“I’m going with you then.”
I shook my head. It was still turned so Justin couldn’t see my face. I didn’t want to speak because I was afraid he’d hear the sadness in my voice.
“You’re killing me here, Jess,” Justin pleaded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you how to act. You know I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”
“You’re wrong. I’m so far away from perfect.” I was right. My voice had given me away. Justin came around from behind me before I had a chance to turn away again. He saw the salty trail that the tears that streaked down my face had left behind.
“Why are you crying?”
I wiped my eyes. “I’m not. I’m just cold. The wind makes my eyes tear.”
“You don’t really think I’m going to buy that.” Justin waited for me to answer, but I didn’t want to tell him what I was feeling. “Jess, please talk to me.”
“I told you I wanted to be alone.”
Justin reached out and held the sides of my face with his hands. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”
I buried my head in Justin’s chest as fresh tears erupted from my eyes. “I hate Thanksgiving and I hate Christmas and I hate the winter because it’s so damn cold and my brother’s probably going to get married soon and then I’ll never see him, not like I see him that much now, but still. . .”
I was bawling like a baby and sure that not much of it made sense to Justin. I wasn’t even sure he could hear me since my head was still buried in his chest and my words were muffled by his coat.
Justin put his arms around me and started stroking the back of my hair. “Why do you hate Christmas?”
“What is there for me to like about it? Everyone else I know spends the day with their family eating Christmas cookies and opening presents while I’m home alone or with some friend that invited me over because they felt sorry for me.”
“You don’t have to be alone ever again, Jess. I want you to spend Christmas with me.”
“And with your mom who is probably going to hate my guts?”
“She’ll love you, and even if she doesn’t, I don’t care. I love you and that’s all that matters.”
I mopped my eyes with one my sleeves. “I love you, too,” I said. “And I’m sorry I got so mad.”
“Why won’t you let me help you find another apartment?” Justin offered again. “Someplace where you won’t freeze to death.”
“My apartment’s cold, but it’s not that cold. I’ll be fine once I pull out the space heater.” And I would be, but I still hated the reminder that I was stuck in a life I never imagined for myself. Sometimes it felt like the only good things in it were the hope of something better one day after I was done with school and Justin. But I hated hanging my happiness on another person, there was just too much that could go wrong. My own life, the path I took, was under my control, but I had no control when it came to Justin. He could turn his back on me whenever he wanted just like my parents had done, and then where would I be?
“Have I ever told you that I hate your apartment? I hate your neighborhood. If I helped you find another place it wouldn’t just be for you, it would make me feel better, too.”
“I can’t afford anything better and I’m not going to let you pay my rent.”
Justin groaned. “I knew you’d say that. I don’t get why you won’t let me help you.”
“We’ve talked about that already.” I shivered. Even wrapped in Justin’s arms it was cold.
“Let’s go somewhere. Somewhere warm. You barely touched your coffee and it’s practically lunch time by now.”
I wanted to protest, to tell Justin I was fine and that I wasn’t hungry. Susan, who was Catholic, had explained to me at one point about the seven deadly sins, and I realized that mine was most definitely pride. But even my pride had its limits, and, at that moment, I was too cold to argue with Justin.
Chapter 15
Opening up to Justin helped. Once everything, or at least most of it, was off my chest I felt like I was able to breathe again and see things from a different perspective. Or maybe I was just too anxious about finally meeting Justin’s family to think about much of anything else. Justin insisted that one way or another we were spending Thanksgiving together, and I figured I wouldn’t be scoring any points with Justin’s family if I stole him away from them at a major holiday.
Mike and Melanie kept asking me if I was sure I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with them. I was tempted to say yes and bring Justin along with me. The night before Thanksgiving Mel stayed over. She and my brother spent half of it in the kitchen preparing food to bring back to her mom’s house the next day.
The banging around of pots and pans woke me up way too early Thanksgiving morning.
“I thought you two were done already?” I said as I walked into the kitchen still half-asleep. “Who wakes up this early on a national holiday anyway?”
“Mel decided we needed to make another tray of macaroni and cheese. Because three just aren’t enough,” my brother groaned.
“You know how big my family is,” Mel said to my brother. I sat down at the table with a bowl and a box of cereal and Mel turned to ask me, “You sure you don’t want to come over?”
“What, and miss your cousins hitting on her all night?” Mike said.
“I promised Justin I’d go to his house.”
“You’ll miss my famous mac and cheese.”
“This is the first time you’re meeting Justin’s family, right?” Mike asked.
I nodded. Mel turned around. “Oh my God, on Thanksgiving, too? That is what I call pressure. Do you have any idea what they’re like?”
“Not really. Justin doesn’t talk that much about his family, except for his mom. He said she’s sort of protective. She’s the one I’m really worried about.”
“Don’t tell me he’s a mama’s boy. Those are the worst.”
“I don’t think he is.”
“Then why is he still living at home? He really needs to get his own place.”
“Mel,” my brother warned. “It’s none of our business.”
“I’m just saying, a twenty-five year old man is not supposed to be living at his parent’s house.”
“It’s because of his legs,” I explained. “He’s worried he can’t handle things if he lived on his own.”
“That’s bullshit. There’s plenty of amputees who live on their own. Is he planning on living with his family forever?”
“I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it. He gets kind of funny when I bring up the subject, and I don’t want to push. I think there’s more to it than Justin lets on.”
“It’s his PTSD,” Mike said, matter-of-factly. He had a way of getting straight to the point of things.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I got up from the table. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mel and Mike glancing at each other and knew they had plenty more they wanted to say. I wondered some of the same things Mel did, but I felt like Justin and I hadn’t been together long enough for me to ask the questions I wanted answers to. I figured that with enough time, things would sort themselves out.
After a long hot shower, I got dressed. I chose a pair of black dress pants and topped it with a warm burgundy colored sweater. I wore my hair loose and put on a little eye shadow and lip-gloss.
“You look real pretty,” Mel commented as I stepped out of my bedroom.
“Thanks.” I put my coat on and turned towards my brother and his girlfriend. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need it, J. I have the most awesome sister on the planet, and if Justin and his family don’t know it, Mel has a few cousins that can fight it out over you.” Mel swatted my brother with the dishrag in her hands. “I’m just saying,” Mike said.
Mel walked up to me and gave me a hug. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
It was freezing outside even though the sun was shining brightly. Justin wanted to pick me up and bring me ove
r to his place, but I insisted on riding the train on my own and eventually Justin backed off. I was bringing a traditional Croatian dessert with me that I’d baked the night before. Kiflice was a cookie that sort of looked like a small croissant and was stuffed with jam in the middle.
The trains were running slow because of the holiday and I wound up almost half an hour late to Justin’s building. As I made my way up the elevator my stomach churned with nervous anxiety. The door to Justin’s apartment was open and he stood at the entrance waiting for me. I kissed him on his cheek and he took the plate of cookies from my hands. I followed him inside and tried to act as normal as I knew how to as I took everything in. A large foyer led into a living room that was bigger than my entire apartment. Justin came back from wherever he’d disappeared with the plate of cookies. He held my hand as we walked towards the seating area. His parents sat beside each other on a plush dark brown leather loveseat. They stood as I approached.
“Mom. This is Jessica.” Justin snaked his arm around my waist.
“We’ve heard so much about you,” Justin’s mom said with a smile painted on her face. She extended a bony hand for me to shake. Justin’s mom was tall and slender and looked older than I’d pictured in my mind. Her ash blonde hair fell in face framing layers and was definitely the work of an expensive uptown hair salon.
“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. and Mr. Lambert.”
Justin’s dad shook my hand next. “Would you like something to drink? I have some white chilling. There’s also an excellent Merlot if you prefer red.”
“No thanks. I’m fine.”
I wondered where Justin’s brothers were and was about to ask him when I heard two male voices. “Your brothers?”
Justin nodded as they entered the living room.
“James, Jeff,” he called out to them. “This is Jessica.”
“Holy shit, all these J names are going to drive me crazy,” the taller one said as he walked over to me with his hand outstretched. “You’re a lot prettier than I thought you’d be.”
Mrs. Lambert swatted her son’s arm. She had a shocked look on her face. “Jeff!”
“He’s always had a problem keeping his mouth shut,” Justin whispered in my ear.
“It’s all right.” I smiled.
“How about I show you around?” Justin suggested.
He led me through the living room towards the dining area. A large table was set with gorgeous crisp linens in earth tones. The kitchen was just off the dining area and was also huge. I felt like I was in a home straight out of HGTV. Justin showed me where a bathroom was next, then he pointed to a few bedrooms before opening the door to his. In the corner of his room I spotted his wheelchair and a few canes and braces that he must have used when he was learning to get around on his prosthetics. When we got back to the living room, Justin’s parents were setting food out on the table.
“Do you need any help with anything?” I asked.
“We’re just about finished,” Justin’s mother replied curtly.
I sat down beside Justin on one of the couches and tried my best not to stare. Even when I was younger and still lived with my parents I’d never stepped foot in a place as nice as Justin’s home. Besides the fact that it was huge, it was so clean and bright. Huge, practically floor to ceiling windows let in tons of natural light. The apartment was decorated in shades of tan and brown. Paintings on the wall and vases on side tables added splashes of just the right amount of bright color to the neutral palette. The floors were hardwood covered with expensive area rugs, the furniture leather. Photos of Justin and his brothers were hung on one of the walls. There were pictures of them as babies, school, and graduation photos. But no pictures of Justin in his Navy uniform, something I’d really wanted to see. I couldn’t think of an apartment more different from my own than this. Justin must have been in shock the first time he saw my place.
A few minutes later Justin’s parents were finished and called us to the table. Mr. Lambert carved the turkey and a platter was passed around the table. Besides turkey, the Lamberts served stuffing, salad and sweet potatoes. Everything was so fancy, too fancy. It made me miss the way things were at Mel’s family’s house where no one would notice or care if I didn’t use the right kind of fork.
“This turkey is delicious,” I said, hoping Justin’s mom would appreciate the compliment. It really was good, not dry like turkey usually was.
Jeff snickered and I cast a sideways glance at Justin hoping he might clue me in as to what was so funny.
“My mom doesn’t cook. She got all the food from a caterer,” Justin explained. “She’s not exactly what you would call a chef.”
“Not exactly a chef?” Jeff laughed. “If by that you mean she never cooks, then yeah, she’s not exactly a chef.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Mrs. Lambert said. I had no idea what she meant by that, but it felt like she was insulting me.
“So,” Mrs. Lambert began. “How long have you and my son been friends?”
“Mom. I told you already,” Justin chimed in. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“Uch.” Mrs. Lambert waved her hand. “Friend, girlfriend, what’s the difference?”
“Actually mom, there’s a pretty big difference,” Jeff interjected.
Mrs. Lambert was still looking at me as if she was awaiting my response. “We met in June. I was working at the community center over the summer.”
“But not anymore?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“So what do you do?”
“I’m in college. Junior year, education major.”
“So you plan on being a teacher?”
“Yup, that’s the plan.”
“I detect an accent. Where are you from?”
It was total BS. I knew I didn’t have an accent. “I’m Croatian,” I told her. “But I was actually born here.”
“Hmm. Is that right?” Justin’s mom took a sip of her wine. “Has Justin met your family yet?”
“Just my brother.”
“Well maybe we can have them over sometime.”
“That sounds nice,” I said even though I knew it would never happen, but I wasn’t about to talk about my family situation with Justin’s family. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?” I got up from the table and went in search of the bathroom Justin had shown me earlier. I needed a moment away from Justin’s mother. Her thinly veiled hostility was putting me on edge.
After taking a few deep breaths and washing my face with some cold water I returned to the dining room. Thankfully Mrs. Lambert did not resume her barrage of questions. Jeff and his dad were deep in a discussion about what he was going to do after he graduated while James was busy talking to Justin and his mother about the classes he was taking.
We finished eating and while everyone else made their way back to the living room Jeff began to clear the table.
“Let me help you,” I said.
“That’d be great.”
I followed his lead and stacked the plates near the sink. “I can start washing these dishes if you want,” I offered.
Jeff started to laugh, and I felt awkward because I didn’t know why. “You were serious?” he said, when he noticed I wasn’t laughing along with him. “We have someone who’ll come by later and take care of that.”
“Oh. Right.” I wasn’t sure what else to say
Jeff grabbed two pies from the refrigerator and set them down on the gigantic kitchen island beside the cookies I’d brought. “So what do you think of mom?”
“She’s. . .uh. She seems nice.”
Jeff laughed again. “You’re a terrible liar. I don’t think anyone’s ever used that word to describe my mother.”
“I don’t think she likes me very much.”
“Don’t take it personal. I doubt my mom would like any girl Justin brought home.”
“Why? You’d think after everything Justin went through that she’d want him to b
e happy.”
“She doesn’t believe that Justin can live a normal life again, and I think she’s okay with that. She sees him as her little pet that she plans on keeping by her side for the rest of her life. She never wanted him to join the Navy to begin with, so when he almost died it really hit her hard.”
“That’s not fair to Justin.”
“Yeah, I know,” he conceded. “I actually feel really bad for what happened to him and not just for the obvious reasons. This life isn’t the one he wanted. You should have seen him when he finished boot camp. He was so proud, so happy to be doing something different with his life than the rest of us. And now look at him. If it were up to Justin he’d be outside playing football with a bunch of guys instead of in here watching it on TV.” Jeff took the foil off the plate of cookies I’d brought and popped one in his mouth. “Mmmm, these are so good. Did you make them?”
“Yeah,” I replied blankly, still processing what Jeff had just told me.
“That’s awesome. We get to have something homemade for Thanksgiving this year after all.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“How come there’s no pictures of Justin in his uniform in your house?”
“He doesn’t like to be reminded of being in the Navy. When he joined I think he was sure he’d be in for life and then. . .well you know what happened. Losing your legs kind of ruins a military career, and Justin’s still pretty bitter about it.”
Jeff turned and started walking towards the dining room.
“Jeff.” He turned his head. “Why did you just tell me what you did about Justin and your mom?”
“You seem real nice, and you’ve made Justin happier than I’ve seen him since he was sent to Afghanistan. I just thought you deserved to know what you were up against. For what it’s worth, I hope you win.”
Great, just great. I wasn’t even sure what he meant when he said that he hoped I’d win, but I was certain it wasn’t good.
Chapter 16
Jeff finished brewing a pot of coffee and we all returned to the table for dessert. Except I wasn’t in the mood for it. Jeff’s words of warning made me more tense and anxious than I already had been. Having your boyfriend’s mother hate you was hard enough under normal circumstances, but with Justin it seemed like an impossible obstacle. Which meant I had no choice but to find a way to make her like me. Problem was, I had no idea how to do that.
Back To Us Page 13