Sorting Out Sid

by Lal, Yashodra

  Neha adjusted her little green purse, and taking Kippy by the hand led her through the door and closed it behind them. Sid followed them slowly towards the elevator. For their little evening out.

  ‘I’m really sorry about this, Sid,’ Neha called from the driver’s seat.

  ‘Oh come on, it’s not your fault. She just likes me. Most girls do,’ Sid joked, trying to sound like he didn’t mind at all. But he was already wishing he hadn’t agreed that they would take Neha’s bright yellow Honda City. He would have preferred to drive himself rather than have to do this.

  He was sitting in the back, holding Kippy in his lap. The baby car seat was strapped in next to them – large and useless. The kid had refused to sit alone in the back and after several minutes of her crying and fussing and refusing to be strapped in, Sid had offered to get in with her. The front seat was no place for a child, according to Neha who seemed very clear on this point. She had struggled to get Kippy to settle into the baby seat but to no avail. So now Sid sat there with Kippy, trying to look more comfortable than he felt. If the kid wasn’t going to sit in her car seat, they might as well have taken his car. Thankfully, it was just about fifteen minutes to the Oriental Kitchen.

  ‘She’s just not used to a third person in the car, I think. When it’s only me driving her to day care and back she never fusses like this,’ said Neha as she revved up the engine. ‘Hold her tight please.’

  Sid tightened his grip and Kippy wriggled in protest. Luckily, she didn’t seem too frightened or uncomfortable, which was what Sid was starting to feel.

  Neha seemed competent at the wheel, but drove much faster than Sid would have and in a manner that was a tad too carefree for his liking. He noted that she drove too close to the cars up ahead, not bothering to maintain the recommended safe distance as per the one-car-space-for-every-15-kmph rule. He found himself gulping as Neha swung the Honda City around turns smoothly but too fast. She seemed to be driving on autopilot rather than paying any real attention to the road. In fact, now he saw that she was twisting almost all the way around in her seat to check out how Kippy and he were doing.

  ‘We’re fine, Neha,’ he hastened to assure her, gulping. ‘Please, just focus on the road.’

  ‘We’re at a red light, Sid,’ she said, and giggled at his expression as he blinked and noted that she was right. ‘You seem nervous.’

  ‘Who … me? No, no.’ Sid cleared his throat. ‘So where is Kippy’s day care?’

  ‘We already passed it, this road on the left, just ten minutes from home.’

  ‘Oh good.’ Sid felt some relief that Kippy was apparently placed in mortal danger only for a few minutes a day.

  ‘Yes, isn’t it nice?’ Neha sang out as she pressed the accelerator and they sped forward, past the now green light. ‘That’s one of the nice things about living in Sherwood, apart from being right next to Aditi, of course.’

  Aditi – dammit. He was yet to tell her about the promotion. She had called him back, but he had been driving to pick up Neha at the time, so he hadn’t answered. He noticed they were now speeding past a familiar intersection and cried, ‘Wait, wait – we have to turn right here.’

  Neha quickly checked the rear-view mirror and in a split second she slammed the brakes and swung the wheel to the right. Sid’s stomach churned but Kippy giggled in delight. Sid muttered, ‘Easy, easy now … she’s not in the car seat.’ And neither am I, he thought, wishing he could strap himself into the secure-looking contraption.

  ‘You’re right,’ Neha sounded petulant, ‘I should drive slower. I’m just a little too used to this; mom taught me to drive when I was sixteen.’ She eased up on the accelerator and cruised along slowly down the lane. They pulled up in front of the Oriental Kitchen.

  ‘Here we are,’ said Sid with loud and false cheer as the car stopped. Neha got out of the car first to quickly circle over to open the door and take Kippy from Sid. The little girl reached out and scrambled into Neha’s arms with alacrity. Sid stretched, finally, free.

  It is a date, after all, he thought as he got out of the car slowly – a play-date.

  ‘This place is beautiful,’ Neha breathed.

  ‘Isn’t it?’ Sid was already feeling a bit restless.

  This was the best table in the restaurant. Sid was a regular and he had ensured they got his favourite corner table. The restaurant decor was all dark wood with large mirrors and satiny orange cushions. It was elegant yet homey. The faint spicy smells of oriental cuisine were the perfect complement. Sid loved the place – he had just never expected to be entertaining a toddler here.

  The toddler was fairly well behaved, though, he had to admit, at least so far. Kippy was propped up on two large, orange cushions on her chair. These brought her up to the right height, and she was now studiously peeling the paper that sealed a pair of chopsticks. Sid was gazing at her thoughtfully, wondering how long it would be before she started to throw a tantrum, when Neha said, ‘Sid, I’m so glad you thought of inviting both of us. Most people don’t understand what it’s like to be a single mom. I was a little surprised when you said it would be nice to spend time with both of us.’

  He inclined his head graciously, and said, ‘Oh, not at all.’ His face showed no trace of confusion, but his mind was racing. ‘Inviting both of us?’ When? Sid had told her on the phone rather self-consciously about his promotion and she had been all warm and happy for him. Then he checked with her about her plans for the night, and she told him she was planning to hang out with Kippy. That’s when Sid had asked her out, ‘I was thinking of going out for some Chinese food and it would be great to spend some time with you too.’

  Great to spend time with you too … Great to spend time with you two. Oh.

  Ah, no wonder then, she had said, ‘We’d love it, Sid.’ Foolish of him, dismissing it as her having lapsed into the royal ‘we’ or something. He had just been too thrilled that he had actually asked her out, and that she had actually agreed – he hadn’t thought much about anything else.

  This is stupid, Sid, he chided himself now, you’re barely out of your marriage, she’s divorced and she is a single mother – just settle down and enjoy the evening. Besides, remember, kids love you, you’re Sid Uncle.

  It was true. In family gatherings, mostly of Mandira’s relatives, he was the one who always played with all the kids in the family, and there were plenty of the brats around. He entertained them willingly. They were much easier to be around than the adults for whom there was always the Happy-Couple-Act that had to be put on. But then, he realized, all those kids were boys. Little girls made him nervous, and this one was a tiny replica of her mother, which made him even more nervous. Anyway, all he had to do was turn on the Sid Uncle charm with young Kippy.

  He leaned over and gave the kid a big smile and said loudly, ‘Whatchu up to, buddy?’ He still couldn’t bring himself to say ‘Kippy’.

  Kippy looked up at him and saw Sid’s face close to her own, teeth exposed in that same ingratiating grin that he used to win over all kids. Her small face crumpled and she started to blubber and cry in fright.

  ‘What did I do? Sorry, sorry! What did I do?’ Sid panicked as Neha gathered up Kippy and held her close, making crooning sounds to comfort her. Kippy stopped crying but buried her face in her mother’s shoulder, refusing to now even look at Sid.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ Neha said smoothly. ‘You just scared her a little when you screamed and leered at her like that.’

  ‘Screamed? And leered?’ Sid was shocked. ‘That’s my winning move with all kids, Whatch u up to buddy!’

  ‘Maybe,’ Neha suggested, ‘it doesn’t work for kids under two?’

  Maybe that was true. Kippy was his youngest target to date. He hadn’t meant to frighten her though. He looked on helplessly.

  ‘I think,’ Neha said after Kippy calmed down, ‘if you just relax and be yourself, she’ll warm up to you quickly enough.’

  ‘Relax and be myself?’ Sid repeated incredulously.
‘I’m totally relaxed and totally myself.’

  Neha smiled and then turned her attention to putting Kippy back on the cushions. It was a beautiful smile, he noted. The smile, he decided, perhaps might even start to compete with her laugh for his favourite thing about her. Sid picked up a glass of water and sipped. It felt so good. His throat had been parched, he realized. Perhaps he could just let his guard down a bit.

  ‘So, you don’t like being around kids, huh?’

  Sid sputtered, just stopping himself from spraying water all over the table. He coughed and then recovered his voice enough to say, ‘Who, me?’ Great comeback, he kicked himself. ‘Er, I mean, No. I love kids and they love me. I’m Sid Uncle! I play with them like no one can. I kind of understand them, you know? All my nephews love me!’

  ‘Oh.’ Neha didn’t look too convinced. He was about to explain himself further, but then saw an opportunity for distraction and took it happily, exclaiming, ‘Hey, she’s going to fall off her chair.’

  Neha’s head snapped around to look at Kippy. It was true. The kid was now in action, she was standing on her chair, trying valiantly to reach out to one of the low hanging lights above her head. Just as Kippy lost her balance, Neha reached out and caught her by the arm. With a practised air, she swung Kippy around to make her land straight into her lap instead of on the floor. Kippy wasn’t happy about being unable to snare the light and seemed to blame her mother for the failure of this project. She immediately sank her teeth into the fleshy part of Neha’s upper arm. Neha squealed in pain, ‘Kippyyyyyee.’

  Sid buried his nose in his glass of water as the other people in the restaurant started to cast disapproving looks towards them. He could have used some eloquent helpless looks to explain away a loud kid but it was difficult to explain away a loud mom. Kippy finally broke away and Neha rubbed her arm. Neha shot an apologetic smile around the room, completely unselfconscious. To Sid’s surprise, most diners immediately smiled back at her and went back to their conversations.

  Sid now saw eight little teeth marks clearly imprinted on Neha’s arm and winced in sympathy. He remembered biting his mother once, leaving behind a very similar imprint and this caused him to feel a certain kinship with young Kippy. And then Sid remembered his father whacking the daylights out of him. Sid quickly wiped the memory from his mind. He noticed that Neha had a very nice arm – two of them, if you insisted on being precise about the facts of the case. Sid gazed at the casualty arm and asked with great concern, ‘Is it hurting?’ and then kicked himself inwardly for the pure fatheaded idiocy of the query.

  Neha stopped rubbing her arm and grinned at him. ‘It’ll be okay. I’m kind of used to it now. In fact, I’m used to her biting me on the nipples with those sharp teeth! I’m so glad I’ve finally given up on the breastfeeding.’

  Okayyyy, thought Sid in wild panic. This clearly fell in the category of too much information! Thankfully, Neha was already distracted and started feeding Kippy from a plate of pickled cucumbers. Kippy seemed to like them. The waiter appeared and placed two glasses of white wine on the table. Sid picked up his glass gratefully and took a long sip. He wasn’t really a wine drinker, but it was delicious and just what he needed.

  ‘Cheers!’ Neha was holding her glass out to him.

  Sid froze, the wine still in his mouth. Where the heck was ‘Social Sid’ when you needed him? He swallowed. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ he murmured, holding out his glass as well. She laughed and said warmly, ‘Congratulations, Sid. To your promotion.’

  He tipped his glass against hers, gratefully. As they sipped their wine, Sid began to feel more relaxed, and decided to go ahead and ask her. ‘So, why did you think I don’t like being around kids?’

  Neha smiled. ‘Just a feeling, no real reason, I suppose. You didn’t seem too comfortable with Kippy. And you’ve chosen not to have kids of your own, and you’re almost forty, right?’

  Sid felt his ears getting hot. ‘Thirty-six.’ Everyone else thought he looked younger.

  ‘Oh, okay.’ Neha nodded.

  Sid didn’t know why he felt the need to defend himself with her. ‘Hey, listen, I didn’t want to have a kid because things were not okay with my marriage. I think that’s the worst thing you can do, try and have a kid as a solution. As if everything will automatically fall into place – because everyone knows that babies are magicians. Hah.’

  Sid took a sip of his wine again, trying to cool down, and then caught sight of her face. She looked stricken. Sid realized in an instant how insensitive he had been. Of course, she had chosen to have a kid while in a bad marriage. He wondered if she was going to throw the wine in his face.

  But her face relaxed again, and she said, ‘You know what? You’re right. I guess I did kind of think having a kid would bring us closer, but it just went the other way.’

  Being right about this gave him no satisfaction and he still wished he could take back his words.

  Then she looked over at Kippy and smiled, ‘Still, having her wasn’t a mistake. It was the best possible thing to ever happen to me. And as long as we’re together we don’t need any men in our lives. We’re fine.’

  Sid smiled, feeling an immense sense of relief that she wasn’t mad at him.

  ‘Excuse me, sir, your fish.’ The waiter smoothly avoided Kippy’s attempt to upset the tray he was carrying, and proceeded to place a large plate on the table.

  Sid looked approvingly at the fish. It was cut into five slices, thin strips they were and you might say rather insubstantial for the whopping price, but Sid had tasted the preparation before and he knew it was well worth the money. He remembered his blooper with the wine and politely served Neha a slice first and then took one for himself. Kippy watched them curiously and then suddenly pointed towards the fish and made a strange sound that sounded to Sid like the plaintive cry of a deceived seal.

  ‘What happened, Kippy?’ Neha’s tone was soothing. ‘Here, try a piece from my plate. I don’t think you’ll like it.’ She popped a small piece of the fish into Kippy’s open mouth and she swallowed it. She looked at Neha, opened her mouth again and made the same strange sound. Neha looked surprised. ‘More? I thought you’d be full from your dinner and all the pickled cucumbers.’ Neha popped another bite of the fish into Kippy’s mouth.

  Within about five seconds the same seal cry permeated their little corner of the restaurant. Sid watched indulgently as Kippy decided to take matters into her own little hands, picking up another slice from the plate and chomping upon it. She went through it rather speedily. Sid’s indulgent smile changed to one of panic as he realized that Kippy was already going for a third slice.

  ‘Waiter! Waiter!’ he called out in panic. Thankfully, the fellow had been hovering nearby and materialized almost immediately at the table. Sid said in an urgent tone, ‘Can you please get us some more pickled cucumbers? She’s eating all our fish! She’s practically inhaling it! Pickled cucumbers … quick …’ He then stopped and cast a guilty, embarrassed glance towards Neha. He hadn’t meant to sound like a cheapo, but the dish was bloody expensive and Kippy seemed about as happy with the pickled cucumbers as with…

  Sid’s thought trailed off. Neha seemed to see the humour in the situation. He watched fascinated as she shook silently. And then the laugh began to emanate from her in slow peals – it was as if it was slowly unfolding, and blooming. Little Kippy couldn’t possibly have got the joke, but her mother’s laugh was enough to set her off. Her higher-pitched baby laugh added to Neha’s made for an interesting duet and Sid couldn’t help grinning at the two of them. He had no doubt that all the diners in the restaurant were probably staring at them again given how loud they were.

  But for once Sid didn’t care about the other people in the room.

  5

  The Invasion

  Sid sat with his back ramrod straight on the edge of his bed, staring unseeingly at the TV. He usually enjoyed lolling about on the bed in the evenings, flipping channels on his LCD TV. It was his favourite place in the whole
world – his room; his haven from the madness of the outside world. The mindless activity of switching channels in the privacy and comfort of his bedroom always helped him to shut out any thinking. Always a good thing as far as he was concerned.

  But tonight, he just sat there, stiff and uncomfortable. He didn’t feel the respite that usually came from being here, all by himself … because he wasn’t.

  ‘Give me the remote now, your nonsense program is over,’ his father barked into his left ear. His mother, sitting on his other side, obliged by passing the remote to Sid, who immediately passed it to his father as if it were a hot potato. It reminded him of torturous games of ‘Pass the Parcel’ played at torturous kiddie parties back in the old Lucknow days. He never used to win any of those games, and even for that, his father would give him grief.

  Papa took the remote and, still muttering grumpily, switched to the news channel. Some inane story about a politician having been caught having sex on tape through a spy camera planted by his driver. Oh God! Sid now felt even more uncomfortable, sandwiched between his parents, being forced to watch the grainy video being played in a repetitive loop on the screen. His mother gasped and averted her eyes and his father fumbled to switch to a safe news channel. But every channel was flashing the same story with a scroll of Breaking News and all were proclaiming that same damned video as ‘Exclusive’. Thankfully, after much frantic flipping of channels, IndiaTV came to the rescue. Their breaking news was a story about a rooster brave enough to fight a dog. They all relaxed as the bearded anchor shouted in a hoarse voice, ‘Ek sahasi murge ki kahani’. Sid felt newfound respect for the channel and sighed with relief. In about five seconds, though, he was back in a dark, foul mood. Thirty years later and nothing ever changed with his family.

  Here he was, his privacy invaded in such a blatant manner. His parents had arrived yesterday, and he strongly suspected that this was their plan for the whole week – to squat in his room day and night, watching television.