Body, Ink, and Soul

by Jude Ouvrard

  ''Fuck!'' I woke up with a yell. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and buried my face in my hands. ''Seriously, Nix!'' I berated myself. I was losing it. This was not right. This was messed up and I couldn’t do this.

  I needed a cold shower. I was so confused by my feelings for Tristan and Levi. I knew I wanted Tristan, he was gorgeous, kind, a gentleman. Levi, he was nothing more than a distraction. There were no real feelings there, I was almost sure. My emotions were all over the place regarding the two men, I couldn’t seem to make sense of how I felt anymore.

  With a glance at the clock, I confirmed it was time to get ready for work. I started with a cold shower, I needed to clear my head. I wasn't going to see Tristan tonight and Levi was working. It was going to be a good night and I felt a lot better, knowing I wouldn't have to deal with either of them.

  I dressed in low-cut dark blue jeans, and a black tank top. I didn't put much effort into dressing up and I was fine with it. I was tired and sad; Val was gone and I knew tonight would be strange. Bekka and I would be like a puzzle which was missing a piece, that’s how I thought about it. I put on a little mascara and lip gloss and decided I was done.

  Bekka was watching TV and eating mac and cheese when I finally stumbled out of the bedroom. ''I might have found a roommate. Someone called while you were in bed. We’ll get an answer soon,'' she announced.

  ''Okay, fine.'' I felt it was too soon. I knew Val wasn't going to return, but the room still felt like it was hers. It didn’t feel right to already be considering someone new.

  I tried not to care, tried not to let it affect my mood. Someone new would enter our apartment and I just had to get used to it, otherwise I would have to go back to my parents’ house, and that wasn't happening. I had changed since I’d left, I was slowly becoming a different person. I had new habits, new hobbies and I was starting to realize how protected I’d been by my mother.

  I grabbed my purse from the small table by the door. Bekka turned off the TV and we headed to work. In the car, I was silent and Bekka respected my need for quiet. The music was turned down, I could hardly tell which song was playing. I appreciated her efforts, but she must have felt the same way as I did.

  ''We’ll be fine, Nix, don't worry, we just need a little time to adjust. It's the two of us for now, but we’ll get the new roommate moved in and settle back to our day-to-day life.'' She looked at me while we waited at a red light. ''I know it's hard. I’m sad too, but there’s nothing we can do. Let’s just try and be happy, okay?''

  ''Yeah... I guess I can try.'' She was right. I had to make an effort to be happy. Val was still alive, I would see her again.

  I put a smile on my face and forcibly changed my mood from sad to almost happy.

  When we walked into the club, Tyler was standing behind the bar with a big bright smile. He was obviously more than happy to see his beloved. She blew him a kiss and he motioned to catch it and pressed his hand against his heart. It was so romantic.

  A new member of the bar staff was standing next to him. She had long ebony hair and darkly tanned skin. Tyler returned to explaining to her where she could find everything she might need later on.

  We placed our handbags in the safe behind the bar and walked toward the new girl and Tyler.

  ''Hey!'' We both said in unison, and giggled at one another.

  ''Girls, this is...''

  She cut him off. ''I’m Tiff, short for Tiffany,'' she said with a British accent. I couldn’t tell why, but I liked her already. She seemed fearless and full of confidence.

  ''I'm Nix, and this is Bekka.''

  ''Yeah, Tyler told me already. Nice meeting you, girls.''

  ''Tiff and I used to work together years ago, when we were both fresh out of high school,'' Tyler explained happily.

  Bekka’s eyes went to Tyler’s immediately. Tiff was a beautiful girl, her eyes were light brown with a little hint on green and she was very attractive. I could see why Bekka might be concerned about Tyler and Tiff’s ‘friendship’.

  ''Hope there aren't too many old tarts in here, I can't stand ‘em.''

  Her accent was music to my ears. ''If by tart you mean assholes, you should be fine here. There aren't many of them.''

  ''All right.''

  We talked with her a little more while we prepared for opening. Her accent was amazing and sometimes, I just couldn't stop myself from laughing when she said ‘bloody’ or any other British expression I recognized. I wasn't even sure what she meant, but her slang was obviously straight out of London.

  Apparently, I was already her ‘mate’ and that was ‘bloody’ amazing. We laughed and shared a few shooters. As Tyler had said, Tiff explained they had worked together when she was an exchange student. They’d kept in touch throughout the years and recently she’d decided to come back to the U.S. for a while.

  The night flew by, and at closing time, Bekka and Tyler headed straight home, but Tiff and I decided to grab something to eat before we called it a night. She had an apartment nearby, only four blocks away from ours. We ate a couple of burgers and shared our french fries with a ton of ketchup. I was very full and extremely tired by the time we were done. When I got home, the sun was starting to rise and I flopped onto the bed. There was a note on the pillow.

  New roommate has moved in. B. xxx

  Whatever. I didn't care anymore. I fell asleep with a smile. I was going to enjoy this new friendship with the craziest girl I'd ever met. She was loud, beautiful and fearless. She brought the extra spice I needed in my life.

  The last thoughts I had before I fell asleep were of Val and how I truly was happy for her. My day had been an emotional roller coaster, but it ended on a high note. Maybe I should have been nervous about meeting the new roommate, but I honestly didn’t care who it might be. I would give the person a chance to settle into the apartment and maybe we could become friends.

  Eggs, bacon, French toast or pancakes? I wasn’t certain what the aroma was, but it smelled damned good. I heard the sounds of the pan being placed on the stove, plates settling on the counter and cabinet doors opening and closing. Maybe the new roommate was cooking? Or it might be Bekka? I crossed off that idea immediately, Bekka wasn’t the type who ate breakfast.

  I walked out of the bedroom, ready to spy on the new roommate. I had morning hair and looked like a tired mess, but I was too curious to wait. I tiptoed towards the kitchen, wearing a t shirt which was way too big with only my underwear underneath. I probably looked like hell, but I figured the new roommate better get used to it. Besides, I was only going to spy for a couple of seconds before jumping in the shower.

  I stepped around the corner into the kitchen and my jaw dropped to the floor. ''What the fuck?'' I said loudly.

  He was standing by the stove, his back to me, and he was wearing nothing but black briefs. They fitted like a second skin, moulding across his butt cheeks, and I desperately tried to push away my naughty thoughts. His back was muscular and inked, but I didn't see it for long before he turned around and faced me. Levi. I avoided his face, my eyes grazing across his chest and arms. As I’d suspected, his skin was nearly completely covered with ink. There was a mixture of designs and colours, some were full of colour and others where shaded in simple black. Hiding under the ink, he had perfect abs and his boxer briefs were sitting low on his hips. He was... No, Nix, don't even think about it!

  ''What are you doing here? Did you sleep with Bekka? I thought she was with Tyler? Or did you stay with the roommate?'' The words slipped out of my mouth unbidden. I regretted them instantly, but it was too late, I couldn't take them back.

  ''Well, that kind of hurts, Phoenix. I didn't think I’d given you the impression I would sleep around with my best friend's girl, let alone a perfect stranger.'' He looked annoyed, his jaw tensed. ''Just to be clear, I’m the roommate.'' He watched me, gauging my reaction.

  I had a reaction. A major one! My heart bounced against my ribcage and my knees went weak. Breathing suddenly seemed intensely difficult. My roo
mmate? I would be sharing daily life with him? I was speechless, I didn’t know what to think or what to say. I never expected this to happen. I’d expected a girl roommate, not a guy, and certainly not this guy!

  Rebekka Fleischer! I suddenly had the urge to hurt her. Badly. She was the one taking care of finding a new roommate. So why on earth did she choose him? There must have been plenty of other candidates. She did it intentionally, I had no doubt about it. She thought Levi was the perfect man for me and she was obviously going to do everything to convince me she was right.

  ''Breathe'' Levi commanded, walking closer to me.

  ''I can't.'' I tried to breathe in and out, but my whole body was shaking. ''Could you at least have the decency to wear clothes around here?''

  ''And that’s coming from a girl wearing a white see through t-shirt with tiny panties and no bra?''

  ''I live here; I can wear what the fuck I want!''

  ''Well, guess what? I fucking live here too!'' His tone was harsh, he’d never spoken to me like that before and for a few seconds, I was stunned.

  He was right. I lifted my gaze slowly and his tattoos caught my attention. He had a chest piece with ‘No Regrets’ emblazoned across it. My eyes continued up and reached his throat, his lips, his perfect model-like nose and his forest-green eyes. We stared at each other for at least ten seconds, but I stopped counting at five. The tension that was always between us had roared back into urgent life. He stepped closer, his fingers reaching for my hands as I squeezed my eyes shut. I had an urgent need to touch him, and I didn't know how much longer I could deny it. I placed my hands flat on his chest with the intentions of pushing him away, but then I felt it. His heart pounded in his chest against my fingertips. It was impossible to push him away or to even remove my hand from his skin. Vaguely, I mused that he might really be my perfect half after all, we were like magnets attracting one another. I couldn’t deny my desire for him for a minute longer, it hit me right in the face. He squeezed my hand.

  ''Let me hold your hand,'' he murmured, so close to my skin I felt the vibration of his words against my flesh.

  ''Okay...'' I said it so quietly, I was convinced he didn't hear me. With his free hand, he lifted my chin up. I could sense his approach before he even touched me. I parted my lips and drew in as much air as I possibly could, because I didn't know when I would be able to breathe again. His lips crushed against mine hungrily and all the control I’d managed to keep over the past few days was gone.

  I moved my hand from his chest to the nape of his neck and ran my fingers through his hair. I opened my eyes as I pulled away from his lips. ''I fucking hate you, Levi,'' I growled, biting the inside of my cheek. He drew me back to him and my body instantly responded, as I bit and nibbled the skin on his neck.

  ''If this is hate, then I fucking hate you too, Rock Star.'' He gripped my hips, holding me so tightly it bordered on the edge of pain. His lips were on mine, kissing me with such intensity, I’d never felt anything like it with anyone before. He lifted me to his level, as if I weighed nothing. I circled my legs around his waist and our kissing session continued, as if we needed to devour one another. I couldn’t believe I was here in my kitchen making out with Levi and I realized it felt so good to be with him.

  His body was boiling hot, his skin soft and he smelled heavenly. He reached under the edge of my top and caressed the small of my back. The butterflies dancing in my belly reached a total frenzy, I didn’t want him to stop, and I wanted even more.

  ''Stop Nix... stop...'' he groaned against my lips. I didn’t want to stop, and I probably pouted at the thought. I couldn’t figure out why he wanted me to stop, I thought he was enjoying this just as much as I was. Stopping wasn’t what I expected him to want after waiting so long for me to figure myself out.

  ''I need to turn the oven off before we burn the house down.'' He grinned as he stretched his arm over the warm food, reminding me of how good it smelled. He flicked off the stove and smiled at me. ''I want to taste your lips some more now.''

  The initial moment of passion was broken, but he managed to get me back on track within seconds. We were all kisses and tongues and heat and passion. I didn't allow myself to think, instead letting my heart and the emotions I was experiencing lead the way.

  All the feelings I thought I had for Tristan seemed to disappear during the first few seconds of my kissing session with Levi. I honestly didn't care about Tristan anymore, he had nothing to offer me compared to Levi. Levi was a very good kisser, and I was enjoying the moment very much. His hands danced across the skin at the small of my back. His hold on me was filled with his needs and desires, I couldn’t believe how much he wanted me. He tossed the dirty bowl and plates from the counter dramatically and pushed me onto it gently, before he pulled my shirt off and stared down at my naked breasts for what seemed like a very long time. My face flushed with embarrassment and I tried to cover myself by pulling him against me, closer, always wanting to be closer.

  ''You are so beautiful, Phoenix. You deserve nothing but the best,'' he whispered huskily.

  ''And you are the best?'' I asked curiously.

  ''We are.'' He kissed the tip of my nose. ''You are so precious.'' He feathered kisses over my nose and lips, and I realized my body was running on pure adrenaline. He cupped my face in his hands and we stared into each other’s eyes. I’d tried so hard not to feel anything for him, but now, I just couldn't deny it any longer. I knew he was hoping I would say something back. I couldn't find the right words, but I felt it, I felt the deep connection we shared.

  ''Do you regret this?'' I could see a hint of pain in his face and it broke my heart because I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to suffer because of me. He had been nothing but nice to me and here I was, fucked up and confused over our make-out session.

  ''No... I’m... I just have to figure this out. I didn’t see it coming.'' I certainly had no regrets, I was only very confused. I’d never thought we would connect the way we had. The intensity we shared was exactly what I was missing with Tristan.

  ''Tristan...'' His name sounded like a curse coming out of his mouth. ''It’s because of him, isn't it?'' He sounded hurt but I didn’t want him to.

  ''What I feel now, about you, what we have now. I never... I don't regret this at all, I want more, I loved it but let me figure this out, okay?''

  ''It’s you I want, Nix. I want to be the one you want and need too.'' He kissed my lips slowly, leaving me breathless with hunger. ''I'm yours already. Take me.''

  I'm yours, too. He wiped away the tears which had started rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was so emotional. Maybe because as much as I wished I could have stayed away from Levi, I realized it was a lost cause. Or maybe because as much as I liked Tristan, he didn't stand a chance against the man who stood in front of me now.

  ''Kiss me... I want you to....'' He didn't give me the chance to finish the sentence, before his lips devoured mine. I pulled him closer to me, digging my nails into the skin at his waist. He moaned into my mouth, and I hoped I hadn't hurt him. All I wanted was to reach my bedroom, I wanted him, right now.

  It was the first morning of living under the same roof and already we had broken all the rules. We were half dressed, making out on the kitchen counter. Moans and groans. Kisses and gentle bites.

  His kisses calmed, he was trying to regain control. ''We need to eat, Rock Star.'' He pointed at the mountain of food on the table. ''We don't want to waste all that good food, do we?''

  I shook my head breathlessly, and he helped me down from the counter. His hand landed on my behind, and I liked the heat of his palm against me. I picked up my top from the floor and put it back on, already missing the feel of his skin against mine. I was sad that our kissing session had ended so abruptly.

  ''Coffee?'' he offered.

  ''Yeah.'' I took the coffee cup from his outstretched hand. It was still warm and the smell was mouth-watering. Our eyes met and we both hesitated. I just wanted to kiss him again, but
we had to stop this crazy lust between us. For now at least.

  I sat at the wooden table and he placed a plate in front of me. It looked delicious, bacon with eggs and French toast. What else could I ask for? I mused about desiring an orange juice.

  ''Here, your orange juice. I pressed the oranges myself.''

  He was no longer the guy I had to stay away from, he was an angel, he truly was and I needed him. The realization of how much I needed him came as a shock.

  ''You did all of this for me?''

  ''Yes, I did and I’ll do it every morning, unless you tell me to stop.'' He covered my hand, which was resting on the table, with his, and it eased the loneliness I felt at being physically apart from him. ''It might take you few days to make up your mind, but you’ll eventually see beyond the tattoos. I'm really a nice guy.''

  ''I know you are, Levi. I truly do.''

  He smiled and it was worth a million bucks. He was beautiful, so beautiful that my heart skipped a beat. I was definitely falling for him. Hard and fast.

  ''Thank you for the breakfast, can we eat now?''

  He nodded and we ate silently. We were sitting three feet apart and I could still feel the heat between us. This wasn't good, I needed to take things slowly, couldn’t let my desire overwhelm my common sense. Our feet were constantly touching and rubbing under the table and I couldn’t help but giggle nervously.

  Breakfast was delicious and the thought of getting to eat like this every morning pleased me immensely. As soon as he was done, he angled his chair and slowly lifted my feet up onto his thigh, massaging them and my calves. He kept his amazing green eyes focused on mine, and his gentle touch was arousing me to a crazy level. His hands on my skin had already had that effect on me, and I reminded myself sternly that I needed to slow things down.

  I finished the orange juice at last. He lowered my feet back to the floor and stood up, putting our plates in the sink, while I watched him surreptitiously. The colored drawings marked on his skin were impressive, and eyeing the designs, I realized there was nothing morbid or sinister about any of them. No skulls, no demons, every tattoo was pure and beautiful and it showed another side of him, one I hadn’t expected.