Her of the Wood

by Veronica Watts

  Jin looks over her shoulder. "Good choice. Have you read it before?"

  "No." She doesn't want to admit that as much as she loves books, she has read very few. She just hasn't had the access, but the books that she did get her hands on, she read over and over until she could quote large portions.

  She can feel him trying to figure her out. It feels like he's peering at her through a magnifying glass. "Where did you get all these?" Her voice is light, full of wonder she hadn't intended to show.

  "The scouts bring them back. We used to trade with other villages, and sometimes I would trade the pots I make for books. No one else seemed to place a high value on them, which is sad really." He turns back towards the bookshelf and places a hand on it, almost lovingly. It makes Euodia smile to see someone else who seems to find such comfort and solace in the written word.

  "Well, I'll get those other two back today or tomorrow, and I'll bring this one back as soon as I'm done."

  He takes the book from her gently and looks at the cover. "Don't hurry with this one. This one should be savored." He holds it out to her, and she looks at the design again before she takes it from him, tucking it safely into her arms. "And maybe when you bring the others back, we can discuss them?"

  She nods before heading to the door. She already feels calmer. She makes her way back to the cabin and jumps up onto her bunk to start exploring the new words.

  She falls asleep without meaning to, and Ailie is the one who wakes her up. "Hey, sleepy. Do you want to grab some dinner?"

  It takes her a minute to pull herself together. "Yeah." She looks down at the poetry book, still open under her hand. She closes it and tucks it under the pillow she hasn't used since her first night here. She doesn't need to save the place because she is certain she will be rereading the entire thing. Jin had been right. The book is not a quick read, not if she wants to enjoy it to its fullest.

  The night before comes back to her as they're walking to the dining hall, but right as she's thinking about how to talk to Ailie about it, Rayne joins them. He's smiling and sweaty. He enjoys the fields, but when Euodia asks about his day, he surprises her. "I wasn't working today. I went for a hike and a swim. This place is gorgeous."

  They're all starting to find their fit. Euodia walks along trying to settle into her own comfort as Ailie asks Rayne about his hike. After a minute, Rayne heads to the shower, and Ailie turns back to Euodia. "It really is beautiful up there, and there's a secret section that not many of us know about. Maybe I could take you?" Euodia nods as a blushing smile spreads across her face.

  People talk about how their day has been. There are jokes, and a few people brag about the hunting they'd done that day. Ilford asks about when they might go on another scouting mission and if he'll be allowed to join. Ailie says that they don't have anything planned, and Auston stays purposefully quiet.

  Ailie wraps her arm in Euodia's when she finishes eating, and Euodia thinks nothing of it until she turns to see Broderick walking towards them. He's later for dinner than usual, and Euodia can't help but wonder why. She pulls her arm back into her own lap. She does it as nonchalantly as she can, but Ailie notices, turns to her, and follows her gaze. Euodia doesn't pull her eyes away fast enough, and she can see Ailie putting the pieces together.

  They both stay quiet as the rest of the group continues their conversations, oblivious to the drama quietly brewing around them. Ailie is the one who takes charge of the situation, politely saying goodbye to the group and gesturing towards the door. They drop their plates in the bins and before they're even ten steps outside, she asks. "What happened with Broderick?"

  Euodia is a little surprised by the boldness of Ailie's question. Ailie is that way with other people, not with Euodia, and it makes her pause for a moment. This has all been happening very quickly, but then things had with Orchid, too. Ailie is waiting for a response.

  Euodia decides honesty is the best policy. "He sought me out and told me to be careful with you. He said you're like a sister, and he sees me as a threat. He didn't say that last part, but it was obvious."

  Ailie starts to laugh, but it isn't the carefree, joyful laugh that Euodia has come to know so well. It sounds almost bitter. Whatever it is about this that has her on edge, it obviously isn't the first time it's happened. She turns to walk back into the dining hall. Euodia rushes around and barely makes it in front of her before she's through the doors. Their gazes lock, Euodia's full of concern. Ailie is angry, but Euodia can tell that none of that anger is directed at her. She puts her hands on Ailie's shoulders, and they move away from the door, Ailie walking backwards.

  As Ailie takes in a deep breath and turns to face the same direction as Euodia. Holding hands, they walk towards the night barn, where the music groups gather. No one's here for the evening yet, so they have the place to themselves. They sit on a bench, and as soon as they're facing each other, Ailie speaks. "He is not a brother. He's an idiot and a bully. Well, he's not an idiot, but he won't take no for an answer. He likes me, and he says it's a like a sister, like how he likes Hana, but it isn't. Even his mother sees it. He's pulled this protective act with anyone I've ever gotten serious with, but it's different with you." She stops suddenly.

  Euodia waits for her to continue, but Ailie just stares at her hands, picking around the nails she can't keep from biting, so Euodia pushes forward. "Why is he different with me?"

  When Ailie looks up, there are tears in her eyes, and Euodia's breath catches. Ailie takes Euodia's hands. "I've had several relationships, short term and longer, with both men and women, but I have never felt so strong a connection so soon as I have with you." Euodia starts to speak, without even being sure what she's going to say, but Ailie stops her. "I know you've been holding back, and you can tell me why when and if you're ready. I've been holding back, too, because I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. It doesn't end well, but I will tell you that I am all in. Whenever you're ready, I'm here, and I'm yours."

  Euodia can't speak. She's can't quite look at Ailie's face. Instead, she thinks about how tightly she's held onto Orchid, comparing everything to her and feeling a sense of loyalty that she no longer owes. She's thought that being open about her sexuality was a new chapter, and maybe it was, but this moment, choosing to let go of lost love and to move forward with Ailie, is a whole new book.

  Since she still can't find the words when she looks up, she acts instead, pulling Ailie to her. She wraps her arms around her as she kisses her. She feels Ailie's hands on her back and thigh. Their skin is connected, touching in as many places as their clothes allow and hot everywhere. Their hands wander from face to chest to waist. Euodia feels the muscles of Ailie's abdomen taut and strong.

  She pulls Ailie's shirt up and off, catching a glimpse of her perfect smile. Ailie uses the opportunity to pull her left leg all the way to the other side of the bench so that she is facing Euodia, and neither of them leans back in. Euodia stares, but with roving eyes, trying to take in as much as she can. This, she thinks, is the most beautiful sight she's ever seen. Ailie smiles, watching Euodia watching her.

  A voice shouts outside the door, and they freeze. There's laughing, but none of the words are directed at them. They hear the group pass by, but the outside world has encroached on their bubble. Euodia doesn't want this moment to end, but she turns Ailie's shirt right side out and holds it up for her to put her arms and head into. They don't say a word as they stand up and move back onto the path. They head towards the cabin, Broderick forgotten.

  SIXTEEN

  The next time Euodia and Callie meet up, Euodia can't stop smiling. Of course Callie knows about the relationship. Ailie and Euodia have been the talk of the community the last few days. Euodia is expecting it to be the first thing Callie asks about, but she starts their walk talking about the new material she's learning to make. Then she moves onto what good friends she's made in her work group, some of the younger people included, but she is glad, she says, that Euodia still makes
time for her. Callie asks Euodia how the hunting is going and how the watch shifts are. She answers quickly, ready to get to the primary topic of conversations, but when Callie has finished her points and questions and the subject still hasn't come up and they walk in silence for a bit, she gets it. "You want me to be the one to mention it."

  There's a twinkle in Callie's eye, but she plays it off. "To mention what, dear?"

  She sighs and can't believe she's let Callie play her like this. The old woman is good. "Callie, did you hear that Ailie and I are together?"

  "I might have heard something." She smiles broadly with sincere happiness and pride. "But I would be happy to hear more."

  A fraction of the thoughts running through Euodia's mind burst from her mouth. "Callie, she's amazing. I've been waiting to talk to you about her since the beginning. She reads and she's amazing with a bow, and we can talk for hours or sit in silence, and I know you've seen her, but did I mention that she's beautiful?"

  Euodia feels even happier than before, having said these things aloud. Callie takes her by the arm as they walk. They move slowly to keep her cough from flaring up. "You sound happy."

  She smiles and takes in a deep breath through her nose. "I am."

  "Seems to me like you found what you were looking for." Euodia doesn't respond. It feels like an omen, but she isn't sure what kind. They walk back towards the center of the community, and she walks Callie back to the work space next to the dining hall. They say goodbye, and Euodia hears Callie coughing as she walks away. Euodia wonders if she was holding it in for her sake.

  She grabs a few apples and rolls from the dining hall and heads out to the post where Ailie is for the day. Ailie's not at the usual spot when Euodia shows up, but she can't be far off so Euodia sits down, takes a bite of her apple, and starts to read the book that Ailie has left behind. She's only a few pages in when Ailie comes back through the trees.

  She's carrying a few rabbits by the back feet and wearing that big smile that Euodia has noticed is reserved for her. It's like a secret message, and it always creates a smile on Euodia's face in return. Ailie drops the rabbits and squats down next to Euodia and kisses her. "I thought you were spending the day with Callie."

  "Just the morning. Is it okay that I'm here?" Euodia still feels unsure about her place sometimes, but Ailie gives her a look and she knows that she is welcome.

  Ailie picks up one of Euodia's rolls and leans back to eat it. She's quiet for a while. "I'm thinking about asking Lorna if I can hunt full time." She talks between mouthfuls. "We can always use more meat, and I don't think we need all of the watches we have."

  Euodia has wondered about this as well. "I know Solace is pretty large, but four at a time does seem excessive when nothing ever happens. What are we supposed to be watching for exactly?"

  "Anything alarming." It's a line straight from the handbook, if there was a handbook. None of the rules are written down, but instead passed along verbally. It's the only answer Euodia's ever been given, and she's never been comfortable enough to ask further.

  "Yeah, I know that, but what sort of alarming things?"

  "Are you complaining?" Ailie stretches back with her food in one hand and her book in the other and turns her face towards the sunshine.

  "Of course not, I love it out here, but Solace could probably use our services somewhere else. I feel bad when I come back from these shifts where I've relaxed and see Thackery and Henley who are exhausted from working the gardens."

  Ailie gets quiet. She sits up and finishes her roll. "Before I was born, there were problems with some of the other groups."

  "There are other groups out here?"

  "Not anymore, not that we're aware of."

  "They're all gone?"

  Ailie nods. "So we watch. In case they come back. In case something wiped them out and it comes back." Euodia thinks about what this community would look like empty. Ailie leans against her shoulder. "Last year, a herd of elk came running through. I was able to see them from a distance and outrun them to the town. Everyone was able to get inside. They ran right through the middle of everything." Euodia can't see it, but she can hear the smile on Ailie's face as she tells the story. "We had to rebuild a few porches, but there was no major damage, and no one was injured."

  Euodia looks down at Ailie. "My hero." She kisses her sweetly and feels the smile she loves so much, but Ailie sits up quickly.

  "Changing the subject, do you want a skinning lesson?" They both look to the rabbits.

  Euodia pulls her back into the hug. "Does it have to be right this second?"

  Ailie pulls away. "It does if I want to have something cooked by the end of my shift."

  She hops up and walks over to the rabbits. When she picks them up, she holds one out to Euodia, who follows. They walk over to one of the larger stones in the little clearing. "Do you have your knife?" Euodia nods and sits her rabbit down next to Ailie's.

  "You're going to want to pinch the skin up to make a hole so that you don't cut into anything underneath. I usually start on one of the back legs, but some people start on the belly."

  Euodia is not feeling confident. "I'll start where you start." She watches Ailie pick up the skin and make an opening large enough for a few of her fingers. She holds up the skin on the same area of the back leg and puts her knife against it. She puts a very small amount of pressure on it and feels the skin buckle. She stops the knife with the tip just under the skin. After a breath, she pulls the blade along the skin. She's surprised by how smoothly this part glides. There's no sense of give the way there was with the initial puncture.

  "You okay?" Ailie can tell how uneasy Euodia is, but Euodia downplays it, nodding as if nothing is wrong in the slightest. "Okay, now we pull the skin off. The easiest way to do this with the legs is to look at it like taking off a pair of pants. You just want to pull the skin down the leg and off the foot." She does this as she's speaking, and Euodia watches as the skin breaks away at the ankle and comes free, leaving a furry foot on a naked leg.

  "We'll take the feet off after. Some people take them off before, but I worry I'll misjudge and have a furry stump." Euodia is baffled that that is what she's worried about. "Your turn."

  Euodia puts down the knife that she hadn't realized she was still holding. She pulls the skin around to one side of the leg and slides her fingers underneath. She has to pause here. She gets a strong hold on the rabbit's upper leg and as strong a hold as she can on the skin and pulls. Again, she's amazed by how smooth it is, like peeling a fruit. The skin pulls down the leg easily, but it stops at the ankle, and she pauses. "Here's where you have to put a little force behind it. I've found it's easier to think about pulling the foot in instead of trying to pull the fur off." Euodia pulls the leg in towards the body while holding the skin out.

  There's a ripping as the skin in her hands pulls away from the skin that will stay on the foot. It isn't physically difficult, but the sound of tearing causes the apple and roll she's just eaten to work their way up. She stops them before they come out, but she has to catch her breath. Drawing the air over her tongue helps with the taste, and the calmness of it assures her that everything is staying in place. "You okay?"

  "Hmm mmm."

  Ailie catches on. "Yeah, that can be a little rough the first time. Do you want me to finish it?"

  "No." She's at least found her voice again. "I can do it." She doesn't want to look weak, but when she looks at Ailie, that is the last thing she feels. Ailie has concern in her eyes, but also respect. There's a kindness there that helps Euodia push on. She watches Ailie finish the other three legs. The sight doesn't bother her as much as the sound, and neither the sight or the sound is as bad as the feeling of force when the skin comes off of the leg. She's prepared this time though, and she works each leg through quickly, taking a breath before the final pull.

  Then she repeats Ailie's actions by pulling the skin up to the neck and pulling the puff of hair off still left on the tail. "How you doing?"

>   "Let's just keep going." She's holding it together, but the talking needs to wait. Ailie doesn't really explain this next part. There's not a whole lot of explanation needed. She holds the rabbit's waist with the head hanging down, and as the weight of the separated skin pulls the head towards the ground, she uses her knife to decapitate the rabbit.

  Euodia watches in a little shock. She knows logically that they don't eat the head, but she hadn't thought forward to this. Ailie passes her the knife.

  Euodia reaches out and takes it. She holds up her rabbit and takes in a deep breath. She holds that breath in as she cuts. The knife is sharp, and it only takes three strokes. She gets through it, but within seconds of the last stroke, she leans to the side, unable to hold lunch down any longer.

  Ailie takes the rabbit from her, and Euodia sits down with the knife still in her hand. At first all she can think about is how awful this feels and how horrible that was, but as the wave of nausea eases, embarrassment takes its place. She's sure she's lost any strength she might have had in Ailie's eyes. She wipes her mouth with her right hand and spits into the pile before covering it with dirt and hoping the smell will die down quickly.

  Ailie's standing to her left when she turns around. She must've seen every unappealing, gruesome detail. Euodia doesn't meet her eyes.

  "Come here." Ailie holds her hand out and helps Euodia up. Euodia's legs are wobbly under her, but she tries not to let it show. Ailie walks her over to where their packs are. "Why don't you get some rest?"

  She doesn't argue. She lays down against the packs and closes her eyes. She hears eight more chops with the knife against the stone. The feet, she assumes, are gone.