by Tessa Layne
“I know cowboys that have sustained career-ending injuries in the practice ring. Colt, too.”
“Definitely don’t tell Carolina that. She’ll have a fit. Hell, she’s gonna have a fit one way or another when she finds out. You have to be prepared for that.”
Cody blew out a slow breath. “Yeah. I’ve thought about that. I hate not telling her, but I don’t want to upset her. She’s been through enough already.”
Teddy nodded slowly. “You love my daughter?”
Cody gulped. “I don’t know… sir.”
Teddy snorted and waved a hand his direction. “Enough of that ‘sir’ shit. Do you love Carolina?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never loved a woman before. At least I don’t think I have.” How many magnitudes of awkward was this? Cody squeezed his temples and kicked the dirt. “I love my family, but we’re Hansens, we don’t say shit to each other.” He looked up. Teddy stood, arms crossed, a thoughtful expression on his face. Cody scrubbed his jaw. “I love spending time with Carolina. She makes me laugh. And… I respect her. And I enjoy her company.” He would die before he admitted to Teddy how much he enjoyed fucking Carolina. Some things were meant to be kept private.
“Sounds like you’re on your way.”
“Why are you asking?”
Teddy’s face screwed up, a picture of fatherly concern. “Because if you do make a comeback, and if you do decide you love my daughter, then you have to be prepared to make some tough decisions. Love ain’t easy. It’s full of compromise. And sometimes people get hurt. Plain and simple. Don’t let anybody blow smoke up your ass and tell you it’s all roses and candy. It’s not. But with the right person, you figure it all out. And I’m not so sure Carolina’s gonna take to the rodeo life the way Lydia did. She’s always been a homebody.” Teddy’s face softened. “Like her mother that way. Always makin’ sure everyone’s taken care of. Everyone’s safe.”
Holy shit. Teddy Grace was still in love with Dottie. It was written all over the man’s face. If his father was still alive, would he still look at his mother that way? Longing hooked deep inside him. He’d never know. “I… thank you, sir. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Teddy rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna knock you silly next time I hear you say that.”
“Back rub?” Carolina asked later that evening. “Your shoulder looks tight.”
Cody’s thoughts immediately returned to Teddy’s observations. Carolina never missed a thing where people she loved were concerned. Did that mean she loved him? He shrugged out of his shirt, flinching when he rolled his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” she asked sharply.
“Nothing. I just overdid it today. Nothing that your magic hands and a little ice won’t cure.”
“Doing what?”
Shit. Shitshitshit. “We were helping out over at Resolution Ranch today. Got a little too enthusiastic, I guess.” Bile came up the back of his throat. Not exactly a lie, but definitely not the truth. But he refused to worry her if he was only chasing a pipe dream. Better to come to her with facts. When he could finesse it, and demonstrate to her that he was in good health. Moreover, that he was safe.
Chapter Nineteen
“You sure you’re up for this?” Parker asked, voice filled with concern.
“It’s a little late to be asking now, don’t you think? We’re almost to the arena,” Cody answered drumming his fingers against the window sill of Parker’s truck. Nervous energy made his stomach twisty, but he was used to it. He’d experienced that kind of anticipation hundreds, if not thousands, of times before. His gut would settle as soon as he climbed into the chute.
“It’s never too late until the chute opens. Then you better hang on for dear life and ride.”
Cody chuckled. “That’s how I know you’ll never be a bull rider. There was never any hanging on for dear life for me.”
“Seriously?”
“Nope.”
“Even the first time.” Parker’s voice dripped with disbelief.
“Swear to God. First time’s the best.”
“First time is never the best.”
“Speak for yourself, big brother.” He dragged his nails across his shoulder before blowing on them. “There’s a reason I’m a champ in the ring and in the room.”
Parker’s laugh filled the cab. “You always were full of shit.”
Cody flicked his eyebrows at his brother with a grin. They didn’t often joke around like this. Not anymore. And half the time, even when they were kids, Parker would be one-half awesome big brother, and one-half man of the house. In spite of all that, Park had always been there for him when he needed. Sure, they could joke about his first ride, but Park had been there. And it had been Park who was there, waiting for him to wake up after his accident. Cody cleared away the tickle that had lodged itself in his throat with a cough. “Thanks.”
“For telling you you’re full of shit?”
“No, dumbass.” Cody waved a hand. “For this. For being here.”
Parker turned serious. “You think I’d let you do stupid shit on your own? Someone’s gotta look out for your sorry ass.”
“You do more than that, and you know it. Look, I probably don’t say it much. Hell, I don’t say it at all. But I owe you.”
Parker scoffed. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“Hell, yes I do. I left town the day after graduation. You were the one who stayed behind and looked after Ma.”
Park’s jaw set. “I wanted to. And I wanted you to get out there and kick ass.”
Cody’s gut tightened. “Okay, now who’s full of shit? You stayed behind because you felt you had to. Not because you wanted to. I should have been more helpful than I was.”
Park scowled, shaking his head. “Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much the money you sent home helped? The only reason I got my EMT and went on to become a paramedic was because of you. The whole reason I’m able to train up the guys to become Hot Shots is because of you.”
Huh. He’d never thought of it that way. “But I was out having all the fun, while you were here.”
Parker grinned. “You think I wasn’t having fun of my own? Believe me, there was plenty of fun.” Parker extended his fist for a bump. “We make a great team. I keep your sorry ass in line so you can earn the big bucks, and I get the girl.”
Cody had to laugh. “That’s one way of looking at it. And I’m happy for you. You and Cassie are great together.”
Park’s face softened. “Yeah. We are. I like to think there’s a little of ma and dad in us.”
“I wish I remembered dad,” he said quietly. How could he explain to anyone, even his brother, the hole he had in his heart?
“I don’t remember much. I remember him swinging ma around once, and kissing her. I remember him playing with us. Riding a horse with him.” Park scrubbed a hand over his face. “I saw him, you know. The day he died.”
“What?” Cody’s jaw went slack. “What do you mean?”
“I was in the hayloft. Hiding from Axe and Gunn. I saw the bull toss him. I’ll never forget it.” Parker’s face drew tight.
“Fuck, man.” Cody’s stomach hollowed. “Fuck,” he choked out hoarsely. He’d heard snippets over the years, had pieced together that his dad had been gored by a bull. This explained so much. “Does ma know you saw?”
Parker shook his head.
Ever the protector. Even as a six-year-old kid. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not exactly the kind of thing you share with your kid brother. And by the time you were big enough, you were already riding anything you could get your hands on. It just didn’t seem right.”
Cody fisted a hand against the window and blew out a breath. “You think I should hang up my hat?”
“I think you need to do what you need to do.”
Cody made a noise of disbelief. “That’s a bullshit answer, and you know it.”
Parker waved a scarred hand Cody’s direction. “I still fight fire
s. I survived a burnover where I thought for sure I was a goner. It only made me want to go back for more. And every one of the local crew is on board for Hot Shot training. Some might call that crazy. I think it’s my calling. Cassie’s never gonna stop flying helicopters. Not until they bury her six feet under.” He flashed Cody a grin. “Maybe it’s our genetics. Call it the Hansen crazy gene. If Bullriding is your calling, and it seems to be, I’m not gonna stand in your way.”
Would Carolina? Teddy was right about Carolina making sure everyone was safe. And after today’s practice ride, he was going to have to let her in on his plans. If she saw him ride, saw how he was taking precautions, maybe he could put her mind at ease. What happened to him on Damnation was a freak accident, and he wouldn’t let himself get overly cocky. “Can I ask you somethin’?”
“Of course.”
“You and Cass. How do you make it work?”
Parker’s mouth curved up and he slid a glance sideways. “You thinkin’ about Carolina?”
Wild horses couldn’t drag an admission from him. At least not yet. Cody shrugged. “Just curious.”
“Three parts chemistry, two parts crazy, and six parts trust.”
“But that equals eleven.”
“So?” Parker smirked. “It doesn’t work out even. But we trust each other enough to be honest.” Parker’s face turned serious. “And this doesn’t leave the cab, but she makes me a better man.”
A better man. Carolina made him a better man. But would it be enough when he told her he wanted to make a comeback?
Chapter Twenty
“So how’s Cody doing?” Lydia asked, waddling around the kitchen table with the iced-tea pitcher.
“Why don’t you put your feet up?” Carolina asked, taking the pitcher and filling her glass. “You’ve been going like crazy today.”
“Nesting,” Lydia answered with a giggle. “Woke up at four this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’ve just been feeling antsy.”
“How much longer?”
“Two weeks, maybe three. We’re not exactly sure on our dates,” she said, blushing furiously.
“What else is left to do?”
“Nothing. I’m going crazy. I’ve cleaned everything three times, rearranged four - once in the middle of the night. I woke up Colt because the crib needed moving. We’re ready, and I have nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs.”
“Have you picked names?”
“Robert Tyson. Tyson for Colt’s mentor Ty Sloane.”
“What about for a girl?”
Lydia lowered her voice. “You have to swear not to tell mama and act surprised. But we found out the sex months ago.”
Carolina’s jaw dropped. “Why you dirty dog, not telling.” She grinned at her little sister. “Good on you. Your secret’s safe with me.”
“Colt’s taken to calling my belly Bubba.”
“Bubba? Oh my lord.” Carolina covered her mouth, giggling uncontrollably. “Bubba.”
Lydia rubbed her belly, flushing pink again. “You have to admit, it’s totally adorable, a big guy like Colt, rubbing my belly and calling his son Bubba.”
Was Cody the kind of man to give his son a corny nickname? The thought caught her by surprise. Sure, they’d been out and dating since the big wedding, but neither of them had made any noises about something more… permanent. They’d slipped into an easy pattern of chores, sex, work, more sex. And Cody seemed more driven than ever before to get strong and flexible. She’d been impressed by his progress in her yoga class. He could nearly do the splits, and had no trouble with advanced balancing inversions like crow pose, and salamba sirasana. He could be a poster child for daily yoga practice.
“We could take a walk through the park, if you like,” Carolina suggested. “Pop in on mama at the diner and have a piece of pie?”
Lydia wrinkled her nose. “Too hot. I’ll puff up like a balloon.”
“Do you want to watch Mama Mia again?”
“Are you kidding? Do you want to see me blubber like a crazy person during Dancing Queen?” Lydia shook her head. “Hormones. Nothing poignant, sad, or too romantic. Also no rom-coms or action adventures.”
“So what you’re saying is that everything makes you cry,” Carolina supplied with a laugh.
“Even dog food commercials make me cry.”
“Ok. No TV or movies. We could get Millie to do a tarot reading.”
“Are you nuts?” Lydia looked appalled. “What if I drew the death card? No way.” She said emphatically, rubbing her belly as if reassuring herself everything was okay. “I know.” She brightened. “Colt mentioned he was taking Cody out to try riding a practice bull on the other side of Marion. That’s a quick air-conditioned drive, and then we could stop in at the soda fountain next to the courthouse on the way back.”
All the blood left Carolina’s face. “What did you say?” she croaked, not believing her ears.
“That we could go watch Colt and Cody? Did I say something wrong?” Lydia’s eyebrows knit together.
Carolina’s stomach hollowed, and for a second she thought she might empty the contents of her stomach all over Lyd’s nice clean floor.
“Caro? What is it? You look like your…” Lydia gasped, shaking her head. “You look like you did at Michael’s funeral.”
“I read the report,” she said as much to herself as to her sister. “The concussion, the breaks.” She looked up, narrowing her eyes at her sister. “Did you know he’s not supposed to be riding? It’s too dangerous.”
“But I thought you said he was getting stronger.”
“But not for riding out of control animals. Another severe concussion and he could be toast. Not to mention what would happen if he injured his shoulder again.” Carolina pushed back from the table, and began to pace the length of the kitchen, pulling her arms around herself in an effort to warm up. “How could he to this, Lyd? To himself? To us?”
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew,” Lydia said, eyes wide.
“He’s been keeping things from me. I’ve bared my soul to him, and he sneaks behind my back to ride bulls?”
“He could be trying to ride women,” Lydia said with a weak smile.
She appreciated her sister’s attempt at humor, but she was too wound up, too hurt. “I thought this was different. I thought he was different, Lyds. Do I always just pick wrong?”
Lydia rushed around the table. “You haven’t picked wrong, hon. This is just a simple misunderstanding. That’s all it is.”
If only. This felt much, much bigger. Much worse. And the consequences… she shuddered at the thought. “We have to go.”
“I’ll get the keys,” Lydia whispered, hurrying out of the kitchen.
Dread drew icy fingers around her heart, squeezing until she couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be treating his life with such recklessness. The entire forty minute drive, Carolina fought visions of Cody’s body twisted and trampled in the dirt. Her heart raced, and it became harder and harder to breathe. By the time they pulled up to the arena, Carolina couldn’t take a complete breath. She gasped for air as she stumbled from the truck, freezing in horror as a man on the back of a bull flopped around like a rag doll, and then launched into the air, hanging suspended in the air for longer than the laws of physics allowed, before crashing to the ground with a sickening thud.
“Cody,” she screamed, running forward.
Chapter Twenty-One
In spite of what her eyeballs were telling her, she couldn’t believe it. Cody, presumably, in the helmet in the middle of the ring, struggled to his feet, and slowly walked to Parker, whose face was carefully neutral.
Had Cassie known about this the way Lydia had? Had she been a fool this entire time?
Colton lounged against the boards looking mildly amused. Worst of all, her father… her father stood on Cody’s other side looking decidedly guilty.
“What is this?” Carolina asked in a terrible voice, body flashing hot, then ice cold.
In the distance, a Cooper’s Hawk chattered. The southerly breeze blew warm and humid, doing nothing to cool Carolina’s flaming skin. And still, no one spoke. It was like the damned standoff at the OK Corral.
Slowly, with deliberate movement, Cody removed his helmet, eyes defiant when his gaze locked with hers. Carolina’s stomach hollowed. It was happening all over again, only this time it wouldn’t be like the second time - Cody was still very much alive. It wouldn’t even be like the first, because he wasn’t running off to be with a man. He was on a suicide mission with a two-thousand-pound animal. Her worst nightmares tumbled before her eyes like a horror movie. Cody’s body, twisted and lifeless in a nameless arena. Cody, crushed and bloodied. Cody in a box at the bottom of a hole in the local cemetery.
Without taking her eyes off him, she climbed over the rails, landing on the other side with a knee-jarring thud. Anger grew with each step she took toward him, until her body was a white-hot inferno. It was all she could do to keep her body from shaking like a leaf. She came so close, she could see the beautiful colors of brown and blue that made his hazel eyes. And still, he said nothing.
“What is this?” she asked again. How she didn’t lose her shit entirely, she wasn’t sure, because inside she was a volcano, a molten, boiling rage-machine.
His eyes grew steely. “I think it’s pretty obvious.”
“Yeah. It is. Is that all you can say?” her voice rose.
“Carolina,” Teddy said sharply, a note of reprimand in her voice.
“And you.” She spun toward her father. “How could you? You know the risks as well as I do.” She leveled a hard gaze at each man. Colton and Parker’s expressions hadn’t changed one iota. “You all know the risks, and you helped him?” The betrayal cut her to the quick, made her stomach roil so violently, she wanted to vomit.
Colt lifted a shoulder. “We’re rodeo men, Caro. We’re well aware of the risks.”
The fact that he’d used her nickname just made it worse. She spun back to Park, and then her father. They silently nodded their agreement.