‘I expect,’ Akash said in an enigmatic manner, ‘you to figure it out yourself.’ He seemed very pleased with himself for the answer and went on, ‘It’s no longer about someone else setting targets for you, you’re now at a different level. Besides, remember that I will be moving out in a few months, perhaps overseas, so you can’t keep counting on me any more to give you all the answers.’ Sid bit his lip to keep from protesting at the unfairness of this statement but Akash didn’t notice. ‘Time for you to rise to the occasion, son.’ He wiggled a finger meaningfully at Sid to emphasize the point.
Sid looked wistfully at Akash’s finger, wishing he had but one chance to see how far backwards it would bend before breaking. ‘Sure,’ he said, swallowing the sarcastic ‘Dad’ that danced on the tip of his tongue.
Akash grunted and pushed himself off the chair saying, ‘Glad I could help, Sid.’
At the door Akash whipped around once and said, ‘Also, I’m glad to see you’re now keeping better lunch company. Meenakshi will help you adjust to some of the softer aspects of your new role.’ His eyes took on a faraway, almost hypnotized, look that was a strange combination of reverential yet leery. ‘Meenakshi is an experienced, competent, senior leader who knows how things really work at the higher levels.’ Akash snapped out of it and looked at Sid again. ‘Much better than the kids you kept company with earlier. It’s great you figured it out yourself. I don’t have to explain how important these little things are – perception, my friend, is everything!’
Sid felt his face flushing red hot with anger, but he managed to say through his gritted teeth, ‘Glad you approve boss.’
‘Good, GOOD!’ said Akash. ‘Your little friends will understand you have to move on … that’s how it is.’ Akash waved his arm expansively to indicate Sid’s new office. ‘And all things considered, it’s hardly a sacrifice, right?’
‘No, sir,’ said Sid, his jaw set tight, ‘it’s no sacrifice, no sacrifice…’
‘Elton John!’ shrieked Akash, pointing at Sid and laughing loudly at his own inane joke. Sid’s fake laughter was so loud that it completely drowned Akash’s. Sid went on laughing, long after Akash had stopped and had begun to look curiously at Sid. Even after Akash waved uncertainly and exited the room, Sid continued to laugh until the laugh metamorphosed into a series of strange, muffled wheezing wails emanating from deep within him. Sid buried his face in his hands and stayed like that for a long time, thankful once again for the privacy of his cabin.
He fumed now, tossing his remote behind him onto the bed.
What was with people telling him all the time who to hang out with? Akash having the balls to say that he shouldn’t hang out with his earlier team. It bugged him no end, especially when the hurtful truth was that his team no longer really seemed comfortable hanging out with him.
And that Aditi having the, well, balls to say that he shouldn’t hang out with Neha.
Neha. He’d just started getting to know her. Neha didn’t judge. She was just so … different from everyone else. He had liked being with her, he had felt comfortable in her company. And now? He was letting Aditi’s words keep him from seeing Neha. Ridiculous! Sid stood up. He was done being cooped up alone, and letting other people decide things for him. Yes, this was the bold, new and decisive Sid who did not need anyone’s permission for anything.
The doorbell rang and his heart sank into his stomach. Now Mandira was home and he wouldn’t be able to leave. No, wait a minute, he didn’t have to tell her anything. They weren’t even really married any more, it was just a technicality due to some obsolete, doddering, old judge. It was his life and he could go wherever he liked, meet whoever he chose to. And if she had a problem with that, well, that was just too bad.
Sid stepped out of his room with an attitude of defiant confidence. Mandira was putting away her keys and she turned to face him. Her face looked tired and haggard, dark circles under her eyes. For the first time, he thought, she was looking older than her thirty-eight years.
‘I’m going out,’ he said, his voice starting out deep but catching a bit in the middle. He hated confrontations.
She shrugged and breezed past him into her room muttering, ‘Sure.’
Oh, that wasn’t so bad, he thought. Great. Maybe she wasn’t that mad at him any more. Maybe she respected that he would tell his parents when he was ready. Maybe she was finally prepared to keep it civil.
Mandira stuck her head back out of the room and added, the mockery clear in her tone, ‘Drive safely, Sid – wouldn’t want you to have an accident, you know.’
This caring statement was followed by a word that sounded a lot like pucker. It was hard to tell because it was timed well with her slamming the bedroom door with a force that made his ears ring.
Sid grabbed his keys and said a curt, ‘Main jaa raha hoon’ to the little, shadowy figure crouching in her usual spot behind the sofa. Little Rukmini didn’t move, she didn’t seem concerned with his whereabouts at all. Sid paused at the door once, turned and shouted, ‘Bye’ at the top of his voice. He knew it didn’t affect Mandira in the safety of her room but little Rukmini was suitably startled – he saw her jump.
Already feeling sorry despite the slight sense of satisfaction that the cheap trick gave him, Sid stormed purposefully out of the door.
8
The Conversation
Sid felt stupid as he sat in his parked car. It was, he reflected, a familiar feeling of course.
On the drive over he had imagined himself as rather dashing and suave. On a secret mission that involved meeting a beautiful lady … Very double-oh seven. But by the time Sid pulled through the gate, the security guard saluting and letting him in with alacrity, assuming he had come to visit Aditi and Krish as usual, he had started to feel uncertain whether this was really such a good idea. For one, he didn’t feel all that suave and smart any more. The French beard that he finally decided to grow over the last few days in a bid to look older was still a bit thin and patchy. He wasn’t all that sure about it. Mandira commented on the last day of his parents’ visit, perhaps the only time she spoke directly to him in front of them during that week, that it looked great, especially because it hid his weak chin. Not that he had asked for her opinion! Whatever. He raised his chin up high to check it out again in the rear-view mirror. He never knew he had a weak chin. What the hell was a weak chin anyway? On the other hand, Meenakshi had whispered in his ear earlier today, as they stood in line for lunch, that it made him look very much like a real VP. Sid didn’t even know if that was a compliment. After all, Akash was a real VP, too. But the heavy breathing in his ear made him suspect that at least she liked it.
He glanced down at himself. He hadn’t even changed out of his office clothes. He should have worn something nicer. But in his decisive mode, he had decisively swept out, forgetting to change. He briefly evaluated driving back home to change and then doubling back, but dismissed the idea. Plus, he might encounter Mandira and have to deal with her barbs again. No sir, no more barbs tonight. He steeled himself and finally got out of the car.
Sid went into Neha’s building and started a slow climb up the stairs. He knew he wouldn’t be able to walk all the way to the thirteenth floor but was determined to beat at least a decent number of floors this time round. Sid wasn’t sure why he was on this walking trip in Neha’s building. Nothing ever tempted him to climb up to his own eighth-floor apartment. No, it was not a delaying tactic at all. But with each floor he passed, his breathing got heavier and his heart sank a little deeper.
Floor 1: Maybe she would think he was desperate to land up like this.
Floor 2: What if she had company? Maybe Aditi, or worse, some other friend, a male friend. No, Aditi would be worse, after he had promised her to stay away from Neha.
Floor 3: She might be offended by an intrusion into her personal time, without any prior notice.
Floor 4: There was also the very real possibility that she might be out for the night. In fact, he was now kind of hop
ing that she was.
On the fourth floor, he debated with himself for several moments before getting into the elevator and pressing number thirteen. He got out on Neha’s floor and found himself hovering uncertainly outside her door; he hadn’t ever done anything like this before. This was plain idiotic. No wonder he hardly ever followed his instinct. Instincts were stupid. Sid raised his hand to ring her doorbell, but then withdrew it. He couldn’t do this to himself. He wouldn’t do it.
Just as Sid was about to turn around and leave, the door started to open. Oh God … what now? Sid panicked and scrambled away from the door. He positioned himself in front of the opposite apartment, his back to Neha’s door, looking up nonchalantly towards the ceiling. He pretended to be waiting for Neha’s neighbour to open the door. What the hell was wrong with him? Neha wouldn’t fall for that. He worked up the courage to throw a quick glance behind him. Aha. It wasn’t Neha, but a tall, serious-looking woman in a plain salwar kameez … Neha’s maid, he guessed. Good. He could still escape.
Sid waited for her to leave but he could sense her presence as she stood patiently behind him. Why wasn’t she moving? He finally noticed the prominent lock on the door he faced and the pile of newspapers at his feet.
Dammit!
The maid finally spoke, ‘Ji, yeh loge to mahine bhar ki chhutti pe gaye hain.’
Sid turned to face her and said, ‘Oh? Achha! Oh hahahaha.’ His false laugh reverberated in the hall and made even him cringe. ‘Oh … maine toh shayaad galat ghar ki ghanti bajaa di … Neha madam yahaan nahin rehti?’
The maid looked too intelligent to fall for it, but was clearly well trained and so her face betrayed no emotion. If she disapproved of her employer receiving loonies at this late hour, she hid it well. Instead, she simply said, ‘Neha madam toh yahan rehti hai.’ Before Sid could stop her, she turned around to open the door. She stepped inside indicating politely for him to follow her. Now Sid had no choice. He took a deep breath and went in.
He heard the maid say, ‘Madam, aapko koi milne aaya hai.’
‘Oh?’ Neha’s voice floated out to him as he stepped into the hallway. She sounded surprised, but not unduly perturbed – just pleasantly curious.
Sid stepped further into the room and caught sight of Neha. She was sitting at a small dining table with some papers. Her hair was open, the black curls, falling around her face and neck, delicately bouncing around her almost bare shoulders. Neha was wearing what looked to him to be a sleeveless, aqua-green, evening gown. No wait, it was a nightie, only the most fashionable one he had ever seen. He gave her a tenuous smile, painfully aware of how awkward a situation this was. But Neha’s face lit up with delight. ‘Sid! How strange, I was just thinking about you. How nice to see you!’
She had just been thinking about him. It was nice to see him! Sid’s heart soared.
Following your instinct did pay off … he had known all along that it was a great idea.
Julie, the maid, served Sid a glass of cold water at the table where he now sat next to Neha, and then asked Neha, ‘Main ruk jaaoon, madam?’
Neha assured her that it was okay for her to leave. Sid got a feeling that Julie was a bit reluctant to leave the two of them alone although there was nothing in her polite expression to indicate this. Ah … he was just being a bit oversensitive.
‘So,’ Neha looked at him, her eyes alight with curiosity, ‘how come you’re here tonight?’
Sid had prepared himself for this, and, in fact, had been practising his opening line all the way in the car. ‘Oh, I was in the neighbourhood and was going to drop into Aditi’s for a bit. So I thought I’d just swing by and say hi to you and … Kippy.’ There, he said her name – that wasn’t so bad.
‘Well, Kippy’s asleep already, but you can say hi to me.’ Neha grinned. Then she frowned. ‘But aren’t Aditi and Krish in Goa? I thought the family was gathering there for her parents’ anniversary?’
‘Oh.’ This was unexpected. It had been his back-up plan, in case things got awkward, to say ‘Chalo, Adu’s expecting me’ and take off. ‘Right. Of course. I thought I’d surprise her, guess she surprised me. Ha ha.’ Sid wished he would stop making feeble jokes and then laughing at them himself. Neha’s warm smile didn’t waver though. He decided to change the subject by asking her the question that had been intriguing him. ‘You said you were thinking about me? How come?’
Neha appeared to recall something. She looked down at the papers on the table and said in an excited tone, ‘Oh yes … I’m thinking of getting my bathrooms remodelled. And I was going through these brochures for Roche and Jaguar, and … I thought of you – who better to help me decide than someone who works in toilets!’
Sid was too flabbergasted to ask her not to say it that way. She continued, ‘And now you’re here! Isn’t this a great coincidence? I love the way the universe works.’
Sid stared at Neha’s face. Oblivious of his reaction, she pulled her chair closer to his, gathering up the papers for his perusal. Neha was already chattering away to glory but he couldn’t really hear her.
That’s why she had him on her mind – the toilet connection. The universe definitely worked in mysterious ways!
After a short while Sid recovered enough to interrupt Neha and explain that just because he worked in marketing for toilet cleaners he wasn’t an authority on all things bathroom-related. His occupation did not make him some sort of ‘Bathroom Oracle’. So now they sat and just looked at one another.
Sid glanced at his watch wondering how soon he could leave. Ah … It had already been about … four minutes only? His eyes bulged. In desperation to find something to talk about he looked around. For the first time, he noticed the decor in her apartment and couldn’t help staring.
The drawing room might have looked bare with its minimalistic furniture. Apart from the small, round dining table they sat at, there were two low chairs, a pale cream sofa and a small corner table. But the paintings on the walls! They were in varying sizes and he felt he recognized the style. They were just like the teapot painting that Sid had noticed outside her front door the first time he had come to her apartment. All the paintings were deceptively real-looking likenesses, except that they were too perfect to be true; he knew from his photography days how hard it was to get such a perfect balance of light and shadow. They were all regular, everyday objects, but looked incredible. Sid had never been big on appreciating ‘Still Life’ but these were extraordinary because even though they were all of inanimate things, there was nothing static about them. A stack of books, a pair of bright yellow lemons on a sunny kitchen counter and hey, was that a beer mug brimming over with foamy fresh brew? It was. For some reason this last one made him ludicrously happy and he stared long and hard at it.
Sid slowly rose from his chair and walked over to stand in the middle of the room unmindful of Neha’s gaze. He tore his eyes away from the beer painting and looked around again. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed these as soon as he walked in – probably because all his attention had been on Neha.
‘Where did you get these?’ Sid finally blurted out. He had to find stuff like this – tasteful and unique. He planned to redo his place after Mandira moved out. ‘I want to buy ones like these, how much did they cost?’
Neha appeared amused, and said, ‘Cost me some time and material. But I loved doing them.’ Sid turned towards her to see if she was joking. She was an artist? Her face was serene, but her tone was mildly curious as she asked, ‘You would buy these?’
‘Totally.’ Sid was being completely sincere. ‘I’ll buy them all! How much?’
Neha looked at him for a moment and then started to laugh. Just this once, Sid was distracted by something else other than her laugh and his attention went back to the paintings. A luminous bowl of fruit. This one was … just a pair of red slippers. How could slippers possibly look so picturesque?
‘They’re not for sale, Sid,’ Neha said gently. ‘I’ve done these over the last many years. It’s just a hob
by but I love it.’
‘A hobby?’ Sid repeated, tearing his eyes again off the beer mug painting to give her an incredulous look. ‘You could totally do this for a living, Neha.’
‘Well…’ Neha ran her hand through her hair. ‘I don’t know about that. I kind of enjoy doing this on the side, you know? It’s actually an amazing luxury to be able to sit down and do nothing but paint for a while. I wouldn’t want to try and make a living out of it. That would make it feel like work.’
‘You should at least do an exhibition or something sometime.’
‘Now that’s something I’ve been thinking about. A still life exhibition. These were done over quite a few years. I pulled them out while setting up this apartment. I did think they look like an interesting collection.’ She looked wistful. ‘It’s been a while since I’ve done something new. Maybe not since Kippy’s been born. I’ve just been so busy with her and with the divorce proceedings and all.’ It struck him that she could say the D word without even flinching, like it were something so normal. ‘Thankfully, Julie is a big help, but I still haven’t got around to painting anything lately. Maybe it’s just inertia or something.’
Sid looked around again appreciatively. ‘Well, if I could paint like that, you’d have to drag me away from my … painting place…’
‘Studio?’ she suggested.
‘From my studio,’ Sid said, nodding, ‘to get me to stop.’
Neha gazed at him, a thoughtful expression on her face. ‘You’re right, I guess. I should start again.’
‘You should? You must!’ Sid affirmed and then stopped. He felt a bit silly again, was he overdoing it? But he wasn’t pretending. Neha was so talented. Still, who was he to tell her what she must do? Now that the conversation about the paintings was over, Sid felt self-conscious and out of place again. So much for the comfort level he thought he had reached with her after that one night out.
Sorting Out Sid Page 15