Abracastabra (Hex Falls Paranormal Cozy Mystery # 4) (Hex Falls Paranormal Cozy Mystery Series)

by Rachel Rivers

  “Ha,” he says. “It’s fine. You’re fine. Now. Trust me.” He grins, a fabulous grin. Have I mentioned that he looks like a god and is built like Adonis. Yeah, well, he is. I’d swoon, but then I’d look silly. And we can’t have that.

  Considering who I am.

  “Though I can’t speak for the others, that Druen is dead.” He points to a small black pea-like-looking spore on the forest floor, which he marches over and promptly stomps, turning it to dust. “Well, now he is.” He smiles back at me. “Good work.”

  “Would somebody please tell me what just happened here?” Jamie squints.

  “Oh, no…” I look back at him and sigh.

  “You know you’re going to have to erase that right?” the warlock says to me.

  “Yeah.”

  “But first you might want to catch that little weasel and lock him up for good.” He points.

  I look behind me to see the ex-Supreme Leader booking it naked through the smoldering forest.

  “Oh, gods… Just a minute, please,” I say to the warlock and turn and freeze poor Jamie, then pounce on the ex-Supreme Leader, dragging him back to me, with one long-armed thrust.

  “Please, I didn’t mean it,” he snivels.

  “Save it!” I say, stuffing him back in the trunk.

  “But—”

  I slam the lid down over him, and the warlock sits on it.

  “I’m still not going to marry you, you know that, right?” I say to him.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve always known.” He grins. “But it was fun listening to you shout at the poor coma victim. Oh, and by the way, it’s bond, as in mated, not marry.”

  “Whatever.” I shrug.

  “What on earth is he talking about?” Sotherby drags himself up to wobbly sit.

  “Nothing you have to worry your lovely little head about.” I rush over to him, helping him to his feet.

  “Yeah, you almost lost her to me, old man,” the warlock says, helping me on the other side. Together, we loop his arms around our shoulders and stand him up. Well, kind of. “You’re pretty tough stuff, taking a smack like that to the gut from a Druen,” the warlock says.

  “Who are you anyway?” Sotherby scowls in his face.

  “Yes, that is a good question,” I add, tilting my head to see him. “I think we’d both love to know.”

  “The name’s Zach. Zach Cavill.”

  “Of course, it is.” Sotherby groans.

  “So, you’re the warlock that’s been popping in and out of poor Jeremy’s body.”

  “And Sotherby’s. Sorry, mate.” He looks to him. “And occasionally Mrs. Dumfries. But not at the press conference. I want to be clear on that.” He raises a finger.

  “Then who was that?” I ask.

  “The Druen, impersonating me,” he says. “I was worried, let me tell you.”

  “And well, you should have been. By the looks of things.” Sotherby looks back to where the Druen once towered over all of us.

  “And they can be an angry lot. Especially if you’ve miffed them off.” Zach frowns.

  “And have you miffed them off?” I repeat slowly.

  “Y-Yooou, could say that.”

  “Why? What have you done?” I ask.

  “Let’s just say I was hired to do a job I didn’t complete.”

  “What are you talking about?” I pull away from him.

  “All right, straight up, here’s the truth in a blurt.” He swallows, takes a breath, then starts again. “I knew this day was gonna come.” He shakes his head.

  “Well, out with it.” Sotherby scowls, still hanging over the shoulders of both of us.

  “Promise you won’t get mad?” He looks to us. “Either of you?”

  “My dear boy, dogs get mad, people get angry,” Sotherby says, and I smile.

  “Fair enough.” Zach pulls a hand through his longish, black wavy hair, and then begins. Have I mentioned he’s chiseled like a god, like…everywhere? “I was hired by the Druens to bring you in. But then I got to know you, and I couldn’t do it. So, I began protecting you instead. Which violated my contract, and as you can well imagine, really miffed off the Druens, so they came after me. We had a show down you didn’t know about, where I thought I’d taught them a lesson. But he didn’t die. And that was a big mistake.”

  “Who didn’t die?”

  “Their leader,” Zach says. “And he’s still not dead. Miffed, but not dead. That’s what I was trying to warn you about, out on the lawn over cake that day.”

  “I knew that was you. Whoever you were.” I sigh. “So…” I raise a brow. “You were trying to kill me.”

  “Nooooo. I was never gonna kill you.” He shakes his head. “I was just gonna bring you in, so they could kill you. There’s a difference.”

  “Clearly.”

  “Well, isn’t this a cozy situation?” Sotherby interjects, smiling.

  “I’d like to take this time to ask for your forgiveness, if I could,” Zach says.

  “Well…since were almost betrothed,” I tease.

  “Mated,” he corrects me.

  “Stop saying that word. It’s so gross.” I grimace.

  “Well, will you?” He grimaces.

  “Go through with the contract, no, not on your life.” I scold him. “Forgive you, mmmm, I suppose.” I smile, feeling a warmth well inside me I’ve never felt before.

  Stop it, Violet. Stop it.

  “Oh, brother,” Sotherby groans.

  I turn to him. “He just admitted to saving my life, like several times, were you listening?”

  “Yes, unfortunately. I was.” Sotherby rolls his eyes.

  “Well, we’d better get you home and into bed,” I say to Sotherby, hoisting his arm higher on my shoulder.

  “I’ll take him,” Zach says. “You’ve got work to do.” He tips his head.

  I look around at poor, frozen Jamie, the trunk full of ex-Supreme Leader, and at the smoldering fairgrounds, with the coroner rounding the bend. “Yeah, I guess, you’re right,” I say.

  “It was nice finally meeting you, by the way,” I call after Zach before he disappears with Sotherby.

  “Likewise,” he says. “A total pleasure.”

  He salutes me, smiling, and they are gone, and I have to admit, my heart has been beating wildly since he revealed himself. He is quite the paranormal catch.

  No. No, no, no, no…

  Now to clean up this mess. I look around. And…there’s no time to do it in as the coroner has obviously ordered an ambulance and is arriving right behind it, right now.

  “Wayne? Donny? Are you there?” I cup my mouth and call into the air. “Reggie? Anyone?”

  They all appear.

  “Jumping jellies, wow, girl, what have you done?” Reggie gasps. He approaches the trunk.

  “Oh, no, don’t look in there.” I stop him. “Wayne, Donny take that away, will you? And prepare for it to be shipped to Nothingness Island, like yesterday?” I flick a finger toward the trunk.

  “You’re joking? That’s him?” Reggie clasps his chest.

  “Yep. In the flesh, and that’s all, literally. Hurry along, will you?” I say to the boys, who nod and pick up either handle about to zoom off…ex-Supreme Leader snivelling inside. “Oh, wait. I need to hex,” I say, casting both a silencing and immobilizing spell on the contents of the trunk, before allowing them to go. “That ought to do it.” I dust off my hands and motion that they can leave, and poof, they are gone.

  “And, as for you…” I turn around, facing iced-up Jamie. “You poor, sweet thing.” I stroke his frozen, shivering chin. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ship you up to Hex Hall for some serious debriefing tactics and a good thaw.” I pat his bluing face. “Reggie, would you mind terribly?” I turn to him, hiding my damaged lips behind my hand.

  “Of course, ask the fox.” He moans and rolls his eyes. “It’s always the fox.” He begrudgingly clicks his paw, and they are away. Safely out of sight, just in the nick of time.

  �
��We have a body here?” the coroner asks, walking up the lawn.

  “Yes, I’m afraid we do.”

  Chapter 32

  “I’m so very glad to see you,” Uncle Harold says as he’s brought to me in the jail, a section of bars still between us.

  “Yes, and I’m glad to see you too,” I say, my heart breaking at the sight of him looking worse for wear behind those bars. “Have you eaten?”

  “Some.”

  “And slept?”

  “A little.” He shows me.

  “Oh, Uncle, I’m so sorry.” I pet his hand through the bars. “But I have a very important question to ask you.”

  “Ask away, darling.”

  I lean in against the bars so only he can hear me. “This Cynthia,” I whisper, “that you just broke up with. By any chance, was she a blonde?”

  “Yeesss,” Uncle answers tentatively.

  “A blonde Mouloo, am I right?”

  Uncle’s face falls.

  “The elusive and highly vindictive rare magical hybrid creature known as a mythical Medusa-Vampire cross.”

  “How did you know?”

  I pull the hair samples from the evidence baggie I still have in my pocket, and they begin to dance of their own volition. “Need I say more?” I raise my brows at him, aware that he knows exactly how a Mouloo’s hair performs when held. Like little dancing snakes being charmed out of a basket. “As soon as I saw this, I knew, but I couldn’t get to you until now.”

  I place the dancing hairs back in the evidence baggie. “How many times do I have to tell you not to upset the ladies?” I look at him crossly, though sadly too. I could never stay angry with my favorite Uncle Harold.

  “Why, you think she—?”

  “I know it, 100 percent. Now, where is she?” I clutch the bars.

  Moments later, I’m in the seediest bar ever, in the roughest part of the paranormal realm I’ve ever been. I’m glad I’ve brought Wayne and Donny with me.

  I walk up behind a buxom blonde sitting up to the bar, who’s hair is having its own party. The strands lash out at me as I approach, and I smack them down. Traitors. Without them, I wouldn’t have known where or what to look for. “Cynthia Rasputin?”

  “Yes.” The woman turns around, her voice light and airy…until she sees me, that is, and then her face falls.

  “Know who I am?”

  “Yep.”

  “Great.” I grin. “Then you are hereby under paranormal arrest for the murder of one mortal known as Gloria Glassman and the attempted murder of my very own, wait for it…Uncle Harold.”

  “Oh, fudge.” Her face falls.

  “Yeah. Not the smartest move on your part.” I smile. “Wayne, Donny, do your thing, will you?” I snap my fingers and walk out of the bar, finally feeling satisfied.

  Chapter 33

  “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” I say to Jamie, sitting next to him on his bed at the hospital. Turns out the dethawing process didn’t go as well as planned, and he’s ended up in his room next to his brother.

  “Yeah. I don’t even remember touching that switch and burning my hands like that,” he says to me, the end of his nose also black. We acted like he’d gotten zapped by electricity when we brought him in. It explained his scorched fingers and nose and made for a handy excuse for why he can’t remember anything after calling the coroner. Wink. Wink.

  “And, you, we’re all glad you finally woke up,” I say to Jeremy, who’s tucking into a piece sponge cake. The first real meal he’s had in days.

  “Yeah,” he says around a forkful. “The doc says I’m lucky to be here.”

  “And we’re lucky to have you. Isn’t that right, Jamie?”

  “You betcha,” he says. “Only it bothers me your assailant is still at large.” He looks at his brother.

  “Oh, actually, she’s not!” I say, folding my hands in my lap. “I’ve got good news on that.”

  “What?” Jamie frowns.

  “Yeah, after you passed out, I was able put a couple of things together, and betcha, by golly wow, she’s in jail.”

  “She’s what?” Jamie sits straight up.

  “Yeah. You were right. It was my uncle’s ex-girlfriend trying to do him in over a bad break-up,” I say with a nod.

  “I said that?” Jamie scowls, looking confused.

  “Yeah. Just before you passed out,” I lie. “It was the hair sample you found that really sealed the deal. I had it tested, her arrested, and that’s it, case solved.” I shrug.

  “Wow, you really are something when it comes to solving cases,” Jamie squints, staring adoringly at me.

  “What’d I tell you?” Jeremy shoves in another forkful of cake.

  “You’re not really gonna let him think he’s the one who solved the case, are you?” Sotherby floats in, hovering just over my shoulder.

  “Well, it’s the least I can do for giving the poor guy frostbite,” I whisper.

  Chapter 34

  “I hereby sentence you to a lifetime banishment to Nothingness Island. From which, you are never, ever, ever, EVER to return,” Cousin Viv says, lighting a torch and smudging the ex-Supreme Leader from head to toe with it at the formal banishment ceremony on the beach the next morning. Everyone is here—all members of my family, the witch council, and the coven look on. Even Wayne, Donny, and Reggie are here to help me celebrate. Sotherby too.

  Though something about this still doesn’t feel like a celebration to me.

  Elder Rathburn surprised me by asking if she could stand right next to me, and if I would share in the ritual of the official lighting of the cauldron with her, which is usually reserved for only the most senior elder of the witch’s council.

  I guess things are improving between us.

  “You know, I don’t think I’ve seen your Cousin Viv this happy in all my life,” Uncle Harold leans over, whispering in my ear.

  I elbow him, suppressing my laughter. “I suppose it does feel good to finally be shipping him off to where he belongs, no matter how sad it is,” I say, as Aunt Kat steps in to perform the final extraction of the last of his magic, and Aunt Kit pulls the last glimmer of it from his eyes.

  “He’s finally ready now,” Elder Rathburn whispers. “Good work, my dear.” She squeezes my hand as Cousin Viv turns and shows the rest of us the last essence of his magic captured inside a small bottle, which she then zaps to dust, and weirdly, I feel like, at last, I’ve finally done something right. The ex-Supreme Leader snivels at the sight of the bottle and becomes even smaller before our very eyes.

  And I don’t know why, but my heart hangs heavy. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the job.

  I can’t help but think what we are doing is cruel. But then again, he has tried to kill me. More than once.

  Though, I am feeling a lot more appreciated. I look around into the accepting faces of my adoring witch coven.

  “What our coven is about to put asunder, may no other witch revive.” Cousin Viv’s hand shakes as she snuffs out the ceremonial torch and douses the cauldron. “You, ex-Supreme Leader,” she turns to him, “shall live out your days—however many you have left—aboard this boat, cast off into the sea to Nothingness Island.” She points to it. “Where heat, famine, sea gulls, and sharks are all fair game. Have you any last words?” She turns to him.

  “Yes, actually, I—”

  “Nope. Sorry. Time to get in.” She shoves him over into the boat, his hands and feet bound, and affixes the gag quickly to his mouth. “And now for the final touch.” She opens a jar and drops in a few leeches, at which he squeals. “That’s should do it.” She replaces the lid and drops the jar. “By all the powers vested in me, and as witnessed by all council and coven members, I now pronounce you officially banished!”

  The crowd applauds.

  “And now I have the honor of casting you out to sea.” Cousin Viv turns. “Unless of course you would like to do it, Violet?”

  “Oh, no, no. You go ahead.” I wave her off. I’m not so much
into human sacrifice. I swallow, not wanting to watch.

  “All right then, here we go…” Cousin Viv sings giddily. “It is with great pleasure—”

  “Oh, wait, there is one more thing.” I raise my hand, then reach around behind me for something, then run out to the boat. “Just a little something for the trip,” I say, placing a small picnic lunch in the stern of the boat, along with some bottled water.

  Cousin Viv scowls at me.

  “What?” I say. “It’s a long way. I couldn’t see him go with nothing.”

  Afterword

  “So, you managed to pull it all together, all by yourself again,” Sotherby says, looking proudly at me over his tea as we sit in his library the following afternoon.

  “Well, not exactly all by myself. You have to give some credit to Jamie for tracking down all those clues,” I say, holding up my tea.

  Sotherby sighs. “Again, I’ll give him credit when credit is due him.” He lifts his chin. “The finding of gloves and a few hairs does not impress me.”

  I grin. “You’re a hard nut to crack, Sotherby.”

  “Yes, I am,” he says. “Unless of course, that’s a modern insult.”

  “It’s not.” I smile.

  He sits back in his chair and brings his tea to his lips, which he cannot drink but loves to savor. “So how on earth did you explain shipping poor Cynthia off to paranormal jail, rather than the normal kind?” Sotherby asks. “Won’t the boys go looking for her, once they’ve finally been sprung from the hospital?”

  “Oh, yeah, that wasn’t easy.” I slide forward and put down my tea. “I convinced the boys that up at the jail in Coal City, where she was originally to be sent, the officials determined, due to the gruesome and particularly violent nature of her crimes, that she should go straight to the bigger house up in Ashleyburg to serve her time—half a continent away.”

  “Ah, I see, very clever,” he says. “So, they believe she’s there then?”

  “Right. Being held until she receives a fair trial, which of course, everyone’s entitled to.”