by Diane Leyne
“You’ve seen me?”
“You don’t think I just came home by accident. I knew something was up, and I installed a few nanny cams.”
He lay there silently, processing what she’d said.
When she realized he wasn’t going to answer, she ploughed on. “You need to see a specialist.”
“How can I go back to the VA now? Whatever’s going on inside my leg, the outside has healed too much to go back to those doctors without them getting suspicious. No human would have healed that quickly.”
She looked down at his leg and had to agree. A human would still have an angry red incision. His scar looked to be at least a year old.
“So you thought your shifter abilities would help you heal.”
“And they did. You see the scar.” Alex’s voice was defensive.
“But not on the inside.”
“No.” Her heart broke at the pain in that simple word. She moved the towel to cover up his hip and ass again.
“You can sit up now.”
Carefully he maneuvered himself back up into sitting position, and then he scooped up Otis, who had been hovering anxiously beside his friend.
“I want to check a few things out and do some X-rays, but there’s nothing I can do for you.” She watched him slump. “But I have a friend who I think can help you.”
Alex looked up at her. She could see hope warring with distrust in his eyes.
“Oliver McKay, he’s an orthopaedic surgeon whose sister is married to a wolf-shifter in Oregon. He’s the go-to guy for shifters on the West Coast with bone problems. Come by my office early tomorrow before my office hours. My first appointment is at ten, but my staff and volunteers will be in by nine. You need to get there by seven so we get you in and out before anyone gets there and wonders why I’m X-raying a human. I’ll also need to X-ray you in shifted form, and then I’ll send both sets of films to Oliver. I’ll also pull together a release that we can send the VA so they can also send Oliver your records.”
“You really think he can help me?”
“He’s the best.”
Alex looked at her and nodded before looking away.
“Promise me, Alex. Promise me you’ll be at my office by seven, and don’t try to lie to me or I will hunt you down and drag you in on a leash like Samantha did with Gabe.”
Alex held up his hands in mock protest. “Please, no leashes. I’ll be there. I promise.” He solemnly held out his hand, and she shook it.
It took her a moment to realize that he wasn’t moving because he had no clothes with him. He’d come over in wolf form and had to leave that way.
“Do you need a drive home?” she offered.
“No, I’ll be fine. A good run loosens out the hip after being human for so long. I’m not used to it anymore.”
“Fine.” She walked toward the stairs, pausing at the first step. “I mean it Alex. Don’t even think of running away. I’ll be really angry if I have to come after you, and I will, you know. And I’ll round up Gabe and his brothers, and I’ll get my brothers involved, and they’ll all come after you. Just give in gracefully on this, Alex.”
“I already promised.”
“I know you did. I just don’t want you to have second thoughts. If I have to, I’ll call your grandmother.”
Alex’s head snapped up, and he looked at her for the first time.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Not if you show up tomorrow at seven. Miss that appointment and I’ll fly Grandma Cindy up here to make your life miserable.”
“You would, wouldn’t you?”
“Try me.”
“You play dirty.”
“And you are a coward. Don’t think I can’t tell when you are lying. You weren’t going to come tomorrow. I can read you like a book. That’s why I always used to beat you at poker. To me, you’re an open book.”
“What kind of sadist threatens a man with his grandmother?” he muttered, reaching for the towel. “Fine. I’ll see you at seven. Happy now?”
“Great. And you can let yourself out.” Lena scurried up the stairs before he got naked again, satisfied now that he would indeed show up and that he knew she’d play dirty.
Chapter Seven
Alex watched Lena rush up the stairs before giving Otis a quick good-bye rub and then heading to the front door. He checked to make sure that there was no one around to notice a naked man emerging from Lena’s house. Then he closed the door behind him and unlatched the gate at the top of the steps that Lena used to keep Otis on the veranda.
Within a blink of an eye, he was a wolf dog again, stretching and then bounding down the steps. He’d been truthful with Lena. He did feel better in this form, but better was a relative term. His leg still hurt and he limped, but with four limbs, he could take the pressure of his bad leg.
Damn her. How dare she use my own grandmother to threaten me. Everyone was afraid of Grandma Cindy on the warpath, including me.
Which meant that he had to keep the appointment at Lena’s office. He thought of just leaving town for about ten seconds, but it was more a fantasy than real option. Between Gabe and his brothers, Lena’s brothers, and his own brothers, they’d track him down in a matter of hours and drag him back. It wouldn’t be pleasant or dignified. And Lena would probably get her revenge by calling in Grandma Cindy out of sheer spite.
Women.
* * * *
Alex avoided his brothers. They were still at Lupo’s when he got home, and he locked his bedroom door. He heard them come home around four because he was still awake, being able to do no more than doze as he waited for the sun to come up.
He’d had a good view of the waning moon from his window for a few hours and he’d let himself dream of what it would have been like if he’d gone through with the mating ceremony instead of re-upping in the army. He’d have been happier, that would be for sure, and he’d be intact. But Lena would have given up her dream of being a vet, and no matter how satisfying mating was, she would have always had an empty spot in her life filled with regret of what might have been.
He’d done the right thing, refusing to mate her then. He was convinced of it. His execution, though, was piss-poor. He’d admit that. He had never exactly been known for his subtlety or sensitivity. He made his decisions and carried them out. That made him a good leader in the military and a crappy Alpha. An Alpha was supposed to look after this brothers and his mate. He’d ruined all of their lives, and now he was home and a cripple and the woman he loved felt sorry for him. He’d seen her tears. As much as he wanted her, he wouldn’t settle for pity sex.
He laughed. Who was he kidding? He’d take whatever crumbs she would give him. He knew from his brothers that she had no other men in her life but them, and she didn’t let them get very close, “using” them for sex a few times a month. He’d let her use him, if she liked.
He rolled over and looked at the clock. Five a.m. It was still too early to get up, but a great time to think. Lena had called him a coward, and she was right. He’d almost shown himself in Lupo’s, but he’d really been looking for any excuse to leave without seeing anyone. He’d had great intentions and then suffered another panic attack. He’d covered it up with his brothers, but his heart had been beating so hard that he thought it might explode in his chest. Hearing that Lena was there gave him an easy excuse to leave, but he would have found another reason if she wasn’t there.
She was right. He was a coward. Well, no more, he decided. Tomorrow, he wouldn’t slink around. He’d drive up and park in front of Lena’s office. He’d carry his cane and walk in the front door. And when it was over he would walk out, head held high, and walk across the main square to Penelope’s Cafe and have breakfast on the patio and show that Alex James was back.
He really should go have breakfast at the cafe before meeting Lena. That would show her he was strong and back in command of himself, but he was afraid that if he did, something would happen and he’d feel overwhelmed and have another panic attack and
run away before seeing Lena and she’d never, ever forgive him. He was damned lucky she was even talking to him now.
Even worse, she’d make good on her threat and Grandma Cindy would come to town to look after him. He shivered in fear at the thought. If only they could have cloned the dear little old lady and a couple hundred Cindys overseas, the war would have been over in weeks. No one dared defy Cindy when she was on a rampage.
He looked at the clock. Five thirty. He might as well get up and have a shower. He laughed at himself when he realized that he was taken extra care shaving and had even put on aftershave. One would think he was on a date or something.
He looked at himself critically in the mirror. He’d lost about sixty pounds after the injury and what came before it. He’d regained maybe thirty pounds, but he knew he still had a ways to go. At least he didn’t need a haircut. He’d had one right before he came home. He’d looked like shit when he left the VA center, but he’d bunked at his buddy Luke’s place for a week, and Luke’s subs Zack and Serena had helped take care of him, particularly Serena, who had practically forced the food down this throat at first.
He’d stayed with them for almost three weeks, and they’d encouraged him to stay longer, but he knew he was cramping their style. They were in a Dominant/submissive relationship, and with him around they’d had to modify their behavior. He’d freaked out the second night when he’d heard Luke spanking Serena, and he’d rushed into the bedroom to rescue her before realizing that her cries were of pleasure, not fear.
It was only Zack tackling him that had prevented him from trying to pommel Luke. Afterward, he’d cried, and they’d tried to convince him to go back to the VA, but he refused. He had nightmares, too, apparently calling out Lena’s name in his sleep. He could see that Zack and Serena wanted to ask questions, but Luke was a vet, too, and he understood that Alex wasn’t ready to talk about what happened to him, so he restrained the others, but Alex could see the worry in his eyes.
They’d all tiptoed around him for a while, but he knew that he couldn’t stay there forever. He’d tried to leave earlier, but Luke insisted that he had to stay for at least a month, probably because he was worried Alex would do something stupid, but when he’d announced he was leaving at the end of the third week, he could see that they were all relieved even though they’d tried to hide it. Serena had taken him out for a haircut and to get some clothes to wear now that he’d begun to put the weight back on, and Zack and made him promise to call any time of the day or night if he needed them.
Luke had simply hugged him tight. “Go find your Lena. Nothing heals a man like love.”
* * * *
Even with his dawdling and stopping at a drive-through, it was only six forty when he pulled up into one of the clinic parking spots. He was surprised to see Lena’s SUV already there. He should have realized that she had to get there early to get things ready for him.
He tried the door, and it was locked. Lena must have been nearby because she heard his knock and came right away to let him in.
She ushered him into a chair in the waiting room.
“I’m almost ready.” She thrust a clipboard into his hands. “Fill out these forms and then sign the release so we can get your records from the VA. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She bustled out again, having barely looked at him. He tried not to be disappointed that she hadn’t stopped to chat or ask how he was or anything. She was his doctor, or wolf-dog-shifter-him’s doctor. She was at her place of business and had to be professional, but he still wished she’d smiled at him.
He tried to concentrate on the forms, but his stomach was churning. The coffee and muffin had been a mistake. He thought he might throw up. He felt hot. He felt cold. His leg ached. His dick was hard just from seeing her in her crisp white medical coat. How warped was that. He’d learned to hate and fear doctors, but seeing her dressed for work turned him on. Maybe they’d turned him into a masochist? Doctors caused him pain, even the good ones.
He rubbed his leg and finished the forms. He didn’t really want to sign the VA one. He’d hoped there was a spot where he could specify which of his records they’d send, but it seemed to be an all or nothing proposition, and if there was even a chance that this new doctor could help him, what choice did he have? He signed it, all the while trying to keep control over his heaving insides.
He thought he could handle Lena’s office. It was a vet’s office, not a doctor’s office. And it was Lena’s. And he had visited before without puking. When he’d visited Otis, his late-night rambling had been confined to the office to snoop on her computer and the room where the animals staying overnight were housed. He hadn’t gone into any of the exam rooms. He had opened the door to one by accident when he’d been looking for Otis but had quickly closed the door before the sensation of nausea had overwhelmed him.
But now he was going to have to go into one of the exam rooms, and she was going to X-ray him in human and wolf-dog form. It was just an X-ray. He kept repeating that mantra to himself over and over, but it wasn’t working.
Just then, Lena swept back into the waiting room. He could smell the disinfectant odor wafting from the exam area.
“Sorry I don’t have a proper hospital gown, but most of my patients aren’t all that modest. I did find this throw. If you can go into the bathroom and change out of your clothes and wrap this around you, I’ll be ready for you shortly.” She looked down at the clipboard. “All done? Great. I’ll take it with me and have a quick read before I bring you back.”
And then she was gone again, and he got another whiff of that distinctive medical aroma, and it was almost too much for him to take. He felt himself losing the battle. He leaned down and put his head between his knees, but it didn’t help. He looked around wildly trying to spot the washroom she’d mentioned, but in his alarm couldn’t seem to concentrate.
He stood up and stumbled into an end table, knocking some magazines to the floor. He couldn’t control it any more and dropped to his knees, retching. He didn’t hear the door open, but suddenly Lena was at his side, her arm around him, her voice soothing. When there was a pause in his heaving, she helped him to his feet and led him to the nearby door he’d missed in his panic. It was a unisex washroom with a toilet and a sink. It was on the large side to accommodate any wheelchair visitors, so there was room enough for the both of them.
She’d helped him over to the toilet as his retching started again and then put a cold compress on the back of his neck until he’d stopped. While he’d composed himself, she’d cleaned up his vomit in the waiting room. He sat on the closed toilet seat dreading her return. He was supposed to be an Alpha, the oldest male of the current generation of his bloodline. Instead he was as helpless as a pup and the woman who should have been his woman was looking after him instead of him looking after her. She’d never be able to see him as a potential mate after this.
Thoughts of fleeing raced through his mind, but he quickly pushed them away. He’d been cowardly long enough. He was going to face Lena and his brothers and the town. He just had to get through a session in a medical office. Between the VA hospital in the States and especially the facility over there, he’d been conditioned to fear all things medical.
When he realized that his hands had started shaking, he threaded his fingers together to steady them, took a deep breath, leaned back, and closed his eyes. Maybe some of that self-hypnosis shit that Luke had talked about could help. Couldn’t hurt.
He started when he heard the door open. It was Lena. She’d taken off her doctor’s coat. He felt himself flushing. He’d probably gotten puke all over it.
“Sorry to take so long. I cleaned up a bit.” She smiled at him. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay, I guess. I should have told you I don’t do well at medical offices.”
“Ya think?” Her tone was teasing. “But weren’t you here before visiting Otis?”
“I was,” he admitted. “But I kept the lights off everywhere but t
he room with Otis. I avoided the exam rooms. I thought I could handle it, but the sight and smells, especially the smells, everything came rushing back to me, and I lost it.”
When she returned, she’d offered him a mild sedative to calm his nerves, but he’d turned it down, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to shift when he needed to.
“What about a blindfold and something to block your sense of smell temporarily?”
His initial reaction had been to say “no,” but then he thought about it. Maybe if he couldn’t see the medical equipment or smell the disinfectant?
“Can’t hurt. And maybe earplugs, too?” In for a penny, in for a pound. She couldn’t possibly think he was a bigger wimp, so he was going to let her block as much out as her could.
She came back a few minutes later carrying her supplies.
“You’d better get undressed before we get started.” She handed him a large throw that he guess was usually used for the larger dogs. “Let me know when you are ready. I’ll be waiting outside.”
Alex didn’t let himself dwell on the fact that she’d seen him naked tons on times including yesterday afternoon. He just stripped quickly and then, from military habit, folded his clothes neatly and placed them on the counter. Then he wrapped the throw around his torso and sat back down before calling out to her.
The door opened immediately. She looked approvingly at the tidy pile of clothing before handing him a jar of Vicks VapoRub. He took a big helping and rubbed in under each nostril and just inside and then took a deep breath. He couldn’t smell anything but the Vicks. He gave her a thumbs-up.
Next she handed him a couple of foam rubber earplugs. She held his hand to stop him when he went to insert them.
“Alex, those won’t completely block out sound, but they should take care of some of it. I’ll try to speak loudly, but mostly I’ll direct you by touch since you also won’t be able to see me. Are you sure this is what you want?”