Secrets and Solace

by Jana Richards

  It was never going to happen. But at least Tessa was coming home to be with Cameron. She was confident that this time the DNA tests would prove he was her father. She was so happy for him.

  She only wished she could be part of their lives.

  She’d barely slept, her emotions too jumbled to allow any rest. She was thrilled to be seeing Tessa again, but sad that their time together would be short. With the wedding guests leaving later in the day, most of them after breakfast, there was no reason for her to stay any longer.

  Except that everyone she loved was here.

  The weather cooperated for the second day in a row with bright cloudless skies. Light streamed into the dining room as guests helped themselves to the breakfast buffet that Maggie and the others had set up. Maggie manned the omelet station while Cameron, Harper and Ethan made sure the trays of food on the buffet table were kept filled. Scarlet started another urn of coffee and walked around the dining room refilling cups and making sure everyone had everything they needed. She was refilling her coffeepot at the urn when a tingle skittered down her spine. She sensed Cameron’s presence even before he spoke.

  “Hey. How are you doing this morning?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.” She turned to him with her best smile. “The question should be, how are you doing the morning? Are you excited to see Tessa?”

  “More than excited. I can’t believe she’s coming home. I thought I’d never see her again.”

  “I’m really happy for you, Cameron, and especially for Tessa. Nobody loves her like you do. You’ll give her a stable, loving home.”

  His gaze was warm with gratitude. “Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”

  She looked away, afraid she’d fall into the dark depths of his eyes and never surface again. “When do you leave for Minneapolis?”

  He looked at his watch. “In about an hour. I spoke to Tessa last night, and I promised her I’d bring her favorite stuffed bear to the airport with me. It’s in the truck. I spent last night unpacking all the things I’d packed up a couple of weeks ago. I never did get the courage to send them to her in California.”

  “I hope this experience hasn’t been too traumatic for her.”

  “Me, too. As soon as the tests prove I’m her father, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure I get sole custody so Laura can never pull a stunt like this again.”

  “The courts are crazy if they don’t give you custody.”

  “Thanks. I think so, too.” His expression sobered. “Scarlet, about what you said to me a couple of weeks ago. I’m sorry I didn’t let you help me clean out Tessa’s room, and I’m sorry I didn’t let you grieve. I realize now you needed to mourn Tessa’s loss as much as I did. I was so tied up in my own grief I couldn’t recognize yours or anyone else’s. I’m sorry.”

  She fiddled with the lid of her coffeepot, unable to meet his eyes. “I understand, really I do. Losing Tessa was such a blow.” She forced herself to stand straighter. “But it’s over now. You can concentrate on being her dad.”

  “Yeah.”

  She picked up the coffeepot and offered him another bright smile. “I’d better get back out there. Please tell Tessa I’m glad she’s home.”

  “You can tell her yourself. I’m going to bring her back here to the lodge.”

  “Oh.” As much as she wanted to see her, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to hold it together when she did. “That’s wonderful.”

  “Scarlet.” He touched her free hand, his voice barely a whisper. “I’ve missed you.”

  She pulled her hand away. “Please don’t say that.”

  “Why not? It’s how I feel.”

  A sudden epiphany struck her. She needed someone who was in it for the long haul. Someone who would stand beside her in good times and in bad. She’d finally figured out that she didn’t want to run anymore, and she needed someone who felt the same way. She needed someone who needed her.

  She turned to face him. “When we thought Tessa was gone, I wanted to stand beside you, but you wouldn’t let me. When things go bad in the future, will you cut me loose again? I can’t play that game, Cameron.”

  She walked away, making sure her smile was firmly in place. None of their guests would ever guess her heart had splintered to pieces. Again.

  Cam arrived at the Minneapolis airport about fifteen minutes before Tessa’s flight was scheduled to arrive. When the arrivals board flashed a notice saying her plane would be delayed by thirty minutes, he nearly put his fist through a wall. Instead, he concentrated on breathing deeply to calm himself. Then he went to one of the airport shops to buy Tessa another stuffie, a gopher with a bandanna around his neck proclaiming “I love Minnesota.” It wasn’t much, but at least the shopping had killed some time.

  He passed an airport bar and for one wild moment, considered going inside. For a glass of coke, he told himself. To pass the time.

  Then, he thought about Tessa and how much she needed him, especially today. He’d spend the rest of his life battling the beast, one day at a time. With help from friends and family, he’d do it. He had to.

  He turned around and walked away from the bar.

  Finally, Tessa’s plane landed. Cam paced at the bottom of a set of stairs, anxious for the doors to open and the passengers to disembark. A few people began trickling out, their suits indicating they were in Minneapolis on business. Then the doors slid open and he saw her, holding the hand of a female flight attendant. They walked down the stairs and he could see Tessa scanning the crowd. When she caught sight of him, she shouted, her free arm waving madly.

  “Daddy, Daddy! I’m here!”

  She practically dragged the flight attendant the rest of the way down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she let go of the attendant’s hand and pushed past the barrier that prevented him from coming to her. He got down on one knee and she ran into his arms.

  “Daddy, I missed you so much.” Tessa’s small arms clasped him tightly around his neck, as if she was afraid to let go. “I didn’t like California.”

  “I missed you, too, baby.” He held her close and breathed her in. Thank God. “I missed you like crazy.”

  The flight attendant came to stand next to them and gave Cam a polite smile. “It’s pretty obvious you’re Tessa’s father, but I’m required to see some ID.”

  “Of course.” Cam rose to his feet, Tessa clinging to his leg, and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He slid his driver’s license out of the plastic pocket and showed it to her.

  She examined it, and then him, and smiled again. “Thank you, Mr. Hainstock. I’m happy you two have been reunited. Tessa talked about you the whole flight.”

  Cam extended his hand. “Thank you for looking after her. Her safe arrival means the world to me.”

  “It was no trouble. She was an angel. Best of luck to you both. Goodbye, Tessa.”

  “Bye, Patty!”

  Cam picked Tessa up and nestled her into the crook of his arm. “Are you ready to go home?”

  “Yes!”

  “I was thinking we’d go to the lodge first so you can say hi to Uncle Ethan and Auntie Harper. They really want to see you. Would that be okay?”

  She nodded solemnly. “Uh-huh. Will Scarlet be there, too?”

  “Yeah, she’s there. Did you want to see her?”

  Tessa nodded again. “I missed her a lot.”

  He didn’t have the heart to tell his daughter that Scarlet’s stay at the lodge would be short. Or that he’d blown any chance of a future with her. “Let’s go home, pumpkin.”

  She placed her small hand against his cheek. “I love you, Daddy.”

  Cam said a silent prayer of thanks as smiled into his daughter’s eyes. “I love you, too, baby. To the moon and back.”

  “To the moon and back,” she repeated.

  They collected Tessa’s luggage and then headed to his truck. All the way home, she talked about Scarlet and the things they’d done over the summer. Despite Tessa’s happy ch
atter and the songs they sang together, Cam’s heart grew heavier with every mile. It was so unfair that Scarlet was leaving at the same time Tessa was coming home.

  He couldn’t blame her. She needed someone steady in her life, and he’d cut and run. But he’d done it for her. If he succumbed to alcoholism again, he didn’t want to drag her down with him. He’d had no choice but to end their relationship. Aside from giving up booze, it was the toughest thing he’d ever had to do.

  When they arrived at the lodge, Cam parked outside the front doors. The parking lot was empty, and he presumed all the wedding guests had gone home. By the time he unbuckled Tessa from her booster chair and set her on her feet, everyone was out on the front step. Tessa spied Scarlet and, with a small cry, ran to her. Scarlet opened her arms and gathered her close.

  “I love you, Scarlet,” Tessa said. “I missed you so much.”

  Scarlet kissed her hair. “I love you, too.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I thought about you the whole time you were gone.”

  “Did you go for walks on the beach when I was away?”

  “No, not once. It wouldn’t have been any fun without you.”

  Tessa pushed Scarlet’s hair from her forehead to look into her face. “Can we do that tomorrow?”

  Scarlet’s gaze collided with his over Tessa’s shoulder. He knew she couldn’t promise her anything. She let go of Tessa and straightened to her full height, her smile wobbly. “It’s a little too cold now for walks on the beach. Why don’t you say hi to Ethan and Harper and Maggie? They’ve been dying to see you.”

  Tessa happily complied. While the others made a huge fuss over her, Scarlet stood to one side and watched. Though she put on a brave face, Cam knew her well enough to realize she was holding back tears. Tears of joy, or tears of regret? Whichever they were, he hated to see her cry.

  Maggie smoothed Tessa’s hair as Ethan held her. “I made your favorite for supper, spaghetti and meatballs. And chocolate pudding for dessert. Are you hungry?”

  “Yes!”

  Maggie laughed. “Good! Let’s all go inside and sit down together.”

  He and Scarlet followed the others into the lodge’s dining room.

  “Are you okay?” he whispered.

  She blinked at him, hastily wiping an errant tear with her hand. “Yes, of course. Just emotional over Tessa’s return.”

  He nodded. Her attachment to Tessa, and Tessa’s to her, had been far stronger than he’d realized. He was afraid of Tessa’s reaction when she found out Scarlet would soon be leaving. And, he realized, he was afraid for Scarlet, too.

  One of the dining room tables was already set for dinner. Maggie and Harper brought the food from the kitchen and they all dug in. The conversation centered on all the fun everyone was going to have at the lodge over the winter. No one wanted to remind Tessa of her time in California or her mother, though she didn’t seem to be missing Laura at all from what Cam could see.

  “This winter we’ll go skating, Tessa,” Harper said. “When we were kids, Grampa used to shovel off the snow on a piece of the lake so we could skate. It was such fun, especially when he cleared off a really big piece and I could feel like I was flying down the ice. Do you remember, Scarlet?”

  “Yes, of course. It was fun.” She smiled, but she looked anything but happy.

  “Will you teach me how to skate, Scarlet?” Tessa asked, a meatball stabbed on the end of her fork.

  “Tessa, I’m sorry but I won’t be here over the winter. Remember I told you that I live in Chicago, and that I was only here at the lodge to help out for a few months?”

  Tessa’s face fell and she set her fork on the plate, her meatball abandoned. “Yes, I remember.”

  “It’s time for me to go. But I’m very glad I had a chance to see you before I left.”

  “Can’t you stay?”

  “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t. I have a job I need to get back to. They miss me.” Scarlet paused as if searching for reasons why she had to leave. “And I miss my friends.”

  “But I’ll miss you! I missed you the whole time I was away. You have to stay.”

  Scarlet’s careful façade began to crumble. “I’m sorry, Tessa. I have to go.”

  “No!” She jumped out of her chair. “Don’t go!”

  When she ran to Scarlet and threw her arms around her, Cam’s heart ached for his two girls. Scarlet wore a stricken expression and her lip trembled. She pulled Tessa onto her lap and gathered her close.

  “Honey, sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to, and we have to be brave and do the best we can. Even though we won’t be together, you’ll always live in my heart, and I’ll live in yours. You can think about the fun things we did over the summer whenever you want to.”

  “It’s not the same!” Tessa cried.

  She smoothed her hair. “No, baby, it’s not. But I want you to know I’m going to think about you a lot. I’ll never forget you.”

  Her last words were barely a whisper. When his gaze met hers, her stark pain broke his heart.

  And then anger filled him. She didn’t have to go. They could be together…

  No. She was right. She needed someone who was in it for the long haul and that wasn’t him. He couldn’t promise her anything, least of all his continued sobriety. His anger dissipated.

  But selfishly, he wanted her to stay.

  Tessa’s sobs gradually subsided into soft hiccups. Harper brought both her and Scarlet tissues and helped Tessa blow her nose and wipe her eyes. When she was done, Harper held out her arms to her. “Tessa honey, come with me into the kitchen. We can help Maggie bring in the dessert.”

  Tessa reluctantly gave up her hold on Scarlet and allowed Harper to lift her into her arms. She laid her cheek against Harper shoulder’s and clung to her.

  “Ethan, why don’t you come into the kitchen and help us?” Harper said.

  He nodded and followed them out of the dining room, leaving Cam alone with Scarlet.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset Tessa like that on her first night home.”

  “It’s not your fault. She’s grown very attached to you.”

  “Yes.” She swallowed. “I think it’s best if I leave right away, first thing in the morning. There’s no point delaying my departure if it upsets Tessa every time I see her.”

  No, not so soon! “I suppose that’s for the best.”

  “Yes, I suppose.” She didn’t sound convinced. “Will you tell her, or do you want me to talk to her this evening?”

  “I’ll tell her tomorrow. I think she already understands that you have to leave. There’s no point upsetting her even more tonight.”

  She got to her feet and stared in the direction of the kitchen, wringing the tissue between her hands. “Maybe I should leave now, before she comes back. I couldn’t bear to make her cry again.”

  Cam stood and faced her. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll take her home as soon as dessert’s over. She’s had a big day, and she needs some sleep.”

  “Yes, poor little angel.” Scarlet’s lip trembled again. “I hope she feels better in the morning.”

  “Scarlet.”

  He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. Her body molded perfectly against his in the way he remembered. He tightened his hold as he inhaled her sweet scent and let the silky texture of her hair caress his cheek. Her arms came around his waist, holding him as if she didn’t want to let him go. Cam closed his eyes and swallowed hard, afraid this might be the last time he touched her.

  When she pushed gently against his chest, Cam dropped his arms and let her go. He wished he could take away her pain, he wished things were different between them. He wished…

  Wishing did no good. He had to deal with reality in the here and now. And his reality was that Scarlet was moving far away.

  He blinked back tears. “I’m going to miss you, Scarlet.”

  “I’ll miss you, too,” she whispered.

  Tessa ran int
o the dining room, her previous upset seemingly forgotten. “Daddy, Maggie let me make the whipped cream! We’re going to put it on the chocolate pudding she made!”

  “Sounds delicious, pumpkin.” Cam marveled at her resilience. After everything she’d been through, she was still a happy child. But he didn’t want to push his luck with more bad news for her.

  None of them could handle any more bad news tonight. Especially Scarlet. She’d turned away to compose herself when Tessa ran into the room. Though she was smiling now, Cam knew it was a thin veneer.

  “Maggie showed me how to make it. Can we make chocolate pudding at home sometime, Daddy?”

  Cam smiled at Maggie, grateful that she and the others had been able to distract her. “Maggie will have to show me how and then we can try it.”

  “Anytime,” Maggie said.

  She set a tray with six tall parfait glasses on the table and handed them around. The glasses were filled with creamy pudding and topped with a generous dollop of whipped cream covered with bits of shaved chocolate. He was sure Maggie’s pudding was delicious, but he had no appetite for it.

  But for Tessa, he’d fake it.

  He stuck his spoon in the pudding. He was right; the pudding was chocolatey and creamy and complete delectable, but he couldn’t eat more than a few spoonfuls. Tessa couldn’t eat much either. After her first few enthusiastic spoonfuls, she’d slowed down and was now only eating a bit of the whipped cream. She looked suddenly very tired and worn out.

  “I’m full, Daddy.”

  “Tessa, how about I put your pudding in a container and you can take it home with you?”

  “Okay, Maggie.”

  Maggie kissed her head and taking her parfait glass, retreated to the kitchen. Cam took that as his cue to leave.

  “Come on, Tessa. Let’s get you home.”

  She said nothing as he helped her into her jacket and fastened the string of the hood under her chin. Then, she looked at Scarlet. “Goodbye Scarlet. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Her voice wobbled.

  Maggie handed him a plastic container filled with Tessa’s pudding. He kissed her and Harper goodnight and shook hands with a solemn-faced Ethan. Cam imagined the look on his brother’s face mirrored his own.