Ever, Sarah

by Hansen, C. E.

  He made it sound so sincere. And if you thought about it, why would he want me to remember…especially if he was responsible. STOP SARAH, STOP.

  I’m beginning to despise the word why.

  “I’m the one who insisted…after.” I was struck with the thought that I was frightened to the extent that I insisted on going with Brad into Manhattan. I’m the one who had a dream so violent that I physically struck back. I scratched the evil person in my dream, and now Brad’s face is scratched. “I didn’t want to be left home alone.” I said without emotion.

  “If I were smart, and thought about your welfare, I would have insisted you stay home.”

  “I guess my body is just not ready to be so physically active.”

  “Go lay down, rest. I’ll let you know when supper is ready.”

  “Thank you.” I turned and walked out of the kitchen and slowly made my way up the stairs.

  My brain was scrambling, trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together in the hopes of getting a glimpse of the bigger picture. I always hated puzzles, but at least with a puzzle there was a picture on the box to follow, a pattern, colors…something.

  Here…me…there was nothing. I had no reference to draw from. All I had was a string of strange flashes, nanoseconds of time telling me I remembered a sound, a taste, a word.

  I wasn’t even sure they were my memories, or I was just so hopeful that I was finding my way back I read it all wrong.

  The weird feeling of someone waiting behind the door, lurking, the horrible dream of falling, the man’s face scratched; Brad’s face scratched. When I walked into the bedroom, I locked the door behind me. Feeling a little comforted knowing no one can enter without me knowing. I walked over to the bed and flopped down. I don’t think it took two minutes to fall deep asleep.

  I was sound asleep when I felt someone rub their hand along my leg. I bolted upright in bed. My eyes wide open. I must have looked a fright, because Brad nearly fell backwards.

  “Jesus Sarah. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He took a deep breath. “I tried calling your name but you didn’t wake up.”

  “You nearly gave me a heart attack Brad.” Scanning the room, I noticed the door I’d locked was not opened. “How…how did you get in here?”

  “The closet.” He stated, “you locked the door, so I came in through the closet.”

  “The closet?” I was clueless.

  “Both of our closets are accessible from the hall, as well as from the bedroom. You insisted on having a separate door put in so you wouldn’t have to go through the bedroom when you were leaving the house. The back staircase leads down to the kitchen and garage door.”

  The look on his face gave me pause. He fully expected me to know what he was talking about.

  “I did?”

  “Yes. You made those changes to the original plans.”

  Architect. Me. Of course I did.

  “I’m sorry I don’t remember.”

  If I could explain how tiring it was getting to hear and speak those same words over and over I would attempt to, but enormous frustration doesn’t even begin to cover it.

  “Are you up to eating something?” He was looking at me with such a sad look in his eyes; I wanted to cry for him. But I had to remember he may very well be the enemy. My enemy. “I had Terry make you beef stew. It was…”

  “One of my favorites…” I finished his sentence for him without a bit of enthusiasm.

  “Yes.” He hung his head, looking guilty.

  “I’m sorry Brad, it’s just that I feel like I’m losing my mind and I…I don’t know. I’m so lost. FUCK!”

  I cringed at hearing that word come out of my mouth.

  “Did I speak like that? I mean, did I curse like that?”

  “Yes…and no.” He smiled a little. Obviously my confused look was entertaining, “okay, yes. But only when you were incredibly angry or just being…funny.”

  “You meant to say corny didn’t you?”

  Right now you could tell me my mother was an ax murderer and I’d believe you. I was so confused and my thoughts so scattered, I didn’t, for the life of me, know how I was functioning at all.

  If I believed Kevin, then Brad was ruthless and would rather me dead than leave him. If I believed the feelings I had when I was with Brad, then Kevin was a total liar and oh, also insane. I needed to find out once and for all who was right and who the real enemy was.

  “No, I don’t mean corny. You have a fantastic sense of humor. In fact, we were very much the life of the party. Any party.” He said definitively, as he looked at me as though he was trying to figure out what was going on behind my eyes.

  Get in line, dude. I was here first!

  “You know what? I’ll have Terry make up a tray and bring it upstairs to you.” I think he sensed my uncertainty and was either trying to cover himself or he was just a great guy trying to give me some much-needed space.

  Why? Why? Why? Why?

  I’m really beginning to hate that word.

  “Um, that would be best I think. Today was exhausting for me and I’m just not up to…damn it, I don’t even know how to talk anymore.”

  “Don’t think about it now.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to my forehead, “I’ll have Terry bring the tray up. I, um, I’ve got some papers I need to review.”

  “Thank you.”

  I leaned back against the headboard and took a deep breath. I knew somewhere, deep inside me, was a girl, a woman, who could more than stand up for herself. I just needed to know against whom.

  I stood up and walked into ‘my’ closet and into the bathroom. I stopped, spun around and walked back into the closet and there it was. A door. Between the shoe racks and the suit jackets. I opened it and peered outside. Sure enough, it opened into the hallway, right next to the back staircase that led to the kitchen. I crossed the hall and entered the door on the opposite side and walked straight into Brad’s closet.

  As I passed through, I could smell his scent. It lingered in the small space. I inhaled deep.

  Flash.

  I like this smell.

  I walked down to the end and there was our bathroom. It was somewhat of a maze, but if you know what door led to where, you could see the logic…my logic.

  This whole side of the house was like a big U, and at the end of the large wide hallway were both closet doors, opposite one another. There was a gorgeous, enormous round window that lets the setting sun in, casting a glow on the gleaming wood of the rail that opened to the large open space below. I stood for a few moments looking out the window onto the large property. There were trees and flowering bushes everywhere. Water ran down the small rock ledge, glimmering in the distance, into the large freeform pool.

  What a lovely property; so open and yet so private.

  I heard voices below and walked up to the railing. I was a bit embarrassed at my eavesdropping, but my curiosity out ruled any etiquette I was taught. I slowly lowered myself to the floor so that I could hear the voices drifting up better.

  “….worried about Sarah.”

  “She’ll come around soon enough Mr. Bradley.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about.”

  What an odd thing for him to say.

  “Why would you be worrying about such a thing?”

  Yeah, that was my thought.

  “I’m just afraid if she finds out what really happened…”

  There was some indistinct mumbling and I strained to hear it, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to hear the rest.

  “I’m sure you’re getting yourself all worked up over nothing. She’ll remember it the way she should.”

  “Neither you nor I want her to remember everything.”

  What? Why would they not want me to remember everything? Was Kevin right? Was Brad responsible for what happened to me? And why would Terry go along with such a…Oh. My. God…that’s right. Terry had been Brad’s parents cook. She’d be loyal to Brad no matter what.

  I shuddere
d violently from a sudden chill that crept up my spine, settling in the back of my neck.

  “I’ll bring that up.”

  “No, Mr. Bradley. I’ve got it. Seems you may have spooked our girl enough for one day.” She giggled.

  “You’re right Terry. I’ll be in my office. I need to go over this proposal.”

  “Ah, Mr. Bradley, everything will be as it was meant to be. You’ll see. Stop your worrying, put it to some constructive work…my mum always told me that.”

  “You’re right again. Goodnight Terry.”

  I jumped up. I could hear her climbing the back stairs. I hurriedly walked along the wall until I got to the door to my closet. Once inside, I rushed through to the bedroom and jumped on the large bed, pulling the comforter up.

  “Miss Sarah. You’re looking a bit pale, are you feeling better?”

  No kidding. I wanted to push that tray into her face.

  “Just tired.” I tried to keep the increasing hostility out of my voice.

  “Well, this here is one of your favorites. Beef stew. It’ll bring that color right back to your cheeks.”

  She placed the tray on top of the end table.

  “Is there anything else I could get you?”

  “No thank you.” I managed a weak smile.

  “Well, then I’ll see you tomorrow. I won’t be getting here until eleven, just so you’re not put out when you don’t see me first thing. I need to go by Erin’s house.” She looked at me then shook her head, “Sorry my darling. I forgot you don’t remember. I need to drop off some food I cooked for Erin, my daughter. But I’ll be here as soon as I can be.” She placed her hands on her hips. “So eat up. You’ll feel one hundred percent in the mornin’.”

  “Thank you.”

  Terry nodded and smiled before turning and walking to the door.

  “If you need anything else, just pick up the phone. I’ll be about for another forty five minutes or so.”

  I nodded and she walked out closing the door behind her.

  What did they mean? Find out what really happened?

  Kevin was right. Somehow that realization just made me feel horrific. I was beginning to fall head over heels for Brad. Now I’m just angry, bitter and really sad.

  I need to call Kevin in the morning to come and get me.

  I know I needed to get away from here.

  I got out of bed and carrying the bowl of stew walked into the bathroom, flushed the toilet and poured the contents of the bowl inside watching as it disappeared. Walking back into the bedroom, I set the bowl down and placed the spoon inside.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and lost it. I started crying like I’d just lost my best friend. They were tears of anger and frustration. I felt like a fool. I reached in the drawer and removed the diary. I angrily swiped at my tears and sat back as I opened the book to the place I’d left off.

  Diary,

  I was so nervous going into the office today. After last night’s amazing sex, I was kinda embarrassed to see Brad again, but the minute I saw him and our eyes met, I felt so at ease. He had the biggest smile on his face, like a little kid on Christmas morning, and I felt a tightening in my chest just looking at him. Could I be falling in love that quickly?

  The answer is yes. I had to admit it to myself. My stomach felt like a thousand butterflies swooped in and descended at once. I felt lightheaded and if I had to guess, I’d say I was wearing my biggest goofiest smile.

  He had that effect on me.

  Not to mention I wanted to jump his bones right there and then. He looked positively delicious.

  He put his hand up and excused himself and walked over to where I stood grinning like an idiot and told me he’d been waiting for me and that he couldn’t wait to see me.

  Dude, I know the feeling!

  I just couldn’t for the life of me understand how that Brad turned into the evil Brad.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I barely slept the whole night. Straining my ears for any sounds that were out of the ordinary. I thought I heard someone walk down the hall, but the steps stopped short of the bedroom door. I looked over and noticed the tray was where Terry had left it.

  I heard the shower start in the bathroom and heard who I can only assume was Brad in the closet. However, he never entered the bedroom.

  I was wide awake when he left the house the next morning. I jumped up and ran to the window watching as the car pulled out and started slowly down the long driveway. Looking at the clock, I noticed I had a little under two hours before Terry arrived. Not that I couldn’t leave if she were here, but I wanted to slip out unnoticed. So that Brad didn’t know I’d left. That would give me more time.

  I walked over to the closet and opening it, I stepped inside. I grabbed the jacket I had on yesterday and found the card Kevin had given me still in the pocket where I left it. I stared at it for what seemed like an eternity, going back and forth in my mind, trying to figure out whether this was the right move or the wrong move. I told myself if Kevin was wrong, I can always come back home or go to my mothers. I pressed the numbers into my cell phone and hit send, but before the phone call had gone through I ended the call.

  What if I were wrong?

  I needed a plan.

  I paced the length of the bedroom, back and forth like a caged animal and finally came up with one. I would call my mother when I got to Kevin’s apartment, where I’d be safe, and tell her that I’m okay and to let Brad know that I won’t be coming home until I sort things out. I won’t tell her where I was, knowing there was more than a good chance she’d tell Brad.

  Pulling out a pair of jeans and a light tee shirt, I showered and quickly dressed. I gathered a few necessities and threw them into my overnight bag, the same one I used when we went to Connecticut to see Jez.

  I felt horrible and guilty, as though I’d done something wrong.

  With determination I picked up my cell and dialed Kevin before I lost what little nerve I had and kept telling myself that I had to see what he had. I needed to find out the truth.

  “Sarah.” He answered the phone, sounding a bit out of breath.

  “Yes. It’s me.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m home.”

  “When will you be ready?”

  “Now. I am ready. Brad has left the house for the city. I don’t know how much time I have before Terry gets here.”

  “That nosey buzzard.” A shot of venom in his voice.

  I didn’t like his tone, but at this point, he was the lesser evil.

  “Are you able to pick me up?”

  “I’ll be there in less than ten minutes. Grab what you think you’ll need.”

  “I did. I packed some, um, things.”

  “Okay, do you think you can walk down to the road without being noticed?”

  “I think so.”

  “Leave now, I’ll be there by the time you get there.”

  “Okay.” I felt a twinge of something right then. I wasn’t sure what it was. Was he waiting near my home for my phone call? I pushed the thought aside and continued getting ready.

  I walked over and picked up ‘my’ bag and noticed a nail file lying on the top of the vanity. I picked it up and placed it in my jacket pocket along with my cell phone. On the way out the door, I grabbed the diary as well and shoved it into the zip pocket of my makeup bag as I was leaving.

  I went through the closet and walked slowly down the back staircase that led to the kitchen. I heard a vacuum cleaner in the background and knew the cleaning staff was there, so I quietly slipped out the back door from the kitchen to the patio area. Then I slowly made my way around the side of the house, keeping close to the bushes in case someone looked out a window. When I got to the driveway, I crossed over to the side with the tall arborvitaes and walked down that side, using the tall trees for cover.

  I got to the gate and threw my bag over the large brick pillar. It landed in the small drainage ditch. Then I shimmied through the opening between the gate a
nd the pillar and after brushing myself off I picked up my bag, scaring a rabbit out of the brush, I jumped and let out a small cry. Appears I scared him almost as much as he scared me.

  True to his word, Kevin was waiting on the road. When he saw me coming, he pushed the door of his BMW open and I scurried into the front seat. Resting my bag on my lap.

  I nearly jumped when he reached over me.

  “You need to put your seatbelt on.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” I pulled the belt over me locking the clasp in place with a click.

  “Do you think anyone saw you?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

  I was a bag of nerves at this point. Not knowing what the future held for me, or the repercussions of what I had just done. Last night, I pulled an empty page from the back of the diary and wrote a note to Brad. I left it on his valet, knowing only he would see it.

  Brad,

  I am full of self-doubt and pain, and right now just need my own space. Please give me this much.

  Ever,

  Sarah

  I thought it funny that I signed the note that way. It was as automatic to me as breathing was. After I signed the note, I pulled out a card from the envelope inside Brad’s nightstand to see if the handwriting matched. Bingo! I knew at least one thing; I have the same penmanship. I quickly glanced at the card. It was a sweet card, full of ‘I love yous and beautiful sentiments. I found it difficult to believe I would give this to a monster that nearly killed me.

  I remembered the rest of the cards I’d read in that envelope and felt a little more than guilty. He held onto all those cards and notes from me. Why? Did he love me in his own sick and twisted way?

  “I told my mother where I’d be.” I said, as a self-defense type of confirmation.

  “You what?!” His tone turned angry and his face reddened. When he saw the startled look on my face; he immediately relaxed his facial muscles, looking every bit the suave, handsome rescuer I thought him to be. Maybe he was afraid my ‘mother’ would tell Brad, I don’t know, but his immediate response took a backseat to his smiling warm eyes. “I just want you safe. You know that, don’t you?”