by Lisa Hall
‘Sorry, say that again?’ Sadie still hasn’t returned with my drink and I twirl the empty glass in my hand.
‘I was just saying, it’s nice to see Rupert out again. We haven’t seen much of him, not since the night of his party.’
‘His party?’ I am still distracted, my eyes sliding back to where Rupert stands now with his back to me, his shoulder muscles outlined through his shirt.
‘Yes, the party he and Caro held that night.’
I open my mouth, about to ask what he means about ‘that night’ but before I can say anything, a tipsy Amanda stumbles over her own feet slightly as she approaches us. ‘There you are! Oops… I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’ Her eyes go to my empty glass. ‘Oh, Caro, you’re empty. Let’s go and top you up.’
There is a deathly silence as Sadie, who has finally returned with a fresh champagne bottle, and I realize Amanda’s Freudian slip before she does.
‘I’m just going to pop inside and use the bathroom.’ I walk away quickly, trying to quell the sick feeling that settles in my stomach. Maybe she didn’t really mean to say it – she has been knocking the champagne back pretty quickly, and the canapes Sadie has provided don’t really fill you up – but that doesn’t stop me feeling off kilter. Neither does the fleeting hint of a smile that I thought I saw cross Amanda’s lips before she spoke.
I step into the cool kitchen, relieved to be out of the unseasonably warm sunshine, and make my way into the hallway, looking behind me as I step off the tiled floor onto carpet, entering the living area. The room is immaculate, with no sign that two boisterous twins live here. Rupert told me about his godchildren, and I realize that I haven’t seen any sign of the children for the entire afternoon. I can only assume that Sadie has a nanny, that they are tucked away out of sight, another reminder that this is a whole different world to the one I inhabit. I wonder for a moment if that’s how it would have been, had Rupert and Caro had children together, before allowing myself to imagine for the briefest of seconds how it would be if Rupert and I had children together.
Casting my eyes around the room, I notice that a lot of the furniture in here is remarkably similar to the stuff Rupert has in his own living room, and I wonder whether Caro had extended her influence to Sadie’s house, or whether Sadie gave direction to Rupert after Caro died – or maybe they just had similar taste. Years of being best friends might do that to you, I suppose. I wouldn’t know, having not had a best friend since primary school. It’s things like these that I don’t feel ready to ask Rupert yet. There is a piano at the end of the room, and as I approach it, I see that the top is littered with framed photographs, most of them depicting Caro in some form or another. Caro holding a baby – presumably one of the twins – as Rupert stands to one side looking a little awkward, Caro and Rupert on their wedding day, Sadie and Miles either side of them, all four of them grinning madly at the camera. Sadie and Caro on a beach in bikinis, definitely a few years ago, I think slightly bitchily, their arms slung around one another’s shoulders. Sadie and Rupert grinning into the camera, faces smashed together, a party hat at a rakish angle on Rupert’s head. I fight down the envy that rises in me, at years of memories on display.
‘Em? I wondered where you’d got to – I thought you might have headed for the hills.’ Rupert appears in the doorway, looking a little rumpled and tipsy.
‘Don’t be daft.’ I cross the room in three steps, pushing myself into his arms and lifting my face. He kisses me, his tongue sliding into my mouth and I groan slightly against his lips. He pushes against me, his thumb flicking over my nipple through the thin fabric of my dress.
‘Follow me,’ he says, pulling me into the hallway and into the downstairs cloakroom, which is at least as big as mine and Mags’s bathroom at home.
‘Rupert,’ I whisper, feigning shock, ‘we can’t! Not here.’
‘We can.’ He turns me away from him, unzipping my dress as I lean against the square ceramic sink. He kisses my neck, his hands running over my breasts, before I hear a zip drop and I gasp as he enters me from behind, watching our reflections in the mirror above the sink the whole time.
After, as I pull my dress back on, conscious of my flushed cheeks and wayward curls, Rupert zips me back up, kissing the back of my neck tenderly, before wrapping his arms around my waist.
‘Has everyone been OK with you? I’m sorry I abandoned you; it’s been a while since I saw everyone.’
I turn to face him. ‘Everyone has been absolutely lovely. I’ve been made to feel very welcome.’ I can’t quite meet his eyes as I say it, but I’m not going to tell him that his sister-in-law called me by his dead wife’s name. ‘I just came in to use the bathroom.’ We both suppress a giggle, leaning against each other, our breath coming in tiny gasps as we try to keep quiet.
‘Meet me outside in five minutes.’ Rupert kisses me again, more deeply this time. ‘Make sure you grab some more champagne on the way out too.’ He winks.
I take my time to freshen up in the bathroom, fixing my hair and pouting into the mirror as I slick on some more lipstick. The wine has gone to my head a little, and I run my wrists under the cold tap to cool down. As I approach the kitchen to refill my glass, I see Amanda and Sadie at the counter, heads together, oblivious to my presence.
‘What do you think of her, honestly?’ Amanda is saying. It looks as though they are both cutting fruit for Pimms. I hold my breath, waiting to hear Sadie’s response.
‘She seems all right, I suppose. Not really the type I thought Rupert would settle for.’ Sadie pauses for a moment. ‘He seems happy, though.’
‘You don’t think she’s just after his money? She’s a lot younger than him and she hasn’t exactly got a career, has she?’
‘Well, neither have I, if you’re really honest.’ Both women snort with laughter, as if the idea of Sadie working for a living is a huge joke, which I suppose it is really, with that kind of money behind her. Despite the sharp sting of hurt, I wait for a moment, curling myself around the doorframe so that if either woman turns they won’t see me, unsure of whether to announce my presence or wait and see what else they say. My mother always said an eavesdropper never hears good of themselves, but part of me wants to hear what they’ll say next.
‘No, I don’t think she is after his money,’ Sadie says eventually, ‘she does kind of light up when she talks about him and it’s pretty hard to fake that.’
‘But don’t you think…’ Amanda breaks off, laying the knife she’s using back down on the counter gently. ‘Don’t you think she’s the absolute spitting image of Caro?’
As I rush along the hallway, Amanda’s words echoing in my ears, I almost collide with Miles.
‘Oops. Steady on, old girl.’ He reaches out to stop me from tripping, snagging my empty wine flute as he does so. ‘This needs topping up, doesn’t it? Rupert is waiting for you, out by the pagoda. Hurry along and I’ll bring this out.’ He carries on towards the kitchen without giving me a chance to respond.
As I cross the lawn to the pagoda, I see Rupert standing waiting, his own glass of champagne in one hand, the other shoved into his pocket. I resist the urge to rush to him, to beg him to take me home, instead stepping lightly across the grass keeping a smile fixed on my face. Will stands next to him, and there seems to be a small cluster of people around them. Slowing my pace, I frown in confusion at Rupert as I approach him, but he just beams back at me, pulling me into his side as I reach him.
‘Have you had too much to drink?’ I force out a laugh, as he kisses me in front of everyone. Rupert doesn’t give in to public displays of affection very often from what I know of him, and I shrug off a sense of awkwardness as I feel the eyes of all Rupert’s friends on us.
‘Absolutely not,’ he says, before pulling away. I watch as he digs in his pocket, and then in front of all the partygoers, all of his family and friends – all of them strangers to me – Rupert goes down on one knee.
‘Emily…’ A gasp ripples through the small cro
wd, and I find I have pressed my hands to my hot cheeks, my breath sticking in my throat, as my heart rate takes on the speed of a galloping horse. ‘Emily Belrose… I know this has been a bit of a whirlwind, and we’ve both been a little swept off our feet, but, Emily… will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’
For a moment the word sticks in my throat, and I can’t help it, tears spill over my cheeks, before Rupert nudges me, announcing into the shocked silence that I have to say it out loud.
‘Yes, yes I will,’ I say, and he slides the ring onto my finger. It’s a perfect fit.
Chapter Eight
Rupert was drunk on something last night, and he’s not one hundred per cent convinced that it was just champagne. He hadn’t mentioned his plans to propose to Emily to anyone, not even Will, just in case things didn’t pan out – in fact, he wasn’t even a hundred per cent sure himself that he was going to do it – but once he’d seen Emily with his friends, the way she’d smiled and chatted, even though he knew that she probably felt a little overwhelmed, he knew the timing was right. She fits, the way he used to fit with Caro before. He fights to keep the smile from his lips now as he glances across the pillows in Miles and Sadie’s spare room, to where Emily still slumbers on. Once she had said yes, the party had really started, and he’d had far too much to drink to be able to drive them both home. He stretches, thinking about the previous evening.
On one knee in front of the pagoda, Rupert looks up as Emily says yes, letting him slide the ring onto her finger before she smashes her mouth against his and after a pause that is heavy with its silence, Miles starts to clap and the others join in. Miles comes over to them both, leading Sadie by the hand, and kisses Emily on the cheek before pumping Rupert’s hand in a brisk handshake.
‘Congratulations,’ Sadie says with a tight smile.
‘Mate, this is brilliant – sudden, but still brilliant. You kept it very quiet – worried she might say no, eh?’ Miles nudges Rupert with a wink, his cheeks florid and ruddy with booze. Rupert hates it when Miles gets like this.
‘Well, more a case of wanting to do it at the right time – without any of you lot giving the game away.’ Rupert forces a laugh, relieved when Will approaches, Amanda not far behind him.
‘Congratulations, bro. And err… welcome to the family, I suppose, Emily.’ Rupert watches his brother kiss Emily awkwardly on the cheek, Emily – his fiancée, it feels strange to say that after Caro – flushing pink with what Rupert hopes is joy. ‘Bit of a shock but we’re pleased for you, aren’t we, Amanda?’ Will lowers his voice, and steers Rupert slightly to one side as Sadie and Amanda coo over the engagement ring. ‘Wow, Rupert, this is a bit unexpected. I can’t believe you never mentioned anything – I mean, we only knew you were dating someone a couple of months ago. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re happy then I’m over the moon for you. It’s great that you’re moving on after what happened to Caro, and Emily seems like a nice girl, but it’s just a bit of a… shock.’
‘She is great.’ Rupert lets his gaze wander back to Emily, her hand outstretched to show off her ring. ‘She’s exactly what I was looking for; I just didn’t know that until I found her.’
Will looks at him for a moment without speaking, before he draws in a breath. ‘I am pleased for you, Rupert, honestly… but it’s a bit sudden, isn’t it? You’re definitely sure you want to do this?’
Rupert resists the urge to snap at Will to make his mind up – either he wants Rupert to move on or he doesn’t. Instead he says, ‘Look, Will, I love – loved – Caro, but I’ve been on my own for over a year. I’ll always miss her, but I don’t want to be on my own anymore. I’m lonely.’ Rupert swallows hard, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.
‘Oh God, mate, I get it, I do,’ Will says, ‘but you know you don’t have to marry her. You can just be together; you don’t need to rush into anything.’
Rupert feels a wave of anger, as his fists clench by his sides. Of course, Will doesn’t get it. How could he understand how Rupert felt after Caro died? How could any of them? ‘If it feels right, then why wouldn’t I ask Em to marry me? I did what you all wanted – I did what Sadie told me to do. She said I should move on, get myself sorted, and I have. Emily is perfect, and I know I’m doing the right thing. Don’t put a downer on it.’
‘I’m not, really I’m not,’ Will says quickly, before he pulls Rupert in for another man hug. ‘Sorry, Rupe, I didn’t mean to upset you. If you’re happy then I’m happy too. For both of you.’
Once the ring has been admired and congratulations have been showered over Rupert and Emily, Sadie reveals that she has booked a band for the evening. Fairy lights that have been strung across the garden are lit, and Rupert sees that a marquee has been set up at the end of the garden. Despite the chill that settles now that the sun has gone down, everyone is happy to spend the night dancing in the marquee, and Sadie makes sure that the champagne carries on flowing. For a moment Rupert wonders if Sadie had an idea about what he was planning, before Sadie announces that she also has news – Miles has been promoted, and she makes a point of saying that this is the real reason why she has arranged the party, even though this is the first Rupert has heard about it.
Finally, at around two o’clock in the morning, the band retires, and Rupert realizes he is ready for bed too. He turns to Emily, who has matched him dance for dance tonight, dancing with not only him, but Will, Miles and a few of Miles’s colleagues as well. She looks flushed and rosy-cheeked, a grin plastered across her face as she tries to get her breath back.
‘Hey,’ Rupert stops her in her tracks as she passes, ‘ready to go up?’
‘Absolutely,’ she smiles up at him, ‘ready when you are. Oh, Sadie—’
Sadie has appeared beside them, a glass of what looks like water in her hand. Rupert remembers that Sadie is always the sensible one, the first to start combatting her hangover before she’s even gone to bed.
‘Are you sure it’s OK for us to stay? We can always get an Uber home.’ Emily looks down quickly as she says the words, and Rupert realizes that when she says ‘home’, she means his house.
‘Of course, Rupert and Caro always stay when we have a party,’ Sadie says, a boozy red flush creeping up her neck as she carries on regardless. ‘It’s no problem for the two of you to stay. There’s plenty of room. Mi casa es tu casa.’
Rupert is mortified as Sadie gives a shrill laugh and knocks back the contents of her glass. Maybe it isn’t water after all. Emily says nothing, and Rupert admires her restraint.
‘Thanks, Sadie,’ Rupert finally manages to get the words out, breaking the cloud of tension, ‘I think we’ll just go up.’ He grasps Emily’s hand firmly in his and they make a quick escape, managing to get upstairs without bumping into anyone else. Rupert closes the door to the spare bedroom quietly, and turns to Emily, who is very quietly reaching behind her neck to unzip her dress.
‘Are you OK?’ he asks, as she fumbles with the zip. ‘Here, let me.’
Emily’s arms fall to her sides. ‘It’s all right, Rupert. It’s not the first time this evening someone has referred to me as “Caro”. It’ll take people some time to get used to me, I suppose.’
Rupert turns Emily to face him, lifting her chin with one finger so he can look directly into her deep blue eyes. Eyes that remind him of Caro’s. He blinks away the vision of Caro’s face that swims briefly in front of his eyes, and kisses Emily. Her face is set, but he feels her mouth soften under his as he gently slides the shoulders of her dress off, letting it fall to the expensively carpeted floor. He breathes in her scent, floral and by now familiar, and rests his chin on the top of her head.
‘They don’t mean anything by it, you know. It’s just a slip of the tongue. Like you say, it’ll just take time for them to get used to saying “Emily”. Caro and I were together for a long time.’ Emily stiffens slightly in his arms, and he strokes her back, until he feels her start to relax.
‘Of course, I do understand,’ she says eventua
lly, the words so quiet she is almost speaking under her breath. ‘It was just a shock to hear her name in place of mine. But you’re absolutely right, time is all we need. And we have plenty of that. I’m not going anywhere.’ She looks up at him now, her blue eyes serious. ‘I mean it, Rupert. I said yes. It’s not to be taken lightly. I’ve made a commitment to you. After Harry… well, you know it took me a long time to get over happened with him.’ Emily has told Rupert some parts about her relationship with Harry, how it scarred her.
‘And I couldn’t be happier that you said yes.’ Rupert means it too; he really does feel like he has been given a fresh start. He kisses her again and reaches round to unclip her bra as she sighs and leans into him, letting his fingers wander over her skin.
‘Wait.’ Emily freezes, her hand against his now bare chest. ‘Did you hear that?’
‘Didn’t hear anything.’ Rupert reaches for her again, nuzzling into her neck. Now that the champagne has worn off, he doesn’t want to waste another minute of the evening.
‘Listen.’ Emily pulls away and goes to the door, pressing her ear against it. ‘There’s someone outside, Rupert.’
‘Em… don’t be silly, come here. It’s probably just Miles or Sadie going to bed. Or one of the others. They’ve got more than one spare room, you know.’ He tries to keep the testiness from his voice, but honestly, he just wants to get into bed. And not to sleep. He walks up behind her, turning her to face him. Emily relaxes back into his arms and he starts to edge her towards the bed, planting tiny kisses all over her face, her neck, his hands running over her body.
‘Wait.’ She freezes again, pushing him away from her, and he groans in frustration. ‘Listen. Can you hear it?’