A Winter's Date

by Sasha Brümmer

  NOAH

  I’m waiting for the nurse to emerge from Heather’s room when Dani turns on me. “Listen, I know Heather means a lot to you, but you need to let her breathe. You are completely suffocating her from all directions, and I’m not going to stand by and watch you do it.”

  What the hell just happened?

  “Excuse me?”

  “Noah, don’t be childish. She needs her space from you. I don’t know what you did last night, but I can tell she is incredibly upset today. You were the only one who could have done or said anything to her.”

  I laugh because this is just fucking ridiculous. “What the hell makes you think I did something?”

  “You were the only person around her last night. I don’t know what you did to her, but you completely mess with her emotions. She’s not herself.”

  I can’t stand being accused of upsetting Heather. “You have no fucking idea what is going on, Dani. What the hell is your problem?”

  “You are. You should leave . . .”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? You have no clue what we’re going through.”

  “Oh? And what would that be? That you can’t have my sister underneath you?” she spits out angrily as she steps closer to me in the fluorescently lit hallway.

  “How about the fact that she had a miscarriage? That she lost our unborn baby . . . Or is that my fucking fault too, because I fucked her, and that was the reason she was pregnant?” I run my hands through my hair when the nurse walks out and says we can both go back in.

  Dani is speechless.

  She just stares at me as if I have two heads. “Noah . . .”

  “Just drop it. Contrary to what you believe, I would never hurt her. She’s the one good thing in my life, and I would never compromise that.”

  I reach for the door, and she reaches for my elbow. I automatically pull away from her—I don’t need her or anyone else’s pity.

  “Don’t . . .”

  I walk into the room with my heart in my throat. I feel like I can’t breathe.

  “I’m sorry,” I hear her say as I walk into the room and sit down next to my girl.

  “Are you okay?” I ask Heather anxiously.

  “I’m fine, handsome. What’s wrong?”

  “I let it slip to Dani about the miscarriage. I’m sorry, Heather. She just had me by the throat.” I take her hand and look down toward her flat stomach as I tremble with anger.

  “Oh . . .”

  She doesn’t say anything else. I look up at her, and she won’t even make eye contact with me.

  “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

  I get up and start pacing the room. I’m petrified of losing her. I can’t and won’t lose one more single person in my life. I’m beyond pissed right now, and thirty seconds later Dani walks into the room. She gazes at her sister and then at me, before walking over to Heather. I can tell Heather is uncomfortable, and I want to protect her, but every time Dani is involved, I have to bite my tongue. I can’t be in the same room as her right now, so I walk out.

  My face is masked of all emotion when I walk up to the nurse’s station, mustering the lowest, most controlled voice I can. “When will Heather Lane be able to leave the hospital?”

  “Oh yes, give me a second.” She lowers her glasses to look at the screen. “The doctor will be by to do his rounds shortly. He is the only one who is able to sign the release form for her. She’s going to need crutches, which her insurance will cover. Her doctor will be the one to bring them in when he signs her release form.

  “Okay, great. Is there anything I will need to pick up for her?”

  “We’ll be sending her home with a list of things she can and cannot do. The doctor will go over the list with her to ensure that she understands all of it.”

  “Good. Thank you for your help.” I head back to Heather’s room and walk in. I’m unsure of what I’ve missed, but Heather is in tears.

  I look directly at Dani. “What in the hell did you say to her?” My fury is barely contained.

  “Noah,” Heather croaks out and reaches for me, “it’s okay. She just apologized.”

  My shoulders sag in relief.

  I move close to her and kiss her tears, whispering, “You and I are going to be okay.”

  She nods, but I know she doesn’t believe me. “I love you, Noah.”

  “I love you too, beautiful.”

  “Heather? Noah? I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting. There’s no excuse for it.”

  Heather looks up at me, judging whether or not I’m in the right frame of mind to forgive her sister. I reassure her by squeezing her hand and accepting Dani’s apology.

  NOAH

  I’m fucking petrified.

  I don’t know what to do. I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. Heather has been lying in bed for three days now. She won’t come out of her room, she barely eats, and I can’t get her to stop crying. I’ve had to deal with Dani jumping on my ass—she’s pissed at me for God knows what, and I have to say that I couldn’t care less. My only worry is Heather: she’s not herself.

  At first I thought she was upset about her foot, and dancing. Then I thought she might have been in pain from the stitches in her head. But now I know . . . it’s the miscarriage. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve even joined an online forum for people who have suffered through this loss before. I’m heartbroken for her and for us. I just need time to figure out what she needs.

  HEATHER

  How can I miss something I barely had?

  Something I didn’t know I had the pleasure of having?

  There’s too much that time cannot wipe away.

  I feel like I’ve lost my way.

  Nothing in this world can describe how devoid of life I feel. A life I didn’t know I had inside of me was ripped out of my body, out of my womb. I never thought I’d want a child, but knowing that the child was Noah’s baby . . . it pains me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I think I want that from him now. I think I want something that belongs to the both of us.

  I feel like I can’t move, and I don’t want the sunshine spilling into my room, even if the weather is gorgeous outside. Noah’s tried to open the curtains a few times, but I just can’t bear it. I’m wallowing in the darkness and in his arms. A rose that was once held up with such elegance and grandeur is now wilted, bent over and crying dark blood-colored petals.

  I can’t tell when Noah’s down, upset, or when he cries . . . if he even cries. He’s been putting me first since he told me about our loss. He hasn’t turned away from me once, and I know he won’t. I know he’s going through as many complicated emotions as I am, but he still manages to be my pillar, the strong stalk of my wilted rose. He stands tall and holds me up; I would crumble without him. I think he’s awake as he holds me. What do I say?

  “Noah?”

  “Mmm? I’m here, baby,” he replies softly as he kisses my neck.

  “Are we going to be okay?”

  He turns me over and presses his lips to mine. “We’re more than okay. You’re the sweetest thing in my life.”

  I grin because I know he’s talking about my sweet tooth, “Can we go get some ice cream? Or see a movie? I think I’d like to be outside today. Well, I’d like to try.”

  His smile is all the light I need. His tanned arms tighten around my fragile frame. “We can do anything you want to do. I’ll do anything to wash all of this pain away.”

  I feel like the pull between us has intensified since we first met.

  “I know you will. Would you mind if Dill and Coen came too?”

  He hums against my skin. “How about we go with Dani and Brannon to the airport, and then we’ll go out with Dillen and Coen?”

  “My sister leaves today? How has it been that long already? Oh, I’m such a horrible person. I have hardly spent any time with her, and she flew all the way out here to be by my side.”

  “You are the furthest thing from a horrible person.”

&nbs
p; His love for me is undeniable.

  He’s been the world’s best companion, lover, and friend; I couldn’t ask for more of him. I sigh heavily and will myself to move to the end of the bed and reach for my crutches. Noah sits up quickly and stands in front of me with his arms stretched out toward me. He’s ready to support me in any way I need him. “Do you need help getting up?”

  “No, I’m okay. I need to do this on my own.” I try to convince myself too, because I’d much rather have help, but I need to force myself; I need to survive this. I struggle to get up, but eventually I do, and I am able to maneuver myself with the crutches to the bathroom, where I start running the bath. I swear I can hear him smiling from in here.

  It takes me longer than usual to get ready with this damned boot on my foot, but when I emerge from the bathroom the curtains are open, and the spring sun lights up my room in all its glory. I can’t help but smile and remind myself that our baby is in a better place that is filled with undying love and warmth.

  My bedroom door is open, and for the first time since waking up in the hospital, I don’t mind it. I walk out with the help of my crutches to my awaiting family.

  “There she is,” Noah announces, and they all turn around with smiles on their faces.

  Dillen bolts toward me and throws her arms around me. “Little shit! I’ve missed your ass.” She swats at my butt, and I yelp.

  “Hi, Dill, I’m sorry for being such a downer.”

  “Shush!”

  I hear Dani sniffle, and before I know it she’s hugging both of us. “I love you, sister.”

  I start to tear up, and I hug them back. “I love you too. I’m so sorry I haven’t come out of my room.”

  “We understand, Heather. It’s okay,” Dani croons as her squeeze tightens. “Brannon just ordered breakfast, and it should be here soon.”

  I nod and look over at Brannon, Noah, and Coen. I’m suddenly embarrassed and want to go back into my room. Everyone here knows I lost our baby. They know I wasn’t strong enough to keep it safe.

  I think Noah senses that I’m about to fall apart, because he walks toward me and drapes his arms around my body, so I can lean against him. I take in a deep breath and will myself to relax.

  He whispers in my ear, “Are you okay?”

  I wipe at my newly shed tears and nod, tasting the salt on my cheeks. I’m unable to make eye contact with anybody. “I’m okay.”

  “I’m here for you, ballerina. We all are.” He kisses my neck, and I can feel everyone’s eyes on us. There’s a knock at the door, and Brannon says he’ll get it.

  “Oh, that must be the breakfast. Dani? Will you help me set up the table?” Dillen asks politely.

  I hear them talking happily as they set the table together. They’re going on like everything is fine. How can everything be fine? I look up at Noah. “They blame me, don’t they?”

  He reaches for my hand and laces his fingers through mine. “Blame you? Heather, they don’t blame you for anything. Your fall and our loss is not and never will be your fault.”

  Do I believe him? I don’t know.

  My head is telling me to, but my heart refuses to agree.

  “Okay . . .” is all I can manage.

  Breakfast passes quickly, as we all eat and everyone tries to make small talk with me. I’m trying, but all I want is to be alone. After breakfast, Dill and Coen bid their goodbyes to my sister and Brannon, before the four of us head to the airport. I’m slowly getting used to these crutches as we make our way to the security checkpoint.

  “Thank you both for coming.”

  Dani grips me in a tight hug. “We love you, Heather, so much. Please come visit us. We miss you.” She’s sniffling in my ear, and it makes me emotional again. My puffy red eyes can’t take any more tears.

  “I will, I promise,” I say softly when she lets go of me.

  Noah’s at my side a second later and snakes his arm around my waist, so I can lean on him, rather than my having to hold myself up on the crutches.

  “Thank you for your hospitality, Noah . . . Heather,” Brannon says as he pulls out their passports. Dani steps forward and hugs Noah too.

  “Thank you for taking care of my sister. I’m glad she’s got someone like you.”

  He shows slight emotion when he replies, “You’re welcome, Dani. Don’t worry, I won’t leave her alone.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  We hug each other again before they walk through security and out of sight.

  “Noah?”

  “Yes, ballerina?”

  “Can we have a date in our room tonight?”

  His face lights up, and it makes me smile. I can’t do much to make him happy, but I’m trying.

  “You never have to ask me for that. The answer is always going to be yes.” He tilts my chin up to get a better view of me. “Are you okay?”

  I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly before nodding. “I will be.”

  His lips meet mine, teasing the seam of my lips with his tongue. “Come on, I’ve got a date with a beautiful girl tonight, and I need to get home,” he says playfully before letting me go.

  We walk out to Dill’s Fiat and drive home. “Are you sure this won’t be a waste of a date? We can’t even have sex . . .”

  I look over and see him scowl before he hides it from me.

  “Heather, that doesn’t matter to me. And how is it a wasted date when I have my girlfriend lying against me all night?”

  I giggle as he drives back. “You just want me naked and in your arms . . .”

  “Damn right I do.”

  I look down at my foot in my boot and frown. He reacts by reaching for my hand and squeezing it gently.

  “Hey. Don’t you worry about that. You’ll be dancing again in no time at all. Just think of this as a well-deserved vacation for your feet.”

  He winks and brings my fingers to his lips and kisses them as he drives us back to the apartment.

  “And I’ll make you a deal: if you keep that beautiful smile on your face, I’ll help you paint your toe nails when you need me to. I’ll try at least.” He laughs at himself, and I join in.

  “Awww, baby, I promise. I can’t wait for that.”

  “I think I’ll suck on them tonight and make you squirm,” he jokes as we pull into the garage of the apartment building.

  “Ah!” I smack his arm. “Noah!”

  “What? What happened? I blacked out,” he asks innocently while using my own line against me. He gets out and walks around to help me out of the car and to the elevator to get up to our floor.

  When we get into the apartment, he scoops me up into his arms, causing me to drop my crutches as he takes me to our room. Ours. It’s not mine anymore; it’s ours.

  I haven’t smiled this much in I don’t know how long. He’s jovial today and it makes me happy. He’s so gentle with me when he picks me up and lays me down.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve been right here, baby. Can I get you your pajamas?” he asks as he starts pulling at my yoga pants.

  I bite my lip and nod. This man is gorgeous.

  He moves quickly as he carefully removes my boot, followed by my yoga pants and shirt, so I’m lying there in my bra and panties. “Don’t you move, I’ll be right back.”

  “Hurry up.”

  He walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. I feel good—for once, I feel happy. His good mood is radiating in waves, and I love seeing him like this. I pull the covers up over my chest and lie there.

  Moments later he’s back with my favorite pair of pink loose-fitting satin pajama pants, my pink camisole, which I know he enjoys due to the amount of cleavage it shows off, a bag of Reese’s Pieces, and a roll of Starburst.

  “Are you cold?” He pauses to look at me—it didn’t take him long to notice that I’m completely covered up.

  I laugh at him and watch him undress.

  “I am. Can you come and warm me up?”

  “Damn
right I can.”

  He tosses his boxer briefs across the room and pulls the blankets off of me. His eyes devour me, every inch of my semi-naked body. I bite my lip as his cock grows in front of me, and I want nothing more than to take him into my mouth and suck him dry.

  “Fuck, you have the most amazing body.”

  I’m feeling energized from his good mood, so I crook my finger, beckoning him. “Come here, handsome.”

  His growl fills the room as he lies down on top of me, kissing my neck down to my collarbone. I can’t help but moan because his lips feel so, so good on my cold skin. I’m so worked up already. I move my fingers up into his hair and pull, encouraging him to keep going.

  He kisses down my chest where he teases his tongue along the lace edging of my bra. My body comes alive, and I sigh in approval. “Baby, I want to . . . but I can’t.”

  “Shh . . .” he says against my breast. “Just let me have my lips on you; I want to watch you enjoy it. Do you like the way it feels?”

  His breath is coming fast against my skin as I mumble out what words I can, “I . . . yes . . .”

  I don’t want him to stop because it feels unbelievable. I’m squirming, just like he said he’d make me do. I blink my eyes open when I feel him lift his body off of mine. He’s braced above me, searching my face. I know he’s checking to see if I’m okay. He must be satisfied with what he sees because moments later, he runs his thumb along my lower lip. He softly caresses it and teases the seam of my lips, pressing in with the slightest amount of pressure. His eyes darken when I swirl my tongue around his thumb. He groans, and I can feel him growing, pushing his girth into my delicate panties; it’s monstrous.

  “Those lips should be wrapped around something else.”

  I bite down and moan. “Put your cock in my mouth, Noah,” I say in the most erotic voice I can manage. I know he loves it when I talk dirty to him.

  “Fuck, baby. I want you. I’ll . . .” He pauses when we both hear Dillen’s dramatic shrill cry rip through the walls separating our bedrooms.