Murderous Profession

by D J Small

  She ignored the thoughts that told her this wasn’t a good idea, and pushed aside her conflicting emotions about Dax. He needed someone to be with him tonight, and if it had to be her, then so be it.

  Eliza went back upstairs to the master bedroom and walked over to the bed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table. “I got you some water in case you were thirsty.”

  “Thanks,” Dax whispered.

  Trying to ignore the nerves that had suddenly come over her, Eliza walked around to the other side of the bed and took off her boots, then laid on top of the covers. “Do you want me to turn off the light?”

  Dax nodded.

  Once the lights in the room were off, the orange glow from the streetlights outside broke through the sheer curtains, casting their own soft light into the room. Eliza clasped her hands together and rested them on her stomach as she stared up at the ceiling. She planned to stay there until Dax went to sleep, then she was going go downstairs and sleep on the couch.

  “Eliza?” Dax said in a low voice.

  The sudden sound of her name being called scared her for a second, but she recovered quickly. “Yeah?”

  Dax didn’t say anything for a long moment. Eliza began to wonder if she had imagined him calling her, but then he asked, “Can you hold me? I feel lost and alone, and I need to feel that there’s someone here with me, even if it’s just pretense.”

  Eliza got under the blanket and moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his midsection and pressing her front to his back. Being under the heavy blanket with her clothes on was uncomfortable, but her discomfort soon became background noise. Dax held onto her arm and exhaled a deep breath

  Thoughts of how she was crossing the line for being in bed with Dax echoed in her mind, but Eliza refused to listen to them. Comforting Dax when he needed someone the most wasn’t wrong, saying no to him when he was hurting was, and Eliza wasn’t some cold-hearted monster.

  Almost five minutes had passed when Eliza started to burn up under the thick blanket. It took her a moment to realize that Dax was also contributing to her becoming overheated—he seemed to put out more body heat than what was humanly possible. Eliza wanted to move the blanket, but she didn’t want to disturb him. Accepting her fate, Eliza ignored the excessive heat and focused on Dax’s breathing, waiting for the telltale signs of him falling asleep.

  At some point, Eliza dozed off, but when she felt the bed shift, her eyes flew open and she jolted up. Dax had turned to face her, and in the dim light, she saw that he was awake. She drew in a deep breath to calm her racing heart and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Can’t sleep,” Dax said.

  Relieved, Eliza laid back down and closed her eyes. Chuckling softly, she said, “You want me to read you a bedtime story?”

  Dax moved again, and when Eliza opened her eyes, she noticed he had shifted closer to her. He held himself up on one elbow, gazing down at her. “I don’t want a bedtime story.”

  Upon hearing the low, gentle resonance of Dax’s voice, Eliza swallowed. She saw several emotions flicker in his eyes under the dim light illuminating the room, but one outshone the others, telling her exactly what he wanted. Her body responded to the silent call, and Eliza didn’t know what to make of it.

  “Dax...”

  “Eliza,” Dax began as he reached out to trail his fingers across her jaw, “I need to forget this night. If you don’t want to, then I will respect that, but I need to feel something other than this unbearable loss.”

  Her body was willing to give Dax what he asked for and ease some of the hurt and pain that she saw in his eyes, but her mind told her to get the hell out of this bed and leave.

  She bit her bottom lip. “What about after?”

  “That’s after. This is now,” Dax said softly as he leaned in, bringing his lips closer to hers and sending Eliza into a dizzying, lust-filled haze.

  Their lips were barely touching when Eliza said, “I’ve never...” Taken over by sudden apprehension, she broke the intense gaze she shared with Dax, focusing on his right shoulder. “I’ve never had sex with a trans person before.”

  Dax chuckled quietly then lowered his head to place a soft kiss on the side of her neck. “You have nothing to worry about. I will show you what I like, just as you will show me.” He raised his head, and his dark eyes found Eliza’s. “Do you want to do this?”

  Lust thickened the air around them, and need consumed Eliza on every level. She needed him to touch her just as much as he wanted to lose himself in her. With an unsteady hand, Eliza reached up and placed her hand on the back of his neck, nodding her consent.

  “Please, Dax,” she whispered.

  “Anything for you, Detective.” He lowered his head and captured her lips in an ardent but soft kiss. The gentle avariciousness of it had Eliza drowning in passion, but as she clung to Dax, the feeling faded, and he was the only thing she was aware of.

  ◊◊◊

  Hours later, with her head resting on Dax’s chest, Eliza was fully awake, and shocked by what she had done. She had slept with Dax. Her mind flashed back to the tender kisses he had trailed down her neck and the swift but soft caresses that had glided down her body. Her thigh muscles tightened involuntarily as arousal started to take hold of her once more.

  This went beyond having feelings. Having sex with someone who was intricately involved with her investigation surpassed unethical and dove right into fucking stupid. Then there was the fact that Dax was a sex worker.

  The thought caused her brain to seize. She, Eliza Constance Miller, had had sex with a sex worker. A sex worker she had no health information on and knew little to nothing about. She didn’t know if he was up-to-date with his testing, or even if he was vaccinated against the various sexually transmitted diseases that plagued the world.

  The word “fuck” started to play on a loop inside of Eliza’s head. It continued as she carefully slipped out of Dax’s arms and eased out of the bed, dressing quickly once she was out it and making a hasty exit from the room. The word “fuck” didn’t stop echoing in her mind until she was sitting in her car and had called dispatch to request that an officer come fill in for her.

  Eliza had done some pretty stupid things in her life—and had some spectacular fuck-ups to her name—but this one topped them all.

  Thirty minutes after the call to dispatch, an officer dressed in street clothes showed up at the brownstone. Eliza briefed her on Dax’s current status, and as soon as she was done, she left. Her encounter with Dax was stuck on repeat in her mind, and the memories of it only fueled her arousal. A frustrated growl filled the car as Eliza tried to rid herself of the provocative thoughts that played over and over again. She was a stupid, stupid person, and she shouldn’t have done what she did.

  While waiting at a red light, she came to the decision to keep her distance from Dax. It was the best thing to do. Staying away from him prevented her from hurting him, and he wouldn’t be able to tempt her. Having absolute faith in that plan, Eliza nodded to herself and began to repress the memories of their night together. It would be a long and arduous task, but she wouldn’t let herself be plagued by memories of her and Dax.

  10

  The report Eliza stared down at could have been about the double homicide of two clowns, it could have been a completely blank page—hell, it could have been a letter telling her she was fired, and she still wouldn’t have been able to recall what was on it.

  Her mind was elsewhere. More specifically, it was back at the safe house with Dax, replaying their encounter from last night in glorious detail.

  Everything in Eliza swore she could still feel Dax’s sure but careful hands on her body. From the light touches of his fingertips as they trailed down the skin over her ribcage to the way his fingers had explored the hypersensitive flesh between her thighs with firm, slow strokes that had her pleading for him to make her come. She could still hear Dax’s soft breaths of exertion and the whispered praises that had driven her further into a lu
st and desire fueled insanity.

  Inhaling deeply through her nose, Eliza could feel her body respond to the memories. It wanted her to seek out Dax and relive them until they both passed out from exhaustion.

  “Miller!” Billy called out, interrupting the intense thoughts that seemed to consume Eliza’s mind. Her brain was clearly determined to make sure that she constantly relived every second of her moment of weakness with Dax.

  “Yeah, what?” she said, trying to ignore the arousal coursing through her.

  “Did you hear what I said?” he asked.

  Eliza reached for her cup of coffee. “Yeah, I think so.” She grimaced as the cold, bitter liquid hit her tongue. Guilt had driven her to punish herself with the disgusting, old remnants of the coffee she had gotten hours ago. Her head was elsewhere, and she shouldn’t have been at work because she couldn’t focus.

  Billy leaned forward in his chair and studied her. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been in and out of it all morning.”

  Eliza picked up a random piece of paper on her desk and muttered, “Nothing.”

  That was a complete lie; there were a lot of things going on with her. Once Eliza had gotten home last night, she had showered and gone to bed, believing that she would be able to put the night behind her and get some sleep, but what had ended up happening was her tossing and turning for several hours, thanks to the guilt that had begun to gnaw at her. When she had been able to fall asleep, it hadn’t been restful.

  Eliza felt like a major asshole for how she had left the safe house—running away in the dead of night like she had murdered someone while Dax slept. She cringed. That was a horrible analogy.

  Eliza blew out a deep breath. The walk of shame wasn’t new to her—in fact, she was intimately familiar with it—but this time it wasn’t just shame that she felt. Guilt and humiliation ate away at her. She felt like an idiot for having given in to her desire without thinking about the consequences, but it was her guilt that made her want to go down to the church and confess.

  Here Dax was, mourning someone he loved like a brother, perhaps even like a son, and he had reached out to her, seeking comfort in a way that was normal for him. Instead of telling him no, Eliza had said yes and left him alone afterward. She had been selfish, and it wasn’t right.

  If she did go down to the church and confess her sins, Eliza would also have to confess to sleeping with Dax, and she couldn’t do that. Just the mere thought of their night together set her libido off. Eliza shook her head to prevent thoughts of the night before from taking hold of her again. Thinking too much about their encounter would send her headlong into a sea of memories that would not only feed her guilt, but also turn her on when she had no outlet for it. Well, no outlet that was as good as Dax.

  He had sex down to an art—which Eliza had expected considering his profession—but it had been more than just sex. Their passion, want, and need had all culminated together, making a perfect storm that she couldn’t find the words to describe. It had been an incredible experience that Eliza hadn’t thought was possible with another person. Her concerns about touching Dax hadn’t been a hinderance, and once she knew how he liked to be pleasured, Eliza discovered that watching him lose himself because of her was as addicting as him touching her.

  Realizing her thoughts were heading down dangerous pathways, Eliza got up and said, “You know what? I take it back. This fucking case is what is bothering me. The fact that we have nothing is beyond irritating, and now we have this kid—a kid, Billy—who has been murdered because we can’t get this psychopath off the streets.”

  “Easy now, Miller. We’ll figure it out.” Billy said. He got up and walked over to her. “You’re wound up too tight. Go take a walk, maybe grab yourself a decent cup of coffee from that café across the street.” He gave her a teasing grin. “It’ll give you a chance to flirt with that barista that likes to make eyes at you.”

  Eliza grunted. She wouldn’t be flirting with anyone. Not only was it a horrible idea, but she didn’t want to. Dax seemed to occupy her every thought, and flirting with someone else while thinking about him seemed wrong for some reason. “I won’t be doing that. Besides, I think she’s still an undergrad.” Eliza sighed and stood from her chair. “You’re right though. I need to take a walk and get some air.”

  Eliza grabbed her coat off the back of her chair and put it on. Adjusting her collar, she came to a sudden stop when she saw Dax approaching her and Billy’s desks.

  She stopped breathing the moment Dax’s gaze met hers. With one look, she knew he was pissed, but her body still responded to the intense stare—much to her dissatisfaction.

  “Detectives, good morning,” Dax said when he was close enough. He glanced at his watch. “Or should I say, ‘good afternoon’?” He looked at Eliza pointedly. “Detective Miller, do you have a moment?”

  Eliza felt a heaviness settle at the bottom of her stomach. Her desire to avoid this conversation differed greatly from her not wanting to tell Dax about Andre. This time the situation at hand was entirely her fault, and nothing she could say or do would change the outcome.

  “Yes.” Eliza took off her coat and draped it over the back of her chair. “You can follow me.”

  Before she walked away from her desk, Billy stopped her and whispered, “Are you sure you want to do this? He looks pissed.”

  She sighed. Having this conversation only delayed the inevitable. She understood that Billy was concerned for her, but there was nothing for him to worry about. This was her mess, and she alone would face the music.

  She nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure he just wants to vent after last night. I’ll be fine, Billy. Go get us some coffee.”

  Billy eyed her, then glanced at Dax. He gave a curt nod. “Okay, but call me if you need anything.”

  Eliza flashed him a reassuring smile, then said, “Right this way, Mr. Collins.”

  She led Dax to the room the department used when they had to deliver tragic news to families. She found the location appropriate considering their impending conversation. She waited for a second after closing the door, then she turned to face Dax. “How are you doing?”

  A harsh laugh escaped him. “How am I doing?” Dax repeated. He forced out a derisive breath. “Don’t act like you give a crap about my feelings. I’m used to people leaving me after sex, but at least my clients give me a pat on the head and an ‘attaboy’ before they walk out the door.”

  Eliza grimaced. “Okay, I deserve that, but Dax, what we did last night...it shouldn’t have happened. You are pivotal in my investigation—”

  “Oh, cut the bullshit, Eliza,” Dax interrupted. “You wanted me as much as I wanted you, so what happened?”

  Eliza stared at him. Anger palpably radiated off of him, and she knew that being upfront with him was the only option she had to get them through this. “Do you want the truth?”

  “That’s a stupid question,” Dax snapped. “Of course I want the fucking truth.”

  Eliza blew out an aggravated breath. “I have feelings for you, Dax, but I can’t have them. Yes, you are a vital part of my case, but I also can’t do this. At least not with you.”

  “That doesn’t explain anything,” Dax pointed out. “You’re going to have to do better, Detective.”

  Frustrated, Eliza raked her fingers through her hair, then gestured at him. “You are a sex worker, Dax,” she blurted loudly. “I can’t be involved with someone that sells themselves. Last night was an accident, and it shouldn’t have happened.”

  Dax stared at her for a long moment, and Eliza instantly regretted her choice of words. There were a thousand different ways she could have said what she had differently, but she hadn’t taken the time to formulate her response before voicing it, and in the end, her words had come out cold, harsh, and unfeeling. She didn’t feel any of that towards Dax, but her emotions had gotten the best of her.

  Dax straightened his leather coat. “Well, at least the truth is out there. I never pegged you to be so narrow-minded
, Detective, but I guess I was blinded by my own attraction.” He paused, holding her gaze.

  “Dax, I—”

  He held up his hand and shook his head. The look of distaste on his face made Eliza feel even worse. “If that’s an apology, I don’t want to hear it. In fact, I never want to hear from you again. Have a good day, Detective Miller.”

  He walked out of the conference room, and Eliza rushed after him. “Dax, you have to let me explain,” she said behind him, but he continued to walk away.

  “Dammit!” Eliza released an angry, frustrated breath. This was her fault, and she had no way of fixing it. Her stupid beliefs had gotten in the way because of what? His job? There were worse things for him to be than a sex worker.

  Billy came around the corner. “I saw Dax, he looked upset. Everything okay?”

  “Leave it alone, Billy,” Eliza said through clenched teeth. “We need to check in with the tech guys and see if the security footage at Andre’s showed anything, then we’re going to go pay Veronica Hillbrand a visit.”

  “Okay...” Billy drew out the word, then asked with some hesitance, “Are you sure you don’t want to go through some of the data we collected on her first? You know, take a minute? You look kind of—”

  “No. The only thing I want to do is find this fucking killer so we can solve this case and I can get my life back to fucking normal.”

  The sooner it was closed, the sooner she would be done with Dax. In less than twenty-four hours, she had gone from feeling conflicted about him to being a complete and utter asshole towards him. The fact that Dax was still mourning the loss of his friends, and now the young man he had considered his little brother, made Eliza feel like a big, heartless asshole.