“This is better than nice,” she said softly. “You have given me a wonderful night to remember.” And hope for the future, she didn’t add.
After all, she’d be leaving for the winter and wouldn’t be back this way again until she sold her home and the girl’s were out of school. July or August, perhaps. Anything could happen in that amount of time. So whatever feelings they had for each other were not going to have a chance to grow. It was almost a relief as she wasn’t ready to love again. One day she’d embrace it open heartedly. But she needed to mourn Daniel a little longer. Their love, their marriage deserved that. He deserved that.
“I hope it’s more than just one night. I want you to remember me. And everything we’ve done, and the way I feel about you.”
She buried her head into Nick’s shoulder, and snuggled against his warm body as they sat on the couch holding hands. Naked, vulnerable, she should have felt anything but safe. But that was how she felt. Nick made her feel safe. Protected. As if he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.
“I will. I promise.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Stretch out on the couch. Sleep a little. I’m going to put a few things together, open up some wine, find some music, and then wear you out again.” His eyes were smiling. “You might want to rest up.”
“I feel rested. Sated. But I would like to shower. How about if I freshen up for round two while you work the kitchen.”
He chuckled. “That sounds good too.”
She dropped the blanket and gave him a good rear end view as she headed for his bathroom. She ran the water hot and stepped underneath, soaping herself, eyes closed, head thrown back. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so sensual, so alive, and happy. She felt happy. Her heart fluttered, and she put a hand on her chest. Dear heaven! It was a sobering thought. Did she have a right to be happy?
Yes, came the answer.
She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling to see if there was a crack somewhere, a direct route to heaven. Surely that had been Daniel who had answered. The steam rose in the bathroom, and she smiled, feeling his presence, his acceptance and his love. He would not want her to be unhappy. Or alone. He would want a man like Nick in her life and in his children’s.
The thought made her shiver. She was about to step out of the shower, when she felt a warm body step in. “You leaving so soon?” Nick whispered, cupping her bottom.
“Maybe not.”
“Good. I figured I could use a shower too.”
His mouth captured hers and kissed her deeply. Her knees grew weak and she had to hold on to his shoulders for support. She felt his erection beating against her tummy and guided him inside of her. She wrapped one leg around his back as he rammed her against the shower wall. It was fast. Furious. And super hot.
She bit his shoulder and cried out his name. He pumped harder, and with a bellow he came. Boneless, she slid to the floor of the shower stall, and he slid down next to her. The stream of the hot water poured down and they were too weak and washed out to turn the tap off. After several minutes, Nick regained enough strength in his legs to stand, turn off the water, and help her up. He toweled her dry, then gave her one of his flannel shirts to wear.
“You ready for that glass of wine now?”
She smiled. “Never readier.” She laughed softly. “I think I’ve earned it.”
“You have. I opened my finest. A very nice Chateauneuf du pant. I bought it at a wine auction last year. Kept it for a special occasion.” His eyes held hers. “This is it.”
Oh, my! He did know how to make a girl feel special! “Wow. I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You can say thanks, later. Right now, I want to know what you think of it.”
She followed him to the kitchen, feeling special, and cared for. Dare she use the word—loved? “You didn’t need to do this. I like wine, but I’m not a connoisseur, or anything.”
“That’s not important. But I did want to share it with you.” He handed her the glass of wine and lifted his glass.
“What shall we drink to?” she asked.
“How about our chance meeting? And to continuing our friendship? I think that’s worth a toast, don’t you?”
“I certainly do.” They clinked glasses, their eyes on each other as they took their first sip.
She watched him roll the liquid around his tongue, savoring the taste before he swallowed, and she did the same. It was a full-bodied wine, smooth, complex, and delicious.
“Tell me about it,” she said. “What’s the history, and how come you bought it at an auction?”
He showed her the label. 2012 Chateau de Beaucastel. “This particular wine comes from a famous family-owned estate in the Rhone Valley. They have a great reputation, treating the vineyard like a garden. No chemical fertilizers, only organic. They’ve won a bunch of awards.” Nick shrugged. “I discovered it one summer while I was apprenticing in France.” He rolled the wine around his glass before taking another sip. “This has a rich flavor of dark and blue fruits, a hint of licorice and something else I can’t identify.”
He laughed when she nearly choked on her wine. “Okay. I read up on the ingredients. But I did visit the vineyards. And the auction was last year. A charity event.”
Lips tasting like the delicious wine, she gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you for sharing this. It’s unbelievable. I’m a lucky girl to be here tonight.”
“I’m the one who’s lucky.”
Oh, God—but she wanted to do him again. He was the most romantic man she’d ever met! “Stop! Please stop! I can’t take anymore sweet talk, or I’ll lose my head.” And my heart, she didn’t add. But it was definitely on the line. Too close for comfort.
“No more sweet talk. I promise.” He moved away from her and took a few trays out of the fridge. The Russian black caviar he’d promised. Smoked salmon with onions and capers. “We can nibble on this, and then I’m going to fry up some crab cakes that I made earlier, and we can have that with a green salad. Quick and easy.”
She rolled her eyes. “My idea of quick and easy is a frozen pizza.”
He grimaced and shuddered in mock horror. “Say it isn’t so.”
“Okay. Maybe not a frozen pizza, but one ordered and delivered.”
“I’ll allow that, and I’m not above it either.” He cracked a smile. “We really should be having shots of iced vodka with the caviar. “Want some?”
“Won’t it ruin the taste of the wine?”
He took her glass. “We can have the wine with the crab cakes, but smoked salmon and caviar definitely requires vodka.”
Jennie smiled and hitched her butt on a kitchen stool, happily content to let him lead in the kitchen. Shots of vodka, good wine and hot sex was a tasty but dangerous combination. But she wouldn’t complain tonight. Come what may, tonight was hers, and she was taking it.
They entwined their arms and downed a couple of shots, laughing with the novelty. As they nibbled on the food and each other, each taste seemed like a rare gift. The caviar exploded on her tongue, the smoked salmon was moist and delicious as it slid down her throat. The rich wine lingered on her tongue and in their kisses long after it was gone. The joy was fleeting Jennie knew, but all the sweeter for it.
* * *
The sky was still dark when Nick woke and discovered he was alone. He’d reached out a foot to touch hers, and then a hand but came up empty. Startled, he rose from the bed, but then he stopped moving when he heard something. Weeping. Huge sobs that tore at him and made him ache too.
He had wondered when the tears would come. The senseless guilt. The unhappy thought that she was actually happy. It had been too much to hope that she would have gone unscathed from their afternoon and evening together. He’d never be the same man again.
He knocked gently on the bathroom door. “Jennie? Can I come in?”
There was no answer, only the sound of a huge gasp, a fit of coughing, followed by another heart wrenching sob. He tried the door handle and fou
nd it unlocked. He slipped inside but didn’t turn on the light. His eyes adjusted and he saw her on the floor, sitting on the bathroom mat, her back against the shower door. He remembered taking her in the shower, but that memory was for another time. Right now, he needed damage control.
He knelt down, put his hands on her shoulders, and his forehead against hers. “Come back to bed and cry in my arms.”
She put a hand to her mouth, made a horrible wailing sound, and then cried harder. He didn’t know what to do. He tried to take her in his arms, but she flung them off. Leaving her was not an option, so he sat down on the bare tile ready to wait it out.
She made some keening noises, guttural sounds that were so deep and forlorn that they had to come from the soul. He hated doing this to her. He had only meant to make her happy, and for a little while he had.
He placed his hand on her bare leg, and just left it there. Eventually the sobbing lessoned, the wailing and keening noises died away, and she covered her face in shame. Between hiccups, she said, “Go away. Please. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Too late,” he answered with a sheepish smile. “And I’m not leaving you until you forgive yourself.” He stood up and ran the cold water, then put a wash cloth under it, rang it dry and handed it over. “Here. Wash your face. There’s a hand towel and tissues on the sink. I’m going to get you a glass of water and an Advil. And then you and I are going to sit on the couch and have a long talk.”
“Damn you.” She sniffed, but used the cloth to dab at her ravaged face. “Please stop being so nice. You’re killing me.” Another sob ripped loose and he used that as an excuse to grab the water and pink pill.
He might take one himself.
In the kitchen, he did just that, then walked back into the bathroom with hers. She was standing at the sink now, shoulders bent, head down, splashing cold water on her swollen eyes and face. “I don’t want you looking like this when you leave,” he said gently. “I’m going to have you sit on the sofa with cold compresses. The girls will be upset if they see your eyes red and puffy from tears.”
“They’re used to it by now.”
He swallowed a lump in his throat and stroked her back.
She flinched and he removed his hand. He knew pity was hard. He’d felt the sharp edge of it many times in his younger years from well meaning people. He couldn’t pity her, and he didn’t. He only wanted to offer comfort and understanding.
“Not on my account,” he answered. “And not on my watch.”
He stepped back, giving her some space. “Take a shower. Get dressed or not. I’m going to make us some coffee and we are going to sit and talk this out. You have nothing to feel bad about. And I don’t believe for one minute that it was a mistake. Or that our feelings aren’t real.”
With that he turned around and left, not sure if he’d already said too much. She needed to process things. Time and distance would give her better clarity.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Jennie and Nick drank their coffee and sat and talked it though, but it didn’t change anything, or make Jennie feel better. She knew she had done nothing wrong and probably Daniel would have given her his blessing, but that didn’t alleviate her guilt, or the deep-seated knowledge that she wanted to do it again.
Fact was—she didn’t want to let Nick go. And yet, she had to. After the holiday she was leaving. Going back to Norfolk. Six months would pass and she couldn’t expect him to wait for her. He cared about her, she knew that, but love was a different story. They weren’t in love. They didn’t know each other well enough for that. And they didn’t have the luxury of time to explore their feelings deeper.
And so, after their coffee and their talk, Jennie picked up her new pup, Rasco, and put him in the small crate she’d left in the back of the rented SUV.
“You drive safely,” Nick said, standing next to the open door of the car. “And have a wonderful Christmas. Give my best to the kids and your mom and dad.” His jaw was set, his voice steady. “And I hope I see you when you come back for your car, but if I don’t I’ll understand.”
His eyes searched hers, but she lowered her chin, unable to look him in the eye. Her stomach was churning, and every cell in her body ached. Yes, her body had done a major workout, but that was not what hurt. Leaving Nick standing here alone was almost unbearable. He deserved love, and a family, and all the happiness in the world, but he had to choose it, and so far he hadn’t. He’d offered her a glimpse of what it would be like to have him as a permanent partner in her life, but that’s all it was. A glimpse.
“How is it that you understand me so perfectly?” she said slowly, still unable to look at his beautiful face. “And yet, I don’t understand you at all.” She was hanging on by a thread, so afraid that she’d never see him again, and yet afraid that if she did, she’d lose what she had left of Daniel. She couldn’t have both.
“What don’t you understand?” He lifted her chin. “I think you know more about me than you realize. You might not trust it, that’s all.”
Her lips trembled, and he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “I do trust you. I ache for you. You have so much to offer a woman and yet you don’t.”
“Jennie…”
“Don’t. Don’t say anything. I have to go. Let’s just sit on this for awhile and see where it takes us.” She jumped into the car and gazed down at him. “I’m sorry about everything. I care about you more than you know…”
“Jennie…” his hand reached for her but she left it hanging.
She blinked back tears. “Thank you for last night. It was one of the best nights of my life.” She released a heart-felt sigh. “I wish you could be with us for Christmas, Nick. I will miss you very much. But the kids… I can’t do this to them. The insecurity, the thought that they might have a replacement father. It’s not right.”
“I know that, Jennie. It’s the best thing to do.” He gave her one long last glance then stepped away from the car. His shoulders were straight, his posture erect as he walked back to his house. He turned at the doorstep and gave her a wave and a small, sad smile. She knew he was not as unaffected as he let on. Inside he hurt too.
Heart breaking, she put the car in gear, found the highway and headed out of town.
She was home by eight a.m. The kids were eating breakfast when she bounced in. Whatever she felt in her heart had to remain guarded, and not exposed to her family at this holiday time. She would be cheerful even if it killed her.
“Good morning children,” she called, smiling brightly. “Morning Mom and Dad.”
She kissed everyone, hoping that she didn’t look as different as she felt. Her eyes were a little red rimmed, but due to the icepacks Nick had given her the puffiness was gone. “I have a surprise for you. An early Christmas Eve present,” she said to her kids.
“What is it?” they both asked, jumping up and down on their seats. They pushed their plates with the remnants of egg on toast to the side. “Can we have it now or do we have to wait until tonight? We usually get a present after dinner,” Katie said to her sister, knowing the routine well.
“Today is a very special day, and this little present won’t wait.” Jennie laughed. “Grab your jackets and come on out to the car. You can have your present now.”
Nana and Papa knew about the dog so they gave her a nod and a smile, cleaning the plates away, and allowing the girls to leave the table without their breakfast eaten. It was the day before Christmas and they were getting a pup, a poor replacement for the dad they loved and lost, but would bring a smile to their sweet faces.
The girls followed her out the door, both of them trying to guess what the present would be. “I hope it’s a cell phone,” Katie said. “Then I can call all my friends from school. So cool.”
“No, sweetheart, no cell phone. Not for a few more years.”
“I think it’s the i-Pad I asked for,” Brooke said hopefully. “I already know how to use it, and some of my friends have their own tablets. Even if
I am young, I wouldn’t drop it or lose it.”
“Not this year, Brookie, my love. You still can borrow mine.”
They’d only be little girls for a short time.
“Okay, close your eyes.” Jennie opened the back door of the SUV. “Now open them.”
They opened their eyes wide and squealed with delight.
“It’s the puppy,” they cried. “Spotty,” Brooke said.
“Mommy, can we hold him?” Katie asked, hands already reaching out for the small dog.
“Arf, arf.” Rasco ran around his cage in circles, his tail wagging joyfully. “Arf. Arf.”
“He’s happy to see us,” Katie cried. “Oh, this is the best present of all.”
Jennie clipped a new collar and leash on the young pup before she opened the door. “Okay, we can let him out now, but hold on tight to the leash. You know how this guy loves to run.”
She handed Rasco over to the two girls, who took turns hugging him and accepting his wet kisses. “Nick has been taking care of him and he named him Rasco, because he says the pup is a little rascal. I think it’s cute and suits him but if you girls want to name him something else, that’s fine. It’s up to you, but it doesn’t have to be decided immediately.”
“Hey, Rasco,” Brooke said, burying her nose in the dog’s sleek coat of hair. “Do you want to be Spot or Rasco?”
“Arf, arf,” the dog answered, wagging his tail so hard his bottom half moved.
The girls laughed and put the squirming dog on the ground. “Take him around the side of the house and let him pee before coming inside,” Jennie told them. “But hold on tight to the leash.”
She watched the pup hopping in the snow. The girls’ happy faces made her heart lift with pleasure. This is what the season was all about. Love and giving, and family. She was very blessed to have so much in her life to be thankful for.
And yet, even though she smiled as the dog and her kids ran around in the snow, she couldn’t help but think of Nick and how alone he truly was. Right this minute he’d be in the kitchen of his bistro cooking up a special meal for his customers tonight. He said the place was sold out and he planned to make bouillabaisse, a flavorful seafood stew. He also had filet and lobster tails as a second choice.
A CHRISTMAS COLLECTION Page 13