Sorting Out Sid

by Lal, Yashodra

  ‘Then what will we eat tomorrow?’ said Sid, the quip coming up on autopilot.

  Aditi’s snort was almost as automatic. ‘Idiot you are! What’s with not knowing the day of the week? And how come you’re unhappy about tomorrow being a working day? I thought you enjoyed being “Super Toilet Cleaner Man”.’

  ‘Hey, don’t you run down my job – it’s damn interesting. In fact, do you know that I’m about to create the concept for a turd softener? It’ll make the whole flushing process…’

  ‘Eewwww, Sid … Shut up!’

  He had succeeded. Good! Aditi was so grossed out that she wouldn’t be bringing up his job in a hurry again – this tactic always worked whenever she got too vocal about his career choice. He had often thought about trying it out on Mandira, but she had always been very derisive, and would shut him down even before he could attempt to gross her out. In any case, after the last fight, she had stopped talking to him about his work … or anything for that matter.

  ‘So how are things with Mandira?’

  ‘Good … GOOD.’ He didn’t want to discuss this at all.

  ‘I mean things with you and her.’

  ‘Good! Are you giving me any beer?’

  Aditi looked at him, narrowing her eyes, but then her face cleared and she went off to fetch him a drink. When she came back, he had already thought about a safe subject to ensure she stayed off Mandira. And it wasn’t just a tactic to distract her, it had been playing on his mind for the last couple of weeks and he had found himself getting increasingly curious. He took a long sip from the mug of beer that she had brought him.

  ‘Aah…’ he said, and after a deliberate pause, asked as if it had just occurred to him, ‘Oh … by the way … how’s that friend of yours I met the other day … Neha or something?’ Of course he knew her name, but he was going for casual. He saw Aditi’s expression and realized he had been mistaken in assuming this to be a safe topic.

  ‘Oh!’ she snapped, ‘you mean the one you insulted repeatedly and then ran away from, right? Yes, that was Neha or something.’

  ‘Listen…’ he pleaded, ‘… I’m really sorry about that … was she really upset?’

  Aditi let out her breath in a huff, literally letting off steam. ‘No, Neha doesn’t get upset easily – most of the things that bother other people don’t bother her … she’s kind of different. I was hoping you’d get to know her better.’ She gave Sid a dirty look again, but he was too relieved to mind.

  ‘That’s great,’ Sid exhaled, ‘I thought she was very nice … whatever I … er … saw of her. I know she probably thinks I’m an idiot – I behaved like one. It’s just that…’ He searched for the right words. ‘I haven’t really been myself of late.’

  ‘That’s true.’ Aditi gazed at him. ‘I’ve never seen you so all-over-the-place before. What’s going…’

  ‘So tell me more about her,’ he said, interrupting her, leaning forward and setting his half-empty mug on the table. ‘Your judgement of people has always been so accurate. What do you mean she’s different?’

  Aditi was sharp enough to know he was trying to change the topic. But he had appealed to her ego by flattering her. That always worked. She rolled her eyes and let him have his way, settling back to speak about the girl who was clearly a favourite of hers.

  ‘She’s a single mom, as you know.’ Sid inclined his head graciously, ignoring the sarcasm. ‘She used to be my neighbour in Bangalore a few years ago. She’s much younger than us, just turned thirty. I never saw much of Kapil, her husband. Their divorce came through a couple of months ago – I think they were only married for three years. She’s got full custody of the baby – he didn’t really fight for it. She’s convinced he never cared much anyway. She’s now moving here from Bangalore with the baby and starting a new job. Very brave of her!’

  ‘That’s rough,’ Sid murmured, and then added wonderingly, ‘But … she … looked so cheerful and … happy.’

  ‘That’s her!’ Aditi said, smiling again. ‘She’s always like that. I’m quite amazed by her sometimes – she’s had such a rough childhood too! She lost her dad when she was only eight – so it’s just been her mom and her. They’ve done okay, though.’

  ‘So how come she’s leaving her mom and moving to Delhi? And why is she moving to Sherwood Towers … just to be close to you?’

  Aditi looked a little surprised at the interest he was showing. ‘Well … moving to Delhi? Maybe she just wanted a change – sort of a new beginning? And Sherwood Towers is only partly because of me and Krish – Neha doesn’t ask for help on most things, she’s pretty independent. I think it’s just that her new office is in Gurgaon, and she feels Ayaan and Kippy would be good company for each other.’

  ‘Kippy?’ Sid couldn’t help snorting. ‘Sounds like a dog’s name!’

  Aditi’s smile disappeared and she told him coldly, ‘I wouldn’t say that to her if I were you.’

  ‘Got it.’ Sid wiped the grin off his face.

  ‘She’s pretty unique,’ continued Aditi. ‘Full of life. Always interested in meeting all types of people. She introduced me the other day to this Englishwoman, Cynthia – a British psychic! I don’t believe in all these things, but she’s supposed to have quite a following – has a practice in Hauz Khas. The three of us went out for lunch. I thought she was very sweet … slightly strange. I’ve no idea where Neha meets these people. Anyway, she’s always doing stuff like that.’

  He was on the verge of making a derisive crack about the whole British-psychic-named-Cynthia thing, but refrained given how Aditi had reacted to the Kippy-being-a-dog’s-name remark. Instead, he ran his mind over the description of Neha’s life that he had just heard. ‘Well, she really sounds like something.’

  ‘Ya,’ said Aditi, ‘well, she has her own way of dealing with things and manages to stay genuinely sorted.’ She added in a penetrating manner, ‘It’s not like an act that some people put on.’

  He refused to rise to the bait. ‘That’s true … so, what’s for dinner?’

  ‘Sid!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Are you going to talk to me now?’

  ‘What the hell have we been doing so far?’

  ‘You know…’

  ‘Know what?’

  ‘Stop pretending that there’s no problem with you – are you and Mandira having trouble?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Sid?’

  ‘What?’ He hardly ever let his irritation show to anyone, especially Aditi, but he was definitely feeling a little snappy now. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He saw how taken aback Aditi was with how loud he’d been. ‘Arrey, yaar, it’s just that my HR head was also probing and I ended up telling her that Mandira and I have been arguing of late, and…’

  ‘Wait,’ Aditi interjected, looking annoyed, ‘you mean you’re comfortable talking to your HR head about things you don’t even tell your supposedly best friend?’

  ‘Listen…’ Sid took a deep breath – Aditi had completely missed the point … they all did. ‘This is getting ridiculous! First Mandira gets upset because she thinks I told Sunny about my promotion before telling her. Now, you’re getting upset because I told Meenakshi something before you – what’s with you people? Don’t you get it?’

  Apparently, she didn’t. She squealed, ‘You’re getting a promotion and didn’t tell me!’

  ‘Oh God!’ He jumped up. ‘You’re all crazy!’

  ‘Sit down,’ she snapped at him. He involuntarily dropped back into the sofa and glared at her. She was smiling now. ‘That last one was just a joke, you joker.’

  He wasn’t so sure and eyed her for a few seconds, but decided it would be nicer to believe her. He was breathing heavily and he knew his ears were red … his face felt all hot and flushed. He tried to calm himself down and think of something nice.

  After a moment, Aditi ventured, ‘So you’ve been arguing of late.’

  ‘Listen … Ms Jasoosy Pants … I don’t want to talk about it … to
anyone. All couples have arguments. You’re telling me that you and Krish don’t have arguments?’

  ‘Yes, but…’

  ‘Oh you do? Then you know what? I think your marriage is falling apart, your whole world is falling apart, and the sky is falling on your head!’

  They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity to him, but there was no way that he was going to back down now. For once, he wasn’t going to let a woman push him around. She had to be made to understand that this was no longer acceptable. She couldn’t just…

  Was that a tear forming in her left eye? It was.

  Phat gayi!

  When she spoke again, gazing at him through her now wet eyes, her voice was trembling. ‘Sid? I thought after all these years you would trust me enough to tell me what’s going on with you. Isn’t that what friends are for?’

  Sigh! Double phat gayi!

  Tears – the most blatant, visible weapon of emotional blackmail that a woman could ever employ. Mandira had stopped with her tears many months back, or had it perhaps already been a couple of years? In her case, she seemed too angry and bitter to cry any more. That had suited him just fine because that was one thing to which he had never managed to be fully immune.

  Involuntarily, he closed his eyes and said softly, ‘Don’t cry, Adu.’

  She sniffled. He half-opened one eye. She seemed to be gathering herself.

  ‘Listen,’ he said, ‘it’s just that I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Things haven’t been that great of late, but it’s probably just a phase we’re going through, and…’

  ‘How long, Sid? How long is this “phase” going to last? It’s been this way with you guys forever! You’ve been fighting right from the beginning!’

  ‘Hey!’ he protested, ‘not right from the beginning.’ There was a pause as she looked at him uncertainly, and he gave her a weak smile, continuing, ‘We didn’t fight on our honeymoon!’

  She glared at him, caught between the angry tears and the smile that he could see she was trying to suppress.

  ‘Not on the first day of our honeymoon, at least.’ It worked. His feeble attempt at making her smile worked. ‘Okay, look,’ he continued, ‘I know we argue a lot … and we’ve been doing more of that than usual. But I really don’t know why. Mandira’s been acting weird and cold of late, and I just thought I’d give her some space and time to get over it. You know?’

  ‘Hmm…’ Aditi seemed to have forgotten her crying and her brow was now furrowed in concentration. Sid looked at her – Ms Jasoosy Pants – he had come up with the moniker spontaneously, but decided it fit the bill perfectly. She continued, ‘You’re telling me … she’s been more withdrawn of late, and so … you’re giving her “time” and “space” instead of trying to find out what’s really going on with her?’

  Sid felt himself getting irritated all over again – just because Aditi’s style was to confront all problems with the delicacy of a sledgehammer, she expected everyone to apply the same approach. But he had enough control now to swallow the irritation – he wasn’t going to risk making Aditi cry twice before dinner. So, he said mildly, ‘Yes … I think that’s what people need sometimes … to be left alone, and that’s what I’m trying. Besides, if she really wants to talk, I’m pretty sure she’ll be able to do it with Vikas and Sunny – she’s quite close to them.’

  She sighed. He was pleased to sense that Aditi was now on the verge of giving up. ‘Okay, Sid. I just want you to know, I’ve been watching you for a while now, and you’ve changed. You were such a happy-go-lucky and cheerful person, always up to something or the other! And of late, you’ve been so lost, you don’t even remember what day of the week it is!’

  He knew she was right, but he just said lightly, ‘Come on, Adu, people change … you’ve changed too, except for the fact that you still use the phrase “happy-go-lucky”. Come on, who talks like that any more?’

  She mock-glared at him, unable to hide her amusement. That’s why he felt comfortable with Aditi despite her firecracker temper. He invariably managed to find her funny bone and tickle it.

  ‘Fine,’ she said with an air of finality. ‘If there’s ever a time you want to talk…’

  ‘Sure, thanks,’ he said, unable to meet her eye this time. Why did women feel the need to spell everything out all the time? It was embarrassing.

  Luckily, the bell rang and Aditi jumped up to answer the door. ‘Must be Krish, he was getting off early today. See, if you had come tomorrow like we had planned we could have talked longer…’

  Sid felt an enormous sense of relief for fortuitously landing up a day early, and was so overcome with warmth towards his saviour that when Krish walked in, he jumped to his feet and hugged him with a ‘Heyyy … Krish!’

  Krish waited for Sid to let go of him and then said with his usual easy grin and straightforward manner, ‘Oye … Why the hell do you keep hugging me nowadays? Don’t be such a woman!’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Sid stepped back and offered his hand to Krish who shook it firmly.

  Inwardly, Sid shuddered. A Woman. Last thing he would ever want to be.

  Nuts, the whole lot of them.

  7

  The Script Presentation

  Sid read his email with growing dismay.

  Great, just what he needed now – another visit by the Global Team from the headquarters in Germany, which his team referred to as the ‘Toilet Seat of Power’. In just ten days. Now, he and his team would have to make audio-visuals and walkthroughs and presentations for the goras instead of doing any actual work.

  Sid became aware of someone speaking in the vicinity of his left ear. He turned and looked up to see the newest member of the marketing team, a management trainee, Ravi, whom he had privately labelled as ‘enthu cutlet’. Initially, his enthusiasm had been impressive, but now Sid found it so trying that he often felt the urge to bop him on the head with his laptop. But you just didn’t do stuff like that when you were the boss. Plus, it was hard to find people who could be enthusiastic about the toilet cleaner business. So he refrained from expressing his irritation.

  Ravi was looking expectantly at him now, and Sid realized that he was supposed to respond. ‘Good, GOOD,’ he said, hoping that it would suffice.

  Apparently, it didn’t. Ravi repeated his question, his enthusiasm undiminished, ‘Sid-boss, I said the ad-agency is here, and asked if you want to see them here or in Conference Room One?’

  Sid tried to recollect what the meeting was for while Ravi continued, ‘I think Conference Room One would be better because they have some stuff to present and will be able to spread the layouts on the table … I was also thinking of calling in a couple of other people – if you don’t mind – just so that we’ll get multiple opinions, and that’s always good when we’re looking at creatives because we may have a certain point of view on what may work but actually our closeness to the brand may deter us from risk taking and thus a different perspective may…’

  ‘Fine, FINE!’ said Sid, standing up and steering Ravi away from his desk. ‘Go and call them into the conference room. Call anyone you want!’

  Ravi trotted off with an air of importance. Sid rubbed his temple as he headed towards the conference room and stood waiting by the door, thinking hard. Agency presentation – of course, a script presentation for their lead brand, Kollinex. Sid realized he was losing track of things at work – he had always been so planned and organized. No matter, he squared his shoulders. Today was a new day, a good day, and scripts certainly always led to interesting discussions. Maybe today the agency would really present something good. Maybe it…

  He lost his train of thought as he suddenly caught sight of Ravi some distance away, in conversation with Akash who had been sauntering around the office in his usual aimless way. What was that little squirt doing talking to him now? He then saw that they appeared to have reached an amicable agreement, and with horror, he watched Ravi leading Akash towards him. He had called Akash to their meeting? Ravi was beaming a
nd looked pleased with himself.

  As they reached Sid, who stood frozen to his spot by the door, Akash boomed, ‘Agency presentation, eh? This young man just came to tell me about it and I said, of course, I need to join in on something as critical as a script presentation.’ He then started towards the loo saying, ‘Just give me a minute, okay? I’ll see you inside.’ He looked back as if something had just struck him. ‘Might as well get into the mood, eh?’ He indicated the toilet, and young Ravi laughed loudly and appreciatively. Sid waited till Akash had turned around again before glaring at Ravi to quell him. He just wished this kid didn’t remind him so much of himself in his younger days.

  His shoulders sagged as the full realization sank in. Oh no! Akash in a script presentation? Sid had managed to convince Akash only a few months ago to leave marketing completely to him, working on him over several cigarette breaks. It had worked well, given Akash’s natural inclination to disengage from work. Pretty soon he had stepped out of marketing completely, using his freed-up time to do more strategic thinking. This, Sid had observed, apparently meant more cigarette breaks and conversations with his extramarital girlfriend. It never ceased to amaze Sid how Akash had come so far by doing so little actual work. In fact, just yesterday, while watching him whispering what were clearly sweet nothings into the phone, Sid had hit upon his new theory for Akash’s entry into the company. There had to be some sort of ‘secret sports quota’ or something. He resolved to ask Meenakshi about it now that she was all friendly with him.

  But now this idiot had invited Akash into the script presentation. Sid grit his teeth. He would deal with Ravi later, probably send him for all the upcoming in-house product researches. Sid recalled that during his induction he had been forced to watch product demonstrations of how Kollinex worked its magic on all kinds of toilet stains in Indian as well as Western-style toilets. It had been a nauseating experience – although of course he had later gushed about how extremely interesting and educational it had been. Yes, that’s what Ravi deserved, except that given how ‘enthu’ Ravi was, he would probably enjoy it, cheerfully chalking it up as a brilliant learning experience, and even mean it – little twit!