Secrets and Solace

by Jana Richards

  “You’re nothing like him.” She held his hand between the two of hers. “You’ve got a beautiful heart, too. You couldn’t be the father you are to Tessa if you didn’t. You couldn’t say the sweet things to me that you do, couldn’t treat me with such tenderness the way you do, if your heart wasn’t so completely beautiful.”

  He stared at her, his heart pounding in his chest. Maybe they could make it work. Maybe they could beat the odds. For her, he wanted to be the best man he could be. He could no longer imagine his life without her in it.

  Did that mean he was in love with her? Or had the candlelight gone to his head tonight?

  She touched his cheek. “Why don’t we get out of here? I’ve got plans for you, remember?”

  “I remember.”

  The time it took to settle their bill and drive back to the condo gave Cam the opportunity to think. He cared about Scarlet, and he liked her, a lot. But love? He wasn’t sure he was capable of the kind of love she deserved.

  It was selfish, he knew, but he had to stick to his game plan. He’d take whatever Scarlet was willing to give in the next few weeks. And when the time came, he’d let her go. As long as he was in control, he couldn’t get hurt.

  He ignored the gut feeling that said he was kidding himself.

  They arrived at the lab the next morning, a full twenty minutes before his scheduled appointment at nine a.m. Cam had woken early, too anxious about the results of the DNA test to sleep. He’d woken Scarlet with a kiss and made love to her before the sun had fully risen. Waking with her beside him, warm and sweet smelling, had eased some of the tension.

  But now, as they sat in the waiting room, the tension began to build again. If they discovered Tessa had been fathered by someone else, he’d have a few legal options, but they were far from a sure thing. Fear churned in his gut. He couldn’t give up his child. No one could love her, care for her, the way he did.

  Scarlet put her hand on his knee, stopping him from bobbing it up and down. “Slow down, Cameron. It’s going to be all right.”

  He hadn’t realized what he was doing. Nerves were getting the best of him. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. They said the procedure is painless, didn’t they?”

  “It’s not that. What if she’s not mine?”

  She squeezed his hand. “She is. I can feel it.”

  “You keep saying that. I wish I could believe it.”

  “You told me once that no matter what any tests say, she’s your baby. She’ll always be your baby. Nothing will change that.”

  Cam rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. His boots were scuffed and dusty, and he wondered when he’d last polished them. His memory flashed to Tessa wearing her tutu and trying to walk in his boots, the tops up to her thighs. They’d both laughed when she tripped and landed on the living room floor in a heap of tulle.

  “No, nothing will change that.”

  Nothing would ever change his love for Tessa, but everything could change about their relationship. Laura wanted Tessa to call her new boyfriend Daddy. The idea made his gut twist. Would he know she didn’t like apples but loved oranges? Would he read to her before bed each night so she was able to sleep?

  A woman in white scrubs appeared at the door of the waiting room. “Mr. Hainstock? We’re ready for you now.”

  Scarlet squeezed his hand one last time and Cam got to his feet. After a thorough check of his identification, they were ready to start. As promised, the procedure lasted only a few seconds and was completely painless. He watched as the technician dropped the swab used to brush the inside of his cheek into a container already marked with his name. She twisted the lid shut.

  “We’ll seal your sample in a tamper-evident package. When it arrives at the laboratory in California, the staff there will check to see if the package seal is intact. If it is, your DNA samples will be compared to Tessa’s. We make every effort to ensure all the evidence arrives at the lab without being tampered with in any way,” she said.

  Cam nodded and thanked her for her help. When he returned to the waiting area, Scarlet jumped to her feet, appearing anxious. She tried to hide her tension with a smile, but she wasn’t fooling him. She was as worried about Tessa’s future as he was.

  “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”

  He grasped her hand and they walked out into the September sunshine. The changing color of the leaves reminded him that their time together was growing ever shorter.

  “Would you like to stop somewhere and grab some breakfast?” she asked. “You didn’t eat anything this morning.”

  Cam didn’t think he could keep anything down. “No, I think I’d like to get home. Unless you’d like to eat?”

  “No, I’m fine.” She threaded her arm through his. “Let’s go home.”

  Though they said very little on the two-hour drive back to the lodge, Scarlet touched his arm or his thigh every once in a while. She smiled each time he turned to look at her, as if she’d been reading his mind, attuned to his every thought.

  He didn’t want this time with her to be over. As they approached Minnewasta, he was suddenly seized with a need for her that was so strong he nearly stopped his truck on the side of the road to reach for her. Instead, he gripped the steering wheel and made himself drive on.

  “What do you say we play hooky from work today?” Scarlet said.

  “I don’t know. We both have a lot to do.”

  She waved her hand as if waving away his concerns. “The world can get by without us for one day. Why don’t we spend the day at your place? In bed.”

  He slid her a sidelong glance. She appeared perfectly calm and composed. Somehow, she’d known how much he needed her.

  He wasn’t a fool. As long as she was in Minnesota, he’d take anything she cared to offer. At the next intersection, Cam turned toward his place. “That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Scarlet added some work-in-progress pictures of the lodge to the website and to the Facebook page. The lodge’s social media was steadily gaining followers. Many of them were locals who were curious about the progress of the project and whether the lodge really could succeed, but an increasing number of views were coming from out of state. She hoped that interest would translate into bookings once the lodge reopened.

  Once the lodge reopened. By the time that happened, she’d be back in Chicago. What if Cameron asked her to stay? What would she do?

  There was no point pretending, especially to herself. If Cameron asked her to stay, then she’d stay. Even if he said nothing about marriage or made any promises about the rest of their lives together, she wouldn’t leave him. Not if he wanted her.

  The irony of the situation made her smile. For the first time, she’d found someone she wouldn’t, couldn’t, run away from, and he might be the one doing the running. Nothing could be settled between them until the situation with Tessa was resolved. Unease made her shiver. If the DNA test proved Cameron wasn’t her father, he’d be devastated, especially if it meant he could no longer see her.

  She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, one hand over her stomach to stop the ache. Cameron had to be Tessa’s father.

  A week had passed since he’d given his DNA sample. They hadn’t talked about it, but she knew they were both on tenterhooks as they waited for the results. She was trying to be patient, but the interminable wait was killing her. Worse, it was killing Cameron. There was a sort of desperation in his lovemaking that had increased as the week wore on. Though they’d talked about all the secrets of their pasts, about things Scarlet thought she’d never be able to talk about outside her therapist’s office, somehow neither of them could bring themselves to talk about what would happen if Tessa was no longer in their lives.

  The sound of a car driving into Cameron’s yard diverted her attention away from her disquieting thoughts. When she went to the window of the office, she saw Harper’s truck come to a stop in the sid
e yard. Harper and Maggie got out of the cab, her younger sister carrying a basket. Scarlet went to the front door to greet them.

  “What are you guys doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be serving coffee at the worksite?”

  “Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned the guys. We left drinks and cookies at the site. We wanted to see you,” Harper said.

  “I saw you at lunch.”

  “It’s not the same,” Maggie said, setting her basket on the kitchen table and taking out a container of cookies. “The men are there, and we don’t have a chance to really talk.”

  Scarlet nodded. Since she’d been staying with Cameron at his place, and having only the occasional meal with her sisters, there hadn’t been much opportunity to share her feelings with them.

  “Would you like tea?”

  Harper smiled. “We’d love some.”

  Once the tea was made, Scarlet poured them each a cup. Harper lifted hers to her lips and took a small sip before asking, “How’s Cameron coping, really? Every time we ask him, he says he’s fine, that he’s taking one day at a time. But we’re worried about him.”

  “So am I,” Scarlet confessed. “He doesn’t talk to me either, but I know he’s worried. He doesn’t sleep much. I hear him wandering around the house like a ghost in the middle of the night. The other night I woke up at three in the morning to an empty bed. When I went to look for him, he was asleep in Tessa’s room.” Seeing him sleeping in Tessa’s tiny bed had nearly broken her heart.

  “He loves that little girl so much,” Maggie said. “I can’t imagine how scary it is for him to know he could lose her.”

  “Cameron’s devoted to Tessa.”

  Harper reached across the table to grasp her hand. “And what about you? You spent a lot of time with Tessa over the summer, and I know you two are close. How are you dealing with all this?”

  Scarlet’s blinked back tears. Trust Harper to see right through her.

  “I keep thinking about how she must feel, so far away in California. I worry that she’s scared and lonely, and I’m afraid Laura’s not looking after her properly. I’m worried about what she’s telling Tessa about Cameron. The last time Laura allowed her to talk to him on the phone, she told him her mom wants her to call her boyfriend Daddy. She was confused and scared. She asked Cameron when she can come home.” Scarlet’s throat burned. “I’m afraid for her.”

  Harper came around the table to sit beside her. She rubbed her back while Maggie leaned her head against her shoulder, both silently lending comfort and letting her know they were on her side.

  “You love Tessa, too, honey. You might as well acknowledge it,” Harper said.

  Scarlet nodded and dabbed at her eyes. It was true. She loved Tessa as if she were her own child. She’d be devastated if she were no longer in her life.

  “Please don’t tell Cameron I’m upset. He’s got enough to deal with without worrying about my feelings.”

  Maggie stroked her hair. “You’re trying so hard to be brave for him. Who’s going to be brave for you?”

  “We will,” Harper said decisively. “You don’t have to be brave because we’ll be brave for you.”

  Tears filled her eyes as she put her arms around Harper. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, honey.” Harper hugged her a little tighter. “I know you love Cam, and want the best for him, the same way we want the best for you.”

  Scarlet leaned back to look into her sister’s face. She supposed it was obvious to anyone who knew her as well as Harper and Maggie did that she was in love with Cameron. She couldn’t even pretend to hide it.

  “For the record,” Maggie said, laying her hand on her shoulder. “I think he loves you, too.”

  She turned to smile at her. She hoped Maggie was right. And she hoped that whatever Cameron felt for her, it was strong enough to weather the storms that were coming their way.

  Cam’s phone rang while he was up on a stepladder, nailing strips of pine to the ceiling of the front porch of one of the cottages. When he saw Erin Cochrane’s law office calling, a cold bead of sweat broke out on his brow. This was it.

  His hand shook as he answered the call. “Hello?”

  “Hello, Cam?”

  “Yes, it’s Cam. Do you have some news for me, Erin?”

  The lawyer cleared her throat before continuing. “I do, but it’s not good. I’m sorry, Cam, but the DNA test proves conclusively that you are not Tessa’s father.”

  A loud buzzing filled his ears and he swayed, nearly losing his balance on the ladder. He thought he’d prepared himself for this possibility, but he was wrong. Shockwaves screamed through his system.

  I need a drink. Just one drink.

  Erin continued. “I haven’t given up. We’re immediately filing a motion with the court to name you a de facto parent. The courts have granted visitation rights in situations where the adult has had such a close relationship with the child that the child treats them as if they were their parent. That’s certainly been the case with you and Tessa. We may not be able to get a shared custody arrangement, but we’ll do our best to find a way for you to have some kind of access to Tessa. And I’ve engaged a private investigator to dig into Laura’s activities.”

  There was no point. He appreciated the effort, but they both knew it was hopeless. Why prolong the agony?

  He had to end the call. “Thanks for calling, Erin. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  “I’ll be in touch if I have any more news.”

  “Thank you.” He quickly turned off the phone and rested his forehead against one of rungs as a wave of dizziness overcame him. When it passed, he climbed down the ladder and staggered to the stairs of the cottage, gripping the handrail for support. Charlie was walking toward him carrying a load of pine boards for the ceiling. He hastily dropped the boards and helped Cam down the stairs.

  “You don’t look so good, boss. Do you want me to call Ethan?”

  “No. It’s just a bug. I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Charlie didn’t look convinced. “You want me to drive you home?”

  “Thanks, no. I’ll be fine.”

  Cam walked to his truck, concentrating on keeping one foot in front of the other and staying upright. When he reached the truck, he climbed inside the cab and turned the ignition.

  I need a drink.

  He tried to fight the feeling, but he simply didn’t have the strength anymore. What did it matter now that Tessa was gone?

  Scarlet matters. She needs you to be sober.

  Cam bent over the steering wheel. Scarlet. The news about Tessa would kill her. He couldn’t tell her right now. He couldn’t bear to see the pain in her eyes, couldn’t face her tears. If she held back her tears, he couldn’t stand her trying to be brave for him.

  He just couldn’t.

  He put the truck into gear and pulled away from the cottages, breathing a sigh of relief when he reached the highway. All he wanted was to drive, to put some distance between him and the devastating news he’d been handed. But he could drive to the ends of the earth and still know he was no longer Tessa’s father.

  But there were ways to forget.

  When Scarlet pulled up in front of Maggie’s cottage late that afternoon, the first thing she noticed was that Cameron’s truck was missing. He usually left it next to the cottage during the day and drove it back to his house after dinner. A feeling of foreboding lodged in her stomach. Something was wrong.

  Ethan turned to her the minute she walked through the door. “Is Cam with you?”

  “No, I haven’t seen him since this morning. What’s happened?”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “Charlie said he went home sick shortly after lunch. He didn’t show up?”

  “No, I’ve been at the house all day. I haven’t heard from him.”

  “I didn’t think anything of it when Charlie told me Cam went home sick, but I just got a call from Lydia,” Ethan continued. “Cam’s lawyer called her wit
h the results of the DNA test. Erin said she called Cam right after lunch to tell him the DNA says he’s not Tessa’s father.”

  Scarlet leaned against the nearest chair, her legs threatening to buckle. “Dear God.”

  “And now Cam’s missing. I tried to call him, but his phone is off.”

  “What do we do?”

  “We have to look for him. We have to find him before—”

  Ethan stopped talking and turned his head. Harper put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest.

  Scarlet finished for him. “Before he starts drinking again.”

  Three years of sobriety. He’d quit to be a better father to Tessa. But now that she’d been taken away from him…Scarlet closed her eyes against the pain. She’d deal with Tessa’s loss later. Right now, she had to concentrate on Cameron.

  The ringing of Ethan’s phone made Scarlet jump. He checked the caller ID and quickly answered. “Reese. What’s going on?”

  Ethan listened silently for a moment before he spoke again. “Scarlet and Harper and Maggie are with me at Maggie’s cottage. I’m going to put you on speakerphone. Say again what you told me.”

  Reese’s voice crackled through the airwaves. “Cam called and asked me to pick him up at a roadhouse outside of Brainerd. He’s been drinking. I’m on my way there right now.”

  Scarlet covered her mouth to stifle a cry. Ethan put his arm around Harper, his face full of misery. He filled Reese in on the situation with Tessa.

  “Why did he call you instead of me? I’m his brother. Why wouldn’t he trust me?”

  “I guess because he knows I’m an alcoholic, too. He knows I’ve been where he is now.”

  Ethan sighed, resigned. “What can we do?”