shrimp was on ice, and the cocktail sauce had the perfect amount of fresh horseradish, Tabasco, Worcestershire, and lemon. The buttered French bread was in foil and waiting to go in the warm oven. The chowder was still simmering, and the fresh pepper grinder had been filled. The old metal tub was stocked with beer, white wine, tonic, and sweet tea on ice. Merlot, Tanqueray, and other mixers were on the old oak side table, and there were slices of lemon and lime in a chilled glass bowl. Sarah had cut blue hydrangea blossoms and made two bouquets, one for the kitchen and one for the porch. The outside table was covered with a pressed white linen cloth on which the glasses sparkled in the late afternoon sun. Samuel glanced around one last time. He prided himself on being an organized and conscientious host.

  “Hey there, you old fox,” a familiar voice called out.

  Martha slowly pulled herself up off the wooden floor and barked warningly down the steps while her welcoming tail gave away her true emotions.

  “Hey there, yourself!” Samuel replied, stepping out onto the porch and reaching for Nate’s hand. The two friends clapped each other on the shoulder and hugged.

  Samuel turned to Noelle. “I don’t know how you put up with this old bear,” he said, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. “You are a saint—and a beautiful saint at that,” he added with a wink.

  Noelle smiled and blushed. “You two are a pair—you must have attended the same school of gallantry.”

  Samuel grinned back. “Actually, Nate learned everything he knows from me. So, in that regard, you are lucky!”

  Martha continued to sniff and wiggle until Nate finally knelt down in front of her and held her head in his hands. “I didn’t say hello to you, did I, ole girl?” he said, giving her a kiss on the nose. “You are getting as gray as I am.”

  Martha returned the kiss and, satisfied, went back to her spot in the sun.

  Sarah came out and greeted her guests too. She’d grown fond of Noelle and gave her a warm hug. She then turned to Nate, and he took her hands and smiled at her. She leaned up and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. Sarah loved her husband’s oldest friend and had prayed without ceasing while she watched his heart break. And now, although she dearly missed Annie’s company, she was glad that Nate had found new happiness with Noelle.

  Initially, Sarah had been skeptical of the romance. She was very protective of Nate and didn’t want to see him endure any more heartache. But their relationship had unfolded gradually, and Sarah’s concerns had eased. Finally, two years after Annie’s passing, Nate announced that he and Noelle were getting married, and Samuel and Sarah had been very happy for them.

  The two couples stood chatting when Isaac appeared at the door.

  “Well, here he is!” Nate smiled. “Come on out and let’s see the college boy.”

  Isaac stepped out and shook Nate’s hand. “Hey, Uncle Nate,” he said, grinning. Then he turned and kissed Noelle on the cheek.

  “So, how’s Providence?” Nate asked. “Did you have a good year?” He glanced at Isaac’s attire: stone-colored shorts, white polo, and black canvas high-top sneakers. “Looks like that crazy art community didn’t have too much effect on you.” Isaac nodded with a smile, and Nate looked up and noticed that Asa was standing at the door. “And here’s the other troublemaker!”

  Asa couldn’t help but smile as he pushed open the door. He had showered and changed, too, and he had the same casual look as his brother except that his high-tops were white, and his polo was a faded cobalt blue that matched his eyes. He wore a Red Sox cap, which, when new, had been cream-colored with a navy visor and a deep red B; now it was frayed and faded, and even though he had a new cap, he always wore his old favorite.

  Asa politely greeted his parents’ friends just as his brother had, with a firm handshake and a kiss. He lightly brushed Noelle’s cheek with his lips and slowly breathed in her familiar fragrance. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw; he was becoming well versed in the art of concealment.

  “Look at these fine young men!” Nate exclaimed. “Sam, you homely old fellow, how did you manage to have such handsome sons?”

  “Thank goodness Sarah had something to do with it,” Samuel replied, smiling. “Isaac, how’d you like to fix our guests some drinks?” Then he added, “Please use a proper stirrer this time.” He turned to Nate. “You have to watch him—he has an unconventional way of stirring.”

  Nate nodded. “So, what’re you boys up to this summer?”

  Isaac answered as he made their drinks. “I’m going into town with Dad during the week to help out in the shop and hopefully learn a little bit about interior architecture.”

  Samuel shook his head and eyed his older son. “It’s not as innocent a plan as it sounds. As usual, there’s a woman involved.”

  Nate raised his eyebrows. “A college woman, I’m sure,” he said, winking at Isaac as he was handed his drink. Isaac just grinned. Nate then turned to Asa, who was leaning on the railing. “And how ’bout you, Asa? Any women—I mean work—in your summer plans?”

  Asa laughed and avoided looking at Noelle. “I’m working down at the coast guard station, repairing sills and painting.”

  Samuel shook his head again. “Don’t be fooled. His plans aren’t innocent either,” he teased. “He’ll have a bird’s-eye view of all the girls on the beach. That’s why he likes that job so much.”

  Asa just smiled and looked away. Both boys were accust
omed to the good-natured teasing by their father and Nate.

  “Well, Asa,” Nate said thoughtfully, “if you don’t get enough of that sort of work over at the coast guard station, I’m looking for someone reliable to repair a couple of sills and do some painting at the house. If you’re interested, let me know.”

  Asa nodded. Just then, Martha struggled to her feet and started barking again. Other guests were arriving, and Martha, who was the self-appointed head of the welcoming committee, was ready, tail wagging.

  By eight o’clock, Asa and Isaac had said good night to their parents’ friends. Earlier in the day, they had loaded Asa’s old Chevy pickup with driftwood and beach chairs. “Do we have everything?” Isaac asked as he put two coolers, one empty, the other full of ice, behind the tailgate.

  “No,” Asa said, and ran back up the stairs. He grabbed his notebook and pen and stuffed them into his shoulder bag before heading back down. He pushed open the screen door just as Noelle, with an empty bowl in one hand, reached to pull it open. He held the door for her, and they stepped back into the shadow of the kitchen.

  “Are you going out?” she asked with surprise.

  “For a little while ...” He paused and gave her a mischievous grin. “Want to come?”

  Noelle looked around. “Mmm ... I’d love to... .” Her eyes sparkled, and Asa stepped closer. “You aren’t making this easy,” she said quietly. “I thought you were going to help—”

  “I’m trying to help,” he said softly, “but there’s just something about you.”

  The sound of the screen door made them quickly step apart. Samuel and Nate came into the kitchen looking for the limes, and Nate gave Noelle a puzzled look.

  Samuel, seeing that Asa hadn’t left yet, repeated his warning. “Remember what I said.”

  “Yes, Dad,” Asa replied.

  “And let me know about that extra work,” Nate reminded him. “Don’t let your father tell you otherwise. I do pay on time.”

  Asa laughed. “I guess I could use the extra money. Dad keeps mumbling about having two tuitions.”