Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  I kept glancing across at him and I hated myself for being so interested. He was obviously a bad boy and I couldn’t trust myself around him. I shouldn’t let him affect me, but my pulse raced, my hands were moist and I hated knowing my body was responding to him. I was attracted to him in a crazy, unexplainable way, but I feared that around him, I would forget everything my mother had taught me. She would want me with someone like Tristan, he had the perfect profile; studious and respectable. I had Tristan, sort of, and he was everything I wanted and needed. Right?

  I took a deep breath and tried to talk some sense into myself. I had spoken to Mr. Mysterious once - it didn’t mean anything. His tattoos were the only reason I was staring – I was obviously just curious.

  Yeah, right.

  I looked up from pouring drinks and he smiled at me, but I didn’t return his smile, deliberately forcing myself not to even though I wanted to. There was no way, I was going to connect with him because I knew I would lose every ounce of self-control I had. The sense that he was staring at me was uncomfortable. I couldn’t be sure he was, because I purposely avoided meeting his gaze, but I was almost certain he was looking my way.

  I shook my troubling thoughts away, smiling for the customers and giving them their drinks. It was very busy, the music was great and Bekka, Val and I were having a good time. I really couldn’t ask for more - life was pretty much perfect.

  I had to slip out to the backroom to collect a fresh bottle of vodka when the supplies at my station grew low. These college boys definitely loved their vodka. When I got back to the bar, I almost dropped the bottle on the floor in shock. The image before my eyes couldn’t be real, and I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t in the midst of a nightmare. Not only was Tristan sitting at the bar, but one seat over from him was the tattooed stranger who made my pulse race. My cheeks flamed and my chest tightened, as I considered what the hell I was supposed to do.

  ''Tristan! I’m so happy to see you,'' I said, taking a deep breath as I approached the bar. I covered his hand with mine and gave him a quick hug over the bar, standing on my tiptoes. I knew it was probably an over-the-top gesture for our fledgling relationship, but I wanted to make sure ink boy knew that if I smiled tonight, it wasn’t going to be for him. Why I chose to handle things this way, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that I wanted to keep him away because it was the only way I could ensure I wouldn’t fall for him.

  ''Phoenix, you look beautiful tonight,'' Tristan complimented, returning my warm smile.

  ''Thanks! It was my friends’ idea, '' I admitted, as I pointed across at Bekka and Val. ''I was hoping I would hear from you today.''

  ''I was in the area... ''

  ''Do you want something to drink?''

  ''Only if I can buy one for you,'' he replied. His smile made me crazy.

  ''Shots?''

  He threw his head back and laughed. “Sounds good. Tequila?''

  I quickly prepared everything we needed - salt, lime and the four shots of Tequila. I felt eyes on me the entire time – watching every move I made, and I knew they weren't Tristan's. They were his – ink boy’s – and he hadn't said a word, just watched me intently. It was making me nervous and on edge. I didn't want to look at him because I didn't know what to expect. He seemed to perpetually keep me feeling off kilter. I wasn’t sure if it was him who was making me so nervous, or if it was my own reaction to him which bothered me.

  I ran the lime over the back of my hand and sprinkled the salt over it. I took the shot with determination and bit into the lime. It was at that precise moment, when I looked at ink boy. It was only a quick glance his way, and when he caught my eye, he winked at me. I almost choked on the damn lime.

  I turned my gaze quickly to Tristan. He was leaning over the bar, giving me a ‘come hither’ look. I went up on my tiptoes to get closer to him, thinking he wanted to say something. He surprised me though, when he cupped my cheeks between his hands and started kissing me. It was a soft, gentle kiss – one of those kisses which make your entire body melt into a warm puddle. It was so incredible, I nearly forgot where I was. When he released my face, I lowered back down to my side of the bar, trying to centre my head on the job at hand. I loved the kiss, but it felt wrong to be kissing someone while I was on the clock. We took the second shots, and this time I only had eyes for Tristan. I tried to control myself, but the heat in his eyes made him completely irresistible. I looked around and couldn't see Tyler nearby. With a smile, I perched on my tiptoes again and met Tristan halfway for another soft kiss. I couldn’t help myself – he was too delicious to resist. After I caught my breath, I realized Bekka and Val were both staring at me in disbelief.

  It wasn't like me to act so brazenly, particularly at work, but I wished they weren't so obvious about their surprise. Their staring was only drawing more attention to my station.

  ''Wow... thanks, Nix. Did you ever get your schedule? I was wondering when your next day off would be.''

  My face lit up and my heart raced again. This had to be a good sign. ''I’m not sure yet about the schedule, but I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.''

  He ran his finger down the side of my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine. My breath hitched.

  ''My friend's waiting in the car, Nix. I just had to see you, but I better go. Call me.''

  ''I will.''

  He smiled at me as he walked out. I was left with the tattooed stranger and I really didn't want to deal with him. I took a deep breath and turned to him with the best professional smile I could manage.

  ''Can I get you anything tonight?'' I asked, trying not to blush. I realized the double meaning of the words as soon as they left my mouth, which only increased the red in my cheeks.

  ''A sm....''

  ''Don't ask me for a smile. I'm here to get you something to drink. A beer perhaps?'' I cut him off before he could say it. I had to keep this on the up-and-up; I couldn’t get pulled into games with this guy.

  ''Princess, don’t be rude.'' His voice was low and husky and made me break out in chills. I had never reacted so carnally to someone’s voice alone before, and it scared me.

  ''Don't call me that, please. I'm anything but a princess.''

  ''You sure look like one to me. But, if you prefer, I can come up with another nickname.''

  I gave him a beer even though he hadn’t asked for anything. I guess it was my treat. If he had something to drink, maybe he would talk less.

  ''Phoenix or Nix would be fine," I said, as I wiped down the bar. I was trying to keep this exchange as professional as possible.

  ''I'm Levi.''

  ''If I was polite, I would say nice to meet you. However, I’m not convinced that knowing you is a good thing,'' I replied. I sounded like a real bitch. What was wrong with me?

  ''Wow. What have I ever done to you?'' The look on his face told me I’d hurt him, but he was right - he hadn't done anything to me. I just didn't know how to deal with the attention he was giving me, or the attraction I felt toward him. Around him, my insides turned into fire, my brain was unable to think and my heart was begging for more. The way he looked at me, mixed with the smile and the tattoos – the combination was more than I could process. I could feel the attraction; I could barely control my pulse or my eyes when he was around. He was like a vortex and I was trying to avoid getting sucked in.

  ''I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said that," I managed, throwing the towel behind the bar. I took a nervous breath and raised my eyes to meet his. I decided to just go the honest route. “I get very nervous around you, I don’t know why, but I really should get back to work now.''

  He didn't say a word, but he stayed there - sitting by the bar all night looking sexy as hell while he drank his beer from the bottle. The way he rocked his head to every song he liked and sang the lyrics loud enough for me to hear, made me realise that behind the tattoos was a simple guy who appreciated a night at the club. He smiled each time I did a little performance with Bekka and Val. It was evident that he enjo
yed watching us, which only made my nerves worse. We had learned a few tricks from Tyler, one being where we would throw bottles in the air and catch them while preparing a round of shots. We were all synchronized and the guys in the club loved it. Levi seemed to love it, too. He laughed and applauded. I hated to admit it, but I liked watching him laugh. There was something about his smile - it was both pure and honest. I hated to admit it, but my night was better because of him.

  Bekka drove us home after our shift, her music screaming in our ears, regardless of the fact that it was almost four in the morning. I checked my phone, trying to ignore the music, and I had a text message from Tristan. He was wishing me a good night. Sweet! I texted him back, wishing him a good night, too. I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. The bar had been packed, and coupled with Levi’s watchful eye, I was exhausted. When I finally got into bed, I checked my phone again, but of course, there was nothing. I had to remind myself that it was the middle of the night.

  I rested in bed, replaying the events of the night. I liked Tristan coming to see me at work. He didn't stay for long, but it was nice of him to show up. It confirmed he was interested and he was thinking about me. Maybe he missed me when I wasn’t around, who knew? I wasn’t sure what to expect from dating, because I’d never had a real boyfriend before. I dated two guys in high school, but with my over-protective mother, it wasn't easy. When she was nineteen, she fell pregnant with me. She made it really difficult to have a relationship – always suspecting the worse and trying to protect me from making her mistakes. I couldn’t blame her, though – it wasn’t easy for her to cope when she discovered she was pregnant. As soon as my biological father found out, he bailed and she never heard from him again. I always knew Carlson was not my biological father, but I considered him my real Dad. He chose to love me and my mother – which means more to me than genetics any day. Carlson offered us everything he had; he was a wealthy businessman and he spoiled us both. I’ve only seen two photos of my biological father, and I looked a lot like him. We shared the same curly, chestnut hair and baby blue eyes. He had an anchor tattoo on his forearm and one big Phoenix on his back. He was a good-looking young man. I sometimes wondered where he was and if he was still alive. I knew his name was Brian, but I’ve never looked him up because the idea scared me for some reason.

  Working at the club was my favourite job, but the hours made it hard to get enough sleep. After spending a few days with very little rest, I was exhausted. My body ached and my brain was degenerating into Jell-O. I had to catch up or I was going to get sick.

  ''PHOENIX! REBEKKA! GIRLS! WAKE UP!''

  I woke up from a fitful sleep when I heard Valerie screaming from the kitchen. What the hell was going on? I threw back the covers and jumped out of bed, silently cursing her and grumbling that this better not be over another spider. I’d had a little over four hours of sleep, I was in a pissy mood, and I didn't want to be bothered for a damn arachnid.

  ''Girls, come on! Wake up!''

  I opened my door at the same time as Bekka did and we ran down the hallway together.

  ''What’s wrong?'' Bekka questioned, her voice sounding as sleepy as I felt.

  ''Nothing's wrong! I received a letter from the University.''

  ''So, what does it say?'' I muttered, not entertained by being woken up because of a letter.

  ''I don't know! I didn't open it yet. I wanted to do it with both of you.'' She took the envelope and ripped across the seal. Taking the letter out and unfolding it, she took a deep breath and started reading.

  ''Dear Ms. Johnson, Congratulations! Welcome to the Economics Program at the University of Boston," she read, her eyes growing wide. “Oh! My! God! I got accepted!''

  We all jumped around the apartment like little girls, squealing and hugging. We were happy for Val - she was finally going to be with John. As we settled down, the realization that she would be leaving hit us all at the same time.

  ''You’re leaving...'' A lump built in my throat. I was happy for Val, but the sadness of knowing she was leaving overshadowed my joy. I tried to keep it hidden with a tiny smile, but I wouldn't fool them. Val and Bekka were the family I’d chosen for myself, and losing one of them was hard. I knew we would keep in touch, but she was moving to the other side of the country. It just wouldn’t be the same.

  Val and Bekka were in a tight hug with tears of both joy and sadness running down their cheeks. I joined them in a group hug and kissed their hair. They were everything to me, and I was afraid letting go of Val was going to break us apart.

  ''I'm so happy for you, Val. It's going to be a whole new life for you over there.''

  ''Aww, Nix. I know how you feel right now. It's okay! You know I'll never forget my girls and I'll visit you as much as I can. You can visit me too, anytime. It’ll be great! I love you so much - both of you,'' Val said, her eyes going from me to Bekka.

  We sat there for a long time, tears rolling down our cheeks. I knew I was being selfish, I should be happy for Val and extremely proud of her for having the courage to move so far away from home, but I would miss her like crazy and the thought was overwhelming.

  Even though, I was still exhausted, I couldn't go back to bed. My emotions were all over the place and I knew I’d never get back to sleep now. I’d just lay in bed staring at the ceiling and crying. In hopes of improving our mood and get a good start on the day, Bekka announced she was going to cook breakfast. She made banana pancakes and eggs— our mutually favorite breakfast treat.

  ''When are you leaving?'' Bekka asked the question which was foremost in my mind.

  ''Humm... yeah, about that... I was thinking maybe tomorrow or the next day.''

  ''Why so fast?'' Bekka demanded.

  ''Well, John’s birthday is Friday and I’d love to surprise him. Besides, I’d like to find a job before school starts and I want to get to know the surroundings better before I jump in.''

  ''Of course,'' Bekka seemed in more control of her emotions than I was, so far, I hadn’t been able to find my voice. It was all happening too fast too soon, and I wished we would have more time together before Val left.

  ''I'm so sorry, girls. I never thought it would happen. If I’d known, I would never have moved in with you. I know I'm leaving you here in the lurch and you’ll have to find a new roommate quickly. I feel terrible about this.'' She looked pained, the situation making her feel bad.

  ''Don't worry about the roommate situation. I’ll take care of it,'' Bekka reassured her.

  Thank God for Bekka - I would never be able to deal with picking the right roommate. I didn't trust people easily and would end up rejecting every person who applied. Nobody would be as perfect as Val, but Bekka would do a better job of finding someone. This whole situation seemed surreal, I just couldn't believe Val wouldn't be living with us anymore.

  While Bekka got breakfast ready, I grabbed my guitar and started strumming a soft melody I’d written. Music was my favorite past time, guitar or piano - I could play both. Val would sit next to me for hours as I composed songs, watching intently and asking questions, or humming along.

  ''Can you sing, please?'' Val loved it when I sang. I didn't mind singing for them, but I’d never do it in front of anyone else. I was way too shy and knew I would probably forget all the words.

  ''Sure. I’ll probably sound a bit rusty but if my bullfrog impression won't hurt your hangovers, I'll give it try '' I apologized in advance. I started another song, something I’d written about my friends a few months ago.

  ‘Every secret and every regret I have, you know

  Because with you, I can let it go

  We aren't bound by blood

  But we share something so much more’

  Bekka dished the pile of pancakes onto a plate and placed them on the table with the scrambled eggs. The food was ready, but by the look on their faces, I knew better than to stop playing.

  ‘When you are happy, I am

  And when you are sad, I'm here

  We will alway
s be friends, wherever you are

  This is not just me, this is us, and you are my family’

  Tears were rolling down Val’s cheeks, she was so touched by the lyrics of the song. Bekka handed her a tissue to wipe away her sadness. Val was always the emotional one, the type who cries while watching a romantic comedy, or even during commercials. I didn't want to make her cry this morning, but when she asked me to play a song - this was the best song I could think of.

  ‘When I am happy, you are

  And when I am sad, you are there

  I can't imagine my life without you

  I am what I am today

  Because of you’

  I smiled as I sang the last words. It was one of our last mornings together, and I wanted it to be special and fun. I didn't want tears and sorrow to mar our last few days together.

  ''Don't cry, Val, please,'' I begged.

  ''You have no idea how beautiful your voice is. You could sing about dog food and I’d still cry, because everything you do is beautiful,'' Val laughed, wiping away the last of her tears.

  ''She's right, Nix. You could make a CD and sell millions of albums. Your voice is so full of emotion and you can do both high notes and lows. There's something magical about your voice. You really should try to get a recording deal.'' Bekka was always the dreamer - she was really good when it came to dreaming big.

  ''Thank you for the compliments, but I’m fine with my life the way it is. I don't want to be a star and deal with complications it would bring. I just want to be me and have a normal, everyday life.''