Hindrance

by Angelica Chase

  My mother hadn’t uttered a word to me other than what concerned Aaron. She eyed Cedric with interest, but was too determined to keep her conversation with me short to prod further.

  And I was relieved.

  As I’d watched her leave the hospital, I called after my father, asking to have a word with him. He ignored the protest of my mother as she glared at him before exiting the sliding doors with a matching glare for me.

  “Dad, just go. I don’t want to cause trouble.”

  “She’ll get over it. She always does.” He looked tired. What had once had been a handsome man full of funny jokes about life’s vibrancy had now turned into a defeated shell of a man who no longer had the strength to fight.

  He guided me to the waiting room and we sat as I gathering my words as best as I could. The truth was, I was scared. If somehow another attempt was successful, I was worried about what would become of him. Aaron would try to an extent, but he was no match for my mother. He seemed to read my mind as I started in.

  “Dad, if she leaves you—”

  “I used to pray for that day,” he whispered. “I wanted it to happen. Then I would look at you, Nina, and you brother was so damn lost, and no matter how much I wanted to leave, I couldn’t. She would have found a way to keep me out of your lives.” He lowered his head, as if ashamed. Stunned at his admission, I waited for him to continue.

  “After so many years of struggling with that woman, I taught myself to feel … nothing. It was the only way I could survive the marriage. But saying it should have never happened is like saying the two of you should have never happened. I’m not proud of the environment I raised you in, or the woman I let mother you, but I am so proud of you both. I’m sorry …” He looked away, trying to hide his tears as I hugged him to me. “If that car would have killed either of you, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it, Nina. I …” He pulled the moisture away from his eyes then looked at me. “Just be careful with yourselves.”

  Aaron and I had agreed before our parents arrived to keep the facts surrounding the ‘accident’ to ourselves.

  “Daddy, I’ll take care of you. You’ll never have to worry about anything.”

  “Sweetheart, you have done so much for us already. I’m so proud of you. I would have never agreed to you doing what you have if it weren’t for her.”

  “Listen to me, Daddy,. I need you to really listen to me, okay?” He looked at me fully. “She’s a lost cause and you know it. I want you to let her go.” I was crying now as my father’s shoulders slumped with emotion and rapidly shedding tears. “It’s not too late to start over. I want you to take this one last thing from me. Just this one thing, okay? For me, not for you for me.” He looked up and held me tightly to him. “Okay, belle, whatever you want.”

  That was the moment I knew I had ended my relationship with my mother.

  In that moment, I had my revelation that some people, no matter how much you may think you need them or can’t live without them, leave you no choice but to do just that. My mother was a dark cloud that had hovered over me my entire life, and the only way to opt for sunny skies was to refuse her presence and end the torturous relationship. And the same applied to Devin.

  With Devin, it was simply circumstance that never seemed to change. I’d always love him, but would be forced to do it from afar. Not because he was the dark cloud, but because he brought his own with him, one that stifled my life, just the same as it did his.

  Sitting on the beach now gave me some small semblance of normalcy after weeks of living on edge, wondering if my life would be cut short. Isolation had taken on a whole new meaning, one way more miserable. I’d finally made the decision to free myself from the fear inhabited prison and rejoin the world. I’d gone back to work the minute Aaron left for Florida.

  Taylor, true to her word, had taken me to a shooting range several times to teach me the ropes. And suddenly, I was comfortable with a gun and now owned several.

  This life of mine was strange and I was a stranger in it. But I was getting there. Day by day, I was finding a way back to me, even in my new reality.

  It was a fight for stability, and I had the mindset to win. Every day was Monday, and I was determined to try again. I ignored the sexual thirst my body had built and eventually it had careened into another type of emptiness, one I could tolerate.

  I sat for hours just staring at the waves as they calmed me. After a refreshing day in the new summer sun, I stood to walk toward the large dune and saw Aiden pause mid-step as he noticed me. Seeming to make a decision, he made his way toward the beach, and toward me. I had just reached the point of being able to walk without pain. Now, seeing him, I wanted to run. I felt the burn in my throat and couldn’t help the watery emotion building in my eyes.

  I’d missed him.

  He stood in front of me now, his beautiful, fiery chocolate eyes telling me nothing as he watched me carefully.

  “Nina,” he said low, almost as if he was sorry he’d said it. He seemed to be bracing himself for the worst. I’d done enough to him and decided I would make this easy on him.

  “Hi.” There was no way I was leading this conversation. One long look at him and I was a fucking mess inside. I pushed it down far, letting the bite in my throat stifle it. Maybe it was his strength that was so alluring, or the strong arms that could shield me for just a few minutes from the nightmare I’d been sleepwalking in. I’d been dealing with the threat on my life alone, trying hard to be the strong woman Taylor had told me I was. I’d almost begun to believe her. Looking at Aiden as he towered over me, his beauty overwhelming, his strength emanating from him, I wanted to admit defeat. I wanted those arms around me, to feel the comfort of his touch. But I had no right to ask it of him and I wouldn’t.

  His normally full lips pressed into a thin line as he watched me try not to crumble in front of him. After a minute of silence, I couldn’t handle it anymore.

  “I was just leaving. You look well, Aiden.” I started to walk past him as he gripped the side of my sundress, gently holding me in place. What could I say? What was there to say? He gave nothing as he kept his hold on me. The pain from the loss of him more present than ever I felt his rejection all over again. He was truly beautiful in every way. I’d somehow held onto hope the way I always had when any of my relationships ended. I could see clearly now, that it was in vain. It was time to accept it. The way I’d had with Devin.

  “I’m sorry. I really am.” I tried to move but he kept his grip. “Please let me go.”

  “I’m sorry for the way I ended things. You deserve an explanation if you haven’t received one already.” He stared at me intensely for a moment, seeming to read my face carefully. He was asking if Devin had shared. I felt a small ray of hope.

  “No, he didn’t and I don’t deserve it but tell me anyway.” I tried to smile and failed. Aiden’s scent drifted over to me and I felt the longing to be near him. I’d missed him and I told him as much, because it was the truth.

  He grabbed my hand and I whimpered at his touch before pulling my hand away. “Please don’t.”

  “Okay.” He stayed quiet for a few moments and sat in the sand, looking out at the water. I joined him as he stared straight at the calm sea. “Devin and I grew up together. We have a long history. We are cousins, but were raised like brothers. We were pretty close until high school and then sibling rivalry reached a whole new level.” I nodded, urging him on. “I guess the breaking point would have been a few years ago. We had a serious argument over something trivial that blew up into something entirely different and we haven’t spoken since.”

  “You two, the way you looked at each other, it scared the hell out of me.”

  “We can be pretty intense.” I’d seen fighting like that my whole life. Some people just don’t mesh. Case and point, my mother and father.

  “Believe it or not, I get it. But, Aiden, if he’s not in your life, why would you end it with me?”

  He looked at me suddenly, anger coveri
ng his features. “I was pissed, Nina. I was pissed I’d comforted you over a man you told me you were in love with. He was that man. I handled it poorly. But I’m still angry with you.” His next words were spoken low. “And I’m even more pissed that I still fucking want you.”

  His amber eyes blazed with emotion and need. He was dressed in his usual cargo shorts and a light blue t-shirt that read Green Day. He looked even more sun kissed than the last time I saw him, his beautiful silvery, blond hair tousled by the wind.

  “I still want you, too, even though I don’t have the right. I wasn’t sure if you were connected and I didn’t want to take the chance in losing you, but I did anyway.”

  I looked behind me to see Cedric watching us closely and gave him a wink. He was somewhat far away, so I wasn’t sure if he saw my gesture.

  “Is there a reason you are winking at the man behind us after you just told me you wanted me?” His voice was dangerous, but I saw the humorous tug on the sides of his mouth.

  “Yes.”

  He leaned in with a chuckle, coming close to my lips. “And that reason is?”

  “He’s my bodyguard. I didn’t want him tackling you into the sand in case you tried to kiss me.”

  He leaned in, placing his hands on the sand. “And what makes you think I want to kiss you naughty, Nina?”

  That one line had my heart soaring and it quickly took a nosedive with my next confession.

  Today is Monday.

  “I slept with him, Aiden … since.” It was if I had burned him. He jolted back, standing up to glare down at me. I jumped to my feet to join him. Completely clueless as to what to say, I made a worthless plea. “You left me alone on that beach and told me we were done.”

  “We are,” he said, turning, making his way to the large sand dune that led to the parking lot.

  “Aiden, damn it.” I stood, watching him leave and tugged at the ends of my hair, emotion choking me. I walked the opposite direction, refusing to watch him walk away from me again.

  “Today is Monday. Today is Monday,” I repeated over and over.

  Being honest had its downfalls, too. At least when I was corrupt, I felt justified in my manipulation. Maybe today was finally my Monday. And I hated the fucking day.

  I could be in Aiden’s arms right now, kissing his mouth, feeling his warmth if I’d only lied.

  And then suddenly I was. He caught up with me and turned me to him, his mouth coming down hard. I moaned as he thrust his velvety tongue inside, tasting me endlessly, sliding it over mine in a deep sensuous kiss. I melted into him as he gripped me hard, stroking my face and neck with his fingertips, torturing my senses. When he pulled away, I saw anger.

  “Why the fuck can’t you stay away from him!?”

  I looked at him with another honest answer. “I told you why.”

  Fire glowed in his depths as he released me and put his hands in his pockets.

  “I wasn’t ready for a relationship then, Aiden, and I’m not sure I can handle one now. But I think I wished you into my life. I saw whatever it was between us becoming more … something good. I wanted to try. I think we had a chance, but a large part of me will always love him, and I hate it that he got here first.” I held my hand over my chest. “Because I think if you had been first, I’d never have room for him.”

  Aiden stayed silent as I pushed the ball into his court. He glared at me, unforgiving, as I put my hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear, “Some things are live in the moment only. I totally get that now. Thank you for teaching me.”

  I nodded to Cedric, who was waiting patiently, and watching with hawk eyes. Geez, talk about lack of privacy.

  “Why do you have a bodyguard?” I hid my elation at his questioning. I was sure he would let me leave him.

  Oh, fuck … How do I tell him this?

  “Nina,” he warned.

  I squared my shoulders, wishing it were Sunday. “Your cousin’s wife tried to have me killed.”

  Aiden looked skyward, as if answers would come pouring out of it. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Oh, I am … very. And so is Cedric.” I gave him a salute as he gave me an awkward wave, eyeing Aiden curiously. We’d become a team, Cedric and I, with one common goal. Keep Nina alive.

  “So …” I jumped at his voice then turned to Aiden, who was staring at me intently. “Not only would I have to forgive you for him,” he said, his eyes blazing again as he glared at me, “but I’d also be putting my life in danger.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it. His words were truth; mine were useless.

  After several long minutes, his frame shook with his chuckle as he closed the distance between us.

  “Never a dull moment with you, Nina.” Before I could speak, he pulled me into his warmth, surrounding me. I wrapped myself around him, holding him tightly to me as he raked his fingers through my hair and stroked by back.

  After a long moment, he stuck his finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to his. “It seems your life really sucks without me.”

  I shrugged in mock defense. “Hey, I’ll have you know Cedric is quite the gentlemen. He enjoys staring, waiting, and aerosol cheese.”

  Aiden laughed as he looked down at me still in his arms.

  “Can you forgive me, Aiden?”

  “No, but I can buy you a drink.”

  “I’ll take it.” We walked up to Cedric, and I introduced the two. Cedric followed as I rode in Aiden’s jeep with him to The Mystic. Cedric remained outside as we walked into the club. I cursed the giddy girl in me that was jumping for joy.

  You don’t need him, Nina.

  He sat next to me at what I thought of as our booth at The Mystic as I told him about the last few weeks. I kept Devin’s name out of my mouth as Aiden asked a question here or there, but mostly let me talk. Aiden never touched me after our kiss on the beach. It was if my revelation had fully sunk in and he’d made his decision. I didn’t blame him.

  With each hour that passed, I became more certain he was just being the good guy that he was, talking to a friend who’d had a rough couple of weeks. I envied his ability to keep his distance as my eyes lingered on his lips while he spoke. He asked me to stay for his first set and I agreed, knowing it would be pure torture to see him in his element and that I could no longer have him.

  You don’t need him, Nina.

  His first song was Tom Petty’s “You Got Lucky,” and I knew he had intended it for me. It seemed his whole set was situated toward the two of us, or at least it seemed that way. He never sang directly to me, and I mourned that, thinking about the very open display we’d had the last time I was here. He was magnetic as he sang, drawing in a larger crowd, and my chest ached in longing for him. I watched his ticks as he sang: the tapping of his foot, the wetting of his lips, the ease in which he controlled the crowd. And I was smitten. By the time his set was near its end, he had a standing room full of screaming women, and I found myself eyeing the more aggressive predators with distaste. I was jealous. Of course I was jealous.

  God, I fucked up.

  When he started his own version of Bruno Mars’s “Gorilla,” the bar literally went up in flames as he tore the song apart with his vocals. I felt the low lying, recently absent ache start to brew between my thighs and crossed my legs as I watched him, mesmerized. Seconds later, my chest heaving, I gripped the sides of my seat, lips parted as he finally looked up and right at me. His eyes smoldered as he watched my reaction to him. He saw my arousal and gave me wicked a grin.

  This was punishment.

  You don’t need him, Nina.

  I took a long sip of my drink, gripping the cold glass tightly. Memories of Aiden buried deep inside of me pulsed in snapshots to the beat of the music, his voice demanding I remember how it felt to be thoroughly used by him.

  Motherfuck me.

  Aiden sang every note perfectly, seducing me to the point of frenzy. I slowly took my hand from the table and slipped it into my panties, pau
sing only to make sure he saw it. He raised a brow but gave nothing else away as he continued to sing, letting his eyes dart to the crowd and then slowly back to me. If anyone took a good look at me in the dimly lit bar, they would clearly see what I was doing.

  Fuck it. I was, after all, naughty Nina.

  No matter how hard I was trying to do better, this part of me remained dominant. If Aiden wanted to play, I was up for the challenge. I feathered my clit with my fingertips, completely drenched with need. My body responded with a small jerk and the heave of my chest. Aiden licked the lyrics with precision as I did the same with the flick of my finger. With a small nod of his head, I opened my legs further and began to massage myself slowly under the table. Feeling the thrum of the music pulsing through me, I quickened my pace and kept his attention, my vision tunneled on him. I tilted my head back slightly, lips parted as the pressure built below. I was close.

  Aiden gripped his microphone, his eyes lit to a new level of heat, need covering his features. He gripped his t-shirt at his chest and twisted it, flashing a small amount of abs. His presence on stage was animalistic as he brought the song to such a static level that hunger filled the air. Every woman in the room was fixated on him, at his mercy, and I was no exception. With one more flick of my wrist, I came hard, our eyes locked. He owned my orgasm. I gave it all to him willingly. Appreciative breath left me as I straightened myself, grabbed my purse, blew him a kiss, and made my way to the door. I looked back before exiting to see his eyes still fixed on me, his lips twisted in a sinister grin as the song came to a close and the bar blew up in applause.