“My name is Kristian, not Krissy. Not ever.” My mouth twitches, but I keep my emotions under control. She rolls her eyes and gives me a cheeky smirk before standing up and leaving without saying goodbye. I shake my head and watch her walk down the middle of the cubicles to the elevator.
She’s going to be the death of me, I’m sure of it.
***
Jessica and I sit on the sofa in silence; she’s watching me stare off into space. For some reason, I feel extremely guilty about hurting Bailey’s feelings and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know why; I’ve never cared about anyone like that before, and I definitely don’t care about Bailey.
Moving closer, Jess puts both her hands on my leg. “What’s wrong, Kristian?” The question startles me out of my thoughts. I shake my head and turn to face her.
“Nothing.”
“You look sad. Is it because of me?” She looks down, upset.
Frowning, I cup her cheek in my hand. “Never.”
A loud knock on the door makes both of us jump in surprise.
“Expecting someone?” Jessica raises her eyebrows at me, curiously.
“No, I’m not.” Standing up, I head over to the door and peek through the peephole. “Who’s there?”
“Open the door, Krissy.” Oh no. How did she find out where I live? I turn the handle and open the door slowly. Bailey pushes the door wide, barging her way in.
I narrow my eyes at her. “I told you not to call me that.” She smiles menacingly and looks around the room.
“I thought I heard voices? Is someone here?”
“No, just me and the TV.” She gazes over at the black screen of my small television and gives it a weird look. She doesn’t believe me. I’m surprised she doesn’t think I’m a nutcase already. “What are you doing here, Bailey?”
She stops walking around the room and skips back to me, grabbing my hand in both of hers. “We’re going out!” I’m too shocked to fully comprehend what she’s saying. Is she holding my hand? I’m breathing too quickly, I have to calm down and stop this before it gets out of control. Snatching my hand away, I pull my door open and take a deep breath. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and leave.
“Who is that?” Jess whispers close to my ear. For a moment I completely forgot she was here. “Is that the girl from the marketplace?” Her voice is strained with fear. I can’t answer her while Bailey’s here. She’ll definitely think I’ve lost it.
I shake my head subtly and respond to Bailey, who’s looking at me expectantly. “I’m not going out.”
She laughs; it’s the most beautiful noise I’ve ever heard. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her laugh properly like that. My mouth drops open slightly before I pull myself back together. She pretends to wipe her eyes and grabs hold of my hand again, pulling me through the open door. “It’s adorable you think you have a choice.”
I swipe my keys off the counter as the door slams shut behind us. “Where are we going?” I ask. She doesn’t answer, instead she keeps a hold of my hand as we jog down the staircase and once we reach the sidewalk outside, she turns to me with a smile.
“The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they?”
I frown in confusion, and then tilt my head back to look up at the sky. I didn’t realize you could still see the stars this close to the center of the city, but there they are, shining dimly amidst the light pollution. “I suppose.” She laughs again, shaking her head at me and dragging me down the street. “What’s so funny?” I nearly have to run to keep up. She pauses at the end of the block and lets go of my hand.
“You, Kristian. You’re funny. What have you been doing with your life? Why have you got such a bleak outlook on everything?” I open my mouth to answer, but she stops me with a finger on my lips. “No, don’t answer. When you’re ready to tell me the truth instead of the bullshit you were just about to make up, just remember, I’ll be here to listen.”
She looks up and down the street and then crosses the road without looking back. I stand frozen to the spot, staring after her. I don’t have any words to describe how I feel. Exhaling a heavy breath, I look both ways, then jog across the street to catch up.
The corner of her mouth lifts in a smile when I slow to a walk beside her. I stick my hands in my pockets and glance over at her. “So where are we going?”
Her face scrunches up in a huge grin. “It’s a surprise.”
***
JESSICA
How could he just walk out like that? Just leave with that girl, and without saying goodbye. He just ignored me. The tears slip down my face before I even realize I’m crying. I sit down on Kristian’s sofa and let the sobs take over. Why am I stuck here like this? Alone.
Taking a deep breath, I wipe my eyes and glance around the dark room. This can’t be all there is to my existence now. There has to be more. A bunch of postcards Kristian brought home from his work lay on the coffee table in front of me. A glossy picture of the Eiffel tower lit up at night catches my eye. I always wanted to travel. To see Paris and London, to ride a Ferris wheel or a boat down the Nile. I sit back on the sofa, picture clutched in my hand. What’s stopping me from going there now?
I close my eyes and concentrate on the picture of the London Eye clutched in my hand. That is where I want to be right now, not stuck alone in Kristian’s apartment while he goes out. Wind materializes out of nowhere and whips around me, throwing my hair across my face. When I open my eyes again, I suck in a deep, satisfied breath. It’s beautiful.
CHAPTER 6
KRISTIAN
Bailey hails a cab and jumps in, motioning for me to follow. I’m starting to get a small headache. Rubbing small circles on my temples, I stare out the window at the passing landscape, shrouded in darkness. The backseat bumps around as we leave the city and pull up at the entrance to a drive-in theatre.
I turn to Bailey and arch an eyebrow in question. “Don’t we need a car to see a drive-in movie?”
“Nonsense!” She grins and exits the cab.
I tag along behind her as she skirts the outside of the parking spots, heading for a large oak tree off to the side of the theater grounds. I glance up at the sky as we walk; the stars glow brighter out here. She was right, they really are beautiful.
Bailey sits on the ground beneath the tree and pats the spot beside her on the grass, waiting for me to join her. I hesitate, unsure. This feels too much like a date. An awkward date I don’t want to be on. I kneel down and sit near her, keeping my distance. She shakes her head at me and slides across the grass to sit right beside me, barely an inch separating us. My back goes stiff and I keep my eyes on the giant projector screen in front of us.
A small giggle escapes her and she places her hand on my knee. “Relax, Krissy, I don’t bite.” I open my mouth to chastise her for calling me that silly name again, but my mouth goes dry when my gaze lands on her hand grasping my knee. She quickly pulls it off and shifts away from me a little bit. When I glance at her face, I notice the small, shy smile curling her lips as she watches the opening credits of the movie. The light from the screen flickers across her face, creating shadows. I can feel every nerve ending down the side of my body that’s next to her. I can’t concentrate; I don’t even know what the movie is about. Every time she makes a noise or laughs at something on the screen; I catch myself looking at her.
My headache is getting worse, the noise from the speakers scattered through the parking lot are starting to make my head pound. Bailey pulls something from her bag and then looks over at me, concerned. “Are you okay?”
I nod my head. “I’m fine.”
She rips open the packet of M&M’s she’s holding and pours some into her hand, picking them out one at a time to place in her mouth.
The way I treated her at the market has been eating at me for the past week. Now’s the perfect time to apologize. “Bailey?”
“Mmmhmm,” she mumbles, her mouth full of chocolate. Her attention is still on the movie, I’m unsure if I should
continue.
Oh, what the heck, I’m just un-socialized, not a coward.
“I’m sorry for how I acted at lunch last weekend. That was rude of me to leave like that.”
She half turns to me. “It’s fine, Kristian.” She tilts her bag of M&M’s in my direction, offering. “Hold out your hand.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m okay.”
“Just hold out your hand, Krissy,” she answers, exasperated. I narrow my eyes at her pushy tone and growl under my breath. She huffs at me and grabs my hand, turning it over and holding it still as she pours M&M’s into my palm. I stare at the colored candy with a frown.
“Oh, just eat them, you big baby.” Bailey giggles and leans closer to me, her shoulder brushing mine in a friendly way. I suck in a breath and exhale in one big rush, and then pop an M&M in my mouth, the chocolate melting on my tongue.
The movie isn’t very long, and for that, I’m grateful. By the time it’s over, my head is pounding so badly I can’t concentrate on anything that’s happening.
We catch a cab back into town and hop out at the intersection near my apartment building.
“Well, home is this way, so I’ll see you later.” Bailey smiles, shifting from foot to foot with her hands in her pockets. It’s starting to get early morning cold, my breath mists out in front of me, creating a white fog. She turns to walk away.
“Wait,” I call out after her, catching her arm. “Thanks for tonight, it was fun.” She smiles and nods, walking away again. “Do you want me to walk you home?”
She giggles again, swinging back around to face me. “No, it’s fine, I’ll see you later.” She waves and continues on down the street. I watch her until she rounds the corner, then I head up the stairs to my apartment. It’s dark when I enter, I don’t bother with the lights. I go straight to my room and climb into bed, curling into myself under the covers. My heavy, aching eyes drift closed soon after.
A loud, incessant ringing wakes me. It is well past morning, bright sunlight spills across my bedroom floor. I twist on the bed and pull my cell phone from my pocket. The flashing screen reads ‘Jake Holland.’ I sigh and throw the noisy thing to the other side of the bed. Groaning, I put my arm over my eyes to block out the brightness. If I stay here long enough, I wonder if I could just fall back asleep.
“So how was your date?” Jessica’s soft voice echoes around the room.
I sit up in my bed and rub my eyes. I can’t tell where she is. “It wasn’t a date. She’s a work colleague.”
Jess doesn’t answer. She’s upset. And so she should be; I can’t believe I left her here all alone again. Feeling remorseful, I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom, stripping off to have a shower.
The hot water slides over my hair and down my nose in heavy droplets. Bailey’s smiling face pops up in my mind. I shake away the image, wallowing in the guilt I feel over Jess. Why is it that everything in life happens all at once?
***
I’m not paying attention to the story playing out on my small retro TV. I can’t concentrate. My mind is a mess, everything is just too confusing. The shapes and sounds of the movie reach me, but they don’t make sense.
Taking a deep breath, I pull myself off the low couch and head for the kitchen. A cardboard box full of non-perishables sits to the side on the floor, calling my name. I really need to finish unpacking; it’s been over two weeks already.
The tin cans and jars clink against each other as I push them into the pantry. Unpacking food is making me hungry. I look down at the near empty box. A plastic wrapped sachet of popcorn peeks out from under a bag of sugar. Nodding to myself, I snatch it out of the box and unwrap it, placing it in the microwave.
I lean up against the counter to wait and glance around. I haven’t felt Jess around since I woke up this morning. I must have really hurt her. My phone beeps in my pocket again; I sigh in frustration and rip it out, nearly growling out loud when Jake’s name flashes on the screen. I flip it open and read the text.
Jake: Hey Kristian. How you been? Haven’t spoken in a while. Your mom has been ringing me saying you won’t return her calls.
Damn, I forgot all about calling Mom and Dad back. She’s probably worried. I type out a quick reply to Jake.
I’m fine. Been busy. I’ll give Mom a call now.
I hit send on the message and hesitate with my finger over the keypad. I really should have asked how he was too. I’m a terrible friend. Sometimes I wonder why Jake still cares. Pushing that somber thought away, I dial my mom’s number and hold the phone to my ear. She answers on the second ring.
“Oh Kristian! How are you? I was starting to get worried, sweetie.” I can hear the quiet panic in her voice. I should have called sooner.
“Hi Mom, I’m fine. I’ve been really busy at the news station and I completely forgot to call, I’m sorry.”
“That’s great that you’ve been busy. How do you like your new job? Made any friends?” she asks, relieved.
I pull the overstuffed popcorn bag from the microwave. “Yeah, the network is fine. I’m learning a lot.”
“And? Any new friends?”
“I guess there’s this girl I work with,” I blurt out. Nicely done, Kristian. I close my eyes, waiting for her reaction.
Just as I expected, she squeals down the phone. “Oh, a girl?”
“No, not like that, Mom.” I push my fingers into my temple and exhale slowly. I can just imagine how she’d be if I told her about Jess. I think I’ll keep that one to myself.
“Still, it’s something. When are you coming back for a visit? Or can we come visit you?”
I was dreading this question. “Ah, not yet.” I pause, thinking of the right way to phrase my next sentence. “I’m not ready to come home, or for you to visit, actually.”
“Oh.” Her disappointment echoes down the phone line.
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“No, no. It’s fine, darling. You get yourself settled and we’ll see you soon, I hope.”
“Of course.” I hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder and rip open the bag of steaming popcorn, pouring it into a bowl to take back to the couch. “I’ve got to go, Mom, I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, bye darling. We love you.”
“Yeah, bye.” I hang up and toss my phone onto the small kitchen table as I walk past. Relaxing into the couch, I start picking at the butter flavored corn.
Frowning, I try to work out what I’m watching. It looks romantic. Just what I need. Rolling my eyes, I reach over for the remote, ready to change the channel. A soft touch lands on the top of my hand and I freeze. Jess materializes beside me on the couch.
“Don’t change it. This is one of my favorite movies.” She looks up at me with sad eyes. I nod slowly and settle back into the couch, watching her. The silky blonde strands of her hair fall over her shoulder and glint in the artificial light of my living room. She looks so young and innocent. Her deep blue eyes turn to me and she tilts her head to the side in a question.
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t know what to say to her.
“Nothing.” I lean over, the popcorn forgotten in my lap, and gently grasp either side of her face, my thumb rubbing against her soft skin. She closes her eyes and leans into my hand. “I love you, Jess. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting weird, I’m just confused.”
She opens her eyes suddenly and moves closer, keeping a hold of my hand. Her soft lips land on mine almost forcefully. I hesitate and then I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer. The popcorn bowl spills across the floor at my feet. My fingers tangle into her hair and I shift so she can sit on my lap.
She pulls away slowly and sits back, holding my gaze, her cheeks a beautiful, flushed pink. “Still confused?”
I shake my head. “No.” I drag her lips back down to mine.
CHAPTER 7
KRISTIAN
I don’t know what to think. I told Jess I wasn’t confused anymore, but I’m starting to think I was lying
to her. I don’t acknowledge Bailey when she sits back down at our desk with a sigh. I try to keep my gaze from drifting to her, but I find myself watching as she taps away at the keyboard, completely oblivious. I twist my pen between my finger and thumb, staring at her. She tilts her head and looks down at her notebook, adjusting her glasses as her pen scribbles over the page. Her light blue eyes flick along as she writes. She bites the edge of her lip and suddenly looks up at me.
“What?”
I jerk my head down to stare at the printout in front of me, shaking my head. “Nothing.”
“Is there something in my teeth?” I glance up at her and raise my eyebrow. “My hair?” She touches her hair lightly, patting it down.
“No.” I shouldn’t have been watching her. Now she’s going to think I like her or something. Packing up my notebook and all the papers scattered on my side of the desk, I shove them in my bag. “I have to go.” I glance at the clock on the wall, I’m only leaving half an hour early. “Tell them I have a migraine and I’ve gone home sick.”
Bailey nods once with a small frown. “Okay.”
I throw my bag over my shoulder and struggle to keep my pace slow as I leave the office. What is happening to me?
Deciding home isn’t where I want to be, I head down Main Street looking for a bar. A small hole in the wall beside a large posh restaurant catches my eye and I push my way through the door into the dark, smelly room. Music is playing quietly from somewhere in the back of the room. This will do nicely.
There’s hardly anyone here, so no one will bother me. The rough looking bartender cards me as I sit down and order a drink.
Soon enough, my mind is starting to go fuzzy, clouding my confused thoughts and helping the numbness. Even the classic 60’s music sounding from the back of the bar is starting to become appealing. I motion for the bartender to hand me another drink.
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